Previously: The girls learned that they were going to South Africa. Much screaming and jiggling ensued. Christina tried to warm up her chilly personality by posing as an ostrich, while Keenyah packed on the pounds and was stereotyped in an elephant getup. In the end, Michelle couldn't handle the stress and was finally sent packing just as everyone was getting tired of she-nis jokes. Five girls remain! Who will be the to go?
African music and scenes of wild animals, lovely beaches, and exotic villages welcome us to Cape Town, South Africa. Naima and Brittany discuss how great it is to be in South Africa, and in the top five. Suddenly, in comes Tyra pushing a room-service cart. "I bring food! I bring food!" she says. This is followed by an off-camera opening of the lid and Tyra yelling, "I ate all the food! I ate all the food! Can someone get these bitches some damn more food?" She is outfitted in a silky green bathrobe over black pants, because one of the main perks about being a Victoria's Secret model is that you get to keep all of the ugly clothes. Tyra jumps on Kahlen's bed to wake her up. The girls eat and Tyra asks them how it feels to be in the final five. Keenyah says that having everyone comment on how her physique most closely resembles that of Louie Anderson was a wake-up call for her. Tyra says that she's struggled through the same thing. Oh really? I hadn't noticed. Keenyah says that she's "bringing it" now. Well if "it" is fifteen extra pounds, I concur. Tyra asks if the girls feel like they have changed throughout the contest. I know I, for one, feel much, much dumber. ["Great smoky eye, though!" -- Wing Chun] Naima says that she feels completely different, and interviews that, growing up, she was a really angry kid, due in part to her parents' divorce. She got into the party scene for a long time, hit the bottle, and generally felt lost. We see photos of Naima with bright red hair to emphasize the undeniable craziness. Tyra says that trying to forget all that she has gone through is stifling Naima's personality and making her into a "shell of a person." As a contrast, Tyra is free with her emotions because she can't find a shell big enough. Naima says that she sometimes tends to be soft-spoken and meek because she doesn't want to relive her uncomfortable past.
Brittany says she's happy that the girls all get along and that none of them is backstabbing or conniving. Cut to Keenyah looking particularly conniving. Brittany tells Tyra that all of the girls really are friends. Oh, the sweet, sweet kiss of death. Kahlen -- whose rat weave is actually working for her today -- gives a little speech where she says that being around the other girls has been beneficial to her, since she's on the road to discovering who she is. She starts to tear up, or possibly Keenyah has spat hot sauce in her eye. Christina tells Tyra that she's trying to be more open to the judges so as not to appear so reserved and cold. She interviews that she's always been taught by her mother to be strong and confident, which may come off as icy. Tyra tells Christina to pretend the judges are sitting in their underwear. And really, it all kind of works until you get to Nolé Flambé (shudder). Keenyah says that Tyra would be beautiful in her underwear, so that's not going to help. Tyra laughs, because she loves it when someone says she's pretty. There is a group hug, and then Tyra leaves, running and twirling out the door crazily with her giant ass trailing behind.
After Tyra leaves, Keenyah heads back to the buffet. Kahlen interviews that Keenyah almost got eliminated because of her weight problem, and the girls joke that it would be bad if Tyra came back in and saw Keenyah chowing down on seconds. Kahlen interviews that Keenyah took the criticism of her fat self very hard, but hasn't really been making much improvement on her choices. Flab is not fab, Keenyah! Gratuitous shot of chicken bones. And then, Tyra Mail! "Step out on the Cape Town and be seen. Show 'em what you're working with." The girls try to puzzle it out.
Morning, and the girls head off in their blue van. They end up at an office where they meet Jackie Burger, the fashion director of Elle South Africa, who is lovely with a lovely accent. A picture of her husband Hamilton resides on her desk. We then are introduced to Paola DeVito, who is the CEO of the National Association of Model Agencies and is stern and kind of butch. Today, the models will be heading out on go-sees, which are opportunities to meet with clients. Jackie says that go-sees provide some of the most important interactions the girls will ever have in their careers. In contrast to the shoots with Jay Manuel, which are some of the least important interactions that they will ever have. Kahlen sports some bright blue eyeshadow. Paola says that they have ten clients lined up for the girls to see. They'll be judged on how many clients they visit, as well as on their personality, portfolio, look, and professionalism. These criteria are listed on a pink Post-It-like squares at the bottom of the screen for emphasis. The girls are given a list of the clients. Paola says that they can see all or none of the clients, but the one thing they must do is be back to the office by 4:30. In a bit of unrestrained foreshadowing, we cut to a shot of Naima. Each girl gets a taxi, which I think is unfair. I think that they should have to walk barefoot through the hot, burning desert if there is no subway system in a foreign language to confuse them. Christina says that the list of clients includes photographers, agents, and designers.
The girls head off in their cabs to different locations. Christina interviews that it's a race against time, and that the models all want to see as many people as possible. Naima interviews that she wants to win the competition, and that she knows she must show her personality or go home. She gives the cab driver an address, which takes about an hour. Her slow speech patterns are doing her no favors in this particular challenge. Cabs race around town, and the whole scenario is not nearly enough like Crazy Taxi.
A fake timer tells us that the girls have two and a half hours. Keenyah interviews that this is an important challenge that she would like to win, and that go-sees are a key part of a model's career. She visits the design coordinator at Thomas Red, who looks at her portfolio and says that she has potential. And I'm assuming that by "potential," he means "potential to eat more than that tiny Japanese kid who effortlessly scarfs all those hot dogs." Christina asks her driver about the distance between clients. She's nervous about having to sell herself, because it's not something she generally excels at. She wears a dress at the shop of designer Jo Carlin. Jo herself is wearing the same dress, which I find odd. Were they only at the shop of Jo Polniaczek. Christina tells Jo she likes it, and that she feels like she isn't wearing anything. Jo smirks, and I guess that's bad. Christina says that she's always been confident and carried herself well, and that people mistake that for coldness. She stares at Jo with her giant fish eyes -- which have really mellowed out from episodes to the point of making me think that Christina is kind of pretty -- and Jo gives a curt "thank you very much" and sends her on her way.
Kahlen arrives at her go-see, where the door seems to be locked. She says, "This is retarded." Naima's driver asks what time she needs to be back, and she tells him 4:30, so we know that she is aware of the time limit. She interviews that she walks into each challenge with determination and shows that she has something beautiful and individual to offer the industry. She walks in a flowing green dress for designer Christiaan Gabreil du Toit, who likes her unique face and hair as well as his own crazy-ass name. Meanwhile, Kahlen still can't get in. I'm sure she's a sweet girl and all, but she's not the brightest bulb in the room. Brittany interviews that she thinks she'll do we;; in the challenge because she's good with people. She plans to walk in and be professional. Cut to a shot of Brittany saying, "What do you think?" and exuberantly grabbing her breasts in one of the designer's dresses.
Two hours left. Kahlen finally gets in to meet designer Gavin Rajah, who is somewhat enormous. She interviews that she's never been on a go-see, and says that she's a little shy at times, which might prove problematic. Gavin asks her if she's done ramp before. She says, "Rap?" Gavin clarifies that he means runway work. Kahlen says, "No. Mmm-mmmm." She then gets a mildly panicked look on her face and says, "I mean yes." And then busts out into the second verse of "Push It." Gavin looks puzzled and/or annoyed. All you fly mothers get on out there and dance. Dance, I said!
Keenyah and Naima give their drivers the same address. Uh-oh! I smell trouble a-brewin'. It does appear that Naima arrives first, but Keenyah is right behind. She interviews that she stepped on it because she did not plan on waiting around during Naima's go-see. Naima starts walking up the stairs, and as Keenyah starts closing in behind her, she begins to go a little quicker. Despite her extra heft, the flat-wearing Keenyah overtakes stiletto-wearing Naima on the left side. Keenyah breezes past Naima in the designer's space, and interviews that a lot of people might think that she should have waited, since Naima was there first, but that it's a competition and she's going to do what she has to do. Keenyah walks up to the designer and introduces herself. Naima stands idly by, and is pissed. Commercials.
When we return, Naima complains in an interview that Keenyah bogarted her out of the way. Designer Craig Port says that he wants to see Keenyah in one of his shirts, because fit is important. Naima notes that Keenyah has put on some weight, and Keenyah interviews that she was praying it would fit. And this is where they should have put the models in some kind of slinky dress and not just a short-sleeved button-down shirt. Drum roll...and it fits. Rats. Keenyah thinks that she did well. She has her eye on the prize and doesn't care what it takes to get there. Naima interviews that, after Keenyah left, her determination to win doubled. She shows a little spunk, and Craig says she has a great walk. She's wearing the same shirt Keenyah wore, and you know that Craig Port was all, "I really don't want these losers touching my finery...can someone scout out the clearance rack at T.J. Maxx?" Naima tells her driver that it's important to see all of the designers.
The girls have an hour and seventeen minutes left. Brittany meets with someone who says that, at age twenty-two, she's confident, strong, and knows who she is: a young Janice Dickinson. She tells him that she's made it through the whole "Just wanna have fun and party stage" of her life. Well, at least until the tray of dollar Jell-O shots is passed around. Kahlen walks up a set of stairs, saying that she has ones just like them in her apartment. She then hits her head on the top ledge and says she doesn't have that. Someone looks through Christina's book as she stares around awkwardly.
Keenyah and Kahlen arrive at the Hip Hop Boutique at approximately the same time, Keenyah once again trailing by a bit. Kahlen gets to the doors, which are barred, and once again can't find a way in. As Kahlen is waiting, Keenyah blows right past her. Kahlen interviews that she knew Keenyah was going to try to get in front of her. She may have suspected this when Keenyah tried to body-check her to ensure that she was first through the entrance. Who's laughing about that extra bowl of yogurt now, girls? Kahlen interviews that it was rude, and that a person should respect the order of arrival. Eventually, she decides that she doesn't have time for the pushing and fighting, and leaves before they even get in. She notes that she's not surprised, because Keenyah is very competitive -- even more so now that her weight gain puts her in danger of elimination. Keenyah walks with confidence for the designers, and one of them says quietly, "She's quite fleshy. I think she's not lean enough. Particularly in the back." Heh.
Fifteen minutes left. Christina races to go on one last visit. She tells the designer that she only has a few minutes. He rambles on as the clock ticks down. She interviews that she was thinking too much about getting back, and not focusing on the task at hand. Judging from the countdown clock on the bottom of the screen, it appears as though she was only there for eight seconds. Hooray for accuracy in editing! Keenyah interviews that it has been made clear that the girls must be back by 4:30. Brittany, Keenyah, Kahlen, and Christina all tell their drivers to head back to the hotel with haste. Naima, meanwhile, continues calmly on her visits. She interviews that she has the choice either to go back to the hotel or try to squeeze in a few more go-sees. While the other girls worry about getting back precisely on time, Naima rambles along to Gavin Rajah's place, and her driver notes that it appears to be closed. This is when we get the feeling that Naima really fucked up. She interviews that more go-sees means more people see you, and you never know who is going to give you a break. And actually, you can't blame her too much for trying to subvert the ANTM system and encounter some people with real knowledge, insight, and clout. She and her driver continue on their merry path.
Paola welcomes Brittany, Christina and Kahlen, and congratulates them for being on time. Keenyah trails by a moment or two, and notes that there is no Naima to be found. Naima continues to discover that the places on the go-see list are now closed. One designer tells Naima that she was told the go-sees were between 11 and 4, and that she is now in a strategic planning meeting. A punch clock shows us that it is 4:45. Naima finally arrives to the designated spot, and Paola notes sternly that she is forty-five minutes late. And that is kind of a lot. Paola asks why, and Naima says she felt it was important to try to see everyone. Keenyah interviews that Naima knew what she was doing, and probably thought that seeing more clients meant that she would beat the other girls. Backfired! Paola tells Naima that she didn't know what was happening there at 4:30. Being one of the smarter models, I'm sure Naima knew that it was bound to be kind of stupid and pointless. Naima interviews that she suspected she wasn't going to win, and that she really messed up. "So don't do that," says Paola in a stern fourth-grade-teacher way that kind of terrifies me.
Paola goes through the score sheets. Brittany has a lovely personality. Naima has a great face and photographs well. Keenyah is gorgeous and could be more graceful. Kahlen is too innocent. Kahlen interviews that it is disturbing that she isn't edgy enough, because lots of new models are breaking in South Africa. Christina looked bored. She interviews that she wasn't bored, but was rather concerned about the time, and that if you can't give all of yourself, it might be better not to go at all. Paola tells the girls that the winner and a friend will be taken in a limousine to designer Craig Port's house for dinner. The girls are impressed -- particularly Brittany who has heard great things about South African tequila. And the winner is...Keenyah. Naima looks pissed. Kahlen is too, and basically says that Keenyah played dirty. Wah wah sour grapes. Keenyah picks Brittany to be her companion, saying that Brittany's going to be fun in any situation. Read: drunk.
In the limousine, Brittany tells Keenyah how happy she is to have been picked. Keenyah goes through the list of the other girls, saying why she didn't choose them. She didn't choose Christina because she thought she'd just go straight for the industry connections and not talk to Keenyah at all. Keenyah interviews that she wants to have fun at the party, but also work the potential connections as much as possible. At home, Kahlen toasts to her favorite girls left in the competition, Naima and Christina. She says that even if the judges say she's cold and heartless, Christina is the most affectionate person there. Christina says that some amazing girls have already gone, and that they're going to see more amazing girls go. Good to know she has a high opinion of herself. Naima says, "Cheers to that." The glasses clink.
Meanwhile, Brittany and Keenyah enter Craig Port's lovely house to find a "major industry party." Keenyah is really excited because of the potential connections. As everyone sits down to dinner, Craig toasts first to their two new arrivals, Brittany and Keenyah. Cut to Brittany somewhat drunkenly saying, "What I love about myself is I only wanna have fun." I've got a feeling she's not the only one. Keenyah interviews that, as they are eating and talking, Brittany's voice is carrying to all corners of the rather long table. Shot of Brittany being embraced by the guy to her and laughing loudly. That girl really has no couth. Keenyah complains that Brittany is busting out lots of jokes and generally overshadowing Keenyah. And that's a big shadow to over. Brittany interviews that she loves to be the center of attention and to put on a show for people. "I know I'm annoying," she yells at the table. Points for self-awareness. Keenyah is pissed off and regrets picking Brittany because she's a spotlight hog. Yeah, but Keenyah kind of knew that. Shot of Craig Port grinding Brittany's ass and Brittany screaming, "Oh YES!" while the other guests look on and laugh. Keenyah looks annoyed. And that, my friends, is the face of karma. Commercials.
Naima is once again the Cover Girl of the week, for the zillionth time in a row.
When we return, Brittany is still annoying and Keenyah is still overshadowed. Someone notes how relaxed Brittany is with the group, and she yells, "I love it!" Keenyah interviews that because Brittany's personality is so great, Keenyah has been relegated to the background. At the table, Keenyah says that they've had a lot of fun, and Brittany totally talks over her, saying, "I've had a great time tonight and, I really, um, it's the best time I've had in this whole entire competition." Craig Port hugs her goodbye, fondly, because she let him get to third base. In the limo on the way home, Brittany slurs with satisfaction that she had a great time. Keenyah, who is barely containing her anger, says that she was quiet "IN COMPARISON TO BRITTANY." Brittany says, "Weren't you glad that you brought me?" Keenyah mulls over Brittany's use of tense and is silent, but the answer is clearly no. They get home to discover Tyra Mail. The other girls are sleeping. And in Christina and Kahlen's case, they are actually spooning in bed. How can the editors just throw in one gratuitous spooning shot? It is so mysterious. "Get ready to Kloof!" reads the Tyra Mail. That's it? Brittany runs off with the Tyra Mail and steps on Keenyah's foot en route.
The girls pull up to yet another beautiful location in the mountains. They are greeted by the crew, led by producer Jim Deyonker. He explains that Kloofing is "going through water, rocks, upstream, through a canyon to location." That sounds awfully specific. He introduces photographer Anton Robert (pronounced "Ro-bare") and pulls out some wetsuits. The girls look disturbed. Brittany has complete hangover face and admits that she just woke up. Jim says that when she gets in the water, she'll be wide awake. Keenyah's suit is covered in bird poop, which seems appropriate. Naima interviews that Keenyah was complaining that Kloofing has nothing to do with modeling, but Naima said that if you can't drive to a location, you have to get there somehow. And here I always thought that models could fly. The girls hike through tall grasses and swim in a mountain stream. Brittany yells and complains a lot and is freaked out by not being able to see the bottom of the stream they're in. At one point she yells that something is bubbling. "Did you fart?" asks one of the crew. Brittany denies it, though I think we all know what really happened. Kahlen says that Kloofing was an experience.
At the end of their journey, the girls are greeted by Jay Manuel, who sure as hell did not go Kloofing in his brown leather jacket. We'd have known if he had by the telltale orange hue of the stream. He tells the girls that he knows they are tired and raggedy-looking, but that their job is to look gorgeous and serene even after their Adventures in Kloofing. He tells them that their wardrobe for the day is "the environment." Just when I think that this will entail costumes along the lines of ozone holes and melting polar ice caps, Jay tells them that they will have to pull "leaves, branches, twine" and make their wardrobe. "Twine"? Too bad their shoot location wasn't closer to this. ["If they're not, I guess we know twine's not an option for Keenyah." -- Wing Chun]
The girls get made up. They are in vans at the end of what is obviously a road, so Kloofing, my ass. Mathu tells Brittany that she is a beautiful girl, but a mess. She agrees. The person who has to brush out Kahlen's weave makes a disgruntled noise. Keenyah confirms with Q (the singularly letter named stylist) that she must indeed choose all of her natural accoutrements herself. Q accompanies Keenyah to collect grasses and twigs and whatnot, and offers a bit of help. She tells Keenyah to think about what she wants to accentuate, and notes that this is a competition, so she wants to look her best. Read: cover the gut. Christina says that she wants to find something unique that none of the other girls will think of. She tears down a whole bush so that no one else can have a similar look. And seriously, does Cape Town have a Parks and Recreation Department? Because the earth is being violated. Q eggs on Christina's blooming competitiveness. Naima says that she wants something edgy, and picks some spiky, dried-out flowers. She then digs up dirt with a corkscrew. I love how that's the one tool that the crew has on hand. Naima interviews that she had no qualms about digging in because she is a part of the earth and the earth is a part of her. And she treats it with HAY-SPAY-TU!
Brittany walks with Q and asks if they can use mud. Q says yes, and Brittany's work for the day is done (which can only mean a three-martini lunch!). Kahlen says that she's going for "dead sticks," because she feels that outfitting herself in brown rather than green will make her stand out. How great that she will be able to differentiate herself from those with the green, green mud all over them. As it turns out, the wardrobe people do give some help to the girls, as we see a lackey rubbing a large glue stick over Keenyah's stomach. They stick tall grasses to it, and Keenyah says that it's designed to flatter her stomach by covering it up in a somewhat see-through manner. She has some grassy fern things across her chest and more leaves on her legs. And also, underwear. I feel like they really cheated us of some pixilated bits this week. Jay tells Keenyah that she should focus on looking really serene and lovely as she poses by a beautiful waterfall. She interviews that she has gained a few pounds and realized that she needs to be aware of her body. As she goes to sit on a big rock, Jay tells her that there is an art to sitting on a rock which Tyra has perfected. Basically, you can't actually sit. You sort of suspend yourself above a little to make yourself look less "pouchy." He notes to the photographer that Keenyah's gaining a little weight and should watch out for that. Keenyah looks uncomfortable and stiff as she tries to suck her stomach back through her spine. And as someone who has gained a few pounds around the middle recently, I feel her. Sometimes the sucking in only serves to defeat you. Jay says that Keenyah usually moves well but was just awkward today, and that he was expecting a lot more from her.
Naima is . She's wearing a brown bandeau and bikini bottom with a bit of mud smeared on her leg, and the aforementioned dead spiky flowers. She says that she wanted to blend in with the environment, which is pretty much her forte. Jay loves the mud. She starts to pose, and Jay notes that she only works in profile, and that a person can't work her whole career in profile. He says he felt that Naima was posing the whole time, and not like he was witnessing a "special moment in front of a waterfall." But, I mean, isn't it her job to pose? Don't they always tell the girls that they should always be thinking about the pose? And who could have a special moment in front of a waterfall with Agent Orange looking on?
Meanwhile, Brittany finds her puddle of mud and rolls all around in it. I see a big career in naked slimy girl wrestling for her. Also, that does not seem entirely sanitary. Jay says that he's not going to help Brittany because she's icky. Queen. Jay yells at her to be not too sexy, but intimate. He then yells at her to think of herself as a mythical nymph in the jungle. I'll have to remember that the time I get a family photo done at Olan Mills. He says that Brittany had a lot of great poses, changed up her body language, and, unsurprisingly, looked like a young Janice Dickinson in some of the shots. She washes her muddy self off in the water. Meanwhile, Kahlen outfits herself in twigs. Jay tells her that he knows she's got amazing body language. Kahlen says that she's struggling to get in touch with her sensual side, but that every time she tries to be sexy, she just looks like a cornball. A cornfed cornball. As she struggles to find a pose, Jay says that Kahlen doesn't understand what "sexy" or "beautiful" is, and that it's killing his impression of her. He thinks she's getting weaker. Let's see if this plays out in the judging, shall we?
Christina fastens leaves around her private areas with clothespins. She says that her look today is the most sensual she's ever been. If you have a fetish for air-dried laundry, I suppose that is true. She sort of looks like Pocahontas. She lies on a rock, and Jay shouts out posing ideas. She says again that she is trying to be warmer and more sensual, which is apparently played out with the exposure of her right breast. She asks Jay if her foot looks amputated, which shows that she's been listening to Janice. Jay complains that she was too technical with her posing, though she had sensitivity in her face. Christina seems satisfied with her performance and hopes that her efforts have paid off. The girls load into the van, having not had to Kloof back from anywhere.
Tyra Mail! Judging is tomorrow. Brittany says that no matter who leaves now, it is someone she likes as a friend. Christina says that she doesn't know who is going home, and that she's going to give all she has in front of the judges so that they see she's more than a tough exterior. Keenyah and Brittany try on red dresses. Keenyah says that she is wide, and Brittany says sternly that she isn't, and that the dress looks good on her. The good friend is the friend who will lie to you. Keenyah interviews that panel is up in the air, and that a lot rides on the challenge in front of the panel. Naima says that when it comes down to it, the judges are the ones who need to be impressed. Kahlen says that she doesn't feel she performed her best during her photo shoot. Naima says that they'll see tomorrow, as we cut to commercials.
On this week's "My Life As a Cover Girl," Eva Pigford is the first person ever to live in New York City. Where the streets are paved with gold, the sky is awash with dreams, and the bed is inhabited by Missy Elliot.
And now the part we really tune in for: The Janice Dickinson Judging Hour. A photo of Tyra covering herself with a huge fern leaf welcomes us. She's looking mighty pretty in the photo as well as at the judging, though her outfit is skankalicious. Prizes, judges, happy looks. The guest judge is Paola DeVito, which gets a scowl from Naima. Tyra explains about the Kloofing shoot, which garners an exaggerated "'KLOOFING'?" from Janice. And I'm sorry, but if Janice hasn't done it, then it doesn't exist in the world of modeling. Also, can't anyone just say "hiking"? But Tyra insists that she went Kloofing in South America and had to outfit herself in nature for a photo shoot, and we see the alien-tinged evidence.
Tyra tells the girls that, "over the past ten weeks," they have been taught a lot about modeling. While they're used to hearing critiques from the judges, this time the tables will be turned. And how great would it be if they actually got to critique the judges? But actually, they are going to judge each other. Tyra says that they should be honest, because what is being tested is their knowledge of the business. The girls critique Brittany's photo first. Keenyah thinks that Brittany looks stiff, but Naima eloquently disagrees. She gets kind of a glare from Flambé, because he hates anyone Tyra hates. Kahlen thinks that Brittany's face is strong, and Christina thinks that the mud on Brittany's neck makes her look thicker.
On Kahlen's photo, Keenyah thinks that she looks dazed. Christina agrees. Naima thinks that Kahlen's surprised expression enhances how she looks as part of the surroundings. Brittany simply says, "I think it's a really good shot."
Keenyah says that Christina looks like a bit of a hunchback. Don't hold back, John Goodman. Kahlen thinks that Christina's pose makes her lips look less thin. Naima recognizes that Christina is trying something good. Brittany loves it.
Naima doesn't like Keenyah's face in her photo, saying it looks like she's smelling something rotten. Which she would still subsequently eat. Kahlen doesn't think Keenyah's eyes have enough emotion. Christina thinks that her left leg looks amputated. Brittany has trouble articulating an opinion.
On Naima, Kahlen loves the position of the body, but thinks the eyes lack emotion. Christina keeps on with the amputee fetish. Keenyah says that the back of her neck looks stiff, and that she doesn't see environment, but rather, "Dirty...in her underwear. Just...dirty." Brittany thinks it's a good shot overall. Janice, whose hair is somewhat insane tonight, gives her a glare. Brittany continues to look dumb.
And now, the clincher. The girls have to tell the judges who among them has the most and least potential as a model. I love how deliciously manipulative and mean this assignment is. Keenyah says that Brittany and Kahlen are tied for most potential, while Naima has the least due to her "shell." But what about her chocolaty center? Christina thinks that Kahlen is the Top Model, and that Brittany has the least potential because she's pinpointed toward one certain look. Naima says that Kahlen has the most potential while Christina has the least; she photographs well but is bland. Brittany says she thinks she's going to be the Top Model, and then laughs and says she's joking. She chooses Keenyah as having the most potential, and Keenyah gives a satisfied nod. Brittany agrees with many of the others that Christina has the least potential. Kahlen thinks that Keenyah is the strongest, which gets another nod from Keenyah. With difficulty, Kahlen chooses Christina as being the least strong because her look is geared toward high-fashion, and those kinds of opportunities might not be so rampant. And she says she's never seen the show before! Christina nods sadly.
Tyra thanks the girls for their honesty and says that they need this type of insight to get to the level. When they get out into the modeling world, which is filled with sharks (and at this I can't believe we don't get a shot of Janice), the girls will need to know the strengths and weaknesses of their competition. And now it is time for the judges' evaluation. Tyra thinks Keenyah is catty, and that she gave her critique as if she was the best. She notes with surprise that no girl said that she was the one with the most top model potential, which is apparently what the judges were looking for. That is kind of a trick question. The judges critique Keenyah's shot. Janice says that Keenyah's body pose is weak, but her face is gorgeous. Flambé says that she's pretty, but doesn't show fashion. Flambé says that Christina's critiques were boring, and Janice and Nigel both add that she was robotic. A beautiful robot, but a robot nonetheless. Paola says that, as an agent, she doesn't know how she'd sell Christina, because she's not feeling anything from her. Christina turns on the waterworks to try to convince the judges that she has a soul. Janice thinks Christina's pose in the photo sucks, and that she's lost her ankle. And this one is totally Jay Manuel's fault. Tyra -- ever coming to Jay's defense -- says that the Wall Street Journal proclaimed "the hunch" to be the new "it" pose in modeling. Well, since it's coming from such a respected fashion publication, I'm sure that's totally true.
Flambé says that he thinks Naima's beautiful, but that she's like an egg that needs to be cracked. The shell! The shell! She confesses that she holds back because she doesn't want to revisit the anger of her past. Janice likes that Naima's soft, sweet voice is gone, because now she's getting a sense of the real Naima. Nigel and Janice agree that Naima's critiques were brilliant. Flambé thinks her face in the photo looks dead. Tyra harps on Jay's point that Naima only looks good in profile or three-quarter shots, but loses it from the front. And in this particular photo her face does look awfully smushed.
Kahlen was very accurate on the critique, which was impressive. Nigel calls Kahlen's photo "angelic." Tyra says that the photo they are seeing is great, but that Kahlen didn't have very many good ones to choose from during her shoot. Nigel warns her not to get too complacent.
Brittany's critique sucked, says everyone, and it appears as though she hasn't learned a thing. Nigel is impressed and hornified by Brittany's photo. Janice thinks that it's amazing. Tyra says that women will want to be Brittany, and guys will want to be with her. Nigel says that it's a sex bomb shot, and Janice says that he's just a "big old...horny...judge." That's what they all said about Wapner.
The judges deliberate. Naima's photo is horrendous, according to Flambé, but Nigel says that he's falling in love with Naima all over again. Flambé then says that Christina needs to pump up her lip with gloss or collagen. Nigel says he doesn't think Christina needs surgery, and Tyra gives Flambé a look. Flambé then says that he thinks she's icy, because the only opinions that he can emit are those that have previously been uttered by others. Janice thinks that Kahlen is an ethereal Lolita in her shot, and Flambé is impressed by her knowledge in the critiques. Paola thinks that Keenyah is a beautiful woman with tremendous confidence, but Flambé doesn't see a model and adds that her body needs work. Why does he get to talk so much during this episode? I hate it. Also, he looks disturbingly like my Aunt Elaine. Nigel thinks Brittany looks drop-dead gorgeous in her photo, but that doesn't mean that he thinks she's progressing. Janice says that Brittany has soul and passion, and that Janice likes Brittany. Tyra says that Brittany looks like Janice's little sister, and that Janice sees herself in Brittany, which is why she likes her. Flambé can't leave well enough alone and adds, "Janice, with your first face, yes." Oh, you do not talk to my Aunt Miss Janice Dickinson that way. And then, brilliance. Janice says, "Don't get me going, short, fat, squatty bald blind boy." The alliteration! The simplicity! It just works. Flambé then replies, "Don't worry, my plastic surgery victim freak of nature." And he gets, like, one point for that, but then I take thirteen points away because I just can't stand him, and two more because he's generally an idiot. Nigel looks uncomfortable while Tyra laughs. Paola says, "This is what I was waiting for the whole night." This is what I was waiting for the whole season.
The girls return. The following girls are still in the running: Naima, who gets points for showing that she can be angry despite having a crap photo; Keenyah who is skating on thin ice because she's "too safe." Tyra acts like Keenyah has been getting this critique all season, which is totally not true. I hate how they lie so much at panel. None of their decisions or rationales makes any sense, and I don't know why they think we don't notice; Kahlen, who impressed the judges with her critique even though her shot was the worst yet. And then, inexplicably, the final two are Brittany and Christina. Well, I mean, the Christina part is explicable, but Brittany? Nigel practically whipped it out when he saw her photo. Anyway, Tyra tells the girls that they both take lovely pictures. One has the heart and soul of an angel. We clearly know that this isn't Brittany. But the judges see someone who's cold and icy. The other is a lot of fun, but also kind of a dumb-ass. Tyra says that they don't see progress, which was particularly evident during the challenge at judging. Nonetheless, Brittany gets a photo and Christina is eliminated. Christina cries and tells us that she's not a cold, reserved person, but put up a wall when she was in panel. She wishes that she could have shown her warmer side. She cries, and is really quite pretty, and it makes me sad. She says that she has to learn and grow from the experience and go from there. The sun sets on lovely South Africa as Christina's picture fades from the group shot.