Previously: Michelle had a tendency to freak out, to the amusement of all; Tyra told Lluvy that she had the worst photo in ANTM history, which was a total lie; and Brandy was sent back to clown college, from which she'll also be expelled due to her attitude, I assume. Only eleven girls are left! And one of them is about to look even worse!
It is day at the Top Model warehouse apartment. A hoodied Lluvy says it's weird that Brandy is gone, and Tatiana mumbles something like "Ieva bear lish." Seriously, it's totally unintelligible. Why do they put those things in the show? Tatiana then says she thinks it's great, presumably because (a) she hated Brandy, who kind of threatened her, and (b) if Brandy had, stayed Lluvy would be gone. Lluvy says she expected to go home, and that hearing that hers was the worst picture in ANTM history has put more pressure on her. "Holy camole, I'm that girl," she says. And I stand behind anyone who uses the phrase "Holy camole."
Hideous Christina the Head Louse -- who may soon lose that moniker because she's actually been pretty non-offensive (I know, I'm going soft) -- says that Michelle keeps to herself and doesn't try to fit in or make friends. She adds that Michelle's personality is different from those of the other girls. Or, more aptly, "personalities." Michelle hulks around awkwardly and scratches herself. Perhaps she would like some gristle to eat. She tells us that she woke up one morning with a few strange spots on her face that look like burn marks. She's never experienced this before, and doesn't know what it is. Outside, Noelle gossips to Keenyah about Michelle's condition: "Maybe she hurts herself to make herself feel better," and then applies some blush. I'm sorry, but I'm so sure that Michelle is burning her own face while competing in a modeling competition. Does endometriosis travel to the brain? Keenyah jokingly suggests that it might be witchcraft, or that Michelle worships the devil. And I guess it's just as well that we are reminded that the brain-cell count in this household is lower than that in the Oval Office. Noelle exclaims that Michelle has big old scabs. Which, point taken. But can't someone just kindly suggest that Michelle see a doctor?
Tyra Mail! The girls (including Keenyah, who is wearing only underwear and socks and is hastily putting on a robe) come running. "You all have assets, but you also have flaws. See if you can make up for them. Be ready at 2:45 PM." It's lobotomy time! They all guess that their task will have to do with makeup. Michelle picks at herself awkwardly and thinks about the savory gristle pot pie she's got cooking for dinner.
The girls drive to Make-up Designory. "Designory"? A hunched-over old orange man sits outside the building, writing on a clipboard. Michelle interviews that she hopes they teach her how to apply makeup, because she can do mascara, but that's it. In her field of work, however, her proficiency at tucking more than makes up for this. Also, she looks like a monster. The girls take their seats in a classroom, and in walks the aforementioned old orange man. He introduces himself (in a terrible Long Island accent) as Paul Thompson, Instructor, and also introduces his assistant. He says that the girls are going to attend a three-hour class. They all look confused and bored. He starts in about the benefits of a lip pencil, and then scolds Keenyah, who made a movement toward the person to her. Then, all of a sudden, the old orange man's voice goes up about six registers and says, "Y'all better work it, girls," and snaps. Yes, it is the Dowager Jay Manuel. We see a before and after, and he is equal parts orange in both. Tiffany says she had no idea it was Mr. Jay, and would have expected Tyra before him. Oh, Jay and his clever disguises! For once he was wearing a shirt that hid his nipples, which is I think what really threw the girls off.
Jay introduces the real Paul Thompson, director of education at M.U.D., who is also responsible for Jay's makeover into an old dude. We flash back to Jay getting layers of latex applied to his face. Which, not such a departure for him. He says they did this to show the girls the transformative power of makeup. Kahlen says, "I think the reason that Mr. Jay dressed up is to show the rest of us that even though Michelle has scabies, she can still be beautiful." And then cracks up. And okay, that was pretty funny, even though she shouldn't be talking with that raggedy-ass weave falling off her head and all. Jay tells the girls each to pick a partner, and then asks them to define go-see. Keenyah defines it exactly and Jay says, "Okay, that's pretty close, good." Idiot. He says it's important for the girls to look natural when they walk in to see clients, and that the girls are to give each other "go-see" makeup in their pairs. We see tables of Cover Girl products, and Jay tells the girls to strive for "a clean, fresh, natural look." And also, easy, breezy, and beautiful. Jay leaves to get his makeup taken off, and the girls set to task. Jay tells us that the girls need to understand that, despite the volume of makeup they have access to, they must not look made up. Noelle thinks that she's good at making up her own face, but that it's difficult to do it to someone else. Which is why there is such a thing as cosmetology school, half-wit. Michelle is partnered with Lluvy and Tiffany, and feels bad because they have to hide her huge sores. And it's true that they should get some kind of extra credit points for that or something. Tiffany says that Michelle looks pretty. Which is a lie, but nice nonetheless. Michelle interviews that her face is falling off, and how can she be happy about that? Actually, if I had her face, I might not think it was such a bad thing.
“ Jay reiterates that the lesson of the day is that go-see makeup doesn't look like you're wearing makeup. So we're to believe that his orange skin tone was the work of God? ”
Michelle is loath to put makeup on the others, saying that she doesn't know how. Tiffany and Lluvy try to encourage her, but she has none of it. Naima interviews that Michelle is always in competitive mode. She adds that her dad used to get marks on his face when he was stressed, so maybe Michelle just needs to relax. Michelle tries to put eyeshadow on Lluvy, and then declares in a serious manner that she can't do makeup. Tiffany tells her to chill, and interviews that no one else knew how to do makeup either, but that at least they were having fun. Tiffany says that Michelle claims to be a perfectionist and hard on herself, but Tiffany thinks that Michelle's problem is deeper than that. We get a brief slo-mo of Michelle scrunching up her nose, and looking for all the world like she walked out of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video. I'm sure watching this is really going to do wonders for her self esteem.
Jay looks at the girls with their finished faces. He notes that Lluvy looks great and natural. Tiffany takes credit, and then Lluvy says, "And Michelle." Aww, Lluvy is nice. Michelle is off in a corner, skulking. Dude, just quit being such a freakshow and go to the doctor. Jay says that Lluvy looks fresh, natural, and soft. Jay says Noelle is too pale and looks sickly. Noelle tells us that she can only keep up with the world of fashion by reading magazines during her lunch break at work, because at home she's busy taking care of her miracle baby. Noelle looks about a million times better with straight hair, incidentally. Christina did Naima's makeup, which Jay seems to like until he learns that they didn't use any foundation. Idiot. Meanwhile, Michelle skulks in a corner, looking monstrous. Because of this, Christina appears nice and pretty in comparison. Jay reiterates that the lesson of the day is that go-see makeup doesn't look like you're wearing makeup. So we're to believe that his orange skin tone was the work of God?
In the van going home, Tiffany tells Michelle that sometimes, Michelle scares the hell out of her. Michelle says that she's a perfectionist and kicks herself all the time. Keenyah says that Michelle beats herself up over any activity that they have to do, and that now that she's having the scary face issues, she's starting to feel ugly as well. She's just starting? Well, good for her for maintaining the delusion for eighteen years. Someone tells Michelle that her face issue is getting worse, and she says it is and looks gross. And then, there is footage of Michelle during an interview in which she looks so entirely horrendous that I can't help but feel kind of bad for her. She has the awful blonde hair with the roots, and those yellow teeth, and open sores all over her face, and she's been crying so her eyes are totally glassy and the extended area around her nose is all red, and there is maybe snot trickling out of it as well. Probably green snot if you look up close. She says, "I've always wanted to feel gorgeous and beautiful. But then I'll go and look in the mirror and it's like, my nose is too big, my skin's not healthy. And I'm looking at everyone else around me. I look nothing like them." Perhaps she could consider moving to the Planet of the Undead if she's worried about blending in. Commercials.