Remember Prince, that guy in the missile-defense program who Elizabeth wrangled up while dressed like Morticia Benatar and the Blackhearts? He comes to Elizabeth with news that a highly-placed Air Force colonel is disillusioned and prepared to flip. Elizabeth and Philip are worried it's a trap, and they're more worried when Claudia tells them a meeting with the colonel has been set up. They try to work around Claudia, maybe even get her sent back to Moscow. Prince, meanwhile, threatens to gum up the works entirely by getting arrested by the local cops for not paying his child support, the louse.
Meantime, though, they need to find out if it's a trap, so Philip decides that Clark can get Martha to plant a bug in Special Agent John-Boy's office if he gives her the right incentive. That incentive being: he proposes marriage. A secret marriage she can't tell anybody about (okay, fine, her parents, but that's it). And so we get the absurd visual of Elizabeth and Claudia in dumpy dresses and big glasses, standing as family and witnesses while Philip pledges his life to Mrs. Clark Westerfeld. But hey, she does plant that bug.
Meantime, Heylia James gets an attack of religious-based conscience for planting the bug in the clock at the Secretary of Defense's house. She ends up confessing, to her employer and then to the FBI, who are now aware of the bug and can plant false information at will. Now, between Heylia and Agent Patterson, they have two accounts of a man-and-woman couple carrying out dastardly KGB deeds. The sketches don't look anything alike (so, I guess, fuck us for complaining about the insane disguises), but Stan uses his special powers of deduction and intuition to conclude that they ARE the same person (so I guess fuck them for thinking such insane disguises would help).
Finally, Arkady puts enough trust in Nina that he puts her on the Directorate S beat. Comes with a pin and an oath and everything! At the same time that the Motherland is putting such faith into her, it seems that she really very much suspects that Stan was the one who killed Vlad, his straight-faced denials to the contrary. So we get the shocker of a scene where Nina confesses to Arkady that she is the mole and throws herself at mercy of Moscow. That said, she does also admit that she and her FBI agent handler have become sexually involved. She asks if she could use that to perhaps redeem herself somehow. Nina! Making the big moves!
Previously: The Jenningses coerced Heylia James from Weeds into planting a bug in the Secretary of Defense's home office, despite her strong religious objections; Martha proved time and again that she was a complete delusional doormat who would do anything for "Clark"; Stan and Nina's relationship could not stop being about the sex, except when it was about Stan lying about killing Nina's work friend Vlad; and Elizabeth dressed up like Yvonne DeCarlo-meets-Suzi Quatro in order to rope in a source within the Missile Defense Shield program.
Currently: Dark-Lady Elizabeth is meeting once again with Sanford Prince, her Star Wars contact. She's annoyed at being summoned, but he's got news: a colonel in Air Force intelligence working on the missile shield project is ready to defect. Prince is super proud of himself, saying he used the same techniques to flip this guy as (the late) Adam Dorwin used to recruit him. Elizabeth says that Dorwin was working off of KGB instructions the whole time, doofus. But Prince is undeterred in his enthusiasm. This Colonel is way up the food chain and disillusioned with the "chicken hawks" in the Reagan administration to boot. Elizabeth wants to see the intel, of course, but Prince informs her that it's for sale. The Colonel is selling it to whoever will pay him $50,000 for it. "We playing at the big-boy table now, Sanford?" Elizabeth asks with contempt mixed with a dash of surprised respect. "$50,000 buys a lot of poker chips," she tells him, referencing his pesky gambling habit. She needs assurances first, so she tells him to dead-drop what he's got and she'll get back to him.
At the Rezidentura, Arkady has summoned Nina to his office. After some pleasantries, he gets down to business. He informs her that, among their assets in the U.S. are a small group of patriots. "The illegals," she supplies for him. Makes them sound like an urban legend, which tracks with the way the FBI discussed Directorate S in the early goings of this season. Arkady tells Nina that, with her promotion, one of her new duties is to assist him in Directorate S business. This is apparently such a milestone that it occasions a special pin AND an oath, which Nina must read aloud: "Deeply valuing the trust placed upon me and grateful for the decision to send me to the sharp edge of the struggle for the interest of my people. As a worthy daughter of the homeland, I would rather perish than betray the secrets entrusted to me. With every heartbeat, with every day that passes, I swear to serve the Soviet Party, the homeland and the Soviet people." Amen! So Nina gets pinned and honestly? She looks legitimately honored to have reached such a level. And good for her. That she didn't have to sleep her way to the top to get this promotion must feel pretty great.
After the break, Elizabeth finishes briefing Philip about Prince's offer. Philip is way dubious -- Prince is a gambler, for one, who never should have been approved by the Center in the first place. Elizabeth says that all of his intel has been accurate so far, but she's pretty much onboard with Philip's skepticism. Still, it would be their highest level source ever. Philip: "Or we're being set up." Talk then turns to Paige wanting to have dinner at Philip's place tonight. It's all awkward as hell at this stage. We do learn that Henry took Paige's keys to Philip's apartment and buried them in the yard. At this, Philip asks Elizabeth, "Are you okay with this?" Seems Henry is the one who's not okay, actually. "Absolutely," she lies.
At the mansion of one Caspar Weinberger, Secretary of Defense, Heylia James is cleaning the study as the Telltale Clock ticks on. She eyeballs it and moves on.
That night, Elizabeth drives to the dead-drop location and picks up Prince's parcel (left inside an empty raspberry jam jar; it once fed a family of 12 for a whole year or so I am to assume because it is ENORMOUS). When Elizabeth gets to look at the contents -- microfilm that she obtains by some skillful work with a razorblade to the edge of a postcard -- she sees what appears to be the real deal. Plans or schematics and graphs for the proposed missile shield.
The morning, at church, Heylia sits in the congregation, her extravagant Aretha hat feeling heavy with the guilt of her actions. Shockingly, the sermon seems to speak directly to her situation; funny how that happens. "Lies are the devil's handmaidens," he thunders, while Heylia looks consumed by her thoughts.
Elsewhere, Elizabeth meets Claudia at an arcade. I do appreciate this show's dedication to having the spycraft appear sillier and sillier with every successive interaction. Claudia appears deeply immersed in her Pac-Man game when Elizabeth arrives. "You're good at games," she tells Grannie. "I'll give you that." Okay, Elizabeth, let's give it a rest, huh? Claudia: "I enjoy the maze part. And the eating without eating part. Pac-dots are calorie-free." Heh. Claudia says that the Center's lab geeks have gone over the Colonel's intel and verified it. "It's 10 years beyond anything we have in the field," she says. Elizabeth expresses her concerns that it's a trap, but Claudia says that U.S. intelligence would never give up anything this valuable as part of a trap. Besides the $50,000 seems more than reasonable as motivation for a gambler like Prince. Elizabeth is like, "Think of how much the Feds would give him for two Directorate S officers." Claudia doesn't think Prince has the balls, basically. She says the Colonel has set up a meeting and has also said that the microfilm was but a taste to prove he's for real; he's got something "truly vital" to share, in person. "A trap is always a possibility," Claudia says, "but in this case, it's worth the risk." Elizabeth: "Easy to say from the sidelines." Claudia then takes the words out of my mouth: "Don't get your panties in a bunch, Elizabeth. This isn't about you and me." I guess "panties in a bunch" wasn't as much of a hackneyed phrase back then. She leaves Elizabeth with her orders: the Center has set up the meeting with the Colonel, so that is that.
Stan and Nina's sex pad. Nina arrives late and says she can't stay long. She gives Stan news of a fellow KGB agent who's developing a deputy chief at the French embassy. Notably, Nina says nothing whatsoever about her Directorate S promotion. Instead, she just charges right through to the romance part of their liaison. As they undress, she tells him that she had a dream about him, where she saw him amid a burning building. To save her? Who knows? "I woke up," she says. "I was safe, but you were gone." After this, she looks Stan directly into his eyes and lays her cards on the table: "It was you. Did you kill Vlad?" She holds his gaze as he waits forever to respond. Here's what he finally comes up with: "I would never go anything to hurt you. You know that." That is one serious non-denial denial. Not a great choice, Stan. Still, Nina continues to undress him and climbs atop him. But you can't for one second imagine that Nina is suddenly past this.
Stan and Nina's sexing transitions directly into Clark and Martha, in case you were worried that Stan isn't just as gross. Now that they're engaged, Martha is incredibly antsy to be Mrs. Clark Westerfeld. Of course, she can't, though Clark assures her she's already Mrs. Westerfeld in his heart. So is she placated? Remains to be seen. issue: Martha can tell that he's about to ask her something important. Clark jokingly frets that he's become predictable, but Martha tells him that she's dated nothing but unpredictable guys since she was 15, "so I'm ready for Steady Freddy." This woman. How much longer can I possibly endure this woman? So Clark spills his request: he would like her to place an object in Special Agent John-Boy's office for him: a pen, plus a receiver to keep with her that Clark can then check when they meet. Martha pauses at this. For the second time in as many minutes, she reminds Clark about her tumultuous romantic history and says she spent a lot of time worrying about whether things were ever going to be okay. "...Are things gonna be okay? Please tell me that they'll be okay." Clark promises that they will. "I'm right here." He then assures her he's got very good reasons for what he's doing, but ultimately, he makes it a referendum on her trust (i.e. love) for him. Does she trust (/love) him enough to not need him to explain. She says she does.
Back to Heylia, who is cleaning that damned study again. Presumably the rest of this house is filthy but for the spotlessly clean study. Mrs. Weinberger pops in to ask Heylia to make up the guest room for whatever dignitaries are gracing their home this weekend. She's almost gone again when Heylia asks if she can speak with her... outside the study.
Cut to Heylia speaking to the FBI, Agents John-Boy and Stan among them. She's ashamed and compliant, but Agent John-Boy has his nice-guy pants on, so that's good for her. She gives them the full, tearful explanation of what the Jenningses pulled with her son. "You're a very brave woman" says Stan, who then asks her if she'll speak with a sketch artist .
Outside the office, Agents John-Boy and Stan discuss the ramifications of this development. Stan thinks it is no coincidence that Heylia described a couple and so did CIA guy Patterson. He's certain these are the same people.
Meanwhile, Paige is at the Beemans' house while Matthew and his terrible band rehearse "Mississippi Queen." This is all too sad to recap, especially when big-haired Sarah shows up looking to strap on Matthew's guitar and start singing. As Sister Jude from my beloved American Horror Story might have said, Paige is so incredibly outta her depth.
"She sounds like Pat Benatar," a forlorn Paige later informs her mother. "And he called her 'righteous.'" Oh, girl. Eizabeth assures her that feelings come and go. Doesn't mean the battle is lost." Paige is unconvinced: "Either he's into me or he's not. And he's not." Elizabeth asks how well she really knows Matthew. "We see what we need to see in people. Things that aren't really there." Kind of unorthodox motherly advice, though not if you know Elizabeth even a little bit. Paige asks if that's what happened with her and Dad? Well, somebody's been watching a little show called The Americans it looks like! But Elizabeth says no, there was something there. She leaves Paige to her homework as she ponders this question herself.
At the Weinberger manse, the FBI team -- led by Agent John-Boy -- is examining the device in the clock. State of the art, it's decided. Mrs. W looks positively sick in her giant Beatrice-Straight-from-Poltergeist glasses. She's even more stricken when John-Boy instructs his agents to close up the clock with the device still inside. He explains to her that they've already cleared this with her husband. Now that they know the Russians are listening, they'll know what to tell them. This is Espionage 101, lady, keep up. (I'm way more concerned with how Mrs. W will treat Heylia now that she knows she betrayed the family, but we don't get that scene, unfortunately.)
At the FBI offices, we see Martha looking squirrelly as fuck right now. Even her trademark blouse bow looks guilty. She goes into John-Boy's office and when he follows her in, she jumps about three feet. Worse even than when Agent Chris walked in on her snooping through the file cabinet. She hands John-Boy surveillance reports, and he asks her to reschedule a meeting. He leaves her alone to her great relief, then returns to apologize for startling her, inadvertently startling her again. When he leaves for good, she slyly places the telltale pen on his bookshelf.
That night, Clark has been summoned to Martha's place. She's been thinking and then she made a pro and con list about their relationship, which hasn't been a good idea since at least Ross and Rachel, but I guess that hasn't happened yet. Either way, the list doesn't weigh in his favor. She can't even tell her parents, seems to be the biggest issue. Clark tells her he could go to jail for this kind of conflict of interest, but all Martha can think to say is that she bought rings. She puts her sad face in her sad hands and is really glum. Clark wants her to be certain of what their marriage will entail: no one can know about them. He "comes clean" to her: he's been married before, and it didn't work out. Why not? "We didn't care enough," he says, which translates to "they didn't know how to be married." Martha's like, "Sad story, but I can't do this if I can't tell my parents. This kind of happiness is all they've ever wanted for me." Clark asks if they can trust them. Martha: "They live 2,000 miles away, at the end of an old dirt road and all they care about is me. Yes, we can trust them." Clark happily relents. Seeing an opening, Martha makes her ask: "Let's just get married this weekend." Clue the classic Clark "momentary panic, then acquiescence" reaction!
At home with the Jenningses, they listen to their recording from Agent John-Boy's office. There's no mention of Prince or the colonel. Philip says that doesn't mean it's NOT a trap, which is true. Elizabeth says they have 72 hours to know for sure before this meeting. Then, suuuuuper casually, even offhand, Elizabeth asks, "When's the wedding." Philip's like, "Uh, tomorrow actually? And I hope you have a dress because I need witnesses? Relatives?" Hilariously, Elizabeth agrees, because what the hell? It's Clark and Martha. Like anyone would miss that train wreck of a wedding.
Elsewhere, Sanford Prince gets to his car in the snowy weather when a cop pulls up and asks for his ID. When Prince hands it over, the cop asks him to put his hands on the roof of the car. He's being arrested. Not good news!
HERE'S the good news: Elizabeth and Claudia show up for Clark and Martha's wedding looking disturbingly plausible as Clark's relatives. Hideous dresses. Giant glasses. Wigs that... these wigs. Elizabeth might actually be wearing one of Philip's duplicate Clark wigs, to be honest. And while the women wait for the wedding party arrives, they discuss the business of Prince's arrest. Seems it was not the Feds who pinched him but the local cops. Failure to pay child support. Elizabeth gets very SMDH about it, but more importantly, she thinks this makes Prince's intel now more suspicious than ever. How long before the FBI starts looking into a government source with a rap sheet and a gambling problem? Claudia says they only need three more days to get to the meeting with the Colonel. She then informs Elizabeth that she knows that she and Philip went around her to check their orders (they were confirmed). She can't believe they would think she'd make up these orders. Did they think she'd do that to their nation? Elizabeth has no plans to start giving Claudia the benefit of the doubt any time soon.
These hissing kittens are soon interrupted by Martha and her family. As introductions are made, we see that Claudia is Clark's mother and Elizabeth is his sister, Jennifer. Claudia's switch-flip change into a Midwestern accent for her role as Mother Westerfeld is my favorite thing so far. Meanwhile, the Martha-Jennifer hug is as awkward as you might expect. Martha's mom: "I can see the family resemblance." Mother Claudia Westerfeld: "That's what people say."
Time for the wedding! There's a lot of talk about oaths ("Webster's dictionary defines an oath as..."), in keeping with the episode's theme. Martha's face practically leaps off her skull when it comes time to say "I do." Meanwhile, Elizabeth stares at Philip with a mix of morbid curiosity, gallows amusement, and genuine regret while Clark says his vows to Martha. Afterwards, she and Philip regroup. She's all, "It was touching -- no, really!" She tells him that they were never really married. She means by a ceremony, but obviously the double meaning is intentional.
At the FBI, they're looking at sketches from both Heylia and from Patterson. It's a HILARIOUS rogues' gallery of disguises. So much so that the one agent determines they're different people from the Patterson and Heylia cases. Stan isn't so sure -- he thinks the differences are superficial. Superficial like INSANE wigs and facial hair? Agent John-Boy: "The bone structures are similar." OH ARE THEY, Agent John-Boy? You can tell bone structure from pencil sketches now? Anyway, the point is that Stan JUST HAS A HUNCH, OKAY? He's certain. "These people are the illegals we've been chasing.
Finally, at the Rezidentura, Arkady is drinking at his desk, as the privilege of his position allows. Nina asks to speak to him and pretty much gets right to business: "I have been spying for the Americans." She explains how she got busted for fencing smuggled goods and was turned. Arkady can't believe she's the mole. Nina is upfront and penitent. "I deserve to be sent back to Moscow and punished for my crime. I'm guilty. I have no defense." Arkady asks why she is telling him now. She explains that her FBI handler is her lover and she has come with a proposal: "You can kill me... or you can let me redeem myself in the eyes of our beloved Russia." Aw YEAH, Nina! Do it for Vlad!
Joe R is hoping Nina and Claudia survive the season finale. Anyone else can go. Just imagine the collection of goobers those guys are. He can be reached for lavish praise and nothing but at
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