Season 2 of The Americans kicked off last night and it looks like the show is not letting up its relentless pace on its mission to make us all extremely happy that we are not covert Soviet spies stuck living in suburban Virginia in the 1980s. Not only do they have to wear a lot of polyester and have contractually-obligated sex with ugly people wearing polyester, but they have to do it all without the Internet. Who could survive sham marriages without LOL cats and Candy Crush? I shudder to think.
As you may recall (or Googled, because: Internet), the show stars Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys as Soviet loyalists recruited to marry and live in the U.S.A. as happy American couple Elizabeth and Philip Jennings, who have two children, a thriving travel agency and a neighbor who just so happens to work for the FBI. Oh yeah, and they spend their weekends -- in this episode at least -- juggling the murders of Afghanis, figuring out which wig goes with which (polyester) outfit and, of course, their son’s birthday. He’s growing up, but not as quickly as their daughter who is undoubtedly scarred for life after learning a valuable lesson about respecting your parents’ privacy. Boundaries are super important when your parents are spies and/or attempting to rekindle their marriage.
While celebrating their son’s birthday at an amusement park, Phillip has to take over some spy business from some… er, coworkers (is that what you call other undercover Soviet operatives?) and things go downhill from there and the body count creeps up on both sides of the political divide.
Meanwhile, something’s brewing at the FBI and not just because agent Stan Beeman (Noah Emmerich) is having an affair with a double agent from the Russian consulate. Maybe the asset they tried to turn went crazy due to the FBI’s betrayal or maybe because he watched The French Lieutenant’s Woman one too many times. Only time and a polygraph will tell.
Get all the espionage -- and wig -- details when the full recap is up, written in mostly crackable code.
Welcome to Season 2 of The Americans, where the mustaches are fake, but the drama is real and the spies are everywhere.
When we last saw our favorite embedded Soviet spies, Elizabeth (Keri Russell) had been injured, and on her near-death bed she asked her estranged husband, Philip (Matthew Rhys), to move back into the family homestead. For those keeping track at home, that means at least one of the show's fake marriages just might become a real one.
As we rejoin the show, Elizabeth is ready to rejoin her family. She has finally healed and is preparing to leave the safe house where she has been recuperating. She says goodbye to the friendly-seeming Soviet nursemaid who cared for her, hops in her sweet '80s land yacht and heads out into the night… only to almost crash into a giant metaphor with her car. Elizabeth stares at the mama deer and her two little does as they amble across the dark road and she shivers in her darkened car, staring at the power of symbols and muttering, "Damn, regardless of his ideology, Joseph Campbell was really on to something."
While Elizabeth parses a metaphor as she drives home Philip is wrestling with a mustache that is rivaled in size only by the ten-gallon hat resting on his head. Truly there is nothing that screams "AMERICAN!" more than a ten-gallon hat and a mustache. At least the Afghanis he is meeting with seem to be buying it. Philip is impersonating an American mercenary who is eager to help the Afghanis drive the scumbag Soviets out of their country and they are looking forward to facing down a common enemy together and ridding their homeland of the worthless Russians. To further cement the blossoming relationship -- because this is the '80s and they couldn't just connect on LinkedIn -- the Afghani gives Philip a cherished gift: the knife he used to kill his very first Russian soldier. He wants Philip to have it as a token of their long-lasting business relationship and burgeoning friendship. In return, Philip shoots him in the stomach, twice. Guess he would have preferred an Edible Arrangement!
Philip shoots the other guy (his dad/elder statesman?) in the head, too, because that's just what you do in these situations. Philip tells the younger man to deliver a message to his brother that the Russians are everywhere and no one can protect them. The man launches himself at Philip, pulls his wig off his head and throws it into some hummus. That's just too much for Philip, who shoots him in the head in retaliation. He plucks his toupée out of the hummus and heads into the kitchen where he has no choice but to shoot an adorable innocent dishwasher in the head, just in case. He puts the cowboy hat back on his head, tucks the wig into the pocket and heads out into the night. All in a day's work for a Soviet spy.
Elizabeth has survived her drive and her "Oh deer!" moment and made it back to the D.C. suburbs just in time for her son Henry's birthday party. While it makes sense to see your kid on his birthday, if you had a built-in excuse like recovering from a gunshot, wouldn't you avoid the birthday party at all costs? This is probably where American and Soviet ideology breaks down. Henry rushes his mother who is thrilled to see him and Paige, their tween daughter, daintily says hello and then goes back to being suspicious.
The kid's birthday party is the perfect time to reconnect with the family and cozy up to the FBI agent who lives door. As Elizabeth tends to the birthday boy, Philip gives Stan Beeman -- their neighbor and anti-Soviet savant -- a full refund on the vacation package he purchased in a feeble attempt to win back his wife, Sandra's, affection. When Stan wistfully points out that he's happy to see Philip and Elizabeth back together again, Philip quickly reassures him. He knows that Stan and Sandra will reconcile eventually, just not on a luxury vacation provided by Elizabeth and Phillip's travel agency/business front.
Later, even though it is their son's birthday, Philip is taking Elizabeth out on a date. While Henry isn't thrilled about getting ditched on his big day, Paige is thrilled that her parents are rekindling their romance, even if it means lots of PDA. Guess what Philip has planned for their hot night together? That's right: A spy operation where Elizabeth and another spy friend get it on with some homely lowly airport operator. Philip and some other spy -- masquerading as well-armed airport security -- bust up the party. They point out to the poor schlub that he is, in fact, a poor schlub and the only reason that a woman, let alone the two hotties he had in his room, are only interested in him because of his high-profile job with a high-security clearance at Lockheed. He balks that he didn't tell the women anything. The two spies assure him that they are there to help him. All he has to do is switch all of his codes to the ones they give him and talk them through every aspect of his security protocol. Easy peasy.
Back at the old homestead, Paige is bored with the babysitter and decides to go snoop through her mom's suitcase. If you ever wondered if being a spy was genetic, it clearly is, because when Henry busts Paige poking around through her mom's actual dirty laundry looking for metaphorical dirty laundry, she claims she's just washing it as a surprise. Henry falls for it, too. Stupid Henry.
After ruining the poor airplane guy's night, the Soviet spies knock back a few cold ones and catch up with each other, reminiscing about the good times they've had as spies. The other spies -- who are also embedded Soviets living a life of lies as Americans -- have a daughter who is a cheerleader and a son who is getting ready to head off to college in the fall. In a scene that could come straight out of The Big Chill, they laugh and reminisce and it's all very All-American Fun until Elizabeth, probably still shaken up over almost running over a metaphor earlier, says that she still can't believe she's raising a family "here" and everyone smiles and nods. The other spies (they haven't mentioned their names, because, you know, spies) want to see Henry and Paige, but have to make it covert. They arrange to get a peek at the kids at the amusement park where Elizabeth and Philip are taking Henry for his birthday. As Elizabeth and Philip head back to suburbia, Elizabeth finally notices that Philip had a bad day at work. He sighs that he had to kill a bunch of Afghanis and she sweetly takes his hand to comfort him.
Back at home, Paige goes to wake her brother up because she doesn't think their parents ever came home and because this is the laissez-faire '80s, the lack of babysitter doesn't trouble Henry in the least. He rolls over to go back to sleep, while she sneaks down the hallway to confirm her suspicions. She opens her parents' door quietly and… well, the good news is that her parents are at home. The bad news is that her parents are at home and quite in flagrante delicto. Breaking new television ground and showing exactly why this show is on after 10 pm, Philip and Elizabeth are engaged in a little what the Soviets call Шестьдесят Девять -- a sex act that was NEVER on Felicity and never EVER on The Cosby Show. Paige will need a lot of therapy to get over that. Viewers might too. While her parents might be embarrassed, at least now Paige won't go snooping again anytime soon.
Needless to say breakfast the morning is a wee bit awkward. After dismissing Henry from the table, Elizabeth and Philip have a little chat with Paige about privacy and respect and not opening shut doors. She apologizes and sings a repentant song about Never, Ever walking in on her parents again, or she would have if Taylor Swift existed in the '80s. Elizabeth remarks to Philip that she's actually impressed that Paige didn't pluck her own eyes out, let alone come downstairs for pancakes.
Over at FBI HQ, Stan sits in front of a board with Elizabeth and Philip's faces on it, but, of course he doesn't know that it's Elizabeth and Philip because they are in mufti with mustaches and wigs that mask their real identities. His boss tells him to lay off the board, because the trail is cold and he has a trustworthy source. That's all they need. Stan isn't convinced. Their conversation is interrupted by a secretary, who is knocking on the door to report that there is a disgruntled source in the lobby that requires their attention. Stan goes to meet him and as he walks through his office we see two interesting things: 1) Philip's fake wife (remember the woman that one of Philip's fake identities married to gain access?) hard at work; and, 2) A weird '80s office robot that looks like it was ripped from the set of the original Battlestar Galactica and set to work delivering mimeographs in a government office. I'm sure that the office drone was real, but I can't find a photo of it, undoubtedly because my security clearance is too low.
After his enlightening stroll through the office, Stan finds his frazzled source in the foyer. The man, Sanford Prince, is demanding money for his tips -- you know, the ones that resulted in Elizabeth getting shot and forcing her to hole up with a fake aunt in the woods. While Prince's helpful hints were a real pain in the задница for our friendly neighborhood KGB agents, they were of no value to the FBI, so they don't want to pay the $500,000 USD that they offered him for real leads. As Prince protests that everything he told the FBI was true, Stan ushers him out of the office and tells him not to come back. Something that Prince says rings true for Stan and he reports his suspicions to his boss who tells him to leave it and reminds him that the Colonel, who Prince said was dirty, is off limits.
Stan pushes harder, but the boss tells him to lay off, because the less attention they attract the better. As they chat, Philip's fake wife Martha dutifully records the conversation for her adoring husband. Stan decides to waste some time at work (and valuable tax payers' dollars) by taking a tour of the evidence locker and picking up the latest booty from a VHS pirating ring. He takes The French Lieutenant's Woman to watch at home, because the evidence locker attendant swears it will make any woman cry like a baby. Stan takes it to his love den to watch with Nina, his lover/informant who is also spying on him for the Russians. She is not impressed with the film and its portrayal of women. She knows that he just showed it to her to make her cry, but she's not falling for it. She storms off to smoke a cigarette and he tries to kiss her out of her bad mood.
The day, Philip and Elizabeth take their kids to an amusement park. Their spy friends are there, too, as planned, and they scope out each other's kids and give each other secret thumbs up over their excellent procreation and their ability to live the American dream without being American.
At Russia's embassy, Nina reports on her time with Stan. She and her boss devise some fake intelligence that she can dole out to him. Her boss wants to know if she has told Stan that she loves him yet and when she says no, he tells her to be careful. They go talk to a new embassy worker who is fresh from the motherland and ask him to find something useful, but not too useful that they can give to Stan. The new recruit is well-trained and thus skeptical that they should give any information away to the infidels, but will do it because he has to. On the way back to her boss' office, Nina asks who this kid is and the boss explains that even Soviet Russia isn't immune to nepotism and the kid is the son of a minister of transport who signed up for the KGB because it sounded like fun and he got to be posted in a foreign country. One can only assume that detail will be important later.
Over at FBI HQ, Stan's boss gets a phone call that requires immediate attention. Stan and his boss have to take a drive to the Colonel's house. The Colonel explains that Prince showed up at his place, screaming that he ruined his life and hollering about $500,000 and the Colonel had no choice as a red-blooded American military man but to shoot him in the head. Twice. Stan looks suspicious, but he always does. This time, though, his boss may agree with him.
At the amusement park, the Jennings family is having a super fun day, when Philip's spy friend -- Emmett Connor, which I had to look up on IMDB, because they never bothered mentioning it -- waves him down. Philip slips away for a quick huddle and Emmett tells him that the drop he was supposed to do isn't possible, because the man who is handing off the information has a tail. He needs Phillip to handle the drop off, because the surveillance team might recognize his face. Also, the drop is happening in the three minutes. Emmett told the man to look for a father in a baseball cap walking with his son, a cover that will fit right in at the amusement park. Philip protests, because he and Elizabeth never ever use their kids, but Emmett insists and even though he's not Philip's boss, per se, when you're an embedded spy you pretty much do whatever you're told whenever you're told to do it. Emmett instructs Philip to get the intel and then meet him back at the hotel. If all goes well, that will be the end of it, but if something goes wrong they may need to take out the guy's surveillance team. Philip balks because they have their kids with them, but Emmett just shrugs. Whatever Mother Russia wants, Mother Russia gets.
Philip goes to collect Henry to make the pick-up. He claims they are going to get ice cream for the girls, then he puts on a baseball cap and gets the handoff while the Connor family watches closely to make sure everything goes smoothly. Philip makes the pick up easily enough and the Connors and Jennings head their separate ways. Elizabeth realizes that something is going on and Philip hurriedly explains that they need to go make a drop at the hotel. While it's unclear why both of them need to go make the drop, Elizabeth hands the kids some money for rides and they head off to deliver the information. They head to the hotel and, as expected, Emmett doesn't answer the hotel door, so Philip uses the key he gave him and opens it up. Inside, the Jennings family is splayed out around the room, all of them shot in the head. Elizabeth gasps, realizing that in the game of spy vs. spy, even kids are fair game, apparently. Philip stares in horror and then tells Elizabeth to run and get their children, because no one is safe. She bolts down the hallway while Philip collects the information that they need, wipes down his fingerprints from the room and backs away slowly from the horrifying scene. In the hotel hallway, he is heading towards the stairs when a nice teen boy smiles at him. It's the Connors' son. He was at the pool. Philip gawps at him in horror and walks even more purposefully towards the exit, hitting the stairs at a full run when the boy's screams echo through the hall.
Back at the park, Elizabeth finds Henry quickly, but Paige is nowhere in sight. The camera spins around her in the patented Slow Turn of Dread shot as she turns and turns around and around and runs through the park in increasing fear and anxiety. She finally finds Paige at the face-painting booth and gasps in shock as it's revealed that Paige has the same face paint design as the Connors girl who was just shot in the forehead. Just then Philip runs up and finds them and the family bolts out of the park with the kids scratching their heads in confusion over the abrupt end. Elizabeth and Philip must have trained their kids well, though, because they left the park without a single harsh word, temper tantrum or even an "Can I have one more cotton candy, please?!" Maybe Philip and Elizabeth should write a parenting book in their spare time.
Once the family is safely back in their house, Philip goes to crack the coded operations log that the Connors left behind. While he plays codebreaker, Elizabeth is panicking in a very motherly (and, thus, un-spylike) manner. She walks around locking all the doors, testing them to make sure they are solid, peeking out the windows and frantically battening down the hatches of the homestead. Philip emerges from the basement to report that there was nothing suspicious in the log to point them toward a suspect. Elizabeth teeters on the brink of cracking and rhetorically demands to know who would do this. Philip cynically asks her is she wants the list. There are a lot of people who would take out a family of KGB spies given the opportunity. She doesn't like that answer, but knows it is true. She reminds Philip that a spy's work is never done and he is supposed to be with his other wife, Martha, tonight. Philip wants to stay, but Elizabeth insists that they need Martha's intel to find out whether the FBI was behind the murders. As Philip heads out, Elizabeth double-checks all the locks. Again.
Speaking of the FBI, Agent Stan stops by his house to see his wife, Sandra. She's surprised to see him, but doesn't bother turning off her intense viewing of the PBS pledge-drive, which features the so-called Love Doctor, Leo Buscaglia, a self-help guru who was popular during the '80s. Sandra tells Stan that Buscaglia says "love is always open arms". She adds, "He says that if you close your arms to love that you'll find you're left just holding only yourself." She offers Stan a hug, which he doesn't deserve and he accepts it, even though he was just canoodling with Nina. Sandra then invites him to the movies with her and her friends. She is seeing The French Lieutenant's Woman, of course, and cries her eyes out the whole time. American women are so soft.
The show closes with Philip telling his fake wife all about his bad day at the office. Martha fixes him a drink and comforts him by reminding him that it's okay, because he's home now. Elizabeth spends the evening staring out the window of her house, looking for the things that go bump in the night.