Ryan is coming to us from the Dolby Theater at 10:26, where all of the remaining hundred-odd contestants are packed into the first few rows. Yes, it's Group Round, which is sold as the most punishing round of the competition. Nobody mentions that it's also the least relevant to the competition.
A couple of minutes before 11:00 AM, it looks like the first group to go will be "Three More Days," comprising David Oliver Willis, Sarina Joi Crowe, and Tony Foster, Jr. None of whom look remotely familiar to me, but all of whom who have been to Hollywood in seasons. One of them talks about how they want to show that they've improved, which would require someone to remember them from before. They're doing "Too Close" as a trio, with some decent three-part harmonies during the chorus and a nice little flourish at the end.
Jennifer liked it except for the choreography dropping off in the middle, which I suppose is the danger of having a judges' panel with two musicians on it. After a brief conference, Jennifer warns everyone that they're going to be cutting half of the remaining contestants today. However, David and Sarina get to stay, so she's clearly rounding up. Still, keep in mind that the round ended with 104 people left, and one of them bailed on the competition last night, so we should end up this evening somewhere in the low 50s. Before leaving, Tony asks why he got the axe, and Jennifer says they're looking for people who jump out, which tells him nothing. Harry gets more specific, saying he spent too much time looking at his feet. His shoes aren't that great. But the judges are impressed that Tony requested an explanation. They'd better keep that quiet or everyone's going to be doing it.
The three plaid-shirted country singers calling themselves "Backstreet Cowboys" (Casey Thrasher, Dexter Roberts, Ben Briley) come out to double down on their ill-advised group name with an even more ill-advised performance of "I Want it That Way." It's so not their thing, but they pull it off well enough, and even Keith's impressed. Enough to send them all through to the round, in fact. Harry says the round is about making the most of the moment, buying into it, and selling it. "Commitment." Nice try, Harry. This round still makes no sense, and the Backstreet Cowboys just proved it.
George Lovett and Neco Starr are doing well in their group, though the other two members fade into the background. In other news, Air Force singer Paula Hunt and shoe clerk Andrina Brogden dominate their group. Same with the androgynous MK Nobilette, who's got "Royals" until her groupmate and returning veteran Briana Oakley steps up. That whole group goes through, meaning the likes of Brandy Neelly, Emily Piriz, and Kenzie Hall are sticking around too.
Another group is made up of pretty-boy Spencer Lloyd and two young women. Spencer already knew the song, so he didn't spend as much time rehearsing as the other two might have liked, being less familiar with it. So Megan Miller and Alyssa Siebken are pretty weak in comparison. Jennifer tells them they should have had a plan for what happened if someone forgot the words. I'm pretty sure that was Spencer Lloyd's plan. The judges are pretty hard on them, but Alyssa's the only one to get the hook. She interviews that she's pissed, Megan says she didn't deserve that (the criticism, or getting to stay?), while Spencer claims to not know what just happened.
Madison Walker is also gone, as well as Keith London before he can make anyone more uncomfortable by singing about gender and sexuality, and Austin Precario, who will be returning to his stage mom in New Jersey. "At home, it's a lot to deal with," Austin interviews tellingly. It's about to be more. Stephanie Petronelli, who auditioned in her cheerleader uniform, is also gone, as is Adam Roth the "sound healer." Ryan tries to tell us that the group round is "a rigorous test of one's ability and character," the unspoken implication being that funeral home singer Tiquila Wilson has been found wanting, as she stands on the stage to retire from the competition with Ryan at her side. And then Harry decides to cut the resulting tension by announcing that he's dropping out of the judges' panel, flipping the others a double-bird from the stage as he pretends to leave. When he comes back to his chair, Keith says, "Randy's in there." Don't even joke about that, mate. I got chills.
Also struggling is Matthew Hamel, who was the millstone around Jessica Meuse's neck last night, but has since found his way into a new group with C.J. Harris, Tyler Ahlgren, and Caleb Johnson. "Just a bunch of fuck-ups," Caleb declares Matthew's old group. They come out to do "Too Close," Caleb Johnson conspicuous as the only group member with a mic stand, and Tyler Ahlgren conspicuous as a result of passionately singing about having forgotten the words. Caleb earns that mic stand, to say the least. In fact, Harry tells him he owned it, whereas C.J. was out of his comfort zone and Tyler and Matthew were smart not to follow the other two. Much good it did them; they're still going home and Caleb and C.J. are staying. Matthew's in denial about it on his way out, but he's still on his way out.
Twitter guesses (correctly) that all three members of a trio called "Collision" are sticking around, even though they're irritating and mismatched. So then remember the group "Clarity," whose fourth member disappeared last night? Munfarid Zaidi, Jena Asciuto, and a nondescript blonde are trying to deal with how Sikenya has gone AWOL due to voice problems. They're left hanging all the way up until 3:20 PM, at which point Sikenya deigns to emerge from her hotel room to take a shot at doing what she came for. The four of them present themselves to the judges, and Sikenya, whose speaking voice still sounds like ass, announces that she's sick. Harry Socratically wonders whether that's something she should have shared, but Munfarid takes the conch to offer more of an explanation on her behalf rather than throwing her under the bus where she belongs. With that, they go into today's umpteenth performance of "Too Close." And guess what, Sikenya forgets the words and starts over. After it's finished, the judges tell Sikenya that she gets props for going on anyway, because that's what'll be expected of her if she ends up doing this for a living (she won't). But the only one to get cut is the nondescript blonde, Allie Odom. Sikenya gets to stick around to mess up some more, and has the balls to promise Allie a front-row ticket when the show comes to her town, as though Sikenya will be in it.
1 2 3 4
Another group is doing another version of "Royals." This one is the Austin-bred foursome that includes Savion Wright and John Fox, and John isn't cutting it. This is a very tough blow for…Savion Wright.
Jessica Meuse's new group is up , and she's been through a lot of frustration, what with her old group coming apart and her new group including a bunch of sassy R&B girls and another contestant's overinvested mom. Which is all fine, but she unwisely complains about some of that to the judges from the stage. They launch into "Single Ladies" -- or rather, the three original members of the group launch into it, while Jessica looks mortified in the background. Until she has to step up for her verse and she's got nothing. One of them's nice enough to come up and give her a little backup. The judges are impressed with how that went, and all but one of them is going through. And the one who's leaving is…Stephanie Hanvey, the one with the mom. Harry ends up engaging with the mom when she yells from the audience about how great Stephanie is. And then out in the lobby, Mom interviews in front of the rest of the group how Stephanie carried everyone and the rest of them gave up, particularly Jessica. Jessica takes exception to this, but she stands around and listens to it longer than I would have. As for Stephanie herself, she gets to do part of a final interview until her mom gives her the hook and leads her out, still blaming Jessica. They both say it's not the end of the world for Stephanie, which is probably true; she can probably learn class from someone else.
Looks like there are two groups left in the show. One of them is calling themselves "Love's Angels" and their version of "Say My Name" is not at all great, though Emmanuel Zidor seems to think it is. Harry wanted them to pick a song they could actually sing instead of…that. Harry says there was only one member of the group who showed any potential, and it was Emmanuel. Terrica Curry and Carmen Delgina are done. Looks like Wonder Mike has no more children in this competition.
We're ending this round with not only unprecedented speed and efficiency, but with the group we saw apparently starting out the round at the end of last night's show: "Loud and Fierce." That's nerdy Malaya Watson with divas Queen Bulls, Christina Collins, and Olivia Diamond. We saw them sucking wind at rehearsal last night, so now they take the stage to close out the round. They're doing "I Want You Back," with some pretty loosey-goosey choreography. Jennifer says, "Yaayy," at the end, in the indulgent manner of a kindergarten teacher who's just proud that nobody started crying. Then she makes them wait a while, and says the final results are "some good, some bad" before saying all four of them are going through after all. I guess the bad news is that some of them shouldn't have gotten through.
1 2 3 4
That's another group round in the books, and there'll be a solo from each of the remaining 77. Wait, 77? Man, they barely cut half of half of them.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis- based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
1 2 3 4