With all the people we've seen being told they're going to Hollywood over the past few weeks, I suppose it's inevitable that we're starting off this phase of the competition with a video montage of people actually going to Hollywood; or, more accurately, leaving their homes to go to Hollywood and all that entails, with the packing and the heading to the airport and the flying and the LAX, et cetera. Ryan lets us know that the 212 golden ticket holders are in for a shock; after they land, deplane and board the American Idol buses, they're not going to the hotel, they're going straight into an airplane hangar for a new round of the competition! And after that's over, some of them will just have to get right back on a plane and go home this very day! Ryan does a pretty decent job of selling this as a shocking twist rather than a cost-saving measure to avoid having to put up all 212 people in a Los Angeles hotel for even one night.
Enter the judges, including Keith with his new reverse-mullet haircut. They alert the contestants that the singing will be starting now, and there will be cuts made right away. They take their places at a judges' table that's been rolled into place for the purpose and call up Johnny Newcomb, one of the teenagers who didn't impress Harry so much with his prematurely whiny emo delivery. Today he accompanies himself on his guitar to sing "Pumped Up Kicks," and then goes to sit down to wait. The judges debate briefly, but Johnny isn't going to find out anything soon. And we probably won't either.
Connor Zwetsch, 20, is someone we didn't see during the audition episodes, so while she's singing and playing, we flash back to Harry warning her that he wasn't sure her vocals alone would cut it. He seems to be thawing a bit towards her now, though. And Ali Jane Henderson, 16, is doing a slow, acoustic version of "Toxic" like the one that got Alex & Sierra to Hollywood on The X Factor last fall. Caitlin Johnson got a no from Harry at her initial audition, but she's the first one going a cappella here in Hollywood, and probably one of the first ones to go home. Additional contestants are shown vocally face-planting, though they're spared the humiliation of having their names on the screen. The judges mutter among each other about how they were on the fence about all of them initially, and that does indeed seem to be the one thing they all have in common. It does make sense that we're wasting a minimal amount of time (and accommodations) on them. Now we're getting reintroduced to "sound healer" Adam Roth, who is shouting a version of "Radioactive" over some piano playing that's so bad it has Harry rolling his chair over to bitch to Keith about it, though Jennifer's willing to cut him slack for his decent vocals. It's like she's terrified of being nicknamed "J. No" and is doing everything possible to avoid it.
Tristan Langley, also known as Nikki McKibbin's kid, is trying to earn the spot that his mom helped secure for him at his first audition. We'll see how that turns out. Then 15-year-old Morgan Deplitch, who turned off Harry with her age-inappropriate Grace Potter song at her first audition, now turns all of them off with her bad singing of Sara Bareilles's "Brave". Cheerleader Stephanie Petronelli is also not exactly up to scratch with her "Whipping Post" rendition. The guy who sings is lame enough that the judges realize they'd better warn people to start taking this shit seriously, like it's the contestants' fault they came in here and got blindsided. And after a come-to-Jesus speech, Harry dryly says, "Good luck to the contestant." Then oil worker Eric Henderson comes up and does exactly what the judges told him to with "She Talks to Angels." Alyssa Siebken, 20, also brings it, as does Neco Starr, 22. Eventually they've been through some 50 people, and they want to close out the night with Kristian D'avis, that chick who started her audition with an accent and ended it without one. Tonight she does a shaky, mannered, over-vibratoed version of an Adele song. Way to close it out.
Ryan tells us that takes care of everyone the judges weren't sure about, so everybody else who didn't sing is safe for tonight. That's 160, leaving 52 on the bubble. But all 212 of them have to sit there and wait while the judges go through those 52, deciding on yeses and nos. Eventually they start calling out names and assigning them to group number one and group number two. We hear which group some of them go to, and some we don't, but the good ones seem to be going into group two. Without telling them which group is which, they just send them out to the waiting buses labeled with their group numbers, and they'll find out when they arrive whether they're at the hotel or at the airport. It's a mass mindfuck on wheels, basically. Bus 1 drives along, with its cargo of desperate optimism, until eventually the passengers learn the verdict by looking out the window at the airport signs. That is some old-school Idol cold-bloodedness, right there. Not even telling these people they're done with them, just carting them back to the airport and letting them find out that way. Bus 2, on the other hand, gets an actual announcement from someone telling them they're going to Hollywood. Those 20 get to join everyone else at the hotel banquet room, but I'm pretty sure everyone realizes that they're the lower tier.
Day 2 of Hollywood week starts more normally, with contestants waking up in their hotel rooms and looking out at the Hollywood sign on the hills before heading to the Dolby Theater, which just happens to be the location of five past Idol finales, as Ryan and the editors are only too happy to remind us. The remaining 190 contestants will be coming out in groups of ten and singing one at a time, either a capella or not, and the first to go is Majesty Rose York, 21, the preschool teacher from North Carolina. With her guitar, she sings Feist's "1234" and acquits herself reasonably well. Jennifer loves her, but she's going to have to wait until the rest of the line goes, including Ani DiFranco fan Samantha Calmes, bespectacled worship leader John Fox, and 18-year-old blonde receptionist Brandy Neely. Again, they're separated into groups. Samantha's in the group that's going home, but the others get to stay. Samantha regrets not relying on her voice more. I'm not sure that would have helped.
The group includes pretty boy Spencer Lloyd, who accompanies himself on the keyboard for a surprisingly large chunk of "Say Something," the song that pretty much won The X Factor for Alex & Sierra. In other words, I think the big winners of the night so far are Alex & Sierra. He's through, obviously, not that we know anything about anyone in the rest of his group.
Austin Wolf, 17 tells the judges she wants to be the American Idol so she can sing for people who actually want to hear her. Maybe Idol's not the way to fix that. Bria Anai still has sparkly lipstick and has brought some pitch issues to go with it. And Selena Moreno -- who auditioned with her twin sister, but came through alone -- is still oversinging, and actually has a vocal breakdown in the middle of her audition that brings her to a screeching halt. Almost literally. And with her sister watching in the audience, no less. The judges and the audience urge her on, and she manages to make it to the end. Austin Wolf, Jessica Muse, Bria Anai and another young woman are called out, and Harry strings them a long a bit before sending them on through. But the Moreno twins are back together again, in rejection. For what it's worth, the memorably over-accessorized Lauren Ogburn is also heading home. She didn't come to Hollywood over-accessorized, but she didn't come over-talented, either.
Sam Woolf, 17, he of the supportive grandfather-slash-booking agent, comes out with his guitar to do John Mayer's "Waiting on the World to Change" in a jazzy way that even Harry seems to dig. Keri Lynn Roche, the 24-year-old waitress from Detroit, Ayla Stackhouse, 17, and C.J. Harris from the SLC auditions are all in one group. C.J. does "Trouble," which is always successful on these shows when done well, and that's certainly the case today. In fact, Jennifer gives him a standing ovation, so that's probably a foregone conclusion. C.J. is asked to step forward, as is Ayla and another guy, but then C.J. is asked to step back again and the back row goes through. Whoa, sucks to be Ayla.
Alex Preston and his perma-squint are part of the line, and he does some pretty hot guitar playing to accompany his acoustic version of the will.i.am/Britney duet "Scream & Shout." That was actually impressive. Sydney Arterbridge, 15, doesn't sing even well enough to get her name on the screen, but Jessie Roach from the Austin auditions is back (without her creepy-pushy neighbor), as well as cornfed football player Brian Watt, who Harry thought was Superman at his first audition. Harry looks pretty bored by him today, though. He's in a group with Sydney going home, so Alex and Jesse are still in it. Brian and Jade Lathan seem philosophical about going home, though one of them is crying more. I won't say which one, but I will say I didn't even remember her without her flowered headband.
Twitter correctly guesses that some chick named Madelyn goes on to the round, and then we're listening to teenager Kenzie Hall. Her voice has a familiar quality I can't quite place, so I'm just going to haul off and compare her sound to that of Sierra from Alex & Sierra. She also throws in some impressive rapid-fire lyrics that weren't really necessary keeping with her voice, but certainly didn't hurt. Quaid Edwards -- who came to audition with that mom of his who used to tour with Keith -- also sings, but Kenzie's the only one from this group who gets to stay.
Ben Briley, who is all beard, guitar, trucker hat, and twang, sings as part of a line that also includes 15-year-old Briston Maroney singing "Royals" and cherubic dog trainer Dexter Roberts, who pounds out the Civil Wars' "Barton Hollow." Then Dexter asks Keith to play his guitar for him a bit, a request Keith obliges with a few bouncy chords so that Dexter can tell everyone that Keith Urban once played his guitar. They're all through.
Rachel Rollery, who looks like Clarissa Musically Explaining it All, is part of the group, singing a song that has Keith harmonizing along from the judges' table. Ambitious young dads Maurice Townsend and Casey Thrasher, the latter of his aunt's trailer, are also in this group with "Impossible" and "He Stopped Loving Her Today" respectively, both excellent. They're all moving on. As are George Lovett, funeral home singer Tiquila Wilson, student Emily Piriz and grocer Malcolm Allen. I don't expect you to remember all of those people.
Montage of contestants being goofy about their motivations, their clothes, their dedication, sucking up and so forth. Munfarid Zaidi, the guy who auditioned while being cradled in Harry's arms like a baby, is back with a jokey but effortlessly confident version of "Proud Mary." Ethan Thompson from Montana is here, as is 18-year-old Austin Percario, who left his stage mother back home in New Jersey (though not without getting some camcorder footage of her getting ditched in the house despite her supposedly packed luggage). They're all moving on. Including Munfarid, who is physically carried out of the elevator. If nothing else, Munfarid is going to come out of this competition with minimal wear on his soles.
Shouter Caleb Johnson is back for his second attempt, in the form of "Sympathy for the Devil" Stephanie Hanvey, who squeaked through the Boston auditions, is doing "Girl on Fire," and left-handed guitarist Kristen O'Connor sings "no" a lot. The three of them get to stay, though Stephanie's mom doesn't look too thrilled in the audience.
Emmanuel Zidor -- an airport ramp agent from Atlanta who's so flamboyant he's practically a drag queen -- does a showy audition and gets to stay along with some other people whose singing we didn't hear. Briana Oakley, 17, is another one who's taking a second crack at the show this year. Her line also includes scrubby gas station attendant Jesse Cline, and they're both going through. But there's a montage of people who blow it, including a guy whose guitar is described by Keith as "fiercely out of tune," and another "Toxic" singer who apparently doesn't do consonants. On this show, that's a dangerous tic to have. Then Keith London, the handyman from Pennsylvania, sings "If I Were a Boy" without a gender swap, in hopes of being memorable. Jennifer and Harry were both distracted by that, as well as the intonation of his guitar, so they ask him to do something else because they were talking the whole time. Like that's his fault. Keith, who says the song's theme is what matters, does "Same Love," a capella. If nothing else, he's good at staying on message. He gets through anyway, along with a few others like Symphony Whatshername. I don't remember anything else about her other than her name is Symphony.
The last of all 19 lines is ready to go, and it's a keyboard-heavy one. One of the singer-pianists is Malaya Watson, 16, who Jennifer didn't want to stop. Jena Asciutto is also there, singing a song that Keith wants to go download afterward. But Savion Wright is singing an original song inspired by his brother, who apparently died two-and-a-half weeks ago. Wow, he'd sure better get through with that. The three of them are moving on to the round. With that round over, the numbers have gone from 160 to 104, and as the night closes out, the judges tell the remaining contestants that the very day is Group Day. Jennifer tells them they'll need choreography, harmony and unique performances. Harry tells them they'll hand out song lists and tells them to form groups of three and four. And it's about to be on. Sorry, onnnn.
The usual scrum of people trying to find groups has begun. Casey Thrasher, Ben Briley and Dexter Roberts are already in one group. One group of five wants to make a go of it, but a producer says it has to be three or four. But Savion Wright, Ryan Clark, John Fox and Madelyn Patterson are in a group that they set up way back when they met at their Austin auditions, and are the first group to get in with a vocal coach, working on "Royals." Groups are starting to queue up for the coaches with tensions rising. Starving, but driven Jessica Muse -- she of the pink-streaked black hair -- is stuck with two guys, including one who is losing his voice and another who doesn't seem able to do harmony anyway. This should go well.
By midnight, it's looking like a mass of tense moments. Two singers are still looking for a group but are lucky to find a couple of singers who have recently left the groups they started in. And Jessica is getting increasingly frustrated with the kid who can't harmonize with her, and is putting the pressure of her entire future as something other than a "broke-ass musician" all on him. I'm not sure Jessica gets how the group round works. Worse, the third member of this group decides to simply drop out of the competition entirely, due to his voice being gone. Jessica tells her remaining group-mate that they should just split up and both find different groups, because they'll both be better off. Which is true, because not only will they both be in more suitable group, Jessica won't be in jail and the other kid will still be alive. The trouble is that -- as Ryan says -- most groups already have it dialed in and aren't really in the market for a new member. Dexter, Ben and Casey seem to be doing well other than the decision to call themselves the "Backstreet Cowboys," and they've got no room for Jessica. And her former groupmate Matthew, he's in the "Freedom Breathers" with the likes of Caleb Johnson and C.J. As of 3:00 AM, some groups are shutting down for the night, with promises to get up and practice some more in a few hours, at stupid o'clock. And another group, which includes Emmanuel Zidor and Wonder Mike's kid Carmen Delgina, appears to have been abandoned by at least one of its members, so they're down to two. They'd better find Jessica Muse and fast.
By 5:04 AM, people are getting up already, while others are still crashed out on the hallway floors where they dropped. Emmanuel and Carmen are still looking for a group member who disappeared on them last night. They eventually find her in her hotel room, and the dead-eyed sociopath asks them if they don't have anyone else. Even a producer asks her if she hasn't caused her groupmates some problems and she's all, "No." On the way to their rehearsal, she sarcastically thanks them both for the positive speech. "You're welcome," Emmanuel says insincerely, because there's no time to argue with her right now. It's time to practice. She burned up all the arguing time.
Dress rehearsals start on the stage at about 9:00 a.m. and most of what we hear is sounding pretty damn rough. The four female members of "Loud and Fierce" sound good individually, but keep forgetting the lyrics. Afterwards, one of them yells at the others about how they were spending too much time dancing and she refuses to lose because they're forgetting the words. Off they go to work on it some more, and rest assured that she'll be forgetting the words herself. Jessica Muse has found another group, fortunately, but she's a shitty fit in this one, too. Her frustration this time is with the constant (and pointless) choreography changes and the mother of Stephanie Hanvey, who seems to be giving plenty of feedback. And another group has a member whose voice is so down that she writes her group-mates a note saying she'll wait until the last minute to decide to sing. Which is a great deal for the other three, don't you think? Looks like Munfarid is going to have to help carry someone else for once.
The last minutes are ticking away, not just for the groups to sing, but for the episode. And indeed, the latter runs out just before Loud and Fierce take the stage to sing their first note. Group day won't start going down until tomorrow. You know what's also going down in the group round? Half the contestants. We might actually be down to a manageable number by Valentine's Day.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis- based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.