We're picking up where we left off last week; namely Detroit, Michigan, in a montage of anticipatory moments with contestants just before they step into The Chamber that leads to the audition room. They talk about the feeling, but the startling thing is they make people wait two full minutes in there. And most of this first batch is here to represent Detroit. Too bad Jeff Gutt isn't here.
We're starting with Detroit-ian Keri Lynn Roche, a 24-year-old waitress who gets past her initial nervousness with the judges to croon a bit of "Radioactive," accompanying herself on guitar. Keith stops her and asks her to do something without it, and she just so happens to have a rendition of "I'd Rather Go Blind" by Etta James that impresses Keith and Jennifer, at least. And it doesn't offend Harry either and we know what a purist he is about the classics. He also appreciates her camera-ignoring performance style, so he joins the unanimous yes vote. Starting off happy tonight.
Julian Miller, an 18-year-old shoe salesman who sports glasses, a winter hat, a bow tie and a guitar, does a version of "Who Did That to You" that earns him a golden ticket as well. Then there's a threesome of inter-edited girls named Olivia Diamond (22), Paris Primeau (16) and Samantha Furtwegler (18), two of whom prompt Harry to remark on the showbiz names. All of them seem to be on the fence, but Paris and Olivia make it through. Alas, it looks as though Samantha will have to return to her day job of furtwegling.
The show then rolls out a "character" -- Malaya Watson a bespectacled and brace-faced 16-year-old who plays the tuba in her high school marching band outside Detroit. Not that any of that is weird… she just acts like a bit of an oddball. So then she turns out to actually be able to sing, both soulfully and in tune. Even the judges thank her for it, although I'm a little annoyed at Jennifer for how much she says she's looking forward to Malaya's "transformation" over the course of the competition, and with Harry for how much he agrees. In other words, "We're going to make you less of a weirdo. Lucky you!"
We temporarily dispense with the local talent to meet a cornfed kid named Brian Watt from all the way down in Thomasville, Georgia. This kid turns out to be 29 and a "nonprofit director," and he strums out an earnest Carrie Underwood song (as if there's any other kind). He's got a clear, pretty voice, the kind that makes me wonder if we're sure he isn't a worship leader. Jennifer is reduced to a puddle of "Awww," Harry seems to think Brian is a superhero, and Keith appreciated his restraint on the guitar. He gets a golden ticket without even having to wait through a vote.
Khristian D'avis, 22, is from Detroit via Chicago, so Jennifer makes her explain why she has an accent. I want her to explain why she spells her name like that. Her version of "Saving All My Love for You" has a lot more soul and breathiness than it has things like… oh, the right notes. Jennifer likes her style but thinks it comes from not being able to hold out notes. While Khristian emotionally explains how much she wants this, Harry quietly observes that her accent has disappeared. Keith says she isn't ready, Jennifer wants to see her again and Harry says she needs to figure out the right way to connect and he wants to see her try. "Welcome to Hollywood," he says, and then shrugs at the other judges as she collects her ticket, crying too hard to speak. "They didn't hurt you, did they?" Ryan asks her upon her sobbing, family-hugging exit from the audition room. Inside which Keith complains about people like her who don't listen to good advice, because she thought she wasn't going to go through. Noticing Keith is upset, Harry tells him, "You just lost your accent." He didn't really.
We don't even find out the name of the guy who comes in while Jennifer is trying to adjust her body mic and assumes out loud that she's fixing her titties (or some such classless thing) before we move on to local girl Jena Asciutto, who has four years of being in a band under her belt at the tender age of 17. She's doing "Rolling in the Deep," which was played out two years ago, radioactive last year, and probably coming around again now. And the fact that she's got a decent voice doesn't hurt. She shouldn't have quit the band, though. Harry remarks on her tongue technique that's easily fixed, Keith likes how her personality came out in her tone, and Jennifer likes how she did it different from the singer. She gets three easy yeses from the judges.
So let's get three weirdoes out of the way all at once: a guy who bills himself as the Singing Manicurist ("He's really gonna nail it," Harry dad-jokes), a dude who has made himself up like a unibrowed Fly Girl to mock Jennifer, and a low-rent pimp with a wig and a top hat. They're all sent packing, and then we meet Melanie Porras, 19 from Kennesaw Georgia, whose musician single dad taught her to play guitar. She brings it in to the judges for a percussive, fingerpicked rendition of "Fever." Jennifer thought it was a little safe, so she decides to try "Wanted Dead or Alive." That strikes me as a little flat, but the judges seem to dig it, enough that Jennifer says she already can hear Melanie recording. Keith likes how she played guitar on the Peggy Lee song instead of the Bon Jovi one instead of the other way around like a normal person would do, and Harry says she's already on her way. To Hollywood, that is. Melanie is shown dialing the phone to call her dad, and then she show does something the old Idol never would -- it cuts away to commercial. Speaking of restraint.
After the ads, Harry pretends to nervously audition for Keith while Jennifer is visiting the ladies'. He monotones "The Star-Spangled Banner" over a subtitle that lists his age as "29*" and his occupation as "lounge singer." Keith votes no but agrees to autograph Harry's shin, complete with phone number. "Mom!" Harry hollers as he hops to the door. Also, Jennifer forgot to wear pants today.
Liam Newberry, 18, of Chagrin Falls, Ohio walks in and turns out to be a lifelong fan of Harry. "So he's the one," Keith says. Liam tries to croon Sinatra's "The Way You Look Tonight," but his voice isn't the best match for it. He's a little too operatic, and Jennifer says he was missing the swag. Keith says it was missing the "sexiness." Harry just tells Liam to forget everything they ever told him in musical theater (which Harry cannily pegged right away) and thinks he can do it… eventually. Liam wants to show them he can do it right now, but they all give him a no instead. Much to his crestfallen chagrin.
Jade Lathan, 20, walks in with flowers on her dress and on her head to rock a little Amy Winehouse, specifically "You Know I'm No Good." Except she is very good, with a tightly controlled voice and a lot of emotion in her singing. Harry tells her he was really hoping to like her and she did not disappoint. She gets through easily and unanimously. The downside is now they're going to want her to wear flowers all the time, like that chick on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Then we see another guy who lends Keith his guitar and Keith accompanies him on John Mayer's "Waiting on the World to Change," which I wouldn't have expected Keith Urban to know at all, let alone with the capo all the way up on the sixth fret. It's clearly a lark anyway, because the guy sings it while holding a golden ticket that he's obviously already earned. Then there's a Detroit-based trivia quiz for Twitterers about whether Jennifer Hudson won her Oscar for Dreamgirls or 8 Mile.. I think a tougher question would be how much she lost American Idol by.
We come back in the midst of an audition by fresh-faced Sarah Scherb, 19, from Birmingham, Michigan. They like her singing, but Harry appreciates even more the fact that her dad works for Delta Airlines, because like all of us who fly commercial (a demographic which does not include Jennifer Lopez or Keith Urban, apparently), he's fascinated with the chick from the safety briefing video who waggles her finger when she tells you "no smoking." Alas -- and I'm sorry to break this to anyone who hasn't flown Delta in a few months -- she's been busted down to a non-speaking cameo for the updated version. Someone needs to do something about that. If Sarah Scherb becomes the American Idol maybe she'll have the necessary juice.
In comes Sydney Arterbridge, dressed like Lieutenant Uhura with a plaid scarf. She's here to sing "Lovin' You" by Minnie Riperton, which Harry hopes she'll nail because his wife sucks at singing this song. She manages to hit the super high notes, both in the song and in her happy screams when she gets her golden ticket.
Maurice Townsend from Grand Rapids, Michigan looks to be the one to wrap up the Detroit auditions. He's also a church music minister, and a father of four at age 26. He's brought a John Legend song, and he does indeed bring it. Ryan works the guy's family outside the chamber -- all five of them, who are all cute. Then we go into a whole backstory clip package about him before returning to his audition, which is now obviously a foregone conclusion now that we've gotten to know him. Keith loved it enough to just sit back and enjoy it, and Harry agrees that it was really good. They invite him to bring his kids in, and suddenly it's cute overload all up in here. Harry dragoons one of the kids to give Maurice the news that he's going to Hollywood. Harry is clearly aware of the show business adage, never work with kids or animals, unless you're stuck in Detroit for two days and going out of your mind.
We come back to day two, when Keith and Harry show up at 10 AM sharp and Jennifer and Ryan are both late, which at least gives Keith and Harry something to talk about. Finally she shows up at 10:23 and says, "We should start." We're beginning the day with David Oliver Willis, a 22-year-old coffee shop owner from Mount Dora, Florida who was ejected during the Vegas round last season. I don't remember him at all, but Keith does. He does a strummy-strummy, loudish version of "Too Close" by Alex Clare (which I incorrectly called "Closer" last week and I have no excuse). Keith and Jennifer loved it, though Harry has doubts about how well he'll be able to do without the guitar. thing you know, the judges are coaching him as though he's already in the competition, which of course after the unanimous yes vote he actually is.
Up is a pair of twins who speak simultaneously. They're identical except for their wigs, one of which is straight and one of which is wavy. Rakita and Karlita Gulledge, 19, belt out a version of "Listen" by Beyoncé that clearly pains Harry the most of all the judges. He calls it screaming, and Jennifer agrees that it was pretty high-school talent show. Keith has nothing to add, so both twins get three nos. Perhaps they'll be back year after swapping wigs.
Twitter is invited to guess whether a sucky girl will go through or go home. Twitter is half right, because it's apparently feeling generous. Whereas Harry quite correctly says that singing is not for her. She interviews, "Lighten up, dude. You don't have to be such a jerk all the time." How long has she known him, exactly?
Singer-songwriter Blake Soles is sent packing with some advice from Keith to keep working at it until it comes together. "When is that gonna happen for you?" Harry asks Keith. The laughter is still dying down when former auditioner Brandy Neelly, 18, comes in. I also don't remember her, but Jennifer does because "some people stand out." That's sort of the case with Brandy, who's got a Hunter Hayes song with a lot of dynamic changes thrown in. Keith actually applauds her, and Jennifer mostly liked it aside from a nasal quality. Harry describes it as more "guttural" (which is kind of the opposite of nasal, actually), and says she'll have to decide whether to fix it. He advises her not to and Jennifer says she should, and after Keith and Harry vote yes, Jennifer hands over a ticket saying it doesn't matter what she says. But now I think we know what it would have been.
The auditioner, Ethan Harris, has a vest, a guitar and a face that causes the judges to dub him the lost Osmond brother. Off-putting, but then it veers into creepy when the dude asks Keith to sign a picture he drew of Keith that he has taped to the back of his guitar. Of course, he's attempting a Keith Urban song and turns out to do okay with it. Harry likes how his speaking and singing voice sound the same (squeaky). They all like him and he gets his ticket to Hollywood, even though he reminds me of that guy in Iron Man 3 with a tattoo of RDJ based on a doll he made.
Harry does some more goofing off, using the space known as the "confessional" for its literal purpose. I'm starting to wonder if this isn't going to get exhausting after a while. Back to the auditions. Leah Guererro, 21; Zach Day, 19; and Symphony Howlett, 24, are all edited together with each other. They all get plenty of criticism, but they all squeak through. Even with Zach's grunt-heavy Amy Winehouse cover and Symphony's break-riddled version of Sara Bareilles's "Gravity." And this despite the fact that she's named Symphony. Leah's from the Detroit area so she's fine.
The singer hoping for a ticket to Hollywood is Ayla Stackhouse, 17, who already lives in Hollywood with her aunt. Though she's originally from Detroit, so it seems like she's in a no-lose situation. It's almost unnecessary given how well she sings. Harry thinks Berry Gordy would spot Ayla's star quality (and screw her out of a fortune, she doesn't add), and the others agree and send her through.
Eric Gordon, 27, is working some horn-rimmed glasses, a Members Only jacket and a vertiginous pompadour. After some banter about hair dryers, Eric starts into a John Mayer song, awkwardly dancing and snapping his fingers while he croons away. They like him, especially Harry with the jacket and he gets to go to Hollywood.
As the day wears on, the judges are hoping for a new Eminem or Kid Rock, being in Detroit at all. I will tell you right now that it's not going to happen. Bearded Xavier Calvillo, 25, doesn't exactly fill the bill with his ear gauges and a screechy Creedence song. They shut him down, and refuse to listen to him try something else. Harry suggests he leave with the one thing left to him -- his dignity -- but he can't even do that, repeatedly asking for another chance the whole way out. Harry fully expects to be stalked by "one more chance" guy for the twelve hours. Then Tony Delbarrio, 29, whose hair may or may not be attached to his hat, bellows "Radioactive" and gets the bum's rush, though he does much better with it in the hallway afterward. We're now into a montage of people dealing with rejection poorly, while Keith interviews that some of these people really need to hear a no already or they'll never get better. I think some of them will never get better anyway.
Enter Ryan Nisbett, who is sporting specs, a wispy handlebar mustache and a pompadour that makes Eric Gordon look like he got stuck with a low-flow shower head. Ryan explains that he used to weigh 300 pounds, so that's why he looks like this now. Makes sense to me. He's got a high voice that he puts to work for Sarah McLachlan's "In the Arms of an Angel." He blows one note and comes back around to it, and it's a good sign for him that the judges only chuckle indulgently. Jennifer calls him "sui generis," which she defines as "one of a kind." Harry hopes people would give his kind of voice a chance in Idol, and the other judges are also happy to give him a ticket. Especially when he doesn't tell them he's sick until Keith offers to shake his hand and he turns it down, because on top of everything else he's got manners and doesn't make excuses for why he didn't sing better.
We're coming full circle, because we're back with the very first contestant we saw on the season premiere, Marielle Sellers. She's 17 and from Indianapolis, and she's here to make her dad proud. He built her and her sisters a recording studio in the basement and taught her all manner of instruments, and then up and died in 2008. That's going to make it difficult for him to express pride. For now she's there with her family, all of whom have Marielle masks in hand. She goes in with her guitar and chats up the judges, then performs "Grenade," which we hear more of than now we did last week. We get to re-watch her being offered three thirds of a golden ticket before being given an intact one, and also Harry instructing her to tell the camera that she plans to be the American Idol. And again she obliges. After Ryan observes her returning to the holding room as the first contestant ever to get two golden tickets (even if one has been mutilated), he gives us the end-of-night stats: winners from "all over the country, "40 of them tonight, half of them from Michigan, bringing the season's grand total thus far to 119. Maybe we should stop there? Nope, we're going to Atlanta tomorrow. That's Ryan Seacrest's home town, for everyone who cares. Which I believe would be Ryan Seacrest .
.M. Giant is a Minneapolis- based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.