After an extended farewell to Heejun from last week -- in which we saw that he told the final eight that he hopes none of them win -- there's an overedited preview about how much they all want to do just that. So clearly someone is going to be disappointed.
Out come the judges, with Jennifer wearing a weather balloon as a skirt and Steven wearing totally redundant skinny-pants, and then Ryan announces that it's eighties week. So of course he puts up a photo of eighties Randy Jackson in a Flock of Seagulls haircut and outfit. Of course, one day the clothes Randy has on tonight will look just as ridiculous, which I can say with confidence because that day is here. With that, Ryan brings out the top eight. Once they're out onstage, Ryan informs us that this week's gratuitous time-filler will be duets to go along with the individual performances. I don't know why they have to do that instead of using the last half hour of network clearance to air a rerun of The New Girl or something else I'm equally unlikely to watch. Also, this week's mentors will be Gwen Stefani and Tony Kanal, the two members of No Doubt whose faces you can visualize without a Google image search.
In addition to the eighties theme, we'll also be learning about what each of the finalists like to do when they're back home. In DeAndre's case, that's driving, as he just got his license before coming on the show. They lend him an Idolmobile for the day, and, more worrying, a bunch of cameras to film him driving. Eventually he finds his way to Jimmy's studio, where Gwen and Tony are there waiting to start mentoring. DeAndre's eighties song is something by DeBarge, duh, and Gwen tells him to stop looking so worried all the time. And that's pretty much the sum of the mentoring DeAndre receives this week.
He starts his performance in the middle of a row of clapping girls (including one whose skirt is so short she seems reluctant to lift her hands from her lap for very long, if you know what I mean), but eventually he dances up onto the stage to get his schwerve on and flop his hair around. Lots of runs, lots of falsetto, all for such a generic mid-tempo eighties song I don't even remember it, and I'm pretty sure I was alive then. But at least he doesn't seem nervous. Jennifer liked it, Steven says he forgot where he was (like that's hard), and Randy thinks it was perfect, and that DeAndre could be a 2012 DeBarge. Because God knows there's so much demand for that. Ryan has some awkward banter with DeAndre about going first and then does an even more awkward DeAndre impression before going to the sweet, sweet relief of the commercial break.
Coming back, Elise talks about missing her band back in Charleston and then rehearses "Hallelujah" for the mentors. At least she knew it's a Leonard Cohen song and not just from Shrek. Her alternate song is "I Want to Know What Love Is," and they seem to think that's the way to go.
She ends up going with the Foreigner tune for her performance this week, complete with candles and gospel chorus and lots of drama and runs and an added key change, basically biting Joshua's entire schtick. Good thing she's going before he is tonight. Steven says it might not have been the best song for her, but he loves her voice and lamely concludes, "Yeah." Jennifer talks about Elise's heart and emotion even though every moment wasn't perfect. Randy says she never got on pitch through the whole song, which I think is going a bit far. Ryan comes out and talks to her about the challenge of following up her great performance last week, and she babbles about how hard it was to pick just one song. Ryan gives the voting instructions, but considering how well she does in the votes when the judges like her, I half expect him to give her the bum's rush out the stage door.
, Colton and Skylar sing "Islands in the Stream." Colton has gone totally blond this week, and the camera keeps circling them Glee style and they both look so embarrassed. I can't say I blame them. In fact I'm mortified on behalf of my entire phylum. The judges seem to like it, though, which makes Colton and Skylar feel better .Ryan comes out all Colton-and-Skylar-sitting-in-a-tree, because he's twelve. Just go to the ads, Smarmy. And then after we come back, Skylar wants everyone to know that they're not dating. Wait, people care about this?
Ryan then plugs the write-a-song-with-Jason-Derulo contest, and then we learn that what Phil misses about home is playing guitar with his brother-in-law Ben. Which is weird, because they seem to do it in places like the front yard and in the middle of Applebee's. That seems too awkward to miss. He's singing "That's All" by Genesis, and in rehearsal, he is clearly unprepared, with only the vaguest grasp on the melody. Tony tells him to stop playing his guitar on the bridge. Oh, and they should also mention that he needs to sing it better.
When the live performance comes, he seems to have figured out how the song goes, so that's good. Oh, and there's Ben up there playing along with him, aw. I mean, "AW." Ben's guitar is loud, is what I'm saying. Even if Phil doesn't quite hit all the notes, that's pretty much beside the point of Phillip Phillips. The judges liked it, and give shout-outs to Ben and also to Tony for his advice. After the comments, Ryan talks to Ben about what it's like see him on the show, and Ben drawls about how proud he is and how everyone's rooting for him back home. This seems like kind of an unfair advantage for Phil. I mean, Elise didn't get to play with her band, and DeAndre didn't get to sing while driving.
A two-and-a-half-minute shoe commercial, Nike? Really?
Hollie and DeAndre duet on "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters. I'm sure Ryan won't be at all gross about two teenagers singing to each other about wanting to bone. Oh, and then there's a double spurt of sparks at the very end, which is not inappropriate at all. Steven liked it, and he and Jennifer agree that Hollie did a good job of letting go this time (even if she does have old-lady hair tonight). Randy also says it was impressive. Ryan asks them what it's like to sing without being judged, and they say it's more fun. For them, maybe.
After an unnecessary ad break, Ryan checks in with the judges. Steven admits he wasn't all there in the eighties, but wants the finalists to pick the right songs. Jennifer's leaning toward DeAndre as her favorite so far, and Randy says it doesn't matter what the song is as long as you sing the "I don't know what out of it." Basically they're all wanting a powerhouse performance.
Josh talks about missing his family back home, and his song is "If You Don't Know Me By Now." The Simply Red version, obvi. Clearly his interpretation of "eighties" is pretty similar to the "year you were born" night. The mentors tell him to keep it simple and put in a moment where the band briefly drops out.
Oh, and here comes the song, with a gospel chorus and candles lots of runs and drama and the whole Joshua Ledet schtick, including the undersized jacket that Elise totally omitted. He keeps it together this time, though, and gets tonight's first standing ovation from the judges. Jennifer says this is what they were talking about, and that it was spectacular. Steven says it wasn't too over the top and yet way over the top, which somehow adds up to perfect. Steven Tyler math, everyone. Randy says he wanted to stand up from beginning to end, and that's what he was talking about regarding singing the song earlier. Randy's catchphrase this week is, by the way, "gotta have it," because if you're Randy Jackson you don't have to say anything meaningful, you just have to say the same thing loud and frequently. In the interview with Ryan, Joshua says he doesn't know much about the songs from the eighties or any love problems he just sang about. Dude's only nineteen, you know. Fair enough, but maybe he should stop wearing jackets that fit him when he was fifteen.
Jessica talks about how she misses singing in her room to boxes instead of to people. Except "misses" may not be the right word. She's going back to the Whitney well this week, singing "How Will I Know." Gwen says she has a great voice, but needs to move less like a lounge singer. Jessica interviews about her alter ego "Bibi Chez." She needs to stop doing that, at least quite so much, because it's not like there's any noticeable difference between the two personalities (or lack thereof THERE I SAID IT).
Jessica starts out singing in the audience, surrounded by the kind of guys who go to American Idol tapings, and eventually makes her way to the stage. Why does nobody ever start on the stage and finish up in the audience? Get on that, choreographers. It's nice to see her doing something with a tempo for once, though, and she mostly pulls it off except for one big note near the end. Jennifer gushes about how good she is, Steven says everything she does is beautiful, and Randy of course has to talk about how he worked on the original recording before going on about Jessica's maturity and how she's "gotta have it." Ryan joins Jessica onstage and pretty much accuses her of lying about her age.
After the ads, Ryan promotes the brand-new Twitter hashtag #gottahaveit, then greets some people in the audience (including Tommy Hilfiger and his boss Nigel Lythgoe, whom he tells to get a haircut) before throwing it to Phillip and Elise, who are doing a duet of "Stop Dragging My Heart Around" by Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty. Clearly Phil doesn't get to pick his own clothes for the duets, because they've stuffed him into a tan sports coat that he looks like he's trying to slither out of. They sound good together, though. Best duet so far, not that that's a high bar. Randy welcomes Elise back, like this counts. Jennifer wanted to be them, and Steven thought it was beautiful. Steven may not actually have been listening. I mean, I thought it was good, but not in a beautiful way.
On to Hollie, who says this is the first time she's been away from home this long. That's probably the case for most of the finalists. She misses her puppy Shankley, who appears to have become a fully-grown bruiser since she left home. Then she's starstruck by Gwen and the other guy. Her song is "Flashdance...What a Feeling." Jimmy reveals that he passed on the soundtrack back in the day, which should disqualify him from giving any advice on it. Gwen tells her to sing it confidently, and Tony basically tells her not to overthink it like Jimmy says she usually does.
Coming back to the auditorium, Ryan needs to stall for a minute while they finish setting up the keyboard (good luck performing that archetypal eighties tune without the full synth), so he talks to Hollie about having more fun in her performances, which she claims to be doing. "I was going to ask who you're wearing but it looks like we're ready," Ryan concludes. The song starts, and you know how there's always parts cut out? Hollie doesn't cut a damn note out of the ballad-y beginning, of course.
But then the song picks up and she gets into it, strutting around and working the judges' table and belting out the big notes. The judges seem moderately pleased at the end, but the audience is particularly loud. Steven tells her that her pitch was all over the place. "You got there at the end, but it took a while to get there." Jennifer sees that Hollie is trying to listen to all the advice she's getting, but needs to relax already. Randy agrees that she needs to stop thinking so much. At this point, if Hollie makes it back week, she'll just say fuck it and show up drunk. But if you ever want to see an example of Hollie not letting go, just watch her refusing to lose her shit while Ryan gives the voting instructions.
Joshua and Jessica sing "I Knew You Were Waiting" by George Michael and Aretha Franklin, which is oddly appropriate. In fact, they might have a single on their hands. And as I write that, these duets become embarrassing for a whole new reason. The judges are on their feet again after that one. Randy of course has to say he worked on the original, and says that was one of the greatest performances ever on the show. Jennifer wonders if she's looking at the final two, and Steven says it defies judging. Good thing they're not being judged, then. Ryan asks Joshua what he said to Jessica during the break, and Joshua dodges the question before lying that he said she'd better rock it. Mind your business, Haircut.
Speaking of haircuts, Colton talks about how he's usually doing facepainting at sporting events this time of year. Glamorous! He's singing "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper, but the loud emo version that came out a few years ago, obviously. Gwen and Tony love the song so much that they say they put it on every time they write songs, and Gwen even harmonizes with him on one chorus. Colton interviews that he wanted to ask her to sing it live with him, but then didn't for some reason. Couldn't have hurt to ask, right?
Anyway, he goes out onstage and sings the song to an audience that's clearly never heard the Quietdrive cover he's slavishly reproducing, so this is totally new to them. The judges look pretty underwhelmed, except by the ringer Colton brought in to play the drums, but they have nothing but good things to say when it's time for their remarks. Especially about the drummer. Ryan joins Colton to mention the arrangement and then asks the question he says is on everyone's mind: "Foil or one-step?" Very knowledgeable question about Colton's new hair color. To his credit, Colton gives a shout-out to Quietdrive for the arrangement. Minneapolis represent!