We begin with a long, emotional rehash of Shannon's departure at the end of last week, edited as though she's been killed instead of coming in eleventh on American Idol. Only the music for this segment, Billy Joel's "And So It Goes," seems to have any perspective (unless it's intended as a Slaughterhouse Five reference), as the onscreen titles talk about the remaining top ten like they're the survivors of some horrible massacre. Which will actually be happening in slow motion over the two months.
Ryan's dressed up his standard Wednesday night three-piece suit with an actual tie tonight, as he tells us that Billy Joel also just happens to be tonight's theme. Ryan asks for Steven's opinion on Billy Joel, having sung with him, and Steven says, "If you can't sing Billy Joel, you can't sing at all." The perfect proving ground, then. Ryan says that for Billy Joel week, Jimmy Iovine brought in as his co-mentor...Diddy. Because that makes perfect sense.
But when we start with DeAndre's intro reel, the first mentor he meets with is the one for style -- yep, Tommy Hilfiger. Tommy makes DeAndre take his hair down, and from there he and the Idol stylist talk about creating a look. Whatever, it's content-free and no one cares. Then on to the studio, where DeAndre meets Jimmy and Diddy to rehearse "Only the Good Die Young." DeAndre is pretty down after last week, and the mentors tell him to cheer the song up already. Diddy tells him to think about it in terms of all the expensive stuff in young Billy Joel's life, because he's Diddy.
After they're done getting all method with him, DeAndre comes out onstage, entering through a silhouette of himself that splits open to admit him. He sings all bouncy and jazzy and not really stretching, but the song doesn't really call for much stretching, so what's he going to do? The audience loves it, though. Steven says of the song's title, "I guess that's why you and I are still here, Randy." Jennifer thinks he did a good job, and Randy thought it was good but not great, which earns Randy a wave of boos. Apparently DeAndre stacked the stands tonight. After the ads, DeAndre says backstage that you can't please everybody. When did "not great" become "bad?"
From there, we catch up with Erika telling Jimmy and Diddy that she's singing "New York State of Mind." They tell her to hold back on the oversinging, like any of the judges have accused anyone of that, ever. With Tommy Hilfiger, she talks about being a fan of Pink, so he suggests a "punk cut" for her. And thus she goes right to the hair salon, where something drastic does indeed appear to be happening.
Sure enough, when she shows up onstage, she's sporting an extremely ill-advised, black, side-parted 'do that's one tiny mustache away from making her look like Hitler. It's so distracting I completely forget to listen to her sing. Randy says he loves the look, and that Jennifer didn't even recognize her at first. Randy's only advice is that "those that can do, should," by which he basically means go ahead and oversing a little. See? Jennifer's remarks are interrupted by a small cheering section (that's going to happen a lot tonight -- they're small, but they're coordinated), but she recovers and says she also wanted to see a little more. Steven agrees, "I think you wore it like beautiful." At least I think that means he agrees. Ryan compares Erika's new look to the "Sanjaya ponyhawk" in terms of a tonsorial transformation, and reports that Twitter seems to love it. I'll be looking for corroboration on that later. And coming back from the ads, Erika says she felt great about the performance and wants America to believe in her, "like I believe in myself." I'm not believing in the haircut yet, okay?
Joshua shows Tommy Hilfiger the black outfit he's picked out, but Tommy wants to upgrade him to a tuxedo, black tie. But then where is he supposed to go from there, is my question. We learn that Joshua's a size 40 but likes to wear a 38, which Tommy agrees will make him look like an experienced superstar. So far I've pretty much noticed that Joshua likes to wear jackets that are too small. Moving on to the music room, Jimmy brags to Diddy about the email they got from Percy Sledge about Joshua's performance last week. This show is going to be milking that for weeks. The rehearsal doesn't seem to go all that well, until Diddy tells Joshua to get his head back in the game.
Finally, Josh appears on a foggy, red-lit stage, sitting backwards on a chair in what looks like the black-on-black outfit that Tommy advised him against, not that I disapprove. His version of "She's Got a Way" starts slowly, but eventually Joshua's up on his feet, and a gospel choir issues forth on the stage, and of course there's the obligatory big finish. Randy makes Jennifer go first, and she talks about the need to really feel Billy Joel's lyrics. She's not saying he didn't do that, but she kind of is. Steven somehow didn't know the song before, but says Joshua really brought it to life. Randy says... they're both right. Careful out on that limb, dawg.
Skylar walks into the mentoring session and is completely starstruck to see Diddy there, to the point of not being able to function for several minutes. She's singing "Shameless," which Diddy says seems forced at first, but he gives her a big hug when she dials it back into her zone. And then she asks for his autograph. In the session with Tommy, he pays a lot of attention to her boots and decides to build her look around her country footwear.
For the performance, she starts out sitting on the edge of the stage, surrounded by dudes awkwardly clapping along. Then she does a little blocking with the steel guitar player and -- wait, isn't this a Garth Brooks song? I guess I didn't knew Billy Joel wrote it. After she's done, Randy asks if she was thinking about the Brad Paisley recording, and she reminds him of the "Garth" version, which he had totally forgotten about. Randy doesn't say it's her best, but it was pretty good. Jennifer likes Skylar's "attack," and how she wins over the audience every time. Steven likes her conviction and agrees with Randy about some pitch issues at the beginning, but overall they though it was good. After the judging, Skylar admits to Ryan that it was tricky at the beginning with the low part, but it was worth it to keep the key down there in order to preserve the high part later on. And she's probably absolutely right, competitively if not artistically.
The songs are getting more obscure, as Elise is doing "Vienna." Jimmy's worried about her singing something nobody's ever heard before, especially after seeing her in the bottom three last week. Diddy's willing to work with it, though, and she seems to convince them with her rehearsal. Clothes-wise, Tommy thinks Elise is too layered, and after making her take some stuff off in a way he thinks isn't creepy, he advises her to try some high-waisted bell bottoms. Oh, dear. We see Elise checking out a pair, but she ends up taking the stage in a long dress and vest instead.
She sings great, as always, doing the best version of "Vienna" I've ever heard, complete with a big showy run there at the end that brings the judges to their feet. She's taking no chances this week. Steven gushes that she was beautiful, Jennifer's happy for her, and Randy says he likes everyone tonight so far, and that Elise is probably the only singer he knows who could sing that run. So then, just to stretch out the special moment, Ryan invites two of Elise's teenaged students, Mary and Mackenzie, up to share the stage for a few moments. Are we running short or something? Actually, Ryan threatens to make the show three hours tonight. If he does I'll sue.
Phil's out onstage with Ryan to talk about his old gig at the family pawn shop. Ryan tries to give Phil a chance to riff on the stuff people pawn, which doesn't really fly, even when Phil throws babies in there. So on to the session with Tommy, where fashion mogul tells the finalist who dresses the most like me, "Not to be rude, but I think you need some help." Phil modestly says he wants to keep it simple, which Tommy ascribes to fear and timidity, and he thinks Phil's drab clothes are going to cost him votes. I know everyone has to justify their existence, but shut up, Tommy. We then see Phil practicing "Movin' Out" for the mentors, and he's clearly thrown when Diddy asks him to put the guitar down, and then tries to make him groove a little while he sings, and then props a bunch of girls up in front of him to sing to. Apparently it's Phuck with Phil week.
But then, onstage, Phil is dressed the way he always is, playing his guitar while he sings, and just generally being Phil Phillips despite everyone's efforts to the contrary. Shut up, all y'all. Because he totally pulls it off. Regarding the angry growl he throws in at the end, Jennifer says that seemed like it was directed at his mentors, which Phil doesn't deny. Steven says he "Phillip Phillipsed it," and gives Phillip props for being himself, although he throws him one of his own glitter scarves. Randy runs down the list of expert advice Phil ignored and repeats, "Those that do, should," and congratulates him on knowing who he is. Ryan comes out and suggests Phillip give the scarf to a girl up front, which Phillip does a few moments after Ryan tries to start a conversation about him about whether he considered a different look. Phil mumbles that he wants to put the music first, maaaan. He had me up until then. Like Rush says, if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
Ryan has Hollie and a crazy new outfit up onstage to watch a video greeting from her brother, after her father's emotional display from last week. "Because it's really embarrassing and he should be ashamed," Hollie's brother says in a totally American accent, warning her not to crack so as not to embarrass the family dog, Shankley. We flash back to Jimmy's comment last week that Hollie was dressed like an old lady for her performance, with which Tommy totally agrees. So in her session with Tommy, they talk about sequins and sparkles and crap, which Hollie loves. Now on to the song. She's singing "Honesty," which Jimmy implies isn't really a fit for the naïve, innocent vibe Hollie seems to be working. So she brings it down a notch, which seems to work better, at least in rehearsal.
And then onstage, she's up on a pedestal wearing one of my grandmother's cream-colored pantsuits with the jacket hacked up, over a silver bustier. So at least part of her is dressed younger, but not younger enough. She does manage to infuse some soul and feeling into her performance, which is what Jimmy and Diddy were most worried about. Uncharacteristically, though she misses a long, slow note near the end. Jennifer applauds politely. Steven says she's one of their grand singers, but this time she was a little pitchy and seemed to be overthinking it. Jennifer says she needs to know all the notes, especially with her voice. Randy defends their role of giving constructive criticism, and then tells her to tune up the vocals a bit. Ryan comes out to join her, at first attempting to be on her level by standing on a chair to the pedestal she's still standing on. "Ryan, how silly!" Randy scolds before Ryan awkwardly steps back down to the stage and helps her down to his side. Hollie admits that it was a tough week and she was just learning the song, but hopes it was enough. We'll see. I'm sure she'll be fine. No more pantsuits and silver bustiers, though, Tommy, seriously.
Ryan welcomes us back from his spot in the audience, going from a pair of jumping, shrieking, sign-waving girls to Haley Reinhart, who's in the audience and who will be performing tomorrow night, like I'm supposed to know who she is (yes, I figured out that she's a Season 10 contestant, don't email me). Time to check in with Heejun, who says he's singing "My Life," but from the sounds the piano's making in rehearsal with Jimmy and Diddy, it sounds more like "Just the Way You Are." He's wearing a "HEEJUN WE LOVE YOU" shirt as Jimmy asks him about the sucky night he had last week. He admits that he got his first criticism last week, in case you hadn't already figured out that his modest shtick is all part of the act. Jimmy and Diddy basically tell him to use it, like anyone ever criticizes them any more. Diddy gives Heejun a hug, and interviews that he doesn't know if Heejun is an actor or a con man. "I don't even know if he's Asian."
Then it's on to the meeting with Tommy, who falls back on the standard question he's been asking a lot of the finalists, namely who their favorite musical style icon is. Mine's David Bowie, so it's just as well Tommy didn't ask me because I'd come out looking less "Thin White Duke" than "Doughy White Puke." But straight-faced, Heejun tells him, "Jessica Sanchez." "I think Heejun was testing me," Tommy interviews. He leaves unspoken the follow-up clause, which is: "And if my incredible power extended to any sphere he gave half a shit about, I would crush him." When Tommy presses him, Heejun also names Madonna and Michael Bolton, and tells us, "I'm just going to wear anything they give me." Heejun says he likes what Tommy's wearing, but Tommy's done with him, and says Heejun needs to find his own style. What he leaves unspoken this time is this: "Now get the fuck out of my sight." Advantage: Han.
Heejun starts out onstage to the piano in a cheesy tux and knit hat for what looks like another one of his ballads, but then he stops the pianist and says it's too slow, "And I wanna dance!" Then he rips off the jacket and shirt to reveal a t-shirt over another shirt. And he doesn't exactly dance so much as trot around and in front of the stage. It's pretty loungy and goofy, including the part where he sings directly to each of the judges. Nice to see he can sing something with a tempo, but he doesn't exactly nail all the notes. Nobody cares, he's not going anywhere as long as he keeps fulfilling his primary role of preventing the show from getting boring. Which makes him the Anti-Ryan.
Jennifer says it was "a breath of fresh air" after all the ballads tonight, but agrees with me that it was a little off vocally in places. Steven has started calling Heejun "Hee-man," but is briefly lost for words. Finally he demands, "Are you happy that you took the piss out of that song?" He tries to soften it, but he's clearly a bit irritated at Heejun for not taking this all more seriously. Randy says it was entertaining, but mostly he was glad to see Heejun having a good time despite the vocal issues. Yeah, it's not really a singing competition for Heejun any more. He and Ryan banter some more, and Heejun's remarks include an observation on how big the stage turned out to be and how he's never doing a whole lap around it again. Then he messes up the blocking while Ryan tries to do the voting instructions. Don't distract from your numbers, Heejun!
Jessica's turn, and she's all excited about meeting Tommy Hilfiger, who tells her to shorten the dress she's planning on wearing. Also not at all creepy. She's also excited to meet Diddy, and her song is "Everybody Has a Dream." She shouts it at first in rehearsal, and Diddy tells her that he's not buying it and she needs to cut back on the tricks and the vibrato. Jimmy has Jessica try singing it directly to Diddy, which seems to work. Jessica comes out with her dress just above the knee and sings the song well, taking her time and starting out solid, saving the big showy stuff for the end. Another standing O from the judges for that one. Steven says she's gone beyond his judging, and thanks her for letting him hear her sing. Glad you could make it, Steven. Jennifer says it's like the song was written for her, and Randy reminds us again that after eleven seasons (did you know Randy's been on the show for eleven seasons?), he's seen that consistency is required to win, and that Jessica has a moment every week. He adds that the mentors were also right on. "That was perfection." Ryan comes out and gives the voting instructions before going to ads.
Colton meets with Tommy, and says he wants to create his own style. Colton uses the words "edgy," "punk rock," and "military," all of which is more specific than anything we've heard from Tommy tonight. Tommy makes Colton take off his hat, which has made his hair look like crap. Tommy's worried about that, and says they'll look at it after the outfit. "I hate that he immediately discredited it," Colton interviews afterward. Tommy Hilfiger is making a lot of enemies today, isn't he? Colton then meets with Jimmy and Diddy and says he's doing "Piano Man," because he hasn't been near a piano for two weeks and he misses it. Besides, with "Piano Man" you're a lock for the episode's final song. He seems to do well with it in rehearsal, though there's some discussion about Colton's idea of changing the note on the "man" in "piano man."
Live, Colton plays it on a red piano, otherwise unaccompanied for the first half, encircled by a cage of spotlights. He makes it as sad as he can, as always, with all of his trademark vocal breaks that translate to "vulnerable," until the band kicks in at the key change. Wait, key change? Never mind, he pulls it off all right. As for the note he was going to change, he kind of ends up halfway between changing it and not. It's hard to describe without a musical transcription in front of me, you know? Jennifer talks about her "goosies" and almost refers to "Diddy" as "Puffy," which I suppose was his name when they were dating. She almost let the whole episode go by without reminding us that happened, didn't she? That was a close one. Steven says, "Your choice of chords when your voice resolved was stunning." Randy's favorite part was Colton's conversation with Tommy about being an individual, although he also likes what he did with the song, and his hair, which Colton is wearing in the usual way. Ryan asks Colton about his thoughts right before he started, which took a little while, and Colton says something about God. God always gets lots of votes.
Recap of tonight's performances, and then Ryan's out onstage with the top ten, asking the judges who were tonight's standouts. They all list Jessica, Elise, Phil, and Colton, although in different orders. Ryan opens the voting lines and tries to sign off while Phil and Heejun goof off behind him. Ryan's efforts to join in are... not convincing.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.