There are eleven finalists with one common dream a lifetime in the making, according to the pre-credit titles. And they all have baby pictures, too. But, the titles add, "One dream will end." The dream of some lazy titles writer, I hope.
Out come the judges, each of them wearing a different form of Christmas giftwrapping (Randy in red plaid, Steven in red and black, Jennifer in a gold sheath with big stars on it). Ryan comes out onstage to remind us that Jermaine was eliminated last night, tonight will have performances by Daughtry and Demi Lovato, and there'll be the "outcome" of tonight's vote, although he doesn't say whether anything will be done about it. The top eleven are out on the stage on their bleacher-couches, but the most urgent order of business is to show the photos from Jennifer's new spread in Vogue. Jennifer adds that she also has a new single and video coming out March 29, because she knows we've all been looking forward to that.
Then we learn that Tommy Hilfiger is going to be the show's new "image advisor." He's on video talking about his "rock star cool brand" before going on about style and image and all that other stuff that real music fans don't care about, maaaan. But it'll be good to have a name to attach to some of the contestants' more ridiculous outfits from now on.
Coming back, Ryan reminds us that the Top Eleven are waiting to hear which one of them gets axed tonight and thus cut from the Top Ten tour -- provided, of course, the judges don't use the "Save" that they're allowed to use once in the season up until the top five. When did this show get so complicated? After this week's embarrassing music video, which features the Top 12 (including Jermaine) acting like ghosts and ghost hunters in a haunted house, Ryan calls the following to the front: Phillip, Skylar, Elise and Joshua. Four safe people?
During the clips from last night of Phil's performance and judge feedback, Jimmy gives credit for playing hurt, just days after kidney stone surgery. He should have surgery every week and he'll skate right through. Jimmy maintains that the song Skylar chose wasn't the best one for her, but thinks she'll do better week. He goes on and on about how great Elise was, and then we see clips of Joshua passing out his crawfish after the show last night. Speaking of Joshua, Jimmy was also really impressed with him, saying it was his turn to have the big moment Jessica had last week, but he's expecting a third frontrunner week.
Back in the studio, Ryan points out Jimmy, who's in the audience for once, and warns that he's seen the tapes and it'll get "interesting." Don't tease me. Ryan then reads an email from Percy Sledge about how proud he is of Joshua. After that Ryan's attempt to fake Joshua out when the lights go down is doomed to failure: "Pack your bags...for the summer tour." Ryan then turns to Phillip, and tells him he's safe too. Phillip goes over to sit with Joshua on the stools at stage left. That leaves Elise and Skylar, one of whom is somehow in the bottom three -- and it's Elise again. Skylar goes to sit with Joshua and Phillip, but Elise looks a little irritated as she heads over to the loser-stools at stage right, where she'll be sitting on her own for a while.
Ryan introduces Demi Lovato, who is singing "Give Your Heart a Break." I'm glad Ryan's here to tell me the names of the songs, because I've never heard this one before and honestly hope to never hear it again. That is all.
After we've survived that, Ryan reminds us that Joshua, Phillip and Skylar are locks for the Top Ten tour, while Elise "is in jeopardy this evening." Ryan calls Colton, Shannon, Jessica and DeAndre to center stage. More of a mixed group this time.
We again get to hear all three the judges once again tell DeAndre that Jimmy gave him the wrong song, and after the performance, DeAndre says that if he goes home in eleventh place, he's going to cry "and you're going to get it on camera." They always do. In Jimmy's clip, he rather defensively explains the song choice process: the singer brings in three songs, which the mentors listen to, and if they don't work they make a suggestion, but it's ultimately up to the singer. Jimmy says DeAndre picked "Endless Love" on his own and did better with it in rehearsal than on the show. "This isn't tee-ball. Not everybody gets a trophy and an orange slice." Does that even still happen in tee-ball? As for Steven's comments about Colton picking the wrong song, Jimmy agrees and recognizes that Steven's going to be hard on a fellow rock singer, but says that Randy's comments made no sense (we see Randy's offended reaction to this in picture-in-picture, as though nobody's ever told him he's never not incoherent). Jimmy thinks Shannon pushed too hard, but agrees with Randy about Shannon's potential. He also backs Jessica's decision to do an up-tempo song, but dings her for losing her breath and her rhythm after her big scream.
Back live, Randy explains that the song only doesn't matter if they sing the "I-don't-know-what out of it." That's like the fourth time in two night's Randy has used that phrase. Are they not allowed to say "heck," or "crud," or "fuck" on the air? What has this nation come to? The lights come down, and Ryan just can't stop fucking with Colton, saying his obscure song choice last night "has cost you... being away from your family this summer because you're going on tour." Colton doesn't know whether to hug Ryan or put him in a headlock, so he lands somewhere in between. As Colton heads over to stage left, Ryan turns to DeAndre -- but then makes him wait while he tells Jessica that she's safe too. That leaves either DeAndre or Shannon in the bottom three, and DeAndre is safe. So there's Shannon, over to join Elise in the bottom three area. I don't think the camera caught quite enough of DeAndre crying.
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After the ads, Ryan tries to be all rocker, pumping his fists as he introduces Daughtry with their new single "Out of My Head." Which is better than "Give your Heart a Break," I have to say. But didn't his voice used to be deeper than this? I don't know, I'm no expert on Chris Daughtry, but I'm a little disappointed not to see him manhandle the mic stand like he used to. After he's done, Ryan joins him onstage and helps him plug his upcoming tour before going to commercials. Or, I should say, different commercials.
Nobody's left on the couches but Erika, Heejun and Hollie, and they're all called to the front to face judgment at last. Jimmy says Hollie was fantastic, but complains about the old-lady dress they put her in. Nice one, Hilfiger. Jimmy then goes on to say there's about to be an "Asian pop music explosion," (I think they might have already had some of those, in Asia) but doesn't know if Heejun's going to be part of it unless he tries something different, and soon. As for Erika, Jimmy talks about the trap of oversinging, and Randy's picture-in-picture reaction is back as Jimmy gets defensive about his arrangement. Coming back, Randy says Jimmy's done well, but Erika just needed to sing the song. Jimmy: "I love the jacket, Randy." And there's Randy in his place.
The lights come down, and Ryan tells Hollie that she's... safe. That means either Erika or Heejun is about to round out the bottom three, and it's Erika. So Heejun's safe as well, and we've got an all-female bottom three, made up of Elise, Shannon and Erika.
The judges don't agree with who's in there, particularly Elise. They talk on and on about how awesome Elise was without saying a word about Shannon or Erika, so it's not exactly a surprise when Ryan says he's going to send one of them over to the winners on stage left... and it's Elise. So that leaves Shannon and Erika in limbo until we come back. I think I like the "no particular order" thing they do on The X Factor better.
After the ads, Ryan says that of Shannon and Erika, one of them will go on tour, and one is "at risk" of going home tonight. Then he announces that Erika is safe, so Shannon has to "sing for her life." Ryan hands her the mic, and she sings "One Sweet Day" again. They have to do the same song? I think I just found something else I like better about The X Factor. She starts out strong, with a nice vibrato, but again the big notes trip her up. She's gone. She knows it. Her parents in the audience know it. Ryan knows it, but he still asks the judges if they're going to use their save tonight, and Randy says that "unfortunately" they're not. Yeah, wise to save it until they need it.
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Ryan gives Shannon credit for giving it her all "those last few seconds," which is some awesomely fake praise right there. He plays her exit reel, which hopefully is the last usage of the "hot, humid and happening" clip, and then Ryan has to pull Shannon out of the herd to let her thank the fans, and we're out. I think I'll miss Shannon's mom most of all.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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