Jermaine Under the Circumstances

S11E19

Ryan looks oddly rueful, alone on an empty stage as he reports that with the help of law enforcement, they've "discovered information that left us with no choice but to eliminate one of our finalists from the competition." He reminds us that anything can happen on a live show -- but not Ryan skipping his bouncy intro phrase, "This is American Idol!" That's the one thing that'll never happen. Ever.

After the credits and the traditional noisy entrance of the judges and the host to the cheering audience, Ryan reminds us that yes, someone got eliminated, but what's much more interesting is that tonight's theme is songs from the year the contestants were born, which means they'll date "from 1983 all the way to 1995." I'm obviously not the only one who feels old as a result of that comment. Ryan also promises some baby photos, and starts off with a picture of toddler Randy Jackson in a bow tie that he'd look better in tonight than yet another Richie Cunningham sweater; Jennifer, looking nondescript in the Bronx some time in the early '70s; and a Matthew Brady daguerreotype of a toothy young Steven Tyler. Randy cues an embarrassing photo from Ryan's toddlerhood as well. Is this really the first time we've seen that picture?

So let's start getting into some origin stories. We learn that Phil Phillips was born September 20, 1990, weeks before his due date. He nearly died of a dead bowel section (?) as a baby, so he's lucky to be here. He also seems as though he feels lucky to meet this week's mentor with Jimmy Iovine, will.i.am. But now he's facing kidney stone surgery the night of the rehearsal. Let's hope he wins this whole competition so he can one day afford an entire abdomen transplant. But he does well at practice, and Mr. am seems impressed after the fact, even though he's pretty impassive to Phil's face.

Phil hits the stage with "Hard to Handle," which, I have to remind myself, is the 1990 Black Crowes remake. I am so old. He's without his guitar tonight, but most of the band is out there with him, including the whole horn section out on the apron. He sounds good, considering. Randy is impressed with how good he sounds after having surgery just last Thursday, Jennifer loved it and Steven compliments him on picking songs that match his voice. "Watch the melody but keep it up, man." But which one of those pieces of advice should Phil follow?

There are tons of photos of Jessica, who, according to her mom, used to cry until she fainted. Hence the lungs she has today, probably. She rehearses "Turn the Beat Around," by Gloria Estefan of course. Are they all going to do remakes tonight just to rub it in? Will.i.am is much more effusive about her than he was about Phil, chair-dancing madly and going so far as to call her a "swaggernaut." Jessica's also sharing the stage with the band, including a whole string section. You know, the last time I heard this song on American Idol is was being sung by Carmen Rasmussen. I'd have to say this version is better. At one point the band stops so she can say, "Y'all ready?" as per will.i.am's suggestion, and she pulls it off like she did then.

By M. Giant

Steven says she should stick to ballads, but compliments her voice and her mirrored pants. Jennifer thought it was a little off rhythm-wise and Randy says she's great but gives some pretty specific things for her to work on. Ryan asks her to compare this week to last week, and she admits that it was tough picking a song from her year and promises to pick a better song time, if she gets to stay. She probably doesn't need to worry.

The interview with Heejun's parents has to be subtitled because they don't seem to speak English. Mama Han claims credit for his sense of humor, while Papa Han says that whenever Heejun's on stage he prays his son won't make mistakes. Proud parents. In rehearsal with Jimmy and will, Heejun works on his singing accent and gets will.i.am's autograph, asking for Fergie's phone number while he's at it. Heejun's song is "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx, and his pitch is pretty shaky. Plus his accent is back, even after he claimed Jimmy "fixed" it. Also, and I can't decide how relevant this is, I don't think his glasses have any lenses in them.

Randy says Heejun is usually better, and seemed short of breath, plus it was the wrong song for him. But, you know, other than that. Jennifer gives him credit for fighting through it, and says she felt his heart. Steven does Jennifer one better by reaching out and grabbing it out of Heejun's chest and showing it to him while it's still beating. No, he just says he could also tell Heejun was having trouble, but he still likes Heejun's voice. Ryan asks Heejun who he was thinking about during what was obviously an emotional performance, and after trying to dodge the question, Heejun confesses to having a girlfriend. Uh-oh, he's doomed with the voting public. And then, when he jokes that he was also thinking about Jennifer and Fergie, he's doomed with his girlfriend. This would be a very bad week for him to get kicked off of American Idol. Ryan tells us that DeAndre and Elise are , so I guess we know at least five people who weren't eliminated. Unless they're going to find out onstage later, with the rest of us.

When Elise sings it for real on the stage, she starts out by sitting on the piano all Fabulous Baker Boys until the band kicks in. She sounds much better than last week, squarely back in her comfort zone. Steven says both he and his aunt Sonja both love her voice, as if he and his aunt Sonja aren't the same person. Jennifer only has good things to say, and Randy says Elise is back. Elise tries to set Ryan up with her cousin in the audience, which takes away a little time from Elise's voting instructions.

DeAndre was born in 1994, and according to the photos he was always into crazy hair. He was dependent on wigs at first, but you can see the pattern. His mom also shares a home video of DeAndre dancing in front of The Music Man while wearing a miniature drum major's uniform. At least DeAndre has the sense to be embarrassed by it now. He's singing "Can You Feel the Love," but will isn't convinced that's the best song. So Jimmy brings up yet another remake, the Luther Vandross/Mariah Carey version of "Endless Love." DeAndre sings it to the camera like it's not a duet, and his voice sounds pretty and he's got this shy smile and he's clearly ready for the cover of Non-Threatening Male.

Jennifer says he can sing anything, and he sang it beautifully, but that Jimmy and will.i.am kind of screwed him with the song choice. Steven and Randy agree with Jennifer, with Randy saying it was dull by comparison to the version. They keep going on right through the music and Ryan's entrance, and when Ryan asks how he felt about this song, DeAndre confesses to having dreaded this theme since the start of the season. "No pun intended," Ryan says, referring to DeAndre's long hair, which is not in dreads. Not to worry, no pun accomplished.

So Shannon is 16, born October 21, 1995. We hear about how young Shannon tormented her professional baseball pitcher father with the "Thumbelina" song. During the mentoring session, Jimmy plays her a No Doubt song on some phone he has to shamelessly plug on-camera, but she ends up picking "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boys II Men. will.i.am tells her to sing it lying down to improve her breath control. We see her practicing on her back, but tonight, on the stage, she performs it in the upright and locked position. Which is good, because if she were lying down the stage fog would obscure her entirely.

She sounds lots better than she did last week, and the judges seem both impressed and relieved that she pulled it off. Steven says he does her best when she doesn't try so hard, like Steven knows anything about not trying. Randy of course has to remind us that he worked with Mariah, and he was worried about this, but Shannon pulled it off. Ryan comes out and thanks Shannon, "for wearing flats tonight." I'm pretty sure she's the only one of them who is, as he puts her head on her shoulder.

Colton's up , and before he sings, we learn that he's become Twitter buddies with Chris Daughtry, and they even had dinner IRL the other night. There's a Twitpic of the two of them and everything. Colton says Daughtry advised him to be himself and pick songs people know, "Which I'm going to put into effect week." His dad and hot mom tell us all about how supportive they were when Colton gave up baseball for music, and his 1991 song is "Broken Heart" by White Lion. Which nobody has ever heard before, including the American Idol band, but after working with him, will.i.am says it will now be a Colton song. Sure, because he'll be the only person most people have ever heard singing it. And yeah, I'm not familiar with this song either, but from listening to it, I think I would have been able to peg the year without knowing anything about it, if you know what I mean.

Colton does fine with it, but I don't think it's coming back any time soon. Jennifer babbles about Colton's emotionality and says he looks pretty when he sings. Randy has to pretend not to have noticed that, because of how we straight guys are all TOTALLY BLIND to good-looking men. But when he asks for corroboration from Steven, all he gets is a mini-rant from him about how it was the wrong song for him. Steven clearly had that one in the chamber already. Randy says the song didn't matter, because it was about Colton. So clearly Randy thought he looked pretty after all.

Erika was born in 1985, and according to Mama Van Pelt, was loud from then on. She practices "Heaven" by Bryan Adams, to which Jimmy adds a big dramatic break for no reason. Erika starts out singing in front of a vertigo-inducing projection of a staircase, and wrings all the power-ballad cheese out of the song that she possibly can, which is a lot. And that break doesn't work quite as well live as it did in rehearsal.

The judges seem pretty quiet after that. Steven says she was a little busy, "But I still like your voice." You know, I used to judge high school speech tournaments, and when we couldn't think of anything positive to say, we'd write down, "Good eye contact." On American Idol, "I still like your voice" is "Good eye contact." Jennifer also didn't love the arrangement, but likes Erika's look tonight. Which Erika can enjoy in the reflection from Jennifer's forehead. Randy gives her an eight out of ten and says it didn't need all the arrangement futzing. Is there a feud brewing between the judges and Jimmy Iovine? And if so, what's the point if they're never in the same room?

By M. Giant

Ryan breaks the news that the person who had to be eliminated due information from law enforcement was Jermaine Jones. So the poor guy's been yanked twice now. Ryan cues a clip of Jermaine being called into an office with the executive producers, where he sits on a couch across from Ken Warwick and Nigel Lythgoe. Apparently Jermaine's been charged a couple of times with giving a false name to the police. Which for some may raise the question, why was he giving false names to the police, or even being asked for his name by the police in the first place? We don't get into that, so I suppose it could be anything from being a not-so-gentle giant to traffic stops to walking while black. All we know for sure is that there are four active warrants out on him. The problem, as the producers tell Jermaine, is that he didn't tell them up front. Like there's anything they would have done differently. They also bring up a fight that led to charges, but Jermaine downplays that as more of a "disagreement" that coincided with him "falling down an escalator." He's quite calm and abashed through all this, as though he has any choice in a room full of cameras and any number of other people just outside of frame that Ken and Nigel may have brought in as backup in case he went all DMX on them. Nigel says they can't have anyone with warrants on the show, and they cut him loose. He takes it well and thanks them for the opportunity. I'm glad we're not there when his mom gets the news. But we still get to hear him sing; they show a bit of his rehearsal of "Somewhere Out There," recorded on Tuesday afternoon. Dude sounded good, too.

By M. Giant

And that's how they fill the five minutes that would have been spent showing Jermaine's giant baby pictures, towering over will.i.am, singing, and then towering over Ryan. Don't ask me how they're going to fill the three hours they were going to spend in a few weeks eliminating him.

Coming back, Ryan reminisces that in 1994, Aerosmith was having a hit with

Get a Grip, and Skylar was born. She's onstage with Ryan as she tells the judges, "Y'all are bein' mean!" But she says that everyone backstage is taking the criticism in the spirit in which it's intended. Or, at least they are in front of Skylar We learn that she's been a head-banger since birth, and the proof is in baby photos with a scabbed-up face she used to hit the sidewalk with. Her song is "Love Sneaking Up on You" by Bonnie Raitt, but the mentors have got some other suggestions for her, including a Coolio song that will.i.am brings up. I hope he's kidding. I also hope he's kidding when he tries to coin the term "ghountry," which he says means "ghetto country" but sounds to me more like a tree that shoots people. But Skylar sticks with her original choice, despite 1994 being my favorite year for country music. Of course, will.i.am advises her to keep the Coolio in mind, and then the editors paste of a picture of Skylar with Coolio's braids Photoshopped onto her head. It's more flattering than funny, and it's not flattering.

There's the recap of tonight's performances, which tells me that I would rank the singers tonight much differently than I would have last week. That helps keep things interesting, at least. Ryan asks Randy who's safest and who might be in trouble. Randy names Joshua and Heejun, respectively, but names a lot of other people who were good. Jennifer agrees that Joshua is the safest, and Hollie and Phillip were great, but dodges the question of who's going home. Steven calls Joshua "our Jessica this week," also mentioning Jessica, Skylar, Elise and Phil, but he pulls a Jennifer on the question of who's going home. Sucks to be Heejun, though. Ryan promises that tomorrow there will be "exciting Jennifer Lopez news," so I can't wait to cover that. And let's hope for Joshua's sake that he's not so safe that nobody thinks they have to vote for him.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.

By M. Giant

Wrapping it up tonight is Hollie Cavanaugh, who was born July 5, 1993. Her dad's a bit of a cutup, and British, which explains a lot, as does her mom's Lillipudlian accent. She's singing a Celine Dion song, and the power of her voice amazes will.i.am, who asks if she has amplifiers in her pockets. No, she's just happy to see you. She wades across the stage fog to sing "The Power of Love," with the little-girl-big-voice paradigm in full effect, as always, and the band's even rocking it up a little. I don't care for this song, but she does an impressive and great, if not completely flawless job, which is pretty much what the judges say. Just her bad luck to have to follow Joshua, really. From the audience, Hollie's brother makes a "so-so gesture. A whole family of wacky types, clearly.