By M. Giant
We open on Heejun, which is a bold choice in itself. He tells us he just woke up on a bus to Vegas (and indeed, that's where he seems to be), but isn't sure if he's still dreaming. And because it's Heejun, it still sounds like the saddest thing you ever heard .We're reminded that he and the rest of his passengers made it through "multiple eliminations in Hollywood," and a number on the screen counts down from over a hundred thousand initial auditioners to the remaining 70. But Ryan says the big stage in Vegas will winnow that down even further. Don't worry, I'm sure everyone will take it really well.
We flash back to last night in Hollywood, when the top 70 were told they'd be traveling to Vegas, to sing music from the fifties, on the set of what Steven calls "Elvis Presley." What, the Michael Jackson/Cirque du Soleil Immortal tour passed up a cross-promotion opportunity for once? There are hijinks and shenanigans on the bus, and a girl who mistakes an outlying community for Vegas until someone else sets her straight. They're delivered to the Aria, which is the home of the Viva Elvis show, as everyone knows.
As the contestants settle into their rooms, we're informed that in Hollywood, the remaining singers were told to form groups of three to four, and then each group was assigned a song from the '50s or '60s. And after each performance, they'll be either kept or turfed on the spot. Or possibly turfed later, depending on to what extent the judges have their shit together. They'll work with vocal coaches, including psychotic Peggi Blu, who according to clips from last year is like the Jillian Michaels of music, only scary. We join the rehearsals, where Skylar Laine has been struggling with her group's harmonies, after being a last-minute addition to a group with Vanilla Ice lookalike Colton Dixon, Chase Likens, and some chick named Cari Quoyeser, who if nothing else has a name that's worth a lot of Scrabble points. Then it's 9:00 AM on the day of performances, and Ryan tells us this round will work in a similar way to Hollywood. Skylar and her group take the stage to sing "Dedicated to the One I Love" by the Shirelles, in case you ever wondered what a doo-wop song would sound like if it were done mostly by country singers. They do pretty well, although the harmony on the last long note is a little shaky. In fact, Cari is the only one who gets any negative feedback, and she's the only one of the four who doesn't make it to the round. Exiting the stage, Ryan asks what memories she'll bring. "The good ones," she non-answers.
By M. Giant
We come back at 10:00 to hear a group comprised of David Leathers, Jr., Jeremy Rosado, Ariel Sprague, and Gabi Carrubba, all from the Savannah auditions. They'll be singing "Rockin' Robin," which they reveal in an interview with Ryan turned out to be tougher than they thought. Gabi is called out as a bit of a diva throughout the process, but eventually they get onstage and sing the song. Gabi is, of course, the weakest of the four, but all four of them are going on to the round. I'm really not seeing the merciless cuts Ryan's been threatening.
The group is Adam Brock, Erika Van Pelt, Shelby Tweeten, and Angie Ziederman, who head out to sing "Great Balls of Fire." The staging is a little odd, with the three women out on stage (and Angie acting like a big weird spazz the whole time) and Adam starting the song behind the piano before joining the awkward sock hop, ending with the girls' feet in the air. The judges take a lot longer whispering among themselves before delivering their verdict: Adam, Shelby, and Erika are through, but they make Angie wait so long that the answer can't be anything but yes. So we're 15 for 16 so far. Where's the axe, dammit?
Montage of people getting up in the morning, getting ready, rehearsing, choreographing themselves, bonding, and putting together their look. Which, in the case of Schyler Dixon (yep, Colton's sister, the one who the judges forced to drag him in to her audition), someone named Molly Hunt, and Brielle Von Huebel, consists of "slutty WACs." Yes, somehow they found old army uniforms with hot pants. They sing "Why Do Fools Fall in Love," sounding a little thin and weak if you ask me. Steven makes a comment about making out to this song (presumably when it was new and he was in his thirties), and Randy kills the mics. Schyler and Brielle move on, but Molly's done. We also say goodbye to unfamiliar face Wayne Wilson, who maybe shouldn't have dressed as Eddie Murphy's Buckwheat for his performance; Ashley Robles, Stephanie Renae, Aubrey Deckmeyer, Janelle Arthur, and Tina Torres, most of whom we've never seen before and the spelling of whose names I'm not about to go hunting for.
The group to go up is Haley Johnson (who?), Reed Grimm, Elise Testone, and mini-Bieber Eben Frankiewitz. Ryan makes fun of the fake lip-prints on Eben's face before they go out and sing "The Night Has a Thousand Eyes," which is not a song I've heard before, but as jazzy as they make it, it's creepy as hell. They all get a nice long solo, some nicer than others. All three judges are on their feet after that one. And of course the whole group gets to go on after that.
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The "group" is actually a duo, consisting of cowboy control freak Richie Law and gentle giant Jermaine Jones, presumably because Richie couldn't find more than one person willing to put up with him. The remainder of MIT decided to go on without him, unsurprisingly, so he and Jermaine both had trouble finding a group and thus ended up with each other. Their first rehearsal together wasn't until Vegas, when they didn't even know the melody of the song they were assigned. Their vocal coach sent them off to work on it some more, then changed it on them anyway, to Richie's displeasure, because of how it sounds like the original song: "I didn't come here to recycle music, I came here to make it," he complains to the camera. For a singer, he sure is tone-deaf. For their performance, they go out and sit on stools and sing "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do," all low and slow and without ever looking at each other, because even if that weren't kind of gay Jermaine clearly hates Richie. The judges give them some positive feedback and send them both through. The only thing ruining Jermaine's day now is Richie's overly physical exuberance. And, you know, everything else about Richie.
There's a montage of other successful and familiar performers, like Hallie Day and Baylie Brown and Chelsea Sorrell. Okay, mostly familiar.
There's only one group left on day one: Jessica Sanchez, DeAndre Brackensick, and Candace Glover. They're doing Buddy Holly's "It Doesn't Matter Any More." They're working with the vocal coach with the great name, Piesha McPhee (who happens to be Katharine McPhee's mom, for what that's worth) to come up with their own arrangement, and they end up doing a funky R&B version. They manage to pull it off quite well for three people we've never seen before, and the judges react like they're in a gospel church. Randy wants to deliberate, but the other two decide to go ahead and send them all through. Because why cut anyone at this stage?
But it's a brief celebration for the survivors, because the judges call them back out onstage and warn them that if tomorrow's groups do a lot better, some of these folks may end up getting cut after all. Which they, of course, are thrilled about.
We come back to Day Two, when a foursome made up of Clayton Farhat, Adam Lee Decker, Curtis Gray, and Scott Dangerfield marches out onstage for "Jailhouse Rock," but not before we learn what idiots they are. For instance, one of them misspells Vegas, another one thinks Elvis performed on the stage of this hotel that didn't exist just a few years ago, and two of them accidentally spray themselves in the hotel room shower. It doesn't get better when they start singing, so if they're any indication, the people who survived yesterday don't have a whole lot to worry about. The judges give some mixed feedback and give them some lessons about dynamics, then give the green light to Scott and Clayton and Adam, but not Curtis. Not that we can tell any of them apart anyway. Farewell, Curtis, we knew ye not at all.
Some group does "Burning Love," although their singing is overshadowed by the intercut feedback from the judges and their distracting hairdos, but all of them are going through. A group with Joshua Ledet and Shannon Magrane does pretty well with "Blue Suede Shoes" and the two of them make it through. Farewell, other people we've never seen before.
We check in with one group hanging out at the pool rather than practicing (one of them is Johnny Keyser, who was supposed to be a star, I thought), and then it's on to "Neapolitans," which is single mom Brittnee Kellogg, boyfriend-nursing Jessica Phillips, and a drag queen I don't remember seeing before named Courtney Williams. They're all in matching pink sequined dresses, and are confident enough that they didn't bother wasting anyone's time with stuff like rehearsal. They sing "Keep Me Hanging On," and they're fine, but a little rehearsal might not have hurt. Brittnee gets props, but the judges seem less impressed with Courtney and Jessica. Sure enough, Britnee's going through, but...so is Courtney. And Jessica's headed back to her stroked-out boyfriend, and tells the camera afterwards that the judges aren't looking for real artists. With the two people in her group who made it through standing right to her. Stay classy, Jessica.
It's already 6:00 PM on Day 2, and up are Lauren Gray, some redhead named Wendy Taylor, and Mathenee Treco, who I believe is the one surviving member of Make You Believers, the group decimated by Amy Brumfield. We get to listen in on their rehearsals with vocal coach Peggi Blu, whose entire job seems to be acting like an over-the-top asshole to everyone, particularly Lauren. In fact, she makes Lauren cry, and then gets in her face for daring to be upset after purposely upsetting her. Wisely, Lauren claims that they're tears of "meaning and focus and getting myself together" Peggi: "Are you on Ritalin?" Peggi says the contestants need to get a grip. And she would know, clearly. Eventually the three of them get to go out and sing "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" to the judges. Or at least the girls do, while Mathenee gets like two lines. Lauren and Wendy get through, but Mathenee goes down, which makes it a total loss for Make You Believers. That's enough to turn anyone agnostic.
Peggi Blu's victims are the new incarnation of MIT, which is Heejun, Phil Phillips. Jairon Jackson, and Neco Starr in Richie Law's old spot. Heejun's done his homework on Peggi and is a little worried, based on the YouTube clips he saw of her going off on people last year. But sensing Heejun's fear, she actually gives him a reassuring hug. I think she's just probing for weaknesses. They're doing "I Only Have Eyes for You," and she likes them so much Heejun even gets another hug. Well, that was anticlimactic. When they sing onstage, their harmonies sound a little thin to me, although most of their solos sound pretty decent. And Jairon's wearing a hat, so that's only to the good. They thank Peggi from the stage before Randy launches into a speech about the needed cuts. Randy tells Heejun to step forward, and also Neco, and Jairon, and also Phil, so all four of them are going through, so thanks for wasting everyone's time with that bullshit suspense, Randy. They pretty much collapse in relief, and give the credit to Peggi. Backstage, Heejun is crying with relief. Or taking his own personal brand of performance art to a new level.
Only one group left: Creighton Fraker, Jen Hirsh, Nick Boddington, and Aaron Marcellus -- in other words, Groovesauce minus Reed Grimm, now going by Lady and the Spectacles, because all the guys are wearing glasses. Witty. After Piesha McPhee reminds them to do some solos and not just barbershop harmonies the whole time, they go ahead and do that anyway on "Sealed with a Kiss," at least through the first verse and chorus. But they do each step out vocally as the song goes on, and once again, there's not really a weak link. Jen's the standout, and Nick gets told it wasn't his best. And indeed, he's the only one who's out, although his fellow groupmates feel like he didn't deserve to go. That much less Groovesauce to go around.
So now, because everyone's been so awesome, there are going to be more cuts. Either that's the reason, or it's that the judges couldn't get it right the first time. So, everyone back to the stage to recommence stressing out. After more ads, we come back at 11:30 PM, when Jennifer tells the remaining fifty-some that they have to get them down to forty before the round. Which means the groups have to present themselves before the judges once again, one group at a time. And thus are culled Gabi Corruba, who weeps in humiliation with a camera in her face, and her groupmates Jeremy, Ariel, and David Leathers Jr. are on the other side of the stage crying almost as hard. Smell you later, diva. Colton, Skylar, and Chase are also still making it through, but Colton's sister, the other Schyler, who reluctantly dragged Colton into her audition at the beginning, gets cut (although her groupmate Brielle is still in it). Colton takes it pretty hard. The group made up of Eben, Reed, Haley, and Elise is untouched, while Colton continues to seethe telegenically. Jermaine Jones and Richie Law are safe, as are Baylie and Chelsea, and Hallie Day and whoever she sang with lo these many hours ago. Her partner. Angie Ziederman finally gets her long-overdue boot, and Candace Glover is gone. Surprisingly, so are Johnny Keyser and Jairon Jackson. Colton's still taking his sister's elimination hard, but Poor Man's Britney Spears, Britnee Kellogg, is crying and confused as more people get the green light, including Wendy Taylor, Lauren Gray, Shannon Magrane, Lady, and the remaining Spectacles. So that's 27 people who got the boot from Vegas, leaving the top 42 to have one of their endless celebrations, because to these people, every round they survive seems to be just as good as winning the whole thing. Yes, 70 came, 27 were eliminated, and 42 remain. Good thing this is a singing competition and not mathletics.
By M. Giant
So now, because everyone's been so awesome, there are going to be more cuts. Either that's the reason, or it's that the judges couldn't get it right the first time. So, everyone back to the stage to recommence stressing out. After more ads, we come back at 11:30 PM, when Jennifer tells the remaining fifty-some that they have to get them down to forty before the round. Which means the groups have to present themselves before the judges once again, one group at a time. And thus are culled Gabi Corruba, who weeps in humiliation with a camera in her face, and her groupmates Jeremy, Ariel, and David Leathers Jr. are on the other side of the stage crying almost as hard. Smell you later, diva. Colton, Skylar, and Chase are also still making it through, but Colton's sister, the other Schyler, who reluctantly dragged Colton into her audition at the beginning, gets cut (although her groupmate Brielle is still in it). Colton takes it pretty hard. The group made up of Eben, Reed, Haley, and Elise is untouched, while Colton continues to seethe telegenically. Jermaine Jones and Richie Law are safe, as are Baylie and Chelsea, and Hallie Day and whoever she sang with lo these many hours ago. Her partner. Angie Ziederman finally gets her long-overdue boot, and Candace Glover is gone. Surprisingly, so are Johnny Keyser and Jairon Jackson. Colton's still taking his sister's elimination hard, but Poor Man's Britney Spears Britnee Kellogg is crying and confused as more people get the green light, including Wendy Taylor, Lauren Gray, Shannon Magrane, Lady, and the remaining Spectacles. So that's 27 people who got the boot from Vegas, leaving the top 42 to have one of their endless celebrations, because to these people, every round they survive seems to be just as good as winning the whole thing. Yes, 70 came, 27 were eliminated, and 42 remain. Good thing this is a singing competition and not mathletics.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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