By M. Giant
Welcoming us to the second round of Hollywood Week, Ryan tells us that dreams came crashing down last night. Well, and one human being, too, but we'll get to that after the credits.
Speaking of that, there's the whole replay from last night of Symone Black staggering clean off the stage, only not at all cleanly, and we rejoin that moment of crisis still in progress. Symone eventually wakes up with crowds of worried people around her, and Jennifer at least has finally been arsed to get down off the judge's dais. Symone is delivered an emergency Coke (refreshing and ideal for medical emergencies -- now that's product placement) and eventually guided out of the theater with her dad, under her own steam. Now we go back a bit further, recalling other members of this group who sang last night, like Lauren Mink. and Jeremy Rosado. We also catch up with Ethan Jones, the kid whose dad is in rehab. I'm glad to see his forehead has stopped bleeding. While Symone is bundled into a nondescript white molester van and not an ambulance at all, Steven asks Lauren, Ethan, and another young woman to step forward. They're leaving, but it took the judges so long to get around to telling them that Symone's already at the hospital, at least according to the editing. So Jeremy's still in it. Ethan and Lauren, on the other hand, are philosophical about what they're going home to. Which is good, because they're going there, like, right now. Still, there are 185 people who survived the first round, all of whom seem pretty happy about it. But that's just for now, because according to the preview for the rest of the episode, Symone seems to have started a trend. And they don't even know if it worked yet.
At 8:20, there's a party going on inside the audition hall, with singing and dancing among the 185 survivors. Of course, half of them will be gone tomorrow, but for now they're on a high. Ryan gives an intro of the group round with a whole video montage mishmash of past seasons' drama, with the screen labeled "Past Seasons" so we know it's from past seasons. This season, the party's over at 8:30, and everyone is herded into the auditorium to hear the rules from producer Ken Warwick: they have to form groups of four or five, and each group has to include members from both days of the first Hollywood round. Which, as Ryan says, is quite a bombshell for lots of people who only bonded with people who auditioned the same day and already formed groups. Sucks to be on American Idol, dude. One of the people who has trouble finding a group to join is Alisha Bernhardt, a police officer from the St. Louis auditions. But with her magnetic personality, and pleasant demeanor, and adamant insistence on singing either "Joy to the World" or "Stuck Like Glue," I'm sure she won't be on her own for long. Also out in the cold for now is full-time tent-dweller Amy Brumfield, and Ryan can't resist saying she can't "find a home," a rather tacky callback to her living situation. And? She has the flu, so nobody wants to be in a group with her for fear of getting sick. One pathetic twosome gets onstage and hollers out for takers to sing "More than a Feeling" with them. Amy Brumfield, meanwhile, is sitting on a chair in the wings and feeling desperate for fresh air, after all this time being inside. I would have thought she'd had enough fresh air for a lifetime.
Alisha finally finds another competitor to join with, which, given her charm, is quite a feat. Although it's possible the scraggly-looking little loser is just afraid she'll beat him up. Heejun and country-baritone Richie Law end up throwing in with Phillip Phillips and Jaron Jackson (who still needs a haircut) to sing "Broken Strings" under the group name MIT, although none of them seem to think it's ideal. And poor Amy Brumfield is stuck having to go to Alisha to join her sad little group. Alisha thinks she might have found someone to sing "Joy to the World" with her, Amy, and Scraggly, but when she sings the first "Jeremiah was a bullfrog" line of the Three Dog Night song, the other girl is like, "Oh, no," and stomps off. Alisha assures us she's used to people running from her, but the other girl, Brianna Bell, is working the room, not satisfied with anything or anyone she encounters. In fact, "oh, no" quickly becomes her catchphrase. Other groups are already starting to rehearse together out in the hall. The "More than a Feeling" group tries to recruit Alisha's group, only to piss her off about not wanting to sing a "Christmas song." Now it's Alisha's turn to get pissed off and stomp away, which is a very unwise move, because by the time she gets back, Amy and Scraggly have signed up with the "More than a Feeling" duo. Thus is Hollywood Week proven to be a recipe for drama for uptight assholes who can't get along with anyone. Alone again, she starts hollering for people to sing "Joy to the World" with her. Jeez, lady, suck it up. You have the whole competition to sing exactly the song you want, unless you go home tomorrow.
Back from ads, we see a few groups rehearsing already, but that level of functionality is not interesting, so let's watch Alisha go charging around the hall telling everyone she's a cop and asking if they like cops and want to sing with one. Maybe she should be looking for a construction worker, a sailor, and an Indian. Meanwhile, "Oh No" girl has joined a group of teen girls called the Bettys. And Alisha finally manages to bully her way into a group, and when Alisha's in a group, everyone's in a group.
Ryan tell us this is a lot of pressure for most, but not for Brielle Von Hugel, who won her group round in Season 10 in a group with Pia Toscano, and is now in a group with Shannon Magrane and shlubby, pretty-voiced frat boy Kyle Crews from the San Diego auditions. She seems to have appointed herself president of the group, although Kyle seems to think he has as well. On the sidelines, Brielle's mom thinks Kyle is going to get them gonged early on by starting with a solo. Oh, and look who's back: Symone and her dad. She explains to the camera that she was dehydrated, so she needs more water, food, and rest. "She needs to drink more," her dad corrects dickishly while Symone makes a face like she really wants to be unconscious again. Now she has to find a group of four that will take her in, while Symone's dad takes pains informs us that he's not a stage dad, but a mentor. "Soon to be a famous mentor," he adds without irony. Oh, man. Can I be unconscious? Symone gets herself admitted to a group of four, who I don't think realized they'd be taking her dad on as well.
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We get an update of "Make You Believers," Alisha's former group that still includes Amy Brumfield and her flu. Her groupmates are staying hydrated, but other people Amy has come in contact with are getting sick, like one of the Bettys who was unlucky enough to be holding hands with Amy onstage during the first Hollywood round. In other health news, Phillip Phillips looks like he may be on his fifth kidney stone. Meanwhile, his groupmate, Richie Law, is trying to teach his group new chords, harmonies, and dance moves from square one rather than working with what his partners can actually do. One of them, Heejun, bitches extravagantly and entertainingly at the camera until Richie wanders into the background, cueing the The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly theme. Because of how Richie wears a cowboy hat.
We come back at midnight, and some groups are confident enough in their songs to head to bed. But other groups, like Alisha's Four Girls and That Guy, are short their Guy, Christian, who's been up in his room sick for two hours with what Ryan is now calling the Idol Bug. Is there any proof that some pathogen wasn't intentionally introduced into the Hollywood population like typhoid-infest blankets? Christian blurrily (seriously, the camera following him sees trails) returns to his group to join rehearsals, but Alisha is now struggling with the song she herself suggested, and Christian has to keep scooting away to crash and vomit and what not. Ryan is now referring to Amy as "Patient Zero," who is filled with new determination now that she's sweated out everything else. Back to MIT, where Heejun tells us that Phillip had a kidney stone, and "Cowboy had a... brain stone, I don't know." I'm going to be sad when Heejun leaves. Indeed, Richie is insisting on making it as complicated as possible for everyone in his group. And thus Heejun hates cowboys now. Speaking for himself to an interview camera, Richie lectures that democracy is all well and good when you have enough time, but after shooing Heejun away, he insists, 'We're gonna do this my way and that's it." That's a wrap for MIT for tonight.
The night wears on, and the Bettys are starting to come apart, arguing about whether it's time to go to bed or not. Eventually they start dropping off one by one, leaving Jennifer the deposed Alpha-Betty all alone singing and crying and needing a nap more than anyone in Los Angeles at that time.
Coming back, it's 3:00 AM and Jennifer is still the last Betty standing, whining over the phone to someone until Brianna comes back, tearfully announcing she's not leaving, now that she's seen other groups still rehearsing. The two of them spend another couple of hours working on lyrics and dance moves, so I guess the other three will just stand upstage of them humming during the performance tomorrow. They eventually go to bed after five in the morning to have a refreshing hour of rest.
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By M. Giant
We get an update of "Make You Believers," Alisha's former group that still includes Amy Brumfield and her flu. Her groupmates are staying hydrated, but other people Amy has come in contact with are getting sick, like one of the Bettys who was unlucky enough to be holding hands with Amy onstage during the first Hollywood round. In other health news, Phillip Phillips looks like he may be on his fifth kidney stone. Meanwhile, his groupmate, Richie Law, is trying to teach his group new chords, harmonies, and dance moves from square one rather than working with what his partners can actually do. One of them, Heejun, bitches extravagantly and entertainingly at the camera until Richie wanders into the background, cueing the The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly theme. Because of how Richie wears a cowboy hat.
We come back at midnight, and some groups are confident enough in their songs to head to bed. But other groups, like Alisha's Four Girls and That Guy, are short their Guy, Christian, who's been up in his room sick for two hours with what Ryan is now calling the Idol Bug. Is there any proof that some pathogen wasn't intentionally introduced into the Hollywood population like typhoid-infest blankets? Christian blurrily (seriously, the camera following him sees trails) returns to his group to join rehearsals, but Alisha is now struggling with the song she herself suggested, and Christian has to keep scooting away to crash and vomit and what not. Ryan is now referring to Amy as "Patient Zero," who is filled with new determination now that she's sweated out everything else. Back to MIT, where Heejun tells us that Phillip had a kidney stone, and "Cowboy had a... brain stone, I don't know." I'm going to be sad when Heejun leaves. Indeed, Richie is insisting on making it as complicated as possible for everyone in his group. And thus Heejun hates cowboys now. Speaking for himself to an interview camera, Richie lectures that democracy is all well and good when you have enough time, but after shooing Heejun away, he insists, 'We're gonna do this my way and that's it." That's a wrap for MIT for tonight.
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By M. Giant
The night wears on, and the Bettys are starting to come apart, arguing about whether it's time to go to bed or not. Eventually they start dropping off one by one, leaving Jennifer the deposed Alpha-Betty all alone singing and crying and needing a nap more than anyone in Los Angeles at that time.
Coming back, it's 3:00 AM and Jennifer is still the last Betty standing, whining over the phone to someone until Brianna comes back, tearfully announcing she's not leaving, now that she's seen other groups still rehearsing. The two of them spend another couple of hours working on lyrics and dance moves, so I guess the other three will just stand upstage of them humming during the performance tomorrow. They eventually go to bed after five in the morning to have a refreshing hour of rest.
Other people are getting an early start the morning. The judges show up, and I think Steven's outfit for the day includes a holster, which is not going to help anyone's already frazzled nerves. People are rehearsing all over the place, in the bathrooms, outside, every available flat surface. The judges join everyone in the auditorium, and wouldn't you know it, the Bettys are up first. Good thing 40% of them stayed up late rehearsing. There's a long pause while the five Bettys hum to find their pitch. Finally, at center stage, Jennifer raises her microphone, draws breath to sing, and--the end! And we managed to get through the entire hour of tonight's singing competition without actually hearing anyone actually sing competitively. But I guess with House being cancelled this week, AI is has to fill Fox's medical drama slot too.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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