By M. Giant
Ryan kicks off tonight's show from outside the Mirage in Las Vegas -- right in front of the volcano, in fact -- as he says it's another sudden death round like the ones we saw last week. Tonight ten female contestants will sing and five will be sent home. Nice volcano. I'm just surprised Ryan was willing to be filmed in front of that much "flaming" imagery.
After the credits, Ryan's back inside to welcome the crowd, introduce the judges, point out the 15 remaining guys in the audience and bring out the "ladieeeez." Tonight, they are Melinda Ademi, Candice Glover, Juliana Chahayed, Jett Hermano, Christabel Clack, Aubrey Cleland, Rachel Hale, Breanna Steer, Janelle Arthur and Zoanette Johnson, who looks ready to make the most of her last appearance on this show. We're starting with Melinda, whose intro reel reveals that she's 19, from Yonkers and a music major. She's also back from Season 10, as she cannily explains how "my story was featured" about her family of Kosovo war refugees. She's feeling more ready this time around, she says, but her rendition of "Nobody's Perfect"... isn't. She has to work too hard to be heard over the band, which makes her voice sound rather weak. Keith loved it, though, talking about her raw talent and potential. Nicki preferred Angela's version last week, which isn't encouraging. Randy was looking for big moments, because he's the kind of person who goes to movies to see explosions. Mariah agrees with Keith that Melinda's nerves were showing at first, but she got there by the end. So as long as five other singers aren't there the whole time, Melinda should be fine.
Candice Glover's intro reel tells us that she's 23 and an "excursions coordinator," which means she has to spend her days wearing a blue polo shirt and dealing with people who are on vacation and expect everything to be perfect with their rented scooters and what not. No wonder she wants to be a singer instead. She's also a returning contestant, having gotten cut during last year's Vegas round, so now she's even more determined. Her song tonight is "Natural Woman," which starts strong and gets stronger, at least vocally -- with the key change and the big notes at the end and all -- even if she looks bored through most of it. Keith gives her a standing ovation, gushing about her song choice and voice and even singing to her a bit himself. Nicki wonders why the hell she didn't get farther last year, but somehow manages to not direct a stink-eye at Randy right to her. The effort is visible, in fact. But she gives up on it when Randy defensively says last year was a different time. He advises Candice to just go batshit with that voice of hers. Mariah gets Candice to take credit for the arrangement, and Ryan comes out to tell her that she had the guys in the audience feeling like natural women. They all seem to agree heartily. Better luck the time you try to gender-shame someone, Ryan.
Juliana Chahayed is not someone I remember from before, so fortunately she tells us that she's 15 and from California. She came to the Long Beach auditions and talks about her musical family, including a sister who has become her co-songwriter and a dad who sings in Arabic. Juliana sings a kind of sideways version of "Skyscraper" in a single spotlight, sort-of playing a monster acoustic guitar that's as big as she is and turns out to have a rather pretty voice. Keith remarks on the size of her guitar and says he understands the nervousness that led to some pitch issues, but he likes her voice as well. Nicki says she's one of the few people in the competition with a recognizable voice, but it is a little concerned about her timidity. Randy likes how she was being herself and remembers to add that it was a good performance. Mariah describes her quality as "angelic" and "celestial," which she's terribly proud of having written down. For no reason, Randy cuts her off to say Ryan couldn't do this at age fifteen, like that bon mot was worth interrupting someone to share. I don't care if it's Mariah Carey -- I wouldn't have interrupted my cat with that crack. Ryan asks Juliana how she came up with her alternate arrangement and she explains how her vocal teacher told her to take a song she didn't like and try to change it into something she could like, and it worked! "Demi will be happy to hear that," Ryan says, apparently in all sincerity.
Jett Hermano is a 25-year-old legal assistant from Seattle, but feels like she should be on the stage. In fact, she bailed on a full ride scholarship to become a musician. So no pressure, judges. She's also accompanying herself, but on a piano, as she sings a slow version of "Only Girl (In the World)" by Rihanna, in a restrained performance that's all high notes. Keith dug the arrangement, as did Nicki, but she felt like it never got to the good part. Randy was disappointed that she never got up from the piano, like they booted Shubha Vedula for doing last week, so clearly the only way to win with the piano as far as Randy is concerned is to never go near it. Mariah babbles something similar and gives Jett a chance to talk about her family watching from back home in the Philippines. They must have a mother antenna.
We come back to Ryan chatting to Christabel Clack, who shares a story of a bout of fear she had on the plane to Vegas about being in the competition, but fortunately God helped her out. Nice of Him. Christabel reminds us that she's 29 and a worship leader from San Antonio, so I guess God was repaying the favor. She used to sing on tour with a gospel artist and is married with three kids, so this is clearly not the only thing going on for her. Her voice sounds kind of raw tonight as she does a stripped-down arrangement of Alicia Keys's "No One," but that doesn't stop her from hitting all the notes anyway. She is going to hit those notes, dammit! Her standing O comes from Randy, which is worse than not getting one at all. Keith loves that "soul, croaky, cool thing" in her voice, Nicki beatboxes doubtfully while collecting her thoughts and agrees with me that the rasp they love from her seemed a little out of control. Randy likes how she cut loose and Mariah says she liked Christabel's performance of "His Eye Is on the Sparrow" in a round and gives props to tonight's backup singers, which may not be such a good sign for Christabel. Ryan invites us to Tweet about whether we agree or disagree with the judges. I think people are already doing it, but now that Ryan has given us hashtags, it seems more official.
19-year-old Aubrey Cleland grew up wanting to be a veterinarian, but has decided to try being a singer instead. She deploys an uncanny Beyoncé impression for her performance of "Sweet Dreams," which she's slowed down a bit, presumably so she can hit every Beyoncétious vocal inflection. Keith loved how people are making songs their own. Nicki deploys her favorite compliment -- that she's obsessed with Aubrey and goes off about how pretty she is and sounds. Randy adds that he's obsessed with all of them, including Ryan, while Nicki dies of embarrassment for him. If you've never seen anyone die of embarrassment, by the way, it's pretty gruesome. Normally you only see it when parents are on the grounds of high schools rather than on live TV, so this is something kind of special. Randy says she's the complete package, though he has doubts about whether it was the right song (triggering a round of bickering with Nicki) and throws it to Mariah, who declares Aubrey "limitless." That's about all she has to say. When Ryan comes out onstage, there's a little tracking bar on the bottom of the screen showing what percentage of Tweeters agree and disagree with the judges at any given microsecond. Which, I have to say, is more interesting to watch than further bickering.
Rachel Hale is the chick with the big smile from a small town in Arkansas that just got its second stoplight. At the moment, though, she's a music major. For such a happy-looking person, she does a surprisingly convincing performance of a bluesy country number (actually it turns out to be a Grace Potter song) with a big, dramatic finish. The judges applaud indulgently. Keith compliments the band and her spirit, though he thought the song "got on top of you" at times. Nicki seems to be preparing Rachel for some hard truths, but ends up demanding to know where all this confidence came from. Well, praying, of course. Randy liked hearing an energetic song tonight and agrees with Rachel about the prayer thing, to the point where the episode briefly threatens to become a revival meeting. How many worship leaders does this show need, anyway? As usual, I don't know what Mariah's point is, but she seems to have liked it. Ryan brings up the sing-off she had in Hollywood, which, if he was hoping that would bring her down, it pretty much does the opposite.
Breanna Steer is from Louisiana, which means she gets to talk about Hurricane Isaac flooding Lake Ponchartrain and having to gut her water-damaged house afterwards. And after that heartbreaking tale of property destruction, she shares another one with her rendition of "Bust Your Windows." Most of it is just marking time until a big, long "Caaaaaaaaaaaaaar" at the end. Keith confesses to not knowing that song and is oblivious to Nicki mime-strangling him as he goes on about how Breanna made him believe it. Nicki verbally adds Breanna to her ever-growing menagerie of little ladybugs and says she and Aubrey are both so great they should start a group. She also loves how her voice matched the original artist's. "You giving me sexy on a stick right now." Randy gives a shout-out to Louisiana and talks about the "whole package" some more, which I'm starting to realize is Randy's way of trying to tell girls they're hot without getting in trouble. After Mariah says she's glad that contestants get to pick their own songs, Ryan banters with Breanna about the hierarchy of punitive vehicular damage, I guess for future reference.
By M. Giant
Rachel Hale is the chick with the big smile from a small town in Arkansas that just got its second stoplight. At the moment, though, she's a music major. For such a happy-looking person, she does a surprisingly convincing performance of a bluesy country number (actually it turns out to be a Grace Potter song) with a big, dramatic finish. The judges applaud indulgently. Keith compliments the band and her spirit, though he thought the song "got on top of you" at times. Nicki seems to be preparing Rachel for some hard truths, but ends up demanding to know where all this confidence came from. Well, praying, of course. Randy liked hearing an energetic song tonight and agrees with Rachel about the prayer thing, to the point where the episode briefly threatens to become a revival meeting. How many worship leaders does this show need, anyway? As usual, I don't know what Mariah's point is, but she seems to have liked it. Ryan brings up the sing-off she had in Hollywood, which, if he was hoping that would bring her down, it pretty much does the opposite.
Breanna Steer is from Louisiana, which means she gets to talk about Hurricane Isaac flooding Lake Ponchartrain and having to gut her water-damaged house afterwards. And after that heartbreaking tale of property destruction, she shares another one with her rendition of "Bust Your Windows." Most of it is just marking time until a big, long "Caaaaaaaaaaaaaar" at the end. Keith confesses to not knowing that song and is oblivious to Nicki mime-strangling him as he goes on about how Breanna made him believe it. Nicki verbally adds Breanna to her ever-growing menagerie of little ladybugs and says she and Aubrey are both so great they should start a group. She also loves how her voice matched the original artist's. "You giving me sexy on a stick right now." Randy gives a shout-out to Louisiana and talks about the "whole package" some more, which I'm starting to realize is Randy's way of trying to tell girls they're hot without getting in trouble. After Mariah says she's glad that contestants get to pick their own songs, Ryan banters with Breanna about the hierarchy of punitive vehicular damage, I guess for future reference.
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By M. Giant
Time to once again meet Janelle Arthur, a fitness instructor from Tennessee. "And I'm a country girl," she twangs, over a shot of her feeding a cow through the window over her pickup truck like a drive-thru in reverse. She reminds us how she played a young Dolly Parton at age eight, like that's something we would have forgotten. She's not exactly stretching with "Just a Kiss" by Lady Antebellum, but I think she's trying to show that she doesn't have to. Keith says it's kind of a limiting song, which must be why she threw in some key changes, but he hopes she can show off a little more in the future. Nicki says she was looking forward to Janelle and Zoanette, but doesn't think Janelle hit it tonight. She wants her to go through, but "Don't do that again." Randy's in agreement, adding that she's his favorite country singer in the competition and that this wasn't the right song for her. Mariah appreciated her lack of pretentiousness, if nothing else, and says she's rooting for her as well. Ryan comes out to ask if Janelle sensed anything wrong, but she's almost aggressively cheery as she talks about how she loves the song and did her thing and great-big-country-girl-smilecakes.
They've saved the kookiest for last: Zoanette Johnson, who all this time we thought was a nutbar from Tulsa, but her intro reel reveals that she's from Monrovia, Liberia, complete with a map of Africa for anyone who doesn't know where that is. Her family fled the civil war when she was two, so now she's here to pave the way for other Liberians. And tonight she's singing... dear God, is that "Circle of Life" from The Lion King? Indeed, I think she picked it just for the Swahili bellowing at the opening, which she does indeed bellow the living fuck out of. And in fact the entire rest of the song. Seriously, this song really used to have some living fuck in it, but now it's all been bellowed clean out. Okay, she's going through, and maybe even not just as a novelty act. Keith, Nicki and Randy all get to their feet or maybe that's just their bodies springing forward once they no longer have to resist the force of Zoanette's voice trying to blow them into a back somersault. "Who gon' check you, Boo?" Nicki asks her. Nicki gets emotional about Zoanette's story, but Zoanette even more so. Nicki says she doesn't care what anyone says because Zoanette's the one everyone's going to remember. She's not wrong about that. Randy tells America that this is why Zoanette is still here, and she made everybody feel something. Disbelief? Mariah babbles something that concludes with "Yay, Zoanette!" and that's it for the judges. Ryan comes out so she can ugly-cry on him a little bit before he lets her leave the stage. That's everyone for tonight and the cuts are coming up, with or without tiebreaking votes from Jimmy Iovine, who is again in the audience. He's clearly hoping for the chance to mess with someone else's head tonight.
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By M. Giant
We know the drill by now. Ryan is on a stage that's otherwise empty except for five unoccupied stools, until the judges ride the platform up from below the floor. Randy reports that they're not going to need Jimmy to break any ties tonight and we're starting with Zoanette. She totters out on her heels to shake hands with some fans, but Ryan beckons her back to her spot before the judges so she can listen to a suspense-building speech from Randy that goes on so long that even Ryan tells him to get on with it. Zoanette's staying in, which means that there are going be five very angry young women leaving the theater tonight.
Mariah tells Melinda that she's only 19 and will have more opportunities, but this one's over for her. So she'll be one of the five. Juliana is the to face judgment and Keith says she was great and she's very talented, but tonight she's done. She hugs the judges and also Zoanette on her way out. Ryan calls up Aubrey, and Nicki tells her she'd put Aubrey through if she got her way. "Oh, looks like I am having my way today," she concludes, so Aubrey's in. "Tricky! Tricky, tricky!" Ryan says admiringly as Aubrey gives hugs all around.
For the decision on Christabel, we're back around to Randy, who as usual talks about how hard this is for the judges, but Christabel is out. And at 29, she's dead to this show. Mariah is the one to deliver the news to Candice, doing some throat-clearing about how hard the deliberations were before sending her through. Candice gets to claim the third stool to Aubrey and Zoanette. That leaves four still waiting for the last two stools and when Jett is the to be called out, you know she's doomed. And she knows it, too, waiting patiently through Keith's speech and not exactly shocked when he delivers the news. Conversely, when Breanna is called up , it's obvious that the last stool is going to be a tossup between Janelle and Rachel, but Nicki does her best to sell the idea that Breanna is done. I think Breanna might have even bought it for a second there, but only for a second. Obviously she gets the fourth stool.
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By M. Giant
So Ryan's now in the backstage lounge, waiting for the final word with Rachel and Janelle, who are holding hands. Janelle talks about how happy she is to have come this far after three years in a row, and Rachel says something similar. Hard to tell which of them is going after that, but the side-by-side clips seem to give Rachel the edge. Of course, I've been wrong before and will be again, many, many times. And this is one of them. When they present themselves before the judges, Randy makes his usual speech about how hard this is for the judges before saying that Rachel is out and Janelle is in. So that's tonight's contribution to the top twenty: Zoanette, Aubrey, Candice, Breanna and Janelle. Yes, Zoanette is still there. It's really happening.
Check out an interview with Keith Urban, find out what past runner-up Crystal Bowersox thinks of this season and look back at the best and worst judges ever with our friends at Wetpaint.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis- based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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