Carly's fucking safe, leaving two random blonde girls, the wigging out but safe Ramiele, and Syesha who is safe. Kady and Alaina join Ryan onstage like tiny blonde triplets with giant faces on their giant heads. Even at this moment I can't tell them apart, so when he says Kady is safe, I'm as shocked as they are, but if it were the other way around I would still be shocked that amount. Alaina totally loses her shit and tells Ryan point-blank that she is not capable of singing the singout, then tries to climb the admittedly short distance up to the top of Seacrest, and finally Kady is evicted from the stage so that Ryan can explain to her the rules of the game, and look deeply in her eyes, and confirm that in fact there really is no way her ass is singing right now. Which is kind of awesome in that it is rather raw and real, but sadly gives Paula time to ramble on for quite a while about nothing at all. This show is the chance of a lifetime, but also being tossed off this show is the chance of a lifetime. Ryan asks Alaina one more time if she can sing, and all of Suffragette City crowds onstage to sing along with her and hug her and play with her hair, but I mean, she says it's going to suck and then it sucks. Still, it's one of the coolest singouts ever for that reason, and it gets better as it goes on, marginally, plus she rocks generally, so it's still better to listen to than if, say, Robbie were up there singing.
Hey, remember the pile of shitthat wasIdol Gives Back? This year it will include Brad Pitt, Carrie Underwood, DAUGHTRY, Miley Fucking Cyrus, and the crazy beast that is Mariah. Fabulous. Luke and Robbie are summoned summarily to center stage, and for once it's kind of suspenseful, because they sucked in such different and amusing ways. But only one of them wears a dirty wig like a homeless tranny, and he's done: goodbye, Robbie. Who at this point, as though to sweeten the already quite sweet blow, is wearing a t-shirt with a giant skull on it, and a bandanna with a lot of smaller skulls on it. Motherfucker. Simon is like, "I still have no idea who you are, but whoever you are, give me a goddamn break." All four of them watch their video journey out of and back to obscurity, and it's barely touching, because this is stupid and they sucked.Well, the guys were easy to call because the guys generally are pretty awesome. But I have to admit I'm surprised about the ladies, because they were actually two of my favorite ladies out of the bunch, in that I recognized their names and the songs that they have sung -- and the lunatic clothing, in Alexandréa's case -- even if I didn't recognize their faces. And I mean that literally: I could not match their names to their faces if you offered me five bucks a girl. Which I guess is why we're saying goodbye to them. Robbie sings his shitty awful stupid "Hot Blooded" again, but guess what? We're done.Previous1234Next
Join us week for the '80s, the final Semifinal round, your Top Twelve crazy-making Idols, and what's sure to be a massive fashion car accident for everybody.
1 2 3 4