By Joe R
So, I don't want to get anybody overly concerned or anything, but last night Ryan gave the most dead-eyed "This...is American Idol" I have ever seen, and tonight...he's not even wearing a jacket. He's really taking those low ratings the Oscars got pretty hard, huh?
So the girl half of the Top 20 gets to perform tonight -- still doing "'70s classics," and I'd tell you about Amanda Overmyer as she files past the camera but I don't want to ruin it for later. Suffice it to say that I'm now having flashbacks to playing Mortal Kombat in high school. The judges give the guys high marks for last night, so the girls have a lot to live up to.
Carly's up first, and her video package tells us that while we may know she owns a tattoo shop, but we don't know she also tends bar at an Irish pub around the corner. Yeah, we're kind of still at "Irish, tattoos, failed record contract" with everything we know about Carly. We see her pour some Guinness (of course), and she says she's a very homey person, which is borne out by a shot of her making a bed...at her hotel room. Couldn't have rented out an actual apartment for the afternoon, American Idol? That just looks cheap, in a "high school video presentation" way. Anyhoo, Carly performs Heart's "Crazy On You," which can't be a huge surprise. The Wilson sisters continue their good-luck streak on this show, as Carly does so much better than that Stevie Wonder abomination last week. If there was ever an object lesson in what I always say about never singing Stevie Wonder songs on this show, Carly would be it. Randy, because he went totally, embarrassingly overboard with the praise last week, has to counterbalance by saying this perfectly good performance tonight was "all right," though he does hit on her difficulty with lower notes. Paula, who has no capacity for shame, doesn't feel the need to overcorrect for last week, and she gives Carly another opening to yammer on about how much she loves Heart. You guys? Carly loves Heart. A lot. Simon still doesn't think we've seen the best of Carly yet, but this was much better than last week. He thinks she'll be the girl to beat once she finally chooses the song that'll give her her big "moment." Hey, so it's kind of weird that Carly has a tattoo of Amy Winehouse on her shoulder, right?
Syesha's , and she tells us that we may not know that she's acted in commercials before. Oh, Syesha, you underestimate the investigative powers of the internet's most dogged scandal hounds. She then, while talking about her "acting," performs her "baby cry," and it's indeed frighteningly accurate. Syesha, was that you in the Aaliyah song?? Fucking ringer. So before we went to the break, Ryan had told us that Syesha would be singing a Billy Paul song, which means "Me and Mrs. Jones," and I immediately thought this would be a good test to see if Syesha could deliver something cool and sultry rather than just blasting out notes all over the place. And seriously, she sounds so much prettier this way. Though -- pet peeve alert -- she changes the lyrics to "Me and Mr. Jones," just so we don't start thinking she's a big lez or anything. It's a classic song and it's bigger than you, me, and Syesha put together. I think it can stand up to a female performing it without gender-appropriately tweaking the lyrics. I mean, the song is about having an affair with a married lady (or gentleman, in Syesha's case), and we're all grown up enough to know that Syesha isn't doing that, right? Like I said: pet peeve. Randy didn't like the performance for the very reason that I did like it: she didn't belt. LOUD! Randy wants LOUD! Man, I really hope Simon contradicts him, because he -- and Paula too -- essentially just told her to spend the rest of the season screaming her head off, and that's not going to be fun. Simon doesn't like it because girls shouldn't sing boys songs. Of for Pete's... Anyway, everybody seems to be evening out this week, with the people who got praised last week getting knocked down and some of the people who got slammed last week redeeming themselves. Back to the middle of the pack for Syesha.
Kristy Lee Cook's big secret is that she loves to do outdoorsy boy things like fish and ride horses and box and play softball. According to Kristy, she is the first female in recorded history ever to step outside the house for anything other than grocery shopping. She's a pioneer, really. Onstage, meanwhile, the second I hear the background singers kick off "You're No Good," I realize Kristy Lee is in trouble. For one, now that Amy Davis is gone, we're going to need someone else to pick up the "totally butchered Linda Ronstadt" mantle. For another, I still kind of buy into that superstition of predictive song titles, and the thought of Kristy Lee having to sing the words "you're no good" over and over after she's eliminated on Thursday may be too much for fate to pass up. It's not a terrible performance -- she's a baseline good singer and she's certainly put some country attitude into it -- but it's not at all inspiring, and when I think of Linda Ronstadt freaking out on the mic in her original version, Kristy Lee becomes so very pale in comparison. Plus that silvery, low-cut. long-sleeve top she's wearing makes her look like she's cheerleading for the Seattle Seahawks. "100% improvement," says Randy, but lacking in any big breakout moments. Paula loved it, too, and Simon agrees that it's way better than last week. He says he's having trouble "labeling her," once again being very upfront about his desire to package these kids in mylar and sell them two-for-one. He thinks she sounds like an ideal country singer, but she hasn't sung country yet. She promises Simon, Ryan, and America that if she gets to come back, she'll definitely sing a country song. Don't say you haven't been warned, voting public.
"Brace yourselves," Ryan warns, for Amanda Overmyer. Her big secret is that she likes to read books, because theme this week is for the rockers to seem bookish and the squares to seem cool. Except for Brooke White, who will be redefining vanilla as we know it. But back to Amanda and more importantly what she looks like right now. Hair combed back into this massive fright wig , acid-tortured chaps with what appear to be racing decals (flames! Black flames!) on them, jacket with giant rivets on it like she's been fighting the war for the Rhythm Nation. Even as a costume, none of it really hangs together. Oh, and she's singing "Carry On My Wayward Son." Awesome. Not planning on shedding that bar singer image any time soon, then? Except Sweet Jesus is she ever bad tonight. I hereby apologize to the bar singers of America because they could do a way better job at this. Bad, bad choice of song. The chorus is one thing, she can scream her way through that, but the verses are loaded with these land-mind low notes that she totally bottoms out on. I've liked Amanda so far, but that was awful. Randy, for the first time tonight, gets it exactly right, saying it was completely the wrong song, with a melody Amanda totally couldn't handle and a universe of "pitchy" in the verses. Paula attempts to lead with a compliment, telling Amanda she's got some good "dance" moves, which causes Amanda to roll her eyes and "Amanda's mom and friend" in the audience to be like, "So you're saying she sucked, then?" Paula then essentially tells Amanda to start singing Janis again because this performance blew. Simon says the whole thing felt "contrived," as opposed to her video clip, in which he felt she was genuine. It's that battle of genuine Amanda vs. contrived Amanda that gets at me too. There's always artifice when you're talking about a performer, but I don't want to see the effort that goes into it. The judges and Ryan then all pile on to say that Amanda was better than the song she chose tonight, but I don't believe that's true. Amanda did bad things to Kansas tonight. Bad, bleached, acid-washed things.
Asia'h is up last, and we would be "surprised" to learn that she was a cheerleader in high school. This introvert? Really? Okay, so she's singing "All By Myself," which at least should get the "song choice" police to back off, because there's no song more perfect for this show. I should also note that Asia'h is dressed very professionally, like she's modeling for a day-to-night Banana Republic challenge on Project Runway. As for the song, Asia'h's great. I'm not sure how much I can be impressed by anyone singing this song anymore, but she's wonderful. She hits the big note with some power (though maybe less than I was expecting) and crouches into this Tina Turner kind of legs-akimbo stance that's very funny to me. Then we cut to the Dawg Pound, where Danny is OMG-ing like crazy and David Hernandez is weeping openly. Awesome. Randy praises the degree of difficulty, and he and Paula both acknowledge how she "brought it home" after some low-note problems. Simon totally fakes me out, saying it's one of the all-time biggest diva songs and you have to be great to pull it off...and Asai'h's not great enough to pull it off. She "just not that good a singer" (ouch!) and she overreached on the song choice. Asia'h takes it well enough, and Ryan takes the stage and asks Simon if he wouldn't have slammed her for being too unambitious if she'd chosen differently. "No," Simon says, "you just have to know your limits. Something you've managed to do quite in your career." OOOOH! Even Ryan has to smile at that one. They're getting along so well this year! That Dr. Phil couples counseling is working wonders! Anyway, apparently Asia'h is the latest in a long line of flu-ridden contestants, and I'd be calling bullshit if every person I've ever known hadn't been sick at some point in the last month. Shit's going around. Everywhere.
Rundown: Carly loving her some Heart, Syesha being (in retrospect) one of the best of the night, Brooke smiling her way through "You're So Vain," Ramiele bringing the house down at the Munchkinland Disco, Kristy Lee smirking, Amanda rasping, Alaina boring, Alexandréa being singing a stupid song but being awesome and VOTE FOR HER, Kady ruining Heart for Carly and everyone else, and Asia'h making the boys cry.
Tomorrow: Jacob. Results. Jason Yeager, Kady Malloy, and two other people going home.