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The ladies are still in Greece, and decide to turn their attention to bitchery. Angelea has a particular hatred of Dominique, while Lisa comments that Allison looks like she's dead. Tough talk from someone of whom my mom said, 1) [Pointing] "She's old!" 2) [Upon Lisa's appearance] "I haven't found any bones or anything that are nice." Mama Potes: Calling it.
The challenge for a week has the girls judging one another in a mock casting. Though they have some mild criticism in regard to walks and portfolios, things really get gnarly when Miss J. asks each model to name the one girl who doesn't deserve to be there. Laura, Allison, and Lisa refuse to answer. And then there's Dominique. She says that the person who is lacking in all-star confidence is Angelea, who needs to get it together and own it. Angelea does not care for such constructive criticism, and in fact finds it unprofessional. She worked at a bank, so she should know. Laura gets in on the action and talks about how Angelea is guarded, then Lisa adds that Angelea is defensive about everything. Angelea does not want to hear any of it. She walks out with a firm, "Y'all bitches," and tells everyone to kiss her ass. She's crying, Laura's crying, it's a bad scene. Finally, Miss J. collects her and tells her to bring her ass back inside.
The girls fill out a score sheet to determine the weakest and strongest girls overall. Allison is named the weakest! That's crazy! Angelea is right when she says those ladies are some hating-ass bitches. Laura is named the strongest, and Lisa conjectures that it's because no one is threatened by her. She doesn't actually win anything for her meaningless victory. Instead, all of the girls go for a yacht ride with improbably named Greek socialite Twylem Pyper. They swim. Dominique belly flops. And then Twylem takes the ladies to a club. The shots are flowing, but the only one who seems to drink them is Laura. Sadly, no horrible shenanigans result.
For the week's photo shoot, the models have a fashion homage to the Olympic games, shot by Nigel Barker. Dominique does a so-so job throwing a javelin. Allison starts awkward with her discus but gets a little better eventually. Lisa's Olympic event is the hurdles, and though she's at first reluctant to jump Nigel talks her into it. She fears that the judges will pick a bad photo of her, and Nigel is like, "Whatever are you talking about?" I am so sure. Laura has a family history of archery, and looks absolutely lovely even with a veil over her face. And then there's Angelea. She seems to forget some of the basics, like the fact that her face should be turned toward the camera. Her final photo is really good, but Nigel had a difficult time shooting her. The judges also worry that Angelea's emotional/anger issues will erupt at the wrong time, like when she and Mario Lopez are interviewing Angelina Jolie. It could happen. In a different universe, but still. In the end, Laura's photo is named the best, and Angelea and Dominique land in the bottom two. Though all sings pointed to Angelea's exit, her personality (e.g. ability to call a bitch a bitch) saves her, and it's the unmemorable Dominique who gets the boot.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We enter with the ladies returning home to their Greek abode following last week's judging. Dominique's Greek salad photo is displayed as digital art, and even Lisa acknowledges that she looks hot, or as hot as a lady can be as she's doused in olive oil and lounging to a block of feta that's been baking in the sun for hours. Dominique says that she's the dark horse, and she knows a lot of the other girls didn't think she'd be sitting here right now. From experience I say that not a lot of viewers thought she'd be sitting there right now, either. I didn't even remember that she existed prior to the all-star season! I still have my doubts, actually. Dominique reminds us that she has two beautiful children, and says that she's on the show to follow her dreams and produce results and take it all the way. Well, she took it all the way to a giant salad bowl, which I think is far enough.
One person who is conspicuously not praising Dominique's photo is Miss Angelea. She doesn't understand why she's been in the bottom two and Dominique hasn't, particularly since her Greek salad photo shows strength and resilience and flyness amongst the wilted lettuce. Angelea still doesn't believe that Dominique is an all-star. She may have a point there. Angelea also wants people to recognize that, even coming from the ghetto (from the ghetto), she has talent. She knows that she can model, but also says that she's doubting herself. And her mama cries...
Also opening a big bottle of Haterade is Lisa, who doesn't understand why the judges are enraptured by everything Allison does. It's because she's awesome! Shut up! Lisa thinks that Allison looks like she's dead. THAT'S WHAT SHE'S GOING FOR. Also, tough talk, Sophia Petrillo. Lisa of course thinks she's the best all star and has the whole package and should win everything and blah blah blah. Elsewhere, Angelea tells Laura that she didn't think she'd get this far in the competition. Laura interviews that Angelea is lacking self-confidence, and is also very guarded. We cut to Angelea cracking under pressure during the Coco Rocha shoot, and Laura tells us that you can't have any doubt in your mind, because the moment you're not confident is the moment it all goes downhill. Laura just actually spoke some wisdom, people. It's kind of akin to when Jesus appears on the side of a gourd or whatever.
And then there is Tyra Mail! It simply says, "Tomorrow you'll meet with the judges... Fierce and Love, Tyra." But it's way too early for that! Everyone is confuzzled. Laura, who has turned into some kind of wizened soothsayer, says, "Is this a challenge... or a trick?" Maybe she has the sixth sense! Senses one through five are in doubt, however, as she calls this the most scariest (sic) Tyra Mail ever. Having just been in the bottom two, Laura is "escared" to death. With this, we cut to the most scariest credits of all seasons! Help, I am so escared!
When we return, the girls head to the bar of the Blue Palace Resort and Spa, where they meet Miss J. He is wearing a sort of brown toga-muumuu, and his hair is fashioned like a braided curtain tassel. He tells the ladies that they've been judged by the experts, and now it's time to be judged by their peers. Yes, this is the day when all the models are encouraged to bitch at each other! We knew this moment would come. The challenge is set up like a casting, where the girls will walk for one another and go through portfolio review and the like. Wizened soothsayer Laura nails it again when she says, "Oh my gosh, this is gonna be a train wreck." Miss J. encourages the girls not to hold back, under the guise that all-stars must be able to give and take constructive criticism. We then pan back and see that Miss J. is wearing men's dress socks and shoes with his toga and curtain tassle hair. I don't even know anymore, people.
Laura is first to walk, and Dominique says that she's a little country, but is also a white girl with sass. It's the best kind of white girl to be! Angelea tells us that Lisa's walk was sloppy, and adds a definitive, "I can't see her walking on any type of runway ever in life." Even at the airport, someone will be waiting for Lisa with a wheelchair, just so there are no close calls. It's less painful for everyone that way. Lisa gets in her own jabs, saying that she doesn't see Allison having any confidence, and would make her walk again. Angelea walks, but instead of hearing any commentary on the walk itself, Lisa tells us that Angelea gets crabby, and her attitude is really bad. We see Dominique walk, and while Lisa says that she's sexy and confident, Angelea tells her that she tried to give so much attitude that she ended up stumbling. That seems more factual than crabby, but it's certainly not said with kindness. I do have to take a moment here to note that, even though Dominique's inclusion in this lineup has heretofore been a little puzzling to me, she's pretty freaking hot. At this challenge, every other girl looks a total burning mess, and Dominique is turning it out. She's got a banging bod, and seems to have the basics of proper grooming down, unlike the rest of her cohort.
The girls then turn their attention to portfolios. Laura tells Dominique that though her face looks amazing in one shot, her legs make it appear as though she's farting. Even the wisest soothsayer can't consistently maintain a way with words, okay? Dominique doesn't enjoy Lisa's stilt photo, while Angelea doesn't care for Laura's Nene Leakes photo. Miss J. asks Laura how she feels she's doing so far in this competition, and Laura says she's learned so much since her cycle and is really strong, and feels she has a shot at winning it. The trickery continues as Miss J. asks Laura to name one girl who doesn't deserve to win ANTM All-Stars. Laura replies that, even if it means she doesn't win the challenge, she can't say that anyone doesn't deserve to be there. Allison tows the same line as Laura, as does Lisa. I didn't expect that kind of tact from D'Amato, but there you go.
Then we come to Dominique. She begins by saying that she thinks honesty is really, really important. Oh, honesty and realness -- the two most consistently invoked reasons for being a big fat jerk! Dominique says that the person who is lacking in all-star confidence is Angelea. Angelea of course throws her hands up and gets an, "Oh girl, no," look on her face, but is silent for the moment. Dominique continues that she sees much of herself in Angelea, and feels that if you're an all-star, you have to know it, own it, and believe it if you want other people to do the same. You can't just talk it. Dominique's voice wavers as she says that she loves and cares about Angelea, and sees so much more in her. Well, write her a letter and leave it on her pillow. This is not the time, bitch! Angelea, of course, feels attacked. She wonders where it's coming from, and says that it's unprofessional and inconsiderate. She should know, she worked at a bank.
Miss J. asks why Dominique is getting so emotional, and she says it's because she really loves Angelea. Laura picks a very bad moment to pipe in and say that she agrees with some of what Dominique is saying, and that Angelea doesn't see that the other girls care about her because she's so guarded. D'Amato interviews that Angelea will take any commentary as a sort of attack, and is basically a ticking time bomb. And yet, she opens her maw too and joins in. She tells Angelea that her brand is persistence, and yet she doesn't even know what Angelea sells. Fritos? Who cares. Dominique pipes back in to say that this might be difficult to hear now, but Angelea should just let it soak in. Dominique may let it soak in the hole that's about to be punched in her throat. Angelea says that she doesn't need to be schooled by these bitches, and then Laura gets all passionate and starts banging on the table and says that she's mad because Angelea needs to hear that she's a beautiful woman who has talent but doesn't know it. Angelea says that nobody knows her story, and then drops a Zen koan on everyone by noting, "I hear what y'all saying. But I'm not trying to hear it." Try to work it out in your brain a little while and see if it doesn't blow your mind.
Angelea interviews that, out of all the girls, she's the one who's struggled the most, and others don't expect her to succeed or be something other than hood. Miss J. stops Angelea before she can truly go off, then asks her to get up and say who she thinks doesn't deserve to be there. Meanwhile, Lisa tells us that any time Angelea is threatened she gets very passive-aggressive. I would say that she gets aggressive-aggressive, actually. Laura tries to explain to Angelea that she doesn't want her to feel attacked. But, you know, Angelea still feels attacked. She gets mad when she thinks Laura won't let her speak, and says that when she defends herself she looks angry. That's a fair meta critique, actually. Miss J. then reaches to either side of the table and clutches the hands of Laura and Allison. I mean, no one is on the floor in a pool of blood. I think everyone can handle themselves at this moment. Okay, except maybe Allison. This is all too much for Angelea, who storms out of the room while saying, "Y'all bitches. I know what y'all are trying to do. Stupid bitches. Fuck y'all. Fuck all y'all. Kiss my ass. Dumb-ass bitches." They should have kept Bianca around simply because her equivalent rant would have been much more innovative. With that, we head to commercials.
When we return, Laura tells us that she was really mad when Angelea stormed out. But Angelea tells us that she's not buying the whole, "We're only saying this because we love you," line of explanation. I'm with her on that one, actually. Back in the challenge room, Dominique tells Miss J. and the others that what she said to Angelea just now is exactly what she's said to Angelea in private many times. Well, then why rehash? Laura cries and says that she's close to Angelea, and is upset that Angelea doesn't realize that they're trying to give her compliments. In an interview, Dominique gets teary eyed and says that she does see Angelea as having the least potential, because she's not ready yet, emotionally or mentally. Angelea's line of defense is that these bitches know nothing about her. Miss J. comes out for a little heart-to-heart, and Angelea tells him that there are some sneaky bitches in this place. She then says that she can do what Dominique can't do at panel -- namely be herself, and not boring. J. says that Angelea now knows who is being honest with her, and adds that by putting her inside of this moment, which became all about her, she realized that she has the power. I don't...exactly...know what he's saying. But his toga blows way up and the sight of his skinny little chicken legs is just too much for a person to handle. He tells Angelea to get her ass back inside, and she interviews that if she's guarded she has a right to be, because a sneaky bitch will backstab you to get to the top. This episode is rife with wisdom, truly.
Angelea returns, and Miss J. asks who she thinks has the least potential to be America's Top Model All-Star. Angelea then looks at everyone and says, "None of 'em." I don't know if she means that none of them has the least potential to be the ultimate all-star, or that none of them doesn't have the least potential to be an all-star. And now I have just blown my own mind again. It's a mental workout figuring what these people are saying much of the time. Angelea interviews that she believes she can win this. Just like her song says, she's been kicked down time again, but here she stands ready to win. She ain't going nowhere, people. Let's hope not, or shit would get really dull up in this joint. As the ladies fill out score sheets on each other denoting who has the best runway walk, portfolio, and overall star quality, Lisa tells us that Angelea has a mild case of "everybody owes me." She doesn't think Angelea is ready for it all just yet. In turn, Angelea tells us that she's not looking for anybody's validation. Dominique points out that you can't just storm out of a room anytime someone says something that you don't like. Really? I've been doing it wrong all these years, I guess.