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Makeovers! At the Tricomi Salon, a bunch of girls end up looking the same-ish, while Nnenna goes bald, Sara gets a cockatiel do, and Furonda is fashioned into Tiffany 2.0. And then there's Jade, whose obnoxious complaining about her shorter blonde poodle hair is matched only by her level of delusion. Once again, there's a whole lot of noise about personal style, and a celebrity stylist who appears to be Skeletor's Mini-Me executes a challenge that Nnenna wins (under the advisement of poor, useless Naima). Furonda hands out a printed list of house rules governing how to deal with her, while Jade also alienates her housemates, going so far as to demand to use the phone while Wendy is talking to her mom. Who is alive, by the way. Good times. The girls must endure a chilly photo shoot in which they half-nakedly pose on a set made of ice. In the end, it comes down to Jade and Wendy, and despite Nigel's proclamation that Jade needs to get laid, it is Wendy who must leave. In other news, Joanie has a mad snaggle tooth. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Gina was a huge dumb-ass in both public and private forums (but not on the TWoP forums, thank God), and Jade provided the uber-bitch counterpoint. The girls went "bald" for their photo shoot, and Kathy was blessedly eliminated from the competition, but not from the part of the hypothalamus that remembers funky-looking things.
It is night in Los Angeles. There is Tyra Mail, "Think about tonight's cut, because there will be more at 7:30 AM." Wow, they CUT right to the chase there. Har har har. They don't show the girls puzzling out the Tyra Mail because even the world's biggest morons could (and, apparently, did) realize that makeovers are imminent. Jade confessionalizes that, at the last judging, Nigel insinuated that she was arrogant. We flash back to Nigel getting scary-faced and telling her not to talk over the judges. That was no insinuation. That was a bitch-slap so powerful he didn't even have to use his hands. Jade says that she's a down-to-earth person, and just wishes "that people could see who Jade really is." No one who is genuinely down-to-earth talks about herself in the third person. And if Potes feels certain enough to commit that to paper (or the vast nothing-sphere that is the internet), you know it must be so. Gina interviews that she believes in karma, and that Jade is the recipient of some of the bad variety. If that's her karma from Week 1, I'd hate to see what will happen in the fortnight.
As if to test fate, Jade sits in a bedroom with Sara and Furonda and talks shit about Gina. She says that Gina has a lot of personal problems, and that it shows. She adds that, if you're in a competition, you can't be weak-minded. Furonda -- who is wearing the Fluffy Tiara of Truth (it's so much more fierce than the Blindfold of Justice!) -- tells Jade that she was harsh on Gina. Furonda interviews that if Jade thinks she's found an easy target (in Gina, in this case), she's going to work it. Jade says that nobody's going to want a weak America's Top Model. Furonda says that she knows she's at the bottom of the barrel, but that if Jade comes at her with silliness, Furonda will deal with it. Furonda will cut a bitch, is what she's saying. The girls talk about how being on ANTM is a learning experience, and we discover that Jade is sitting in her underwear with striped knee socks on. As I always like to say: bitch, if it's cold enough for knee socks, it's cold enough for pants.
It's the morning! Yay! Kari points out that Wendy is distracted, and Wendy interviews that she's slowly getting over everything that happened in New Orleans. She says that she didn't know where her parents were for a while, but that they finally got in touch. Nice how they gloss over this bit of information in a five-second clip. We were all worried! (But not worried enough to stop talking about how fug Wendy is.) And, not to judge, but if you were Wendy, wouldn't you want to try to see them or something? An extremely fluffy-headed post-makeover Kari (way to hold our suspense!) says that Wendy has a lot of things on her mind. If she wants to clear it out, she might try using some of the storage space in her nose.
Warren Tricomi salon! Tyra tells the girls that it is a day of transformation. Foreshadowing rears its short-haired, dyed-blonde head as Jade interviews that she needs long hair because, in the fashion industry, long hair sells. There will be a photo shoot immediately after the makeovers to capture the girls' new looks. Tyra introduces the "masters" of color and style: Joel Warren, colorist, and Edward Tricomi, stylist. Edward Tricomi looks like Iggy Pop. There's also another guy there, but I guess he made a joke about coloring Tyra's hair with barbecue sauce, so he doesn't get a proper on-screen introduction. Also, I am loath to mention this, but feel I must: J. Alexander is standing there with curlers in his hair. He's not even saying anything and already I wish he would shut the fuck up.
Tyra tells the girls what their new looks will be. Kari will get a Bridget Bardot sexy 'do. Leslie will get thicker and more luscious extensions. Sara will have hair that is short on the sides, longer on the top, and Brigitte Nielsen blonde. So scary German lesbian dominatrix mullet, then? Perfect. Sara interviews that she is shocked, because that's nothing like her personal style. Danielle is going to get a long, wavy weave. Brooke is getting Gisele Bundchen hair. Joanie will become more blonde and icy. Nnenna is going bald, and to her credit, she takes this without any sort of shock or whining. Tyra makes fun of Furonda's casting wig and her current real hair, which looks like it was shorn with hedge trimmers. She says that one of her favorite looks was Season 4 Tiffany's long, straight hair, so that's what Furonda's getting. Furonda thinks this will be good to give her positive energy. It worked so well for Tiffany, after all. At this point, Tyra probably thinks that it is within her power to actually turn Furonda into Tiffany just by giving her the same hair, so she can wordsmith her tirade a little and/or add a few extra tears. Wendy is going lighter. Gina will get an edgier, angled cut to make her more high-fashion and less of the dumb-ass that she is. Mollie Sue is getting the Mia Farrow haircut that Cassandra shunned. Oh, come up with some new ideas already. And last but not least, the stylists would like to make Jade look softer, sweeter, and more elf-like. Because when I think soft and beautiful, I immediately think of the gorgeous bearded creatures toiling away in Santa's workshop or making shoes in their mushroom house. To achieve this look, they're going to go shorter and blonder. Jade takes this as she takes everything: with a grain of insufferable.
Time for the cuts! There is snipping, there is burning of the scalp. Edward Tricomi tells Sara that, when you're a model, anything and everything goes. Sara is all, "I just wanted to get a pretzel at Auntie Anne's and a nail buffer at the Dead Sea kiosk and now I look like the love child of Rosie O'Donnell and Brigitte Nielsen and whoever that guy is who's the tallest man in the world!" Note to young girls all over the world: do not talk to strangers in the mall, especially if they are UPN employees. Jade bitches to Nnenna that the girls in the modeling world who work have the long hair. Way to comfort the one who's going bald, asshole. Furonda says what could really go without saying: that her last haircut was a disaster. She needs something to make her visibly confident, and hopes that the hair extensions will do the trick. Nnenna gets shaved and Mollie Sue gets shorn. A stylist shows Sara many ridiculous ways to wear her apparently versatile haircut. Seriously, it looks crazy. Sara tells Kari -- who looks more like a member of The Carrie Nations than ever with her giant, fluffy banged hair -- that her boyfriend works for a conservative senator and that she guesses she won't be going to the Christmas party this year. While she has nothing to lose, she might as well get an abortion just for the hell of it.
Jade continues to complain. Joanie speaks for all of us when she interviews, "Jade...just shut. Up." Mollie Sue interviews, "Oh my gosh. Shut up." Brooke -- whose hair I like because it kind of looks like mine, but lighter -- says that Sara got a crazy, funky cut that didn't suit her personality, and that she didn't take it so well. It is seriously so puffy on top. It's kind of like a pompadour. The other girls try to make her feel better about it by saying that it looks good and that she can do a lot with it. I have to say that I wouldn't be excited about that haircut, either. I cut Sara a break or two because she seems sane and pretty normal.
The Jays go around and help each girl define her personal style. Boring and stupid, I know. Brooke is 1940s-1950s vintage. Brooke loves her hair. Gina is "Simplistic Chic." Gina says that she wanted something more drastic for her makeover, but that she's okay with it. Mollie Sue loves her look. Her style is "Mod." Furonda's style is "Quirky Beautiful," minus the beautiful. She loves the hair. Kari is "Bohemian Chic." She says that she was hoping for darker and shorter hair and didn't want to look like a Barbie, but she does, so she'll have to rock it nonetheless. Nnenna's personal style is "New African Queen." She finds the new look empowering but will have to work harder because she has no hair to hide behind. Her hair before made her look like Ed Grimley. Sara's style is "Street Chic," which of course doesn't fit her at all. She interviews that, though she wasn't happy with the cut, she wasn't going to be the girl in the salon crying about her makeover. I respect that. Joanie is "All-American." She loves her makeover and is more confident. She looks exactly the same. Leslie's style is "Simplistic Sexy Chic." She loves her bodacious hair. Wendy is "Urban Glam." Her hair also looks the same as before. Danielle's style is "Hip-Hop Glam." She likes what she calls her long Rapunzel hair. Except when she's in the tower and her suitor yells, "Danielle! Danielle! Let down your hair!" she'll reply, "Your lazy ass can climb the damn stairs, bitch. Nobody's yanking on this weave." Furonda and Jade might be featured in this episode, but something tells me we shouldn't sleep on Danielle just yet. Jade defines her personal style as "Bohemian." She complains some more about her hair, saying that she thought she'd get long extensions, which Furonda got. Despite its poodle-esque quality, I actually think Jade's hair looks a lot better post-makeover.
The Jays joke around, with Ms. J. saying that his personal style is "Ghetto Project Fabulous." Jay combs out Ms. J's hair, saying that her personal style is actually akin to Al Sharpton's. That is somewhat accurate, but the truth is that Ms. J. is a dead ringer for Florence from The Jeffersons. Jay tells the girls that they'll be going to the Gen Art fashion show, and that they will have to find outfits in that show that are adaptable to their own personal styles.
In the limo going home, Jade talks some more about the hair. She says that "they're" trying to test her. Jade tests others so much that she is practically a Scantron sheet. I would like to give her a number two pencil made of arsenic. Jade interviews, "The judges don't want to make it look so easy, because I'm sure the world is like, 'Oh. This girl...this girl got something.'" And the world ends that sentence with, "Perhaps it's some sort of personality disorder. Or, just for the hell of it, crabs." It's hard to be nice when you're so itchy all the time. Jade says that Furonda is a "true Miss Diva" because she's really feeling her new hair and won't stop looking in the mirror.
Back at home, Furonda says that she's about to hand out her rules. Furonda, in this clip, still has her short hair, so clearly her fluffy tiara of truth gives her the ability to go back in time. Furonda whips out a printed piece of paper that is headed with "Furonda's Tips for Successful Interaction." Okay, that is the greatest. They are this:
1. I will treat you in a way identical to, or worse than, the way you treat me.
2. I am the best person to discuss me with.
3. If you need anything other than emergency items, please do not ask me.
4. Stay out of my personal business unless I invite you in.
There appears to be additional information that we aren't privy to as well. Furonda has long hair again as she gives a copy to each girl. The others are all like, "WTF?" They say that Furonda is a diva and a prima donna and thinks she is queen bee. Jade says that Furonda thinks she's an imitation Naomi Campbell, but she is all twisted. But seriously, how awesome is Rule#3? Also, "Or worse than." Furonda may look busted, but she's secretly becoming my favorite. Commercials.
When we return, Furonda verifies that she feels fabulous and beautiful with her new hair. Jade asks Furonda how she's going to wear her crown, which is I guess what she calls the fluffy tiara. Furonda kindly says that Jade can wear it, which I guess technically doesn't violate Rule #3, since Jade didn't ask for the crown. Jade says that she wouldn't be caught dead in the crown. She interviews that she felt confident coming into the competition, but then she points to her hair (or, one might conjecture, her face) and says, "But to pull this off? Dude." Furonda and Jade continue their little dance of "I didn't even know you were a bitch." Furonda says that people have always hated that they can't get under her skin. Jade says that hate is a strong word. Agreed, but it is nonetheless appropriate whenever Jade is involved.
Meanwhile, Sara is on the phone with her boyfriend. She cries about her hair and calls it ridiculous. It is.
The girls go to the Gen Art fashion show. Real models walk and yet again remind us what a farce ANTM is. Wendy -- who looks a lot like a cross between Jennifer Beals and Toucan Sam -- says that she drifted away from the fashion show for a bit, because New Orleans was on her mind. The girls head backstage, where they get to rifle through the clothes racks and find their outfits. Jade says that she was still adjusting to the way she looked, and adds that she doesn't even look like she belongs on this planet. Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Pluto all say, "Not it," in unison. Sara isn't sure about her style, and looks around in vain for hot pants. Take a trip in Furonda's time machine and maybe you'll be able to find them, sweetie.
Then, the worst thing happens. The girls head to a different location where they meet Rachel Zoe, anorexic stylist to all the anorexic stars. And I must say that, though I do a lot of shit-talking about ribs and such, I do kind of admire Tyra for her whole stance about real women's bodies and her willingness to, you know, actually eat. So I find it really strange that she has this leathery bag of bones on her show. She is terrifying. ["Not just leathery and skinny, but also the most mutton-dressed-as-a-lamb slag I have seen since Gale Leery. Someone needs to style Rachel Zoe in an outfit appropriate to her advanced age." -- Wing Chun] Rachel Zoe tells the girls that they each have fifteen minutes to put together their hair, makeup, and wardrobe. But they will have a little help...from Season 4 winner Naima. Good to see they're keeping her busy. Naima looks positively hulking to Rachel Zoe. Like, she looks like she pulled Rachel Zoe out of her foot with a pair of tweezers. She does a little spiel about makeup, and tells the girls that today they'll be using the Queen Collection, Cover Girl's new line of makeup for women of color. Because there's nothing to make us forget about Naima's utter lack of success like putting Joanie in blackface. The winner of the competition gets a $5,000 shopping spree at Nanette Lepore. Good prize.
The fifteen minutes begins and each girl readies herself. Naima, who takes fifteen minutes just to get a sentence out, is no help in this time-sensitive context. We get a lot of junky testimonials about Cover Girl. Rachel tells everyone that their time is up. She judges each girl's look. Sara apparently found her hot pants. Rachel tells her to find the middle ground between appropriate and sexy. Sara tells us for the record that she would never go out of the house wearing such a get-up. Danielle is also looking naked. Nnenna is perfect, of course. Mollie Sue looks more like a sailor than mod. She is disappointed by this because she thought this was her competition. According to Mollie Sue, she is personal style. She also is old as Betty White.
Rachel announces Nnenna as the winner. She gets to choose two friends, and she inexplicably takes Gina and Jade. Or, should I say, "seemingly inexplicably." Nnenna lobbies for a position at the U.N., saying that Jade and Gina didn't get along very well, so a shopping spree might get them to learn more about one another. You want peace in the Middle East? Give those crotchety world leaders some Benjamins and their choice of hand-beaded halters and flirty spring skirts! The three lucky ladies enjoy their spree, along with stupid Rachel Zoe. Gina says that she doesn't like Jade, but that each did her own thing, so it was okay.
Back at home, Wendy sits down to make a call. And I should note that I have learned from the forums and a few emails that the girls are living in the legendary "Black Dahlia" house. And I have tried to learn more about the horrific and haunting murder that took place at this residence, but as soon as I get to the words "genitals not fully developed," I can't bring myself to go on. So Google if you want to, but do so at your own peril. But also: way to get a break on rent, ANTM producers! season will be filmed in Amityville. Speaking of disasters, Wendy tells us that much of her family has been displaced due to Hurricane Katrina. She talks to her mom, who says that they had 8 1/2 feet of water in the house. Just when it's getting good, this mother-daughter reconnection is stopped short by Jade, who is wearing only her underwear and a sarong of some sort wrapped around her head and torso. Again, if you're cold enough to wrap a sarong around your head, you might consider pants. Jade opens the door to the phone room and says that she needs to use the phone and hasn't gotten to use it since her haircut. Wendy says that she had to get up at 3 in the morning to use the phone, and that she'll let Jade know when she's off. Jade says, "That's foul." I didn't know Jade even had the capability of seeing her reflection. Jade interviews that she hadn't talked to her family since her makeover, so her anger was building up. Well, Wendy hadn't talked to her family since she thought they were dead, so she wins. For some strange reason, I want to end every sentence addressed to Jade with the words "You stupid bitch." Does that happen to you guys, too?
Jade sits in the hallway outside the phone room, along with Furonda and Mollie Sue. She once again complains that she hasn't used the phone recently. She interviews that she doesn't know who she is right now -- that she's lost, and she needs balance. Hmmm, sounds suspiciously like an identity crisis. You stupid bitch. See? It just fits. Jade then tells Furonda and Mollie Sue that she thinks she is the undiscovered supermodel. She says that she grew up in New York, "the belly of the beast." Then, the best thing happens. Furonda, who is once again wearing her fluffy tiara, starts laughing. And then Mollie Sue starts laughing. They are full-on laughing at Jade right in front of her face. You can imagine how well this goes over. Quick cut to Jade standing in front of the giant "ANTM" hanging on the wall and saying, "This is not America's Top Best Friend." Gina's all, "But I'm pretty sure 'best friend' starts with a t!" Joanie stands in her doorway and laughs. Jade says that she has everything it takes to be the top model. You know, except for the looks, age, and personality. Then, the quote of the evening. From Jade, of course, in an interview: "I know I'm a threat. I'm a strong-ass woman. I'm a souljah sister. Recognize." At this point even Sister Souljah has a Sister Souljah moment and is all, "That bitch got nothin' to do with me."
Back in the hallway, Jade quite hilariously lashes out on the other girls. She tells Furonda that she looks ridiculous with the "crown" on her head. Furonda starts to make a comment about Jade being in her underwear, but stops short. Jade, however, takes the bait and says, "Of course I'm in my panties, and I look damn good. Broke-ass crown. They ain't even real diamonds." Apparently Jade's delusion applies not only to herself, but to the actual whole world. she'll be like, "Out of cotton balls with which to apply my oil-reducing astringent? Perhaps I'll just pull down a bit of cloud to use." Furonda and Mollie Sue start laughing again, which is, of course, a genius strategy. When she comes out of the phone room, Wendy tells Jade not to take out her attitude on other people. Jade shushes her and says, "Goodbye, J. Lo," as Furonda continues to laugh. Commercials.
It's "My Life As a Cover Girl." Nicole is thrilled to get a televised message from Queen Latifah, with whom she's apparently on first-name basis. If, in fact, Queen Latifah's first name is indeed "Queen." She actually says, "What's great about Queen is that she can do so many things." Yet she still can't find the way out of her own closet. Recognize!
In other news, if the gorgeous and amazing Kathleen Edwards comes to your town on her tour, go see her! (Though probably not on the Bryan Adams dates. I don't know what that's about. Bitch-ass Canadians. ["Hey, I bailed out after Reckless. Blame Kevin Costner for prolonging his career by doing that Robin Hood song." -- Wing Chun])
Back at the Black Dahlia Inn, the girls talk about how awful Jade is, while Jade tells her mother how awful the girls are. Where's Nnenna when you need her? Sara says that, at first, she thought Furonda's rules were stupid, but that you can just "stick them." Whereas if you tried to stick Jade, people would always ask you, "Why does your ass do so much complaining? And why does it want me to recognize it?"
Tyra Mail! "Don't blow your cover." Furonda says that she needs another chance to prove herself. Despite her uncanny resemblance to Flava Flav, Furonda has really risen in my esteem in this episode.
The girls walk into a giant warehouse filled with blocks of ice. They instantly start shivering and coughing. Maybe they're exposing the girls to typhoid fever just for the hell of it. Yay! Jay Manuel stands in front of a snowy, icy scene. He tells the girls that they'll be posing on a set made entirely of ice. And, quite randomly, that their shot will be made to look like a magazine cover. Richard Reinsdorf is the photographer. He tells the girls to imagine that they're somewhere warm. This is totally like the episode of The Brady Bunch where Bobby and Greg get locked in Sam's meat freezer. Good times. Danielle tells us that it's hella cold, and that she's shaking like a little gap-toothed Chihuahua. The girls get made up like ice princesses. Scantily clad ice princesses, that is.
Sara is first and does so-so.
Nnenna tries to think of the hot desert, with limited success. Jay says that her face and body seemed shocked. Isn't that the point?
Richard says that Mollie Sue has a really cool look, but that he'd like to see more range out of her.
Danielle looks like a regular-sized Toccara. Jay tells her she occasionally looks like a ho. Don't we all.
Jay asks for more of a fashion-y look from Joanie.
Jay tells Wendy to think it, feel it, and be fierce to avoid the vacant look of last week. He says he's concerned about the way Wendy's state of mind reads on her face.
Kari is , and her head is customarily huge.
Leslie freezes up a little in the face.
Meanwhile, backstage, Jade tells Kari and Nnenna that they're beautiful and elegant, and says that she wants to be beautiful, too. Well, too late. Kari tells us what we already know -- that beneath Jade's tough and crazy exterior, there is actually only crazy.
Gina is and looks frozen. She asks Jay what she's doing wrong, and he says something totally unhelpful, as usual.
Brooke is good at exuding sex appeal devoid of sleaziness. She is also a bit more fully clothed than the others.
Jade says that she didn't feel beautiful because of her makeup, so she really just stood there in a bathing suit "half-ass naked." From what we've seen, half-ass naked is her niche, so I don't know why she's complaining. Jay says that Jade was the epitome of an ice princess.
Jade once again gets nasty and says she wants to see Miss Furonda the Diva pose. Furonda the Honda. Furonda the transponda. Like, what do you rhyme with "Furonda"? Furonda ostensibly does a good job, or at least better than the last photo shoot. She still looks kind of funky, but she has proven herself to be such a worthy NOJ (nemesis of Jade) that a bit of not-so-ugly might have steeped into her face.
Back at the Disembodied Lodge, there is more Tyra Mail. One unlucky lady will be going home. Furonda says that she knows it's possible for her, or anyone, to be going home. But please let it not be her or Jade. I want them to be together long enough to come to blows! Commercials.
It is time for judging! Tyra commends the girls on their makeovers, which they technically had nothing to do with. There are prizes, there are judges. Nigel tells the girls that they look beautiful. J. Alexander points to his t-shirt, which reads "12." A gimmick in search of a gimmick is always so sad. Stupid Rachel Zoe is the guest judge. Tyra tells the girls that, this week, they learned how to shoot a magazine cover. She adds that a cover model must make a connection with a person walking by the newsstand and get that person to buy the magazine. And what better way to sell the magazine, Tyra says, than by showing some ass? Er, she actually says, "Than by putting your name on that cover." And it is true that if I saw "FURONDA" written in large font on the cover of Vogue, I might at least take a flip through.
Danielle is first. Her new weave looks ratty as hell. Her legs are spread wide in the photo. Nigel says that she has a commanding presence, but that her hair looks like shit.
Kari is , and her photo is amazing. It looks nothing like her. Tyra commends her for her willingness to try ugly moves, which can be cropped into non-ugly moves. There's a life lesson for you.
Leslie looks a little too Maxim for the judges.
Mollie Sue is Tyra's fantasy girl with her short hair, but Ms. J. tells her that, being one of the shorter girls, she should never come to judging without heels. Mollie Sue looks edgy and masculine in her cover, which is a good thing.
Wendy's pose is too safe. Tyra, for reasons still mysterious to me, makes a lackey come and wet down Wendy's hair so that it can be pulled into a bun. Yes, have a stranger come and pour water on the girl from New Orleans. That is extremely sensitive and motherly of you, Tyra. Tyra asks if the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina is affecting Wendy's performance in the competition. Wendy says that she tries not even to think about it.
Joanie is . Twiggy thinks she looks very high-fashion, but Tyra says she's playing it safe with her pose.
, Sara, whose photo is disappointing to Twiggy. Nigel notes that she doesn't appear to be comfortable with her makeover, which is, of course, true.
Twiggy loves everything about Brooke. Her photo gets kudos, and Nigel and Twiggy give her the "you're so wrong, you're right" spiel. I thought they only said that about people behind their backs.
Furonda is , and Nigel tells Furonda that she needs to be more of a presence. Tyra says that Furonda did much better this week.
Gina needs to learn more about her angles. Her photo is not a cover, but it's beautiful.
Tyra notes that Nnenna won the challenge for the week. Her photo is fierce in a fashion-forward way, even though Tyra says she's awkward every now and then.
Finally, Jade stands before the judges. Twiggy notes that Jade scares her a little because she's so aggressive. Nigel asks if Jade is angry, and Jade starts going into her drama with the other girls in the house. She says that she knows she's a threat, and that she's had the most dramatic transition. Tyra says that there have been many more dramatic transitions in past seasons, and Nigel tells her to leave her bullshit at the door. Jade's photo is in profile, which doesn't work. She starts to make excuses about her eye makeup, and Nigel tells her that she needs to stop bitching so much. Tyra says that modeling isn't about making the model look good, it's about making the product look good. Jade is whipped and gives a meek "okay."
The judges discuss. Nnenna has quiet confidence according to Nigel. Gina is pretty but not a model. Nigel says that she's dazed and confused in person. He doesn't know the half of it. Everyone loves Brooke. Sara still has a bit of the gawky teenager about her, but has a great look. Nigel says that he likes Joanie okay, but that as soon as she opens her mouth, her giant snaggletooth -- which apparently makes a noise like an elephant, if the sound editor is to be believed -- is all he sees. And seriously, girl has quite a tooth. Ms. J. says that a call to 1-800-SMILE will fix that. Wendy gets mixed reviews, as does Leslie. Mollie Sue's haircut gets raves from Twiggy. Rachel says she thinks Furonda could walk every runway in Europe, whereas Nigel says that "Furonda is Gone-da" for him, and that she looks like E.T. in a wig. Twiggy would like to watch Kari some more. Danielle is beloved by Twiggy. Tyra says that Danielle reminds her of the girls she grew up with in Inglewood, and does her best ghetto impersonation. It involves hopscotch, and that's all I'm going to say. Twiggy appears uneasy, while Rachel thinks about how delicious hopscotch chalk must taste. That's what happens when you don't eat for fifteen years. Twiggy says that Jade is Scary Spice to her, but Ms. J. thinks that they knocked some of the arrogance out of her. Nigel, not to be outdone by just any ghetto impression, counters with "Jade just needs to get laid." Ms. J. looks like he wants to clutch his pearls as he thinks about how gross Nigel is. And seriously, that is the least of Jade's problems.
Twelve lovely girls stand before Tyra, but she only has eleven photos. And who gets the photos? Everyone except for Jade and Wendy. The judges see a model in person with Wendy, but are less than impressed with her photos. Her potential hasn't been put to use. And also, they found her parents, so purpose served. Jade is a giant asshole. But she nonetheless gets a photo and another week in the competition. Tyra says that her arrogance is based in insecurity, but that she has another chance to show them "The Real Jade." Please, Lord, anything but that!
Poor Wendy is crying and in shock. Though I don't think she's such a looker, I do feel bad for her. I mean, the girl has been through enough, you know? She says that her family will be proud that she made it this far, and that she likes to think of this as a beginning rather than an end.
week, runway training. Gina wants to watch Danielle shower. And the girls must pose with a tiny version of Kathy. Oh, sorry, I guess it's actually a cockroach.