The Girls Who Hated Their Makeovers

Despite the presence of makeovers, the introduction of the girls' living quarters, and Janice Dickinson in a cop outfit, the second Top Model of the season is surprisingly kind of dull. It is also, apparently, the opposite sketch, as the judges think that Hideous Christina the Head Louse is beautiful, and gorgeous Brita falls to the dreaded first elimination. But let me back up. First, the final fourteen learn that they will not be going to New York like real models do, and instead will remain in Tyra's hometown of L.A. They have their first photo shoot in which they are dressed as aliens who have destroyed the city of New York, and Nigel serves as photographer. While some of the girls excel, Brita is too distracted trying to cover up her hoo-ha to pose well, and Brandy acts like a total asshole, to the surprise of no one. The girls then discover that their new home is a pimped-out pad in the back of a ghetto warehouse that's owned by fashion-designing bikers. Of course. Next, the show goes to great lengths to prove that it knows its way around a pun, and the contestants are treated to makeovers, most of which are not too drastic. While Michelle takes the pain of peroxide to the scalp like the man she is; Keenyah whines that her new cut is too blunt; and Brandy whines about...well, everything. A pissed-off Tyra singles out the two complainers for their bad attitudes. At panel, it comes down to Brandy and Brita, and Brita is felled by the fact that being six years too old, sixteen pounds too heavy, and the prettiest person alive is somehow inferior to being gap-toothed, clown-like, and relentlessly irritating. And hey, remember that time last season when Tyra said she didn't want to cast another black bitch? Yeah, me neither.