Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gutter, Balls
By Lady Lola | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.11.2010
d of being happy that his one-nighter didn't just die, Teddy bitches that they'll surely have detention forever now. Ian walks off to fetch tools from his trunk so he can fix the gutter and be done with Teddy once and for all.Elsewhere, CC gets a call from the manager of the hotel where he gave Liam a key. The World's Best Half-Brother has come through that bitch like a rock star, causing $5,000 worth of damage.
Hospital. Matthews runs in and asks Debbie where Jen is. No need to answer there, Debbie. A split-second later, Jen's shrieks are heard in the hallway: "Get her out of me already! What the Hell am I paying you for?" Matthews heads into her room as Jen begs for the doctor to cut the baby out. She reams the doctor, threatens to murder everyone in the room, then lets out one final yowl as the baby plunges out of her vag and into this cold, cruel world. The doctor congratulates the new parents and corrects a little misapprehension of theirs. The baby, it turns out, is actually a boy. Jen freaks out that she's prepared the nursery for a girl and bought pink clothes, but Matthews assures her they can fix things. Once the baby is in her arms, she and Matthews share an emotional kiss at this wriggly little ball of damnation they've created together. Of course they realize immediately that she shouldn't have and bumblingly pawn it off to being caught up in the moment.
Casa Nueva. Dixon's phone rings. It's Ivy. Dixon ignores it. A second later, his phone rings. It's the doctor's office, so he picks up. The nurse tells him that the results have come in, and the doctor has requested him to come in person. Uh-oh.
Back at the hospital, Annie arrives to pick up Debbie, who is taking care of the baby while Jen sleeps. Debbie gives Annie the chance to hold the baby, and it makes Annie realize that selling her eggs isn't as cut-and-dried as she thought. She apologizes to Debbie for being a wench during their last conversation. She takes accountability for partly causing their financial troubles with her legal bills, not to mention causing some of Harry and Debbie's marital issues by being a pain in the ass all the year before. No mention is made of the 16 years prior to that. Debbie assures her that the marital problems were separate from Dixon and Annie. The heart-to-heart is cut short when Jen barrels out of her room screaming at the nurse to change her baby's diaper. She tries to fire the nurse (that doesn't even work for her), then desperately turns to Debbie for help with her baby's quickly chapping ass. Debbie takes this opportunity to accept the assistant job and negotiate for double salary, plus overtime and benefits. Like many young mothers, Jen is desperate enough to say yes to pretty much anything.
West Bev. CC confronts Liam about trashing the hotel room and says they're done once and for all. He apologizes for leading Liam to a life of crime, but say that he was a scared kid. He walks off angrily, leaving Liam to have a sudden, mandatory-for-his-character-arc change of heart.
Meanwhile, Ian patches up the gutter while Teddy wraps up the bags of leaves they cleaned up. They run downstairs just in time to fool the principal into thinking they did everything from the ground. She grants their freedom and leaves. They pat each other on the back and fall into a meaningful gaze. Teddy admits that Ian did a good job in this instance, and Ian thanks him for saving his life. Teddy apologizes for the fight and the F-bombs. Ian mistakes this as an admission that Teddy's coming around and offers to talk with Teddy. He puts his hand on Teddy's shoulder, which is one step too far. Teddy stonewalls him again, then walks off abruptly.
Hospital. Matthews arrives with arms full of boy clothes he's just bought. Jen shushes him so little Jacques won't wake up. Matthews objects to the name Jacques on the grounds that it's pretentious and too easily lends itself to the playground nickname "Jacques Strap." While Jen holds her ground, a nurse wheels in a cot so Matthews can stay the night. Jen feigns disinterest, then changes her tune when she realizes she'll need someone to get up at three in the morning and change diapers or dispense of bottles. They reach an impasse for the moment, though the Jacques-Jack issue is still up in the air.
Casa Nueva. Ivy ambushes Dixon to confront him on his lies. He tries to brush her off, but she throws a stream of questions at him. Backed into a corner, he lies that he still has feelings for his ex and breaks up with Ivy.
Hotel. Silver sets up a hidden camera on her laptop to record the whole interaction with Cannon. AAdrianna thinks showing up at a hotel room to meet a student alone is a firing offense. Naomi double-checks that Silver is okay with this sexual cloak and dagger. Silver says she'll be fine because they're watching from the adjoining room. She sets up the back-up plan that they'll run in and save her in case Cannon goes on the attack. AAdrianna and Naomi leave an excited Silver, who has no idea what the eff she's getting herself into.
A minute later, Cannon arrives. But he's not alone. He's brought with him the school therapist and the principal, who have taken AAdrianna's rationale plus Silver's history of bipolar disorder and used it against her. Silver asserts that Cannon has acted inappropriate with her, but he was smart enough to save their online chat as evidence that she propositioned him. Silver grasps for straws as to how to explain what she's doing, looking pointedly at Cannon the whole time. She comes up with nothing and holds her tongue. The principal says she won't discipline Silver, but requires her to speak with her family about it and attend counseling sessions. Cannon says smarmily, "Silver, we just want to help you."
Time for some musical montage action! A sultry song with the piano beat of Alicia Keys' "Fallin'" plays as a growly singer and lilting songstress croon, "I've come undone." CC arrives at La Casa Nueva and takes Annie into his arms for a kiss. He thinks that, since Liam has said he wants nothing to do with them, they might as well all get what they want. Meanwhile, Teddy tries and fails to get it on with the slutty girl from earlier. Over at MILF Manor, Ausscar consoles the pants right off of Ivy -- as was his plan all along.
The tune changes to another smoky-voiced singer as we return to the hospital. Jen watches Matthews sleeping with their son in his arms. She silently creeps over to adjust the baby's teeny little hat and brush Matthews' floppy hair behind his ear. Looks like somebody has maternal instincts! Who knew?