Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gutter, Balls
By Lady Lola | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.11.2010
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.After Naomi's rape revelation, Silver is on the hunt for blood. She enlists AAdrianna and Annie in the sting operation that wasn't. First she has a flirty IM conversation with Cannon and invites him to a hotel room to "brainstorm" ideas about her senior project, then she sets up a surveillance camera in her laptop. The joke's on her when Cannon brings the school's principal and therapist to intervene in case Silver's bipolar is acting up again. Silver gets off with a family conversation and a few counseling sessions, but she's far from over. She catches Cannon in the hall the next day and flings some vague threats at him about some master plan she and the girls (don't) have to pay him back for his crimes. To be continued...
Also obsessed with blood is Dixon, who goes in for a test to see whether he has HIV or not. In the time between the test and the results, he successfully alienates Ivy long enough for Ausscar to swoop in and tell Ivy he saw Dixon talking to his ex on the night he was supposed to be taking Ivy's virginity. She confronts him with a barrage of questions. Backed into a corner, he breaks up with her on the grounds that he's still hooked on his ex. He tries to make amends when he learns he tested negative for HIV, but Ausscar has already enacted his final solution by consoling the pants off of Ivy, quite literally.
Jen likewise finds herself pants-less when her baby decides it's time to get the eff out of her inhospitable womb. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, baby. That's all I have to say to you. Debbie ends up driving Jen to the hospital because, in her cash-strapped state, she was applying for a job as Jen's "executive" assistant. Debbie ultimately takes the job. Jen, meanwhile, gets a baby boy (she thought she was having a girl) and a kiss from Matthews that shall hopefully never be discussed again.
As for those who won't be having babies, we'll speak of Annie first. She successfully hides a bag full of surrogate-friendly hormone injections from Debbie for about 13 seconds before Debbie tells her in no uncertain terms that she will not be harvesting her eggs. Without morning sickness to keep her company, Annie decides to take up with Liam's half-brother for good, since Liam has told both of them to bugger off. Also in the buggering and not-having-babies camp, Teddy has a gay old time cleaning West Bev's gutters, saving lives, and other such shenanigans with his one-night stand, Ian. That is, until Ian dares to touch Teddy's shoulder, and the closeted jock runs screaming "No homo!" all the way into some slutty girl's bed, where he can't get it up anyway, so what was the point? But what's ever the point at West Bev? Certainly not sharp dialogue, plot continuity, or authenticity. Not while we have Shenae Grimes and Trevor Donovan on board, my friends.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Annie sold her eggs for cash, then inadvertently started dating Liam's half-brother. Teddy fought (literally) to hide his gay experimentation. Ausscar had designs on destroying Ivy and her MILF's life. Ivy decided to go all the way with Dixon -- just in time for him to learn he might have HIV. Naomi finally came clean about Cannon raping her, and the other girls decided to go all bad-ass hit squad on him.
We open as Annie reluctantly administers a hormone injection to an orange -- practice for what she'll be doing on her own body for at least the next nine months. Her boss thanks Annie for allowing her and her husband to finally start a family, then offers to transfer the $20,000 fee to Annie's bank account by the end of the week.
Annie heads home, where she finds Debbie fretting over several bills that are due. Debbie notices Annie is carrying a bag and wonders what's inside. Annie lies that it's a leftover sandwich from her boss and says she's going to eat it in her room. Debbie updates her on the job hunt -- she has a job interview tomorrow for an executive assistant position. Annie is less-than-thrilled, so Debbie worries that Annie is losing faith in her.
The next morning at the beach club, Matthews orders Jen's folic acid-heavy breakfast. Jen swishes in and says she's already eaten and been shopping for baby girl clothes. Matthews worries that Jen shouldn't be exerting herself after the premature labor scare. Jen reminds him she's reached 37 weeks and can now safely have the baby. She starts off to berate employees -- a task she's probably been eagerly anticipating since she got relegated to bed rest. Matthews insists she slow down so the baby can gain weight in its last weeks in her womb. She spits back, "Ew, yuck! Who wants a chubby baby?" Matthews informs her that most mommies don't want an emaciated fetus popping of their hoo-ha, but this debate of function over fashion is lost on lifetime Angelino Jen. She's already bought the baby an itty bitty bikini. Because newborns are so good at swimming?
Doctor's office. Dixon tells his doctor that his ex is HIV positive, and they didn't use a condom every time. Dixon asks about his chances for testing positive, too, but the doctor can't say for sure. The lab tech tells him the results will be in on Wednesday.
West Bev. Some girl approaches Teddy to confirm that he and Silver broke up. He says it's true, so she invites him for a little companionship that weekend while her parents are out of town. He tells her it's too soon. She asks, "Tomorrow then?" When he says no again, she throws in that she used to be a gymnast.
Elsewhere, Naomi and Annie watch Cannon conversing with a fellow student. Annie suggests he should be castrated. Silver approaches and joins in on the fun, ominously saying that Naomi might not need to see her tormentor on a daily basis anymore because she has a plan. Credits.
A bit later, Silver runs into Cannon to feed him the cockamamie story that she ran out of his house the other night because she realized she had to break up with Teddy. She plays the coquette, looking up at him with saucer eyes as she tells him that now she wants to focus all her energies on her project, then asks if they can meet to "brainstorm" the next day. He goes for the bait, and she says seductively, "I'm really looking forward to it."