By Lady Lola
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Silver is so swept up in a breast cancer benefit to honor her late mother that she barely notices what a flaming queen her boyfriend Teddy is. Okay, he's not really all that gay as-is, but he does jump a little too high at the chance to shake his groove thing with the other boys, no? But nothing comes easy for either Silver or Mr. Montgomery, and the guy with whom Teddy hooked up has volunteered his services as the choreographer to the manstravaganza. Long story short, Silver has a wildly successful auction, and Teddy has a tendency to call people homophobic slurs, then beat them to smithereens. Way to set yourself up for a jailcation, buddy!
AAdrianna also volunteers her services for the benefit, then has to back out when Navid Lite's malicious uncle Victor appoints himself her new manager and takes 80% of her earnings in exchange for keeping mum about her theft of NL's songs. He books her for a birthday gig the same night of the benefit, so not only does she have to back out on Silver like an ass, she is basically pimped out in front of Navid when Victor the sleaze tells her to "rub up" on the birthday boy. After spending the entire episode hemming and hawing about confessing her sins to Navid and/or Silver, AAdrianna uses her $2,000 in gig money to buy Navid at the benefit bachelor auction. A nice gesture, sure, but utterly fiscally irresponsible.
Ivy naturally plans to buy Dixon at the auction. She succeeds, but only with the intervention of Silver after Dixon's ex-girlfriend -- she of the DJ-ing and the hysterical pregnancy -- shows up hoping to "talk." This development worries Ivy, who has decided she's ready to cash in her V-card to Dixon, but with some nudging and a lifetime supply of condoms from MILF, Ivy decides to go full steam ahead. Unfortunately for her, the ex finally corners Dixon and tells him that she has tested positive for HIV, and he should probably get checked out.
On the outskirts of the action, Liam schemes his way into La Casa Nueva so he can get closer to Annie. Just as he's about to seal the deal, he meets the latest guy she's been dating -- his half-brother, who set Liam for his life of crime way back when by stealing a credit card, going on a shopping spree, and blaming it on Liam. Liam does the boneheaded thing he always done and redirects his anger toward Annie. Made vulnerable by this change of heart and newly aware that the Wilsons aren't as financial stable as they once were (thanks to Harry's crappy new job and Debbie lack of a job at all), Annie decides to go forward with the donating her eggs to her boss for the sum of $20,000.
Also, Silver finally spills to the other girls that Naomi was brutalized by Cannon. They rekindle their group dynamic and vow to make Cannon pay, come Hell or high water. I sincerely hope this leads to 9 to 5-style antics in which Cannon is tied to a chair and humiliated. Start growing your mustache, Professor Rapenstein.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Annie inched toward surrogacy. Dixon's ex had a hysterical pregnancy. AAdrianna committed grand theft Auto-tune. Teddy had a big, gay adventure with a Canadian pop star. Silver finally believed Naomi about Cannon... just in time for Naomi to OD on pills -- okay, nearly OD. None of us are that lucky.
Zoom in on Naomi in the hospital, groggy post-stomach pump. She grouses that she looks like a Cullen after all the physical trauma. Silver approaches her with kid gloves, but Naomi insists her OD was accidental. Silver urges her to come forward. Naomi refuses and begs her not to tell anyone.
The day, Dixon jabbers for about a million hours about how his shirt makes him look like a turtle. In doing so, he manages to bore Ivy enough that she'll do anything to make him stop, including offering to cash in her V-card with him. And yet, even after they agree to sexy times, he goes back to the shirt! Gah. They're interrupted when Dixon spots his hot DJ ex in the distance. He breaks away to talk to her, but the conversation cuts short when he gives her big time attitude. He heads back to Ivy, who is naturally curious, but Dixon emphatically says that his ex isn't worth the breath it would take to talk about her.
Inside, Teddy nervously spots his gay lovah talking to Silver. He skitters up and wonders what they were talking about. She chipperly says it's for a benefit they're working on, then scurries off when she spots AAdrianna. She approaches just as AAdrianna leaves a frantic message for the uncle of that beloved, half-baked pop sensation Navid Lite, because he knows she stole NL's material. Silver asks if everything's okay, and AAdrianna brushes it off. Moving on, Silver mentions that the benefit she's working on is for breast cancer. Among other things, it will include a bachelor auction about which AAdrianna vouches Navid will be rocking his Blue Steel best. Silver asks AAdrianna if she'll sing the song from NL's memorial, but AAdrianna covers it'll bring up too many bad memories, and Silver is totally understanding.
La Nueva Casa. Annie's Coffee Cutie (who you might also remember in the role of Liam's half-brother) reads Shakespeare to her as foreplay. They're interrupted by a phone call from Annie's boss, who noticed that Annie missed several days of work and wonders if she scared Annie off with the surrogacy talk. Annie assures her everything's fine, and gets back to macking on CC. Unfortunately, he has to depart (it's such sweet sorrow!), so they make plans to hang out later. Moments after he leaves, the doorbell rings. Annie thinks it's CC, who left his copy of Twelfth Night. No dice. It's just Liam who got his man bangs all prettied up and has nowhere to go but to see Annie. Before Annie can get a word out, Dixon appears to tell her that he offered their home as a temporary crash pad for Liam. Liam promises to stay out of Annie's way, which means they're totally having sex tonight.