We open with a montage of Kevin taking his clothes on and off in front of a full-length mirror. Finally, he settles on a wifebeater, jeans, a black cap turned sideways, and a silver chain. I'd just like to say that this is the best segment of 7th Heaven I've ever seen. Sadly, it's ruined by the all-too-soon appearance of Lucy, who wakes up and asks Kevin if he's going to work as "Nelly," by which she must mean Nell E. Noonan, whose book Meditations for Church School Teachers she's probably familiar with. Surely she doesn't mean Nelly the rap artist, since we all know that rap is evil, so how would Lucy know who he is? Kevin says he's working undercover today. Lucy says she wants a hamburger. Two hamburgers. Two fresh, not frozen (what is it with this family's obsession with fresh, not frozen meat?) hamburgers, with ketchup and no buns, because Lucy and her baby are on the Atkins diet, apparently. Kevin points out that he's on his way to work and therefore doesn't have time to cook. "Your daughter's hungry, and so is your wife," says Lucy, pouting childishly. It's too bad we missed the scene where her legs get cut off, which is the only excuse I can think of for why she can't get the hamburgers her own damn self. Kevin agrees to get the hamburgers, only to be made fun of by the person he's doing an inconvenient favor for as Lucy points out that anyone over the age of fourteen who wears their cap sideways is a [makes an "L" shape with her fingers and places it against her forehead, which means "loser"]. Because doing the loser "L" is much cooler and less dated than the sideways cap. Humiliation of her doting husband nearly complete, Lucy requests French fries with her meal, then smiles and luxuriates in her bed and the fact that everyone does everything for her. The only excuse I can think of for her behavior in this scene is that the writers didn't want their delicate audience to be too upset when she has her medical emergency. Well, mission accomplished.
Kevin walks into the CamKitchen, where we see Matt "Can't Come Home Because of Medical School And Yet Here I Am" Camden enjoying a leisurely breakfast. Kevin is displeased to find that there is no hamburger in the CamFridge: "I hate it when Mom goes out of town," he says, "why can't anyone else buy groceries?" Why indeed? Why can't, say, the guy who regularly steals them be the one to replenish the stock every once in a while? So many questions, so few plotlines with merit. Matt pretends to care about Kevin's dilemma. He expositions that RevCam, Annie and the twins are driving home from visiting Ginger, and Kevin whines that it's dangerous to drive on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Unless, of course, you're driving to the market to buy him groceries. Then it's totally safe, and encouraged. Matt checks out Kevin's wardrobe and immediately guesses that Kevin's going undercover as a drug dealer, but says that maybe the other drug dealers will be "too high" to notice that Kevin's obviously a cop. It would be kind of funny if Kevin had turned around and told Matt that maybe if/when he becomes a doctor and one of his patients dies, the surviving family members will be too grief-stricken to seek vengeance on the doctor who couldn't keep their relative alive. Kevin's pager goes off, and he leaves for work, asking Matt to make some food for Lucy. "Be careful out there," Matt Sgt. Phil Esterhauses.
“ And with that exchange, both the Mysterious Secret (Georgia's pregnant) and the conclusion of this story arc (Georgia's not really pregnant) have been revealed, and all before the opening credits. Do I still have to recap the rest of this? ”
Kevin leaves, and Matt starts to talk to himself. "HamburgerSimon!" he says, rushing off. I don't know how or why Matt equated Simon to hamburgers, other than the fact that it gave him an excuse to go to Simon's room and see that his brother isn't there, nor does he appear to have slept there. Sad music plays, and Matt sighs. I sigh too. It's another episode of Matt the Big Brother-Doctor-Savior. Shouldn't he be in med school? Damn it!
RevCam and Annie pack up the car and RevCam sneezes. "You're not going to get sick," Annie demands sympathetically. She continues that he can't be sick for tomorrow's Thanksgiving festivities, to which RevCam grouses that they already celebrated the holiday last week and last night. He says it's a moot point anyway, since he took a bunch of anti-cold medicines that he learned about while doing some research to "impress" Matt. I don't understand how above-average knowledge of over-the-counter medicine would impress someone who obviously hates the "Health and Beauty" section of the grocery store so much that he won't enter it to buy shampoo, but whatever.
Simon and Georgia are having breakfast on the Promenade and trying to decide when they should tell their parents the Mysterious Secret you may remember from last week's episode. That's an impressive show of continuity from the writers, who should know that I would forgive them if they forgot that Lucy is pregnant and dropped the storyline. "You're not feeling morning sickness, are you?" Simon asks Georgia. "No, not at all," she responds airily. And with that exchange, both the Mysterious Secret (Georgia's pregnant) and the conclusion of this story arc (Georgia's not really pregnant) have been revealed, and all before the opening credits. Do I still have to recap the rest of this?
Oh, I do. Well, crap.
Today's Opening Credits Timewaster is a long opening shot of the CamPound, followed by Lucy, who isn't actually in the CamPound, doing some household chores, which is impressive when you consider that she was too infirm to even get out of bed earlier. Matt walks right on in and reports that Kevin couldn't make the hamburgers for her before he had to go to work, but that Matt would be happy to take her out for something. Lucy says that's fine, and that they can go pick up a turkey for tomorrow while they're out. Matt says he won't be enjoying it because he'll be back in New York tomorrow. For the audience's benefit, Lucy asks him why he isn't there already. Matt says that he felt like since Annie made such a big deal about him having to be home to his Dean, he'd be better off staying home. Well, that's just pathetic, writers. Especially since Annie was only able to get Matt Thanksgiving DAY off, not THE ENTIRE WEEK before it. What was the point of making such a big deal out of Matt not being to come home last week if they were going to totally go back on that in the very episode with just a throwaway line to explain things? It's like they think that the fans of this show are too stupid to -- oh, I see. Never mind. Lucy suspects that Matt is sticking around because there's something going on with Simon.