We open with a montage of Kevin taking his clothes on and off in front of a full-length mirror. Finally, he settles on a wifebeater, jeans, a black cap turned sideways, and a silver chain. I'd just like to say that this is the best segment of 7th Heaven I've ever seen. Sadly, it's ruined by the all-too-soon appearance of Lucy, who wakes up and asks Kevin if he's going to work as "Nelly," by which she must mean Nell E. Noonan, whose book Meditations for Church School Teachers she's probably familiar with. Surely she doesn't mean Nelly the rap artist, since we all know that rap is evil, so how would Lucy know who he is? Kevin says he's working undercover today. Lucy says she wants a hamburger. Two hamburgers. Two fresh, not frozen (what is it with this family's obsession with fresh, not frozen meat?) hamburgers, with ketchup and no buns, because Lucy and her baby are on the Atkins diet, apparently. Kevin points out that he's on his way to work and therefore doesn't have time to cook. "Your daughter's hungry, and so is your wife," says Lucy, pouting childishly. It's too bad we missed the scene where her legs get cut off, which is the only excuse I can think of for why she can't get the hamburgers her own damn self. Kevin agrees to get the hamburgers, only to be made fun of by the person he's doing an inconvenient favor for as Lucy points out that anyone over the age of fourteen who wears their cap sideways is a [makes an "L" shape with her fingers and places it against her forehead, which means "loser"]. Because doing the loser "L" is much cooler and less dated than the sideways cap. Humiliation of her doting husband nearly complete, Lucy requests French fries with her meal, then smiles and luxuriates in her bed and the fact that everyone does everything for her. The only excuse I can think of for her behavior in this scene is that the writers didn't want their delicate audience to be too upset when she has her medical emergency. Well, mission accomplished.
Kevin walks into the CamKitchen, where we see Matt "Can't Come Home Because of Medical School And Yet Here I Am" Camden enjoying a leisurely breakfast. Kevin is displeased to find that there is no hamburger in the CamFridge: "I hate it when Mom goes out of town," he says, "why can't anyone else buy groceries?" Why indeed? Why can't, say, the guy who regularly steals them be the one to replenish the stock every once in a while? So many questions, so few plotlines with merit. Matt pretends to care about Kevin's dilemma. He expositions that RevCam, Annie and the twins are driving home from visiting Ginger, and Kevin whines that it's dangerous to drive on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Unless, of course, you're driving to the market to buy him groceries. Then it's totally safe, and encouraged. Matt checks out Kevin's wardrobe and immediately guesses that Kevin's going undercover as a drug dealer, but says that maybe the other drug dealers will be "too high" to notice that Kevin's obviously a cop. It would be kind of funny if Kevin had turned around and told Matt that maybe if/when he becomes a doctor and one of his patients dies, the surviving family members will be too grief-stricken to seek vengeance on the doctor who couldn't keep their relative alive. Kevin's pager goes off, and he leaves for work, asking Matt to make some food for Lucy. "Be careful out there," Matt Sgt. Phil Esterhauses.
Kevin leaves, and Matt starts to talk to himself. "Hamburger…Simon!" he says, rushing off. I don't know how or why Matt equated Simon to hamburgers, other than the fact that it gave him an excuse to go to Simon's room and see that his brother isn't there, nor does he appear to have slept there. Sad music plays, and Matt sighs. I sigh too. It's another episode of Matt the Big Brother-Doctor-Savior. Shouldn't he be in med school? Damn it!
RevCam and Annie pack up the car and RevCam sneezes. "You're not going to get sick," Annie demands sympathetically. She continues that he can't be sick for tomorrow's Thanksgiving festivities, to which RevCam grouses that they already celebrated the holiday last week and last night. He says it's a moot point anyway, since he took a bunch of anti-cold medicines that he learned about while doing some research to "impress" Matt. I don't understand how above-average knowledge of over-the-counter medicine would impress someone who obviously hates the "Health and Beauty" section of the grocery store so much that he won't enter it to buy shampoo, but whatever.
Simon and Georgia are having breakfast on the Promenade and trying to decide when they should tell their parents the Mysterious Secret you may remember from last week's episode. That's an impressive show of continuity from the writers, who should know that I would forgive them if they forgot that Lucy is pregnant and dropped the storyline. "You're not feeling morning sickness, are you?" Simon asks Georgia. "No, not at all," she responds airily. And with that exchange, both the Mysterious Secret (Georgia's pregnant) and the conclusion of this story arc (Georgia's not really pregnant) have been revealed, and all before the opening credits. Do I still have to recap the rest of this?
Oh, I do. Well, crap.
Today's Opening Credits Timewaster is a long opening shot of the CamPound, followed by Lucy, who isn't actually in the CamPound, doing some household chores, which is impressive when you consider that she was too infirm to even get out of bed earlier. Matt walks right on in and reports that Kevin couldn't make the hamburgers for her before he had to go to work, but that Matt would be happy to take her out for something. Lucy says that's fine, and that they can go pick up a turkey for tomorrow while they're out. Matt says he won't be enjoying it because he'll be back in New York tomorrow. For the audience's benefit, Lucy asks him why he isn't there already. Matt says that he felt like since Annie made such a big deal about him having to be home to his Dean, he'd be better off staying home. Well, that's just pathetic, writers. Especially since Annie was only able to get Matt Thanksgiving DAY off, not THE ENTIRE WEEK before it. What was the point of making such a big deal out of Matt not being to come home last week if they were going to totally go back on that in the very episode with just a throwaway line to explain things? It's like they think that the fans of this show are too stupid to -- oh, I see. Never mind. Lucy suspects that Matt is sticking around because there's something going on with Simon.
Simon pays the breakfast check and laments that he doesn't have enough money to pay for a baby. Does he have enough money to pay for an abortion? And aren't adoptions free to the biological parents? I'll bet there are a lot of people out there who would love the blond-haired, blue-eyed baby Simon and Georgia are sure to produce, even if it is tainted with the CamDNA. But we won't be considering either of these options today, so let's move on. Georgia asks Simon if he wants a boy or a girl, and he says a boy. Georgia frowns and says she wants a girl. Simon says girls are trouble, and Georgia asks if he's talking about her. Simon says he's talking about his three sisters. He's right; when they aren't throwing toilet paper around, they're befriending Muslims. And then there's Lucy.
Matt and Lucy are grocery shopping. Matt holds the basket (not a cart, even though they're buying A TURKEY) and Lucy deposits various organic vegetables inside it, without even putting them in bags or anything. Maybe it's because she only has one hand free, the other one being occupied with a bag of pork rinds.
Oh, here's some pain: SamVid provide the car ride home's entertainment with their rendition of "YMCA," an interesting choice for this show, to say the least. Then again, they've also used material from Tom Petty, Cream, and the entire catalogue of Ricky Nelson, not to mention whatever musical "The Rhythm of Life" was from, so I guess I can't really put anything past the show's music team. I'd like to see their iPod playlist sometime, though. RevCam sneezes and blames the twins' singing for making his cold worse, and Annie tells them to stop, as if RevCam's theory has any merit whatsoever. Nevertheless, the twins stop singing, and then Sam realizes he's hungry and Vid realizes he has to go to the bathroom. "You just went to the bathroom!" RevCam exclaims. "That was Sam," says Vid. "Shat wamblebat," adds Sam. Are they still trying to sell us on the fact that these kids are twins, and thus cases of mistaken identity are common and understandable? Come on now. RevCam asks Vid why he didn't just go when his brother went. "I didn't have to go then. I have to go now," Vid says with a hilarious shit-eating grin on his face. I'm starting to love that kid. Sam says he wants a hamburger. Is that the theme of this week's episode? That people want hamburgers? Shouldn't this episode be called "Hamburger," then? Or "Gratitude (For Hamburgers)?" Is it too much to hope for an appearance by the Hamburglar, which would be so awesome?
Matt has rejected the basket in favor of a cart, while Lucy has moved onto some "tequila-flavor" nachos. Oh, actually, I think she said "tacito," not "tequila," although I could certainly use something tequila-flavored right now myself. Lucy appears to be holding a bag of Doritos, although since no company in its right mind would agree to be shown on this crap program, the name has been changed to what looks like "NACHOS!" Booo, prop department! Those could have been Brenditos! Although, even with NACHOS!, the prop department has shown an amount of creativity that far surpasses that of the show's writing staff. Anyway, Lucy is way too thrilled the produce aisle, which has canned goods in it, unlike any produce aisle in any supermarket I've ever seen. "HEY, Fiesta Corn!" says Lucy, "that's a new twist on Thanksgiving tradition!" Whoa there, Crazy Chef! I don't know if the Camdens can handle "fiesta corn" after a lifetime of mayonnaise sandwiches and whatever else their bland diet consists of. Matt seems to agree, and asks her if she wants to curb her Thanksgiving enthusiasm a little bit. Lucy drops two tomatoes (not in bags) into the cart and tells Matt that if he thinks she should take it easy because she's pregnant, then he is wrong. After all, "the women in China work up until the day they go into labor. They deliver in the fields and an hour later, they go back to work. Hey, SPICY GARLIC GREEN BEANS!" And while Lucy's little cultural anecdote certainly is adorable, I highly doubt its veracity. I'm pretty sure that women in China, like women everywhere in the world who are lucky enough to have the resources with which to make a choice, don't just squat and drop their babies on the soil and then go back to work. Unless "women in China" is a new euphemism for "slaves in the eighteenth- and nineteenth-century American South" that I haven't heard yet. Matt tells Lucy that he doesn't believe her little story about Chinese peasant women, and I swear this grocery store has the longest produce aisle ever.
Lucy calls Matt out on trying to be controlling of her life and of whatever problem Simon has, and says she doesn't need any help. Then she grabs her stomach and makes a face. Because, you see, she's wrong. All women need the help of a wise patriarch. And so Lucy must be punished. Concerned, Matt asks Lucy if she's all right, and she says the pork rinds probably didn't agree with her. Pork rinds don't agree with anybody, sweetheart. When Lucy groans in pain again, Matt tells her to sit down while he gets help. She tells him to get in line and she'll just stand there until the pain subsides. "I need some space anyway," Lucy says. Ha! Those pork rinds totally gave her gas.
Martin enters the kitchen and picks up a ringing phone. It's Ruthie, calling from "Puerto Rico," which is totally the same set that they used for Annie's dad's living room, except that they replaced the giant cactus with a palm tree. Ruthie asks Martin what he's doing home from his camping trip, and Martin says that they came home early because it got cold. Whatever. Ruthie asks to speak to her parents, but they're not home. Nor, apparently, are they in possession of a cell phone, even though it's been clearly established that RevCam has one. Martin asks Ruthie about Puerto Rico, but she will only give him one-word answers in response until Martin asks if there's anyone else she'd like to speak with because, obviously and understandably, he doesn't want to talk to her anymore. She says no, so Martin says goodbye. Ruthie hangs up the phone, then says "bye." Well, she got the order wrong, but her heart was in the right place. Assuming that she even has a heart.
The checkout line girl makes eyes at Matt as she rings him up. Suddenly, Matt hears the cacophonous sound of empty prop cans falling onto the ground. He just knows it has something to do with Lucy, and dashes past the Brenditos display to help her.
The camera tracks past a row of pumpkins on the ground. Matt runs up to one of them and begins to speak to it. Oh, wait -- that's Lucy, clutching her stomach and moaning. We see that she managed to knock over a few display items on her way down, namely three cans of spicy garlic green beans, some fresh green beans, a pineapple, and some apples and oranges. Between the checkout girl's desire for Matt and the arrangement of the produce aisle, I'd say it's very clear that the entire staff of this grocery store is blind. And I, for one, congratulate the market on being so progressive in its hiring policies. Now if only they'd hire a racial minority or two. Oh, what am I even saying? We all know that this episode's token minorities will either be appearing at the Clinic for Sinful Unwed Mothers or have been mentioned, if not seen, as an erroneous example of the fortitude of a pregnant woman. Matt orders an employee to call 911, then hugs Lucy while she rocks back and forth. They then have to sit there looking stricken for the five minutes it takes for the scene to fade out.
Back from commercial, Lucy is wheeled into the Glenoak Hospital with Matt calling out orders all the way, just like he saw them do it on ER. The nurses have matching aneurysms in their efforts not to laugh at his delusions of ability and importance.
Simon comes home to find Martin in the kitchen. They both ask each other what they're doing there, and then there's an awkward silence, because really, Simon and Martin don't like each other all that much. After all, Martin pretty much stole Simon's place in the family and then Simon stole Martin's girlfriend, who Martin actually stole from Simon first.
The nurses seem to think that Matt is Lucy's baby father. "Oh, gross," says Lucy. Matt says he isn't Lucy's husband. Red-haired nurse is all "that's okay. I have a nine-month-old and I'm getting married month." Matt is too stunned by this admission of immorality to speak, choosing instead to step away from the sinner and move to the other side of the bed, where the nurses are virginally pure. Dr. Klein enters and Matt introduces himself, although there's no need to, as Dr. Klein already knows about him from all the bragging Lucy does at her appointments. Lucy would be one of those women who chats up her gynecologist during the examination, wouldn't she? Personally, I find that there's just never a better time to think and talk about my family than when some guy is sticking a big metal thing up my vagina. And now I'd like to apologize to anyone who read that. Dr. Klein asks Matt if he'd like to leave the room while he "examines" Lucy. I must say I'm surprised that Matt didn't insist on observing this valuable learning experience. Surprised and infinitely relieved, Lucy asks Matt to call Kevin, but he says he doesn't have his cell phone. And even if he did, he doesn't know how to use it anyway. A nurse tells Matt he can use a pay phone in the hall.
Matt leaves a message for Kevin at the police station. The nurse comes outside and tells Matt he can come back in. Wow, that was like the quickest exam ever.
Back at the CamPound, the phone rings. Simon stares at it and yells for Martin because he apparently forgot how to answer a phone. And then he remembers, and picks up the phone to get yelled at by Ruthie for missing Thanksgiving last week. Simon asks her if everything's okay in Puerto Rico, and she says it is and hangs up on him. There's a knock on the door, and Georgia enters and starts trying to make out with Simon. The WHORE! asks if anyone is home, and Simon says it's just him, her, and Martin. Georgia says she wants to go shopping for maternity clothes, and Simon gets a little freaked out. He says he has no idea what they're supposed to do now and he wants to ask someone to find out. Georgia says they don't need anyone's help. Simon says he made an appointment for both of them at the Family Planning Center to get some advice, and maybe a few other things that start with "a," such as "abortion," followed by "a tubal ligation." Georgia yells that she doesn't want advice; she wants Simon to "step up." And how, exactly, is Simon not stepping up? I hate having to defend a Camden, but I think he's doing his fair share of supporting here.
Lucy doesn't understand what her doctor just told her before the scene started. So he'll tell her again, for our benefit as well as Lucy's, not like we really care. Dr. Klein says he needs to do an ultrasound, and leaves to get the machine. Matt tells Lucy that he couldn't reach Kevin or Capt. Michaels, although I don't really know why it would be important for Capt. Michaels to know about this, unless Lucy's expecting another Ruthie to happen. "I need Kevin," she whines.
Annie and the twins, arms full of hamburger stand items, approach the CamVan. RevCam's sleeping inside. Annie asks him if his sleepiness is due to mixing the cold medicine with his "regular medication," presumably whatever he takes for his heart to combat the effects of the clarified butter he so regularly ingests. RevCam asks the twins if they went to the bathroom while they were getting their food. They claim to have forgotten. This gives me hope that one day they will forget to do other bodily functions, such as breathing. RevCam eyes the hamburger Annie's chowing down on and decides he wants one, too. "You can eat those turkey sandwiches, they're made on low-fat bread," she says, punctuating her nagging with finger points. RevCam says he's sick of turkey, and Annie says he better get un-sick of it soon because Lucy is cooking Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. RevCam says he thought they were done with Thanksgiving. "Well, don't count on it," Annie snaps while trying to stuff a hamburger in her face. RevCam leaves the car to get a burger and Annie pulls a face. How dare RevCam disobey her orders!
Dr. Klein is pleased to report to Lucy that her ultrasound looks perfectly fine. All they need to do is stop her contractions. A nurse comes in and tells Dr. Klein that he is needed in the OR, and he tells Lucy that a nurse will start her on some contraction-stopping medication and he'll be back in a half hour. A half hour? That's one quick C-section Dr. Klein is headed towards. Dr. Klein runs out of the room before Lucy can ask him questions. Matt says he can answer her questions, but all she wants to know is where Kevin is, and Matt doesn't know the answer to that. "That's the only question I need you to answer," she says. Well, I don't know how Dr. Klein was supposed to know the answer to that. But it's time for a Poignant Moment, as Lucy stares at the ultrasound and comments that her baby is tiny. "I'm supposed to protect her!" Lucy says. "You didn't do anything wrong," Matt responds. Although I'm not too sure how right eating those pork rinds was.
Kevin and some old guy who's supposed to be an undercover cop approach a drug dealer. Kevin gets a page from the station, but old guy tells him to take care of it after their big bust.
Simon paces the waiting room of the "Womens [sic] Clinic," which is filled to bursting with gigantically pregnant women. He checks his watch.
After the commercial, "Simon Le Bon" is called to the front desk. Simon walks up and says that his girlfriend won't be joining him, and is there a snack machine around? Because he's Hungry Like The Wolf. Front Desk Lady tells him to have a seat somewhere in this Ordinary World of Planet Earth and not to Come Undone because one of the counselors will be with him shortly. Simon surveys his choice of seating options, and all of them are adjacent to what appear to be sinfully pregnant Girls On Film. He ends up to one, who tells him that he doesn't look pregnant. Simon gets flustered, and she introduces herself. Her name is Rio, and she dances on the sand. He introduces himself a Simon Le Bon, and it turns out that Duran Duran is a well-known group in the sinful bastard mother community because she sees right through Simon's fake identity. Simon says that he's there for advice from someone who isn't a Camden. And maybe someone can Save A Prayer for him as well. Okay, that's the last time I'll do that, I swear. But only because I'm pretty sure I ran out of Duran Duran singles. The woman obviously knows the Camdens because she tells Simon he's "smart" to come to the clinic before talking to his family. Simon says that if he was smart he wouldn't have gotten his girlfriend pregnant. And if he was smarter, he'd know that she was TOTALLY LYING about being pregnant. Rio tells Simon that his girlfriend is "lucky" that the father of her child cares this much. Front Desk Lady pages him.
Nurse gives Lucy an IV, and Matt checks the bag, asking if perhaps Dr. Klein would like to start Lucy on tributaline before magnesium. Lucy becomes alarmed, and the nurse tells her that Dr. Klein ordered magnesium and Matt can leave her alone. Matt asks to speak to Dr. Klein personally and the nurse leaves to get him, casting a few annoyed glances at Matt on her way out. Lucy starts to freak out that Dr. Klein is giving her the wrong medicine and tries to pull the IV out of her arm. Nice going, Matt. Dr. Klein comes in and tells Lucy that magnesium is the right medicine in Lucy's case. He then reassures her that he, unlike Matt, actually completed medical school, so he knows what he's doing and could he speak to Matt outside? Lucy wants them stay in the room because she doesn't want there to be any secrets because even during a medical emergency she's nosy as hell, to which Dr, Klein responds that he'd rather save Matt the embarrassment of a "public flogging."
Matt and Dr. Klein move to a large waiting area that seems like a much more public place for a flogging than Lucy's private room. The two exchange medical terminology, and it becomes clear that Matt really does think he knows more about medicine than an actual certified, practicing doctor. Dr. Klein says that he made the right decision about Lucy considering that she has a mild prolapsed mitral valve, which I looked up and am sad to report is rarely a cause of death. ["I have it; so does, like, 15 percent of the population. It's about as serious as having an outie bellybutton, seriously." -- Sars] Because of this, Dr. Klein ordered the magnesium instead of tributaline. He basically tells Matt to back off, and leaves. I'm just going to assume that Lucy already gave Dr. Klein permission to share her medical information with Matt, otherwise what he just did would be very wrong.
And now we're treated to the 7th Heaven writers' idea of how drug deals work, which is apparently smack in the middle of campus in broad daylight. Sure. Old Guy tells the sleazy drug dealer that his supply better be good for what he's charging, and the drug dealer says that all his stuff comes with a "money-back guarantee. Just like your finer retail establishments." Oh, does the girl standing to him print out a receipt as well? Do they take credit cards? What a nice and extremely unlikely little operation they've got going on! Kevin gives the drug dealer some money and the drug dealer gives Old Guy a small package, at which point Kevin whips out his badge and the drug dealer tries to run away. I don't even know what's going on anymore. Are Old Guy and Kevin supposed to be college students? Is the drug dealer supposed to be a college student? Everyone in this scene looks about forty, and that includes the rather obvious Kevin body double who tackles the running drug dealer. They took "body double" pretty seriously in this case, seeing as the guy is about twice as thick as Kevin. But I'm not complaining because there were plenty of shots of the real Kevin running, his silver chain a-swinging, and it was kind of hot. Hey, on this show, your thrills are either cheap or nonexistent.
Annie has wisely taken over driving duties for the road trip. She and RevCam talk about how Matt is now older than they were when they got married. That makes them what, forty-seven? And yet they both look so much older. It's still not an excuse for how slow Annie appears to be driving in reference to the road we can see behind the car. They're driving from Arizona to Glenoak, and yet they aren't even on a highway. At this rate, they should be home in three months. I hope Annie packed enough turkey sandwiches! This also means that they were the same age as I am now when they got married, and I'm not sure if that's supposed to make me feel intensely relieved or extremely depressed. RevCam and Annie have moved on to talking about Ginger, and how she seemed happy to see them, which makes Ginger a far better actor than the caliber this show usually attracts. Annie says she likes Ginger a lot more now that her father is dead, and I'm sure Ginger really appreciates that. RevCam just starts laughing, because cold medicine can really fuck you up if you haven't done any other drugs in your life. Case in point: RevCam claims that road trips with Annie are still "fun."
Georgia is wearing bright blue Ugg boots that match her bright blue sweatshirt, much like, before she changed into a hospital gown, Lucy was wearing pink Ugg boots that matched her pink sweater. They both should be shot for this, as should this show's wardrobe person, who seems to be saving herself some work by having all characters dress in the same way-past-trendy "fashions." Simon tells Georgia that he's ready to be a father, even though it means having to give up or adjust his future plans. He says he's finally ready to tell their parents. Georgia says that she wouldn't mind waiting on that; she's still getting used to the idea having a child and getting married. Whoa, no one said anything about getting married, did they? Apparently they did, because Simon doesn't object. He says he wants to tell his parents as soon as possible, and they should talk to them "parents to parents." They kiss and hug. I'll admit it: I liked Simon in this episode. Actually, I've liked Simon this whole season. I guess it takes running a child over to make a Camden semi-likable.
Matt takes a seat to Lucy's bed. She thinks that all this happened because she was doing "too much." She was thinking of herself and not the baby. "It's not about me anymore," she says, and we'll just see how long that attitude holds up. I predict three seconds. And I'm right, because as soon as Lucy's done with her "I'm going to be a mother" speech, she tries to get the gossip about Simon from Matt. Matt won't say anything, so Lucy start talking petty shit about Georgia and how she doesn't trust her. Matt agrees. Lucy asks Matt if he's ever going to have children, and Matt starts talking about himself. Lucy simply can't have anyone around her's attention focused on anything but her, so she has a seizure. Matt starts screaming for help, like any good soon-to-be doctor should.
Back from commercial, Dr. Klein and his nurses have assembled around Lucy's bed and are administering medicine as she seizures all over the place. Matt tries to put an oxygen mask on her face and asks Dr. Klein if they should intubate. Dr. Klein tells him to wait. Matt says Lucy should be on a dopamine drip. Should Matt even be in the room? He doesn't have any credentials, and he isn't a medical student at the Glenoak Hospital. So really, this is roughly akin to me walking into a hospital off the street and performing CPR on random patients. Except that I would probably be less harmful than Matt in any medical capacity. Lucy stops seizing, and the nurses report that her vitals are returning to normal. Matt asks if Lucy and the baby will be okay, and Dr. Klein says he doesn't know. Dun dun dunnnnnnn!
A paramedic tells Kevin that the injury he sustained while cheering on his stunt double with a few too-aggressive fist-pumps doesn't appear to be serious. Capt. Michaels walks up, looking quite smart in his dress uniform, and says that Lucy has been trying to get in touch with Kevin. Kevin says he hopes it isn't about hamburgers. Capt. Michaels chuckles, which he shouldn't, because first of all, that wasn't funny, and second of all, he knows that Lucy is actually in the hospital and there could be a problem with the baby. He tells Kevin this, and they take off.
RevCam, Annie, and the twins come home and look for family members. Surprisingly, there are none around. RevCam and Annie send the twins upstairs to get ready for bed, and the twins report that they're not tired after sleeping in the car all day. RevCam says they can stay up all night then, as long as they're quiet enough so that the CamRents can sleep. That's some good parenting. Annie checks the answering machine, and there are messages from Matt about Lucy. The CamRents are alarmed, and Annie says she's going to the hospital. RevCam thinks they should call first, but Annie's having none of that level-headed, reasonable crap.
Simon and Georgia walk into the kitchen and RevCam asks them to watch SamVid while he and Annie go to the hospital. Wow, you know RevCam's upset if he's letting his adult son and his adult son's adult girlfriend stay in the house together with no parental supervision!
Dr. Klein reports that Lucy's contractions have stopped and the baby appears to be fine. He leaves to answer a page, being sure to tell Matt that he did a "good job" on his way out. I hope Dr. Klein doesn't come back. He's kind of creepy. Not as creepy as this town's other gynecologist option, Dr. Hank, but still. Kevin runs into the room, very sweetly concerned about his wife and child. After about five minutes, Matt takes the hint and leaves the room.
In the hall, he meets his parents. "MATT," says Annie, "is she…the baby." I think Catherine Hicks was supposed to say those lines with concerned urgency, but she ended up sounding more awesomely stoned than anything else. Matt says that Lucy and the baby are fine.
Even though no one was home when the CamRents were asking around, Martin is there now, loading already-clean dishes into the dishwasher and answering the phone. It's Ruthie, and she's disappointed to hear Martin's voice. I'm sure Martin is disappointed to hear her voice as well. As I am disappointed to hear both of them. Martin reports that the CamRents came home, but ran back out again, and asks Ruthie what's bugging her. Ruthie says that everyone is watching Charlie sleep, and they're always around him, and Mary and Carlos have been acting like honeymooners. "I feel completely out of place," says Ruthie, and you'd think that she of all people would feel a definite sense of belonging in Puerto Rico. Ruthie says she's homesick and wants to be home for Thanksgiving. "I can't even believe I'm not there," she says, although I sense that her feelings of being out of place and homesickness are more "jealous that someone else is getting attention" than anything else. And I'd like to take this moment to give Brenda another THANKS for making me feel very sad about not being home for Thanksgiving. I was prepared for last week's little assault on my emotions, but this time she caught me by surprise and I spent the rest of the night looking up plane tickets home through my tears. Damn you, Hampton, for this! Damn you, online discount travel service, for not having a reasonably-priced option that didn't require a combined travel time of less than twenty-four hours! Damn you, plate tectonics, for not shifting more so that Los Angeles is closer to Connecticut!
Martin tells Ruthie that he knows what it's like to spend Thanksgiving away from one's family because he never gets to spend it with his. But that was last week's storyline, so Martin moves on to giving Ruthie some advice: tomorrow, she should go to the kitchen and help with the cooking. Housework will get Ruthie's mind off of things, and train her to be a good little housewife to boot! Ruthie reminds Martin that she's in Puerto Rico, and there is no Thanksgiving. Martin says he's pretty sure Puerto Rico has Thanksgiving. And he's right; I checked. How does Ruthie not know that herself? You would think that Carlos or Mary or someone in the house would have mentioned it, or at least put up some decorations. Ruthie says that this Thanksgiving, she'll be grateful for her family and she counts Martin as family. "I love you, Martin. Like a brother, I mean," she says. "I love you too, Ruthie," says Martin. Well, I don't like where this is headed at all.
Simon tells Georgia that he doesn't think they should tell their parents about her pregnancy right now, what with Lucy having problems with her baby and all. Georgia says she's not going to have a baby. Simon tries to reassure her that even though things are really scary right now, it'll all be okay. "There is no baby. There never was. It was just a…" "A lie?" asks Simon, incredulous. "I didn't want to lose you," says Georgia. "What is wrong with you?" asks Simon. Same thing that's wrong with everyone on this show; she's a flat caricature of a type of person who doesn't even exist in this world and so her actions have little or no motivation to explain them. Georgia says she was afraid that Simon's relationship with Christina was going to ruin theirs or whatever. "I'm sorry," says Georgia. She runs out, leaving Simon looking alternately shocked, confused, angry, and sad. I'm sad, too. I was looking forward to seeing Annie's HagFace and RevCam's heart attack when Simon told them the news. But it's about damn time birth control worked for someone on this show.
Back in Lucy's hospital room, Matt orders the CamRents to go home. Lucy and Kevin thank them for coming.
Simon finds Matt in the hospital hall. Matt tells him that Lucy and the baby are fine, and Simon says that Georgia isn't pregnant; she was lying to make him marry her, even though Georgia said she didn't really love Simon and has dumped him in the past, so why would she be so dependent on him for her happiness now? Simon apologizes to Matt, who skipped class to be around when Simon told the CamRents about baby. Matt says it's okay, and they hug.
RevCam tells Annie that they have a lot to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. Annie puts a blanket over a sleeping Lucy and Kevin. I'm just grateful that this episode is over.