Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pregnant cause
By Daniel | Season 9 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.03.2004
About five hours later, someone who was apparently listening to their conversation comes in, and says, "Yeah. That's exactly what my parents planned for me. Only it didn't quite work out that way." She's holding her belly, because she appears to be about fourteen months pregnant. "Leanne?" says RevCam, and she nods and shakes his hand. And since this episode features so many recycled plots, Simon goes all the way back to this series' very first episode and assumes that Leanne is not really pregnant but someone his dad cajoled into scaring Simon straight, and he says as much and storms on out of there. And RevCam doesn't even SAY anything, he just stands there while his idiot son insults this poor woman and stomps off.
Seeeeeventh Heaven...
The Aladdin special edition includes a song by Clay Aiken? Is Disney tired of people liking that movie?
So Simon is in the waiting room for some family counsellor, but instead of waiting for his presumed appointment, he's listening to a Discman or something and playing air guitar and bopping around. And the camera is tilted at a 45-degree angle and is all jerky and zoomy while this bland acoustic blues number plays over top of Simon's seizu-- I mean, "dancing." Viewers either stare, horrified, or glance away, embarrassed.
Simon's "rocking out" (as I imagine the director of this episode described what he wanted Simon to do to appear edgy and bad-ass) is interrupted by some gangly youngster. Simon turns his back upon seeing who it is and whispers, "Please just go away." Although, in view of what happens later in this episode, perhaps Simon was just presenting.
So Simon turns around, and the guy introduces himself as "Justin Smith," only Simon says he already knows. It's the brother of the guy Simon killed in that accident. "I'm probably the last person in the world you wanted to see today," says Simon, and Justin says that's not true, and all I can say is that if this guy wants more guest appearances on the show, maybe he could display at least an ounce of some recognizable, what's the word, emotion. "Shifty-eyed" doesn't count as an emotion. "It's true for me," says Simon, like, gee, Simon, I'm sure Justin's so sorry he RUINED YOUR DAY like this. And Simon babbles on about how he's been dreading this day ever since the accident, and Justin says he can imagine and says he should have called sooner to apologize for "all the threats" which he imagines must have freaked Simon out. Even worse! It led him down that dark road of premarital sex! "Maybe we could grab a cup of coffee sometime," says Justin, and Simon looks extremely confused but says okay. And then he says, "Are you for real?" and Justin says, "Straight up," and maybe the writers of this show should actually observe some teenagers once in a while to discover how they behave and talk instead of watching reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and then Simon starts saying that he can't believe Justin is the same guy, because he looks so different (but "great"), and Justin says, he actually says this, "The loss of my brother saved my family, and me, and seems to have some purpose now." Yes! And Justin is now drug-free, and gets to go around speaking to schools, "about what seems like a harmless drug can end in death and the near-destruction of a family," and I don't know if I've heard anything so preposterous in my life. So in case you missed it, pot leads to death and the near-destruction of families, but Killer Camdens lead to tighter families, drug-free living, and meaningful speaking engagements. Maybe Simon could mow down Ruthie next. "How you doin'?" says Justin, not in the Joey Tribbiani way (or is it?). And Simon, who didn't seem overly concerned with the fallout of his accident a moment ago, starts to stammer about how he's doing all right, but he can't drive by that corner anymore, and he freaks out whenever he passes someone on a bike, and how he doesn't ever think he'll be able to get back on a bike again, "aside from the fact that I'm in this relationship that can't be good, I'm..." like, maybe complain about your girl problems to the guy whose brother you killed, that's a great idea. And instead of poking Simon's beady little eyes out, Justin just says, "If you ever need anything, you know where I live," and walks out. Simon stomps around a little longer before knocking on the door for his own therapy session.
Back at RevCam's office, Leanne has two pieces of paper that she hands to RevCam and tells him to choose one. "I can't believe that after all I've been through, that I can't keep this baby, but I can't, so those are the two choices." RevCam says he'll meet with them and give her his opinion if that's what she wants -- as though it's ever mattered to RevCam whether someone wants his opinion or not -- but she should meet with them too. "No, I trust you," says Leanne, who met RevCam five minutes ago. He tries again and suggests that they meet the prospective parents together since they'll be raising her child, and she says that she doesn't want any part of it. "It's too painful for me. I can't do it." He tells her that if neither option works out, he'll refer her to a very reputable attorney who might have a little more experience than "just a guy you found off the Internet," all judgmental, like it's not standard practice now for businesses to have Web sites. Leanne thanks him and says she hopes one of the couples works out, like we're not supposed to have figured out already when this sorry plotline started up that this poor unfortunate single mother is going to be reunited with her loser baby daddy and they're going to be married and their unsupportive parents are going to come around and everything will be okay, because teen marriage solves all the problems created by teen pregnancy, right?