By Daniel
Yes, I'm guest-recapping another stupid episode of stupid 7th Heaven. I mean, this is what happens to you when you don't have a show of your own. In some ways, I have sympathy for Sara M for having to watch this show, but the way she goes about getting someone to cover for her is not unlike when the A-Team needed to get B.A. on a plane. I'm hanging out, Sars and Sara M sidle up and start making some small talk about how Sara M's going on a trip or whatever, and I'm doing my best to ignore that because I know what's coming, so I figure I'll talk to Sars a little bit about baseball, and tell her that her pretty-boy Yankee boyfriend Derek Jeter couldn't carry Miguel Tejada's jock, which of course sets her off, but then I feel a pinch on my arm, and I turn and Sara M is standing there with a needle and a smirk. And I black out. And I come to sitting in my office, with a videotaped episode of 7th Heaven ready to go in the VCR. And I say, "How'd we get to Africa, Hannibal? I know we didn't take no boat!" ["I love it when a plan comes together." -- Sars]
Sigh. Okay. Let's do this.
RevCam's on the phone talking to a "Mrs. Lahey" and thanking her for some donation, and he suck-uppingly tells her that she's always been so generous with her time and money. And despite RevCam's protests, this "Mrs. Lahey" puts "Jack" on the phone, and I guess this is Mrs. Lahey's son. Simon strolls in, and RevCam actually points to the phone and mouths the words "blah blah blah" and makes the "blah blah blah" gesture with his hand, like what kind of an asshole is RevCam? This woman is a valued donor to his congregation and her reward is insults from RevCam? And he asks the kid to put his mom back on the phone, and we actually hear the kid yell "Mom!" which I guess he did right into the receiver. And then RevCam asks Mrs. Lahey if "Jeff" is all right, even though he definitely just said the kid's name is "Jack," and how sad is it that Stephen Collins can't be bothered to get his lines right and that no one involved with the show seems to give a shit, I mean, why leave this completely unnecessary conversation in? So RevCam tells Mrs. Lahey that her son has a "lively" way of expressing himself, in a tone of voice that indicates that "lively" is the most polite way he can think of to say something else instead, like, say, "little hellion."
After RevCam hangs up, Simon says that he thinks that's (putting kids on the phone) a "mom" thing, because whenever he calls Mary (who?), she always puts little "Charles Miguel" on the phone and he winds up paying long-distance just to hear his nephew breathe. Damn womenfolk! RevCam says Charles Miguel will be talking in no time, which I'm sure he's not looking forward to, because it's as soon as kids talk that they get all lippy, hey, RevCam? Well, not SamVid. Come to think of it, maybe that's why he thinks Jack/Jeff is so lively: the kid didn't talk like someone gave him horse tranquilizers.