Y'all, it's time to break out the theme mallet again. Tonight's special theme is "relationships," and even the WB promo announcer wants to get in on the fun, by announcing that "some relationships can get tricky." And is this supposed to be news to anyone who has ever had any contact, whatsoever, with other human beings? The episode proper begins with a "comic" interlude in which Ruthie and Annie denigrate RevCam's ability to prepare eggs for breakfast. He can't prepare eggs properly? Now, pancakes, I could understand. Both my sister and I are incapable of cooking up a decent pancake, even from pancake mix, but eggs? Annie can't give RevCam an estimate on when she will be home from her first day of teaching, which leads to the start of another fight. Fortunately, SuperMom and Ruthie leave for school before the brawl really gets going. Annie has a kiss for one of the twins, but RevCam isn't getting any. When Annie's out the door, he comments, "Maybe I should be taking hormones." I think that's a splendid idea! RevCam with breasts would entertain me to no end.
Not so Mary and slack-jawed Billy Campbell-wannabe Wilson. He's making good on last week's promise to help Mary train for her firefighting skills test. This seems to consist of him going out jogging with her. I'm not sure how that would be a big help to anyone, but the little lady is profoundly grateful nonetheless. When she mentions that she thinks she will pass week's skills test, Wilson says, "Oh, yeah, you're gonna nail it." He's really hoping he'll be nailing her soon, though, as he presses for an answer to his lame-o wedding proposal. Mary says she needs more time. Frankly, I don't know if there's enough time in the world to prepare anyone for the prospect of being Mrs. Wilson "Fetch My Dry-Cleaning, Bitch" Whatever-His-Last-Name-Is.
After years of concentrated effort, I think the writers have finally managed to produce the most excruciatingly boring opening credits backdrop ever. After a seemingly endless shot of a building at Ruthie's school, we see a long pan of a class of schoolgirls reading. Bravo, writers! That was monumentally dull! I'm not exactly impressed with Annie's teaching technique either, since it appears to consist of her spending the entire class sitting at her desk while her students read The Swiss Family Robinson. I'm a little dubious about the worth of a morals class anyway, but shouldn't she at least be doing some talking? I can't believe someone is, in fact, paying her to watch children read. It seems like her "teaching" is even more useless than RevCam's "counseling." Oh, wait -- she's actually going to take a kick at the teaching bucket by asking the class about the moral of the first few chapters of the book. A bunch of keeners raise their hands. One student answers, "I think the author is showing us that even though you may not be shipwrecked with your family, that all humans have to figure out a way to get along." That's probably true, if a little pedestrian. Annie jacks up the triteness level by adding that the author "is telling us that all relationships require a lot of work, patience, tolerance and love." Okay, then, lesson over. Time to assign homework. Annie's idea of homework is to have the students "teach [her] a lesson, a moral lesson." They are to write "a one-page story about a relationship." She offers to help by encouraging the students to call her at school or home, but I don't know why anyone would bother. If I needed to know the name of a crappy book to read in order to learn a hackneyed lesson about life, I suppose I could phone her up, but that seems to be about all she has to offer. Annie looks inordinately proud of herself, though, as she dismisses the class.
The keenest keener of all stops by Annie's desk to chat. She's the same girl who answered Annie's question before, since the producers probably didn't want to shell out any additional money for another extra to speak a line. This girl wants to ask Annie a question, but first she starts with a little flattery, saying, "You seem to know a lot about people and relationships." Oh, to be so young and so naive. Run, little girl, while you still have time to find someone competent to answer your question! Unless your question is about stalking, of course, because then I'm sure any Camden would be qualified to assist you. But no, her question is about people who fight all the time, and whether they should break up. Annie says, "Well, yes, if two people are fighting all the time, then maybe they shouldn't be together. But you're young --" Keener Girl interrupts to thank her for that stellar advice, then leaves.
Simon's at his locker. He looks up and catches the flirtatious eye of a tall twenty-something blonde girl a few lockers down. The girl winks at him. Has any high school student since 1924 ever actually used winking as a flirting technique? Perhaps this girl really was a ghost from a former time. Simon turns away momentarily to close his locker, and when he turns back to approach the girl, she's disappeared. Of course, maybe she just has a twitchy eye, and when she saw Simple Simon flirting with her, she ran like hell.
Mary's at her firefighter training class when her instructor comes up to compliment her on how much she's improved. At least she doesn't say anything stupid about how it's all due to her vile boyfriend taking her out jogging. The instructor leaves, and a classmate with a big hose walks over to her to compliment her some more. Here's Mary's chance to compliment Wilson's decision to join her for jogging, though she pretends that he's actually been training her. The hunky guy invites her to join him and some other classmates at a pool hall. Mary declines, citing a dinner date with the revolting Wilson. Why anyone would choose to spend time with Wilson rather than this guy is a big mystery, but I think it was established a long time ago that Mary just isn't all that bright. She walks off, leaving the hunky guy to stare after her while caressing his hose.
Cheryl arrives at the CamPound to talk to…RevCam? He's a little surprised, but he invites her in, asking her to wait in the kitchen while he puts the twins down for their nap. Lucy comes in to get a soda. When Cheryl tries to engage her in some friendly chitchat, Lucy says, "I'm just getting a soda, and now that I have it, I'm going back upstairs." Either she's very uncomfortable around Cheryl, or else people on this show really cannot write dialogue. Lucy starts to go upstairs, then changes her mind and starts rambling a mile a minute to Cheryl, who finally figures out that Lucy wants to ask her advice about Robbie. Lucy expositions a bit about Robbie's disastrous attempt to kiss her last week, adding that she and Robbie have been avoiding each other ever since. Cheryl's advice that Lucy talk to Robbie about the situation is hardly earth-shattering, but it is good. In fact, isn't that about the only advice you could reasonably give in this situation? Lucy starts to leave, without even thanking Cheryl or saying goodbye. She stops herself to pry, though, asking Cheryl if she's here to talk to RevCam about Dopey. Cheryl fobs her off with a vague answer that reiterates her groundbreaking "talk to him" advice. At least Lucy thanks her this time. She starts to leave to find Robbie, then turns back to offer some advice of her own to Cheryl: "By the way, for some reason, my dad's not as objective as a father as he is as a minister." Right. One of the qualities I absolutely love about The Good RevCam is how nonjudgmental he is when giving people advice. I'm sure we all admire that in him.
At the high school, Simon sees his friend Sean, the bully. Simon's anxious to tell him about the blonde ghost he saw near his locker earlier. Unfortunately, the girl is real, and she's Sean's girlfriend, who has just "transferred over from private school." It's a shame she did that before she could take Annie's fabulous morals class. She comes over, and Sean introduces her as Lynn. She takes the opportunity to wink at Simon again. That makes him look queasy.
So what does Cheryl want with RevCam? She thinks that Dopey doesn't have enough time for a relationship, so she wants RevCam to break up with him for her. What a novel idea! I wish I'd employed it to get out of some of my messier romantic entanglements. To his credit, Eric suggests that Cheryl do the deed herself. Cheryl says that she's already tried to break up with the Dopester, but that he won't even discuss the possibility. She thinks RevCam can hammer the point home to his son. Maybe he could borrow the 7th Heaven theme mallet for that. In any case, I've got a news flash for Cheryl: all she has to do is tell Dopey they're broken up, and stop taking his calls. Problem fixed. I know Matt's a creepy stalker and all, but even he can't keep up their relationship alone. Cheryl seems to feel that Dopey is distracting her from studying. I can't say her transformation into Super Student is entirely believable, but then, neither is the fact that she needs RevCam's help to break up with her boyfriend. RevCam isn't helping much anyway. In fact, he tries to talk Cheryl out of ditching Dopey, saying that they make a good couple, and that everyone in the CamFam loves Cheryl. I laugh until my sides ache. But RevCam's not done yet. He tries to get her to believe that her influence has made Dopey "more focused" and "happy." All right, just quit it, Eric. What kind of sick mind game are you trying to play with Cheryl here? When RevCam tells her that he'd thought she was going to tell him she and Dopey were getting more serious, Cheryl assumes that he's talking about marriage. The idea of Cheryl getting RevCam's permission to ask for his son's hand in marriage makes for a seriously entertaining mental image. The fact that this one sentence of RevCam's has led Cheryl to decide that she and Dopey should get married instead of breaking up certainly proves that she is mentally deficient. The big question, though, is whether she's stupid enough to spend the rest of her life saddled with Dopey. Maybe she's just incredibly horny and knows Dopey won't put out until she makes an honest man of him.
Ruthie and Annie are still at school, where Ruthie is asking her mother how her class went. Annie's reply, "Good -- I think I'm really connecting with the kids," makes me bust out laughing again. I guess it's just an example of how knowledgeable Annie is about relationships. After Ruthie leaves for her equestrian class, Annie runs into Mrs. MacKoul, the principal. Mrs. MacKoul wants to know if Annie told a student, Christy, that her parents should get a divorce. Annie's sputtering is cut short by the welcome arrival of a commercial break.
Annie walks into the CamKitchen to receive a grilling from RevCam. She keeps telling him she doesn't want to talk about her day, but he is completely incapable of taking the hint.
Lynn must suffer from the same condition. Even after Simon warns that she's not even allowed to smile at him, she keeps flirting. Simon is just that irresistible! She says, "Morris and I were gonna break up. Then I got transferred here, so we decided to stay together." Who the hell is Morris? Two episodes ago, this guy's name was Sean. I wish I could go back and check the tape to be sure, but it's been long recorded over. This may come as a surprise, but I'm not exactly keeping all these fine episodes on tape for posterity. Sean/Morris comes up and invites Simon to the pool hall, but Simon declines. Lynn coyly suggests that she hopes Simon is not uncomfortable around her. For some reason, that causes Simple Simon to change his mind and agree to join the happy couple at the pool hall. My, that sure was a clunky scene.
Robbie phones up the lovely and talented Mary in "New York." Mary is seated in front of what looks like a bust of Johnny Cash in a toga. Her messily parted hair is distracting. She tells Robbie that Wilson asked her to marry him. It's hard to tell what Robbie's reaction is, but I'll just put that down to Adam LaVorgna's limitations as an actor. When Robbie asks if she accepted the proposal, Mary says, "Well, I can't think of a good reason not to say yes." Golly, she's unimaginative. What about the fact that Wilson just wants a maid he can boss around? The fact that he wears ties with diamonds on them? The fact that little Billy just might be the most annoying child in the history of time? Or that Mary is only nineteen? And those are just off the top of my head. Robbie tells her he can't be an objective friend to her because of their shared past, then he tries to hang up. Mary wants to know why he called her, though, so Robbie says, "I wanted to know how you would feel if I dated…" He pauses here, as if trying hard to remember the rest of his line. Eventually he does: "…someone you know." Mary's okay with him dating someone, as long as it's not Lucy. Robbie fake-laughs nervously and goes way overboard in denying that it's Lucy he wants to date. He says that dating Lucy "would be idiotic, stupid, crazy." Yeah, but hasn't just about anything he's ever done in his life been idiotic, stupid, and/or crazy? Robbie says, "I have to go." Of course he hangs up the phone without even saying goodbye. He calls a girl from school and asks her out on a date. I think it's safe to assume that he then rudely hung up on her without even saying goodbye, but we don't see that part.
Annie is trying to leave to speak to Christy's parents, but RevCam won't let her go until he pries the story out of her. Annie explains that when Christy asked her whether two people who fight should break up, Annie thought the girl had been talking about herself and a boyfriend. That really doesn't explain why her advice was so lame, though. RevCam makes the mistake of expressing doubt about her ability to handle the situation. Frankly, I doubt her ability to handle the situation also, but I'm not telling her that to her face. As RevCam says, "I hesitate to bring this up, because we've been fighting about everything lately --" Annie walks out the door and slams it in his face. Go, Annie! And what was Eric's big, profound thought? Even though Annie is gone, he shares it with us anyway: "Maybe Christy's mommy is nutty too." It's a good thing Annie was gone, or she might have turned RevCam into a soprano.
Dopey comes in, and RevCam pries into his love life. Matt explains that Cheryl is unhappy with their relationship, and that he now thinks he should break up with her. RevCam uses his usual incoherent, rambling style to caution Dopey both against breaking up with Cheryl and/or marrying her. At least that's what I think he's saying.
Over in "New York," Mary answers the front door to find that hunky firefighter dude on her doorstep. He's still trying to get her to go down to the pool hall with the rest of their classmates. He says he's just trying to treat her like one of the guys, adding, "You could be a little nicer, considering I went to the trouble to track down your address and drive over here." Oh, great, now he wants her to compliment his stalking technique. He obviously doesn't know who he's dealing with, since Mary comes from a family of experts. She says she's not sure she wants to be one of the guys; she also would like to know why he didn't just phone her. He thinks that "begging would be a little more effective in person." Mary rewards this stupid sentiment with a smile, just as the phone rings. It's the odious Wilson, calling to cancel his dinner date with Mary. While he's telling her this, he shuffles around a bunch of papers to make it appear that he is working very hard in his unspecified, very important job. When Mary tells him they can have dinner another night, he hangs up on her. But first he says goodbye. Nah, he doesn't. I was just teasing.
Hunky Firefighter Dude reiterates his invitation, stressing that he is asking her platonically. He adds some rude comment about how not every guy Mary meets is going to want to go out with her. After such a charming invitation, you'd think Mary would be chomping at the bit to join him, but she says she has to stay home and study. The idea that she had originally been planning to ask for Wilson's help makes me roll with laughter. The hunky classmate offer to help her study.
Lucy walks into the CamKitchen to ask Ruthie where Robbie is. Ruthie informs her sister that Robbie is out on a date, which causes Lucy to freak out and demand to know his whereabouts. Ruthie explains that Robbie was planning on taking his date to Flicks and Pete's Pizza. She materialistically adds, "A five-dollar movie and a slice of pizza -- it's amazing he can get a girl to go out with him." What a lovely family-values moment.
Lucy leaves, and RevCam walks in. Ruthie tells some pointless story about her horse biting her equestrian teacher, but RevCam cuts it short to ask if Ruthie knows Christy Parks. Ruthie says that a lot of girls in her school already know about SuperMom's situation with Christy and her parents. She adds, "I think I know why Christy didn't exactly spill her guts to Mom." I can't exactly say I'm waiting breathlessly to find out. RevCam is, though.
Annie is loitering on Christy's parents' property, waiting for them to come home. You have to wonder why none of the neighbours called the cops on her. Maybe all the neighbours hate the Parkses. I sure do. They may be the two most ridiculous characters I've ever seen on this show. Mr. Parks resembles a robot, while Mrs. Parks looks like she's strung out on some pretty major drug. They don't give Annie a chance to explain, and they insist that they will try to make sure she never teaches again. So there is something good about them. Employing some of the worst acting I've ever seen, they try to get Annie to apologize. When she doesn't, they go inside their house, leaving Annie standing speechless on their lawn.
After the parents leave, Christy sneaks out to apologize to Annie and flatter her some more, praising her sincerity and willingness to help the students. How she got that out of Annie's crappy minute-long lecture, I haven't a clue. Christy whines about her parents and their fighting some more, then tells Annie, "You were my last hope, and now I don't think there's anything anyone can do to help me." I'd be a little more sympathetic if that statement weren't so blatantly false. And stupid, to boot.
Simon walks through the CamKitchen on his way out the back door. RevCam asks, "So who's the lucky lady tonight?" I'm convinced he's making fun of Simon. He and SuperMom must derive a lot of secret amusement at the idea of Simon as a lady killer. Who doesn't? When Simon replies, "My friend's girlfriend," the CamRents look at each other but, for once, they don't pry. Annie goes off on a self-righteous diatribe about Christy's parents and their fighting and how it's affecting Christy. RevCam tries to be supportive by stating the obvious: that children learn about relationships from watching their parents. This leads to another stupid fight, which is cut short by wise little Ruthie's observation that the CamRents fight a lot. I know, they do, and it wore thin weeks ago. The time they get into it, you'll find me in the kitchen, mixing myself a stiff drink. After the long relationship we've shared, you'd think the CamRents would care more about how all their fighting is affecting me and my liver, rather than worrying about that Christy brat.
Lucy has used her special Camden stalking abilities to track down Robbie and his date, Joanne, at Pete's Pizza. She finagles an invitation from Joanne to sit down, while Robbie watches in horror. ["'Joanne'? What's with these names? 'Joanne' and 'Lynn' -- they sound like forty-year-olds. No offense to forty-year-olds, of course; it's just that women born after, say, 1965 don't tend to have those names." -- Sars]
Cheryl calls Dopey to talk about "'us' things." When Dopey says they should be talking face to face, Cheryl says she has to work but can meet him on the Promenade in an hour. An hour? Considering she has yet to even get to work, I want to know just how long her shift is. Twenty minutes?
Mary and her hot new friend are studying. Mary complains that her brain is starting to hurt. Isn't that a little like me complaining that my penis hurts? I'd think that in order for a body part to hurt, you'd at least have to have that part somewhere on your body. Mary suggests a study break and asks her friend why he wants to become a firefighter. He explains that his firefighter father died when he was ten. Mary, very reasonably, assumes that he wants to follow in his father's footsteps. Not quite. The guy says, "When my dad died, the way I saw it, the fire killed him. Ever since then, I've hated fire for taking my dad away. So for a guy who hates fire, being a firefighter seemed like the right way to go." Wow, what total 7th Heaven logic. I'm not overly crazy about young children or phys ed, so maybe I should be a gym teacher. Sounds good, huh? Mary explains how becoming a firefighter is basically a whim to her, even though she tries to dress it up so it sounds like it's something she really wants to do. She feels compelled to tell him that her grandparents are away for the weekend, which is probably just a way to explain to the audience that the producers couldn't afford to bring in any big guest stars after paying for the super-fabulous Ed Begley last week. I'm just glad I won't have to see the Colonel.
At the Glenoak pool hall, Sean/Morris walks off to get his woman another drink. Lynn takes the opportunity to sidle up to Studly Simon and run the back of her hand over his. I'm madly taking notes so that I can duplicate her flirting style. I'm really hoping she bats her eyelashes . Simon uncomfortably says that he is going outside to smoke. Lynn expresses some surprise that he smokes. He says, "No, I don't. But if I did, would that get you to leave me alone?" Of course not! Lynn is a bad girl, and she will get her comeuppance. Oh, Lynn, when will you learn? If you want a guy to like you, you wait for him to make the first move!
Over at Pete's Pizza, Robbie is nowhere to be seen, and Lucy is regaling his date with stories about Robbie's evil past. You'd think Joanne would be a little suspicious of all this -- especially when Lucy talks about Robbie's "obsessive love" for Mary and points out that Joanne looks rather like Mary -- but evidently Joanne is kind of stupid. ["She's on a date with Robbie. Case closed." -- Sars] She just reacts in horror to everything Lucy is telling her. I would have thought that reminiscing about what a dirtbag Robbie has been might be a bit of a turn-off to Lucy herself, but no. When Joanne takes off, Lucy just sits at the table, waiting for Robbie to come back. She's smiling smugly, as if what she's just done is something to be proud of. Sigh. I guess I'm just never going to understand wholesome family values.
At the pool hall, Lynn is lying in wait for Simon, and she accosts him as soon as he walks in. Simon asks her to leave him alone, but Lynn kisses him instead. The poor girl is forced to spout lines like, "I like you, and I know you like me." I can't say she does a really good job with those lines, but making dialogue like that sound natural is probably above the abilities of even the greatest actors. Gack! It gets so much worse. Lynn says, "I'm usually loyal and trustworthy, and all that stuff, but I just saw you in that hallway, and I don't know, Simon, I felt something for you, instantly." Fortunately, she shuts up and goes back to kissing Simon. He says he instantly felt something for her too. I'm not sure what possesses him to say that Morris should hear that from him, rather than Lynn. After all, Lynn is the one who's dating Morris.
Dopey and Cheryl meet on the Promenade. Cheryl is wearing a print dress of her grandmother's, and her hair is pulled back so tightly, it looks like she just got a facelift. After a little introductory chitchat, Dopey and Cheryl both say, "I think we should…" Except Dopey finishes his sentence with "…break up," while Cheryl says they should get married. They are both a little confused now, which should came as no great surprise to anyone who knows them. Cheryl says that, after talking to RevCam, she realized that marriage would be a better idea than breaking up. Instead of freaking out because his girlfriend has been going to his father for relationship advice, Dopey invokes The Great RevCam himself, saying that he thought his father wanted them to break up. Maybe instead of discussing their relationship with each other, they should give RevCam a call and clear that up. Dopey nobly ditches Cheryl, but not before asking if she really wanted to get married. She says, "Yes, and no. I thought if we got married, then we'd be together more. But getting married means that I would be a lonely wife instead of a lonely girlfriend." Once again, I'm so glad to see how seriously everyone takes the allegedly lifelong commitment of marriage on this show. Isn't Dopey about twenty-one now? And how many times has he almost gotten married? In any case, Dopey and Cheryl agree that their relationship is over, but that they will "keep the door open." Oh, great -- I can see that paving the way for plenty of guest appearances from Cheryl every time Dopey even thinks of dating another woman. I guess this gives the writers a plot they can use -- and reuse -- for Dopey while he finishes off his last year on the show. Maybe that will keep them from trying to give us more storylines where he thinks he's a doctor, rather than just a not-even-in-med-school-yet orderly. At least Cheryl can date someone else now and give her vibrator a rest.
Oh, no. The CamRents are fighting again, and I think the only alcohol we have in the house is Amaretto. I wonder how that would taste with Diet Pepsi. RevCam says something about learning to communicate better, which must be only the fiftieth time he's said that in the past few weeks. Annie could use that as an opening to communicate, you know, with him, but she'd rather go on trying to pick a fight by saying things like, "Maybe if I take hormones, everything will go back to normal." When Eric claims he didn't say that, Annie whines, "But you wanted me to." No, Annie, communication! Please? The CamRents agree that they should fight in ways that are "more productive and friendly." Whatever. I really wish Annie wouldn't say that RevCam was right to give her advice about her teaching dilemma. Now he'll never stop doing it. To be fair, he'll probably never stop butting in anyway, but at least she might try to avoid encouraging him. He promises he'll stay out of the "school thing," but you know he's lying. Annie promises to be nicer, but it's a pretty sure bet she's not exactly being honest either. I make a mental note to stock up on vodka before the episode rolls around.
There's a knock on the back door. RevCam tells Annie to answer it. I think we're supposed to think he's being supportive, since the visitor is little Christy Parks, but since he didn't know that when he told Annie to "go on" and open the door, it just comes off as him ordering her around. So, answering doors is a woman's job? Okay, got it. Christy's parents have been fighting again, and she "just can't take it anymore." She wants to stay at the CamPound. Annie undoes weeks and weeks of fighting for her independence by mouthing the word "help" to Eric. I find it necessary to curl up into the fetal position and cry for about three hours.
Annie calls up Christy's parents. RevCam shows his support by handing her the phone, but at least he leaves when she tells him to. Mrs. Parks doesn't want to talk, but Annie manages to tell her that Christy is at the CamPound. Before Mrs. Parks can say anything else, Annie gets on the advice wagon and tells her she hopes the Parkses can work out their marital difficulties. She also puts in a plug for RevCam as a counselor. This helpfulness makes Mrs. Parks cry. Annie also thanks her "for helping [the CamRents] see that [they] have been fighting too much." Annie spews some more platitudes that are meant to help us viewers deal with our relationships, but I won't insult your intelligence by repeating them here. After some annoying female bonding and a bunch of thank-yous, Mrs. Parks ends the call. I wonder if there is a single person in Glenoak who knows how to say "goodbye" before hanging up a telephone.
Christy and Ruthie walk in. Christy looks way too old to be wearing that craptacular lavender T-shirt with the cutesy drawing of a little girl on it, but the fact that she's wearing it with plaid pants makes me too sad for words. Annie modestly says she's glad that talking to the CamRents made Christy feel better. Christy rudely replies that talking to Ruthie is actually what helped her the most, since Ruthie blabbed about how much the CamRents fight. It made her feel better that people other than her parents fight too. So what have we learned? That it's good to feel happy about other people's misery. Also, that it's good to want to be like everybody else. Okay, duly noted. Incidentally, the idea of Ruthie as a counselor is something I don't even want to contemplate.
we hear from Dopey, who tells RevCam that he and Cheryl have broken up. He says that he loves her, but that sometimes love isn't enough to make a relationship work. He's also a little curious as to why RevCam meddled in his love life. Does he really need to ask? It's RevCam! He refuses Eric's invitation to talk, telling him, "I think you've done enough talking for tonight." Amen!
Simon calls up Lynn to tell her that he has told Morris "everything." That includes the fact that Lynn came onto him at school and the pool hall. He says, "I told him that since he's my friend, I thought he should know what his girlfriend was doing when he wasn't looking." I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually respect Simon right now. One could certainly make a valid argument for not telling Morris anything, but I'm glad Simon did -- especially if that means we'll never have to see Lynn again.
Lucy storms out of the pizza place, and Robbie runs out after her, asking for an explanation. Lucy's idea of an explanation is, "I thought you cared about me. I guess I was wrong." She follows up with an insincere apology for ruining his date. Robbie tells her he phoned Mary to see if she would be all right with him dating Lucy, but that he realized Mary would never accept that. He says he only went out with Joanne to take his mind off Lucy. She's flattered enough to kiss him. I'm nauseated enough to vomit profusely all over my lap. RevCam's watching the young lovers from inside the CamPound, which makes me wonder just how good his special stalking vision is, if he can see all the way down to the pizza place.
Over in "New York," Mary notices that it's getting late, so she asks her hot classmate to leave. He tells her how much fun he's had, and asks her to hand him his jacket. Mary has to turn around to get his jacket, and when she turns back, he moves in to kiss her. Man, I can't believe how suave all these characters are! Mary slaps him, and he apologizes. Then, proving she is indeed a total dumb-ass, she starts kissing him. Of course you know that Wilson will choose this moment to walk in and catch her in the act, and he does, claiming that the door was open, so he walked right in. So I guess it serves him right to see something unpleasant. He says, "I was gonna surprise you with a late-night pizza, but I guess I'm the one who got surprised, huh?" Oh, no! Now who's going to buy bananas for little Billy when his daddy is busy working on the annual report? How selfish of Mary not to think of that! In any case, I think we're supposed to feel sorry for Wilson. Maybe I will, once I'm thoroughly done laughing at his expense.