Simon and Ruthie smoke, Eric and Annie have cybersex, and a French guy lives with the Camdens!
We open with Simon and Ruthie in the CamKitchen, surrounded by cereal boxes, bowls full of cereal, and random cereal pieces all over the place. RevCam walks in and wants to know what is going on and where Annie is. Ruthie responds that Annie is out, and the cereal is like this because they want to find the prize in the box. And despite the mess and the fact that they searched at least two boxes, they haven't. You know, Simon is like twelve, and I was only five by the time I got over the thrill of finding a toy in my cereal and actually wasted cereal to look for it. RevCam is less than pleased as he dumps cereal back into the box, which is gross because you know that Ruthie's fingers have been all over it. He says that there is a better surprise coming -- a new member of the family. Ruthie is overjoyed at the prospect, but Happy looks alarmed and upset at the thought of Two Ruthies. Her expression is remarkably similar to mine. Fortunately, it is not another Ruthie, RevCam tells us, but a foreign exchange student -- from France. Simon is more excited than I would be, until it occurs to him that Frenchie could be a spy. Hmmm, someone's been watching too much Simpsons, eh? Although that isn't a WB show like The Tick, so it doesn't get credited. RevCam responds that he didn't ask, but he's pretty sure that the French are our allies. Hmm, yes, they did such a great job with that during WWII.
RevCam goes on to tell the kids that they should make Frenchie feel at home while Matt walks into the kitchen to take food from the fridge. Matt sees that there are other people in the room besides himself and butts into their conversation, asking who he is supposed to make feel at home. "Some French guy," Ruthie responds, rolling her eyes, which is a response that I might give if there was a Frenchie coming to my house, so I give Ruthie mad props for no doubt the only time this season. RevCam explains that a foreign exchange student is coming, to which Matt responds with his awful comic timing; "Where's he going to sleep -- the roof?" RevCam is sure that sleeping accommodations can be made, at which both Simon and Ruthie look disturbed. No need to worry, Ruthie; RevCam won't be letting some French guy sleep with any of the girls in the house, right?
RevCam is in the middle of asking for volunteers when Mary, clutching her ever-present basketball, and Lucy walk in, hear the word "volunteers," and walk back out again. Heh. But the eyes of RevCam are sharp, and he sees them and screams, "Halt!" which stops the two in their tracks. While I can't imagine why RevCam would even consider the prospect of allowing Frenchie to sleep in his oldest daughters' room, I think it's a good call to ask them to volunteer, because we all know that if anyone is open to the prospect of sleeping in the same room as a boy, it's Lucy. Ruthie informs the two that there's a French guy coming to live with them, and they should "get out while [they] can!" Snicker.
Mary and Lucy's faces brighten up considerably at this piece of news; Mary asks how old the French guy is, and Lucy asks if he is single. Way to make your intentions known to your father, you morons! I would laugh if he were forty and married, but no, he's Matt's age. Matt is less than pleased at this prospect, because now he will have to drive the "Euro-geek" around town. RevCam wants the support of more than his horny daughters, so he explains that the Frenchie has never been in a foreign country before and will probably be homesick, and they should all treat him the same way they would want to be treated if they were in the same position. He looks at Mary and Lucy as he says this, which is strange, because they will obviously be treating him well. Lucy feels the need to drive this point home by saying that RevCam can count on her, and Mary agrees. Matt puts a stop to this by telling the girls that if Frenchie is his age, then he is forty in French years. Um, what? And is this is true, does this mean that we are going to see an eighteen-year-old in a forty-year-old body, like in the movie Jack? That would be cool. Lucy believes that this means that he will know a lot about women. Matt gets all excited as if he hadn't thought of this before, because now when he has to drive Frenchie around, he can get women too. Since it's okay with RevCam when his sons pick up ladies, he gives this the RevSeal of Approval. Ruthie adorably asks what French people eat, as if any child would do that ever, and Matt responds, "Snails." Like, is this a humorous subplot I see?
Matt then asks if Annie knows about the foreign exchange student. Well, of course she does! RevCam and Annie love each other and have a sharing and happy marriage, so why would RevCam ever make a decision like this without at least letting her know about it? Annie walks in at the end of Matt's question and asks what she is supposed to know about. Ruthie tells her that they are having a "change student." Bil Keane, writer of Family Circus, contacts his lawyers about suing 7th Heaven. Annie says, "I don't think so, honey!" and RevCam says, "What Ruthie means is a foreign exchange student." Then he tells her how great it is that he'll be coming to stay with them for a few weeks, and Annie's all like, say what?! As the kids run out of the room, the clarinet, followed by the guitar, of Humorous Marital Strife play us into the theme song.
After the commercial, we are treated to shots of people biking, then running, all over Glenoak, and then a zoom into the CamHouse that takes like ten minutes. That was weird. I'm sure that I'll soon be wishing I was watching a show about the joggers instead of this. Okay, now Rev and Annie are fighting about Frenchie. Eric is all trying to play it off like it was last-minute, and if he didn't take the kid, he (the kid, not Le Rev Du Camme) would have to go back to France. Then he points out what a great cultural experience this will be for the kids. Yeah, especially Mary and Lucy, if you know what I'm saying. Annie's not having that and rants on how their house isn't a museum, although maybe she shouldn't call it "their" house, since it's apparently RevCam's house. Rock on, sista!
RevCam continues to royally screw up when he tells her that another person in the house is not a huge inconvenience. Now Annie's laughing at how RevCam won't be inconvenienced, because he isn't the person who has to cook and clean. Unfortunately, she chooses to say these lines while jumping up and down strangely, and so I laugh at her instead of feeling sympathy. At her, not with her. RevCam is still on his no-inconvenience kick, saying that a teenage boy is low maintenance. Rev, your oldest son has Keith Partridge hair that must take a year to style in the only bathroom in the house. What are you talking about? Annie responds that teenage boys eat a lot. Don't worry, Annie, this kid is French, so he only eats frog legs. Just buy some of those, he'll be fine. They taste just like chicken. Then Annie tries to claim that she'll have too much laundry to do with this new kid, to which I have to point out that French people only wear stylish dry-clean-only clothes, so again, not a problem. Annie's still going on her Complaintrain, however, and points out that there is no space for the new kid. RevCam tries to tell her that Simon and Ruthie miss being in the same room together, because he's all about the co-ed sleeping arrangements today. Annie is disappointed in RevCam, because it's not like him to spring this kind of thing on her. Um, no, Annie, it is exactly like him, as you'll see in season five. After putting on her Clownface of Pouting for a while, Annie asks when the French kid is coming. Way to take a stand, Annie. RevCam says soon. Annie asks how soon, and ever so comically, the doorbell rings. RevCam leaves the room to answer it, and we are left with a shot of Annie making a weird face.
RevCam answers the door to a young guy wearing a leather jacket, 'cause, you know, all French people wear leather. Really, they do. There's also an old guy. I'm wondering if they are both the Frenchie, and the old guy is the forty-year-old Matt was nattering on about and the young guy is the single boy Mary and Lucy were fantasizing about. RevCam lamely welcomes them by saying, "Entrez!" except that it sounds Italian the way he says it. I can be all high and mighty about the accent because I took French for a year. RevCam then addresses Old Guy as "Martin," meaning that he can't be the Frenchie because he doesn't have the Authentic French Name. Martin introduces the young guy, "Guillaume," to the Rev and Annie, who has by now apparently gotten over her deal and entered the room smiling like a good little housewife should. Martin has an accent that I guess is supposed to be French, but absolutely isn't, and sounds like a weird Italian/Transylvanian accent hybrid. Guillaume is all about the charming, and his accent is thankfully more French-sounding. He wants them to call him "Gee." That's stupid. He gives Annie some chocolates, or, as he calls them, "des chocolates." Oh, I see. It's going to be one of those things where he says like two words in French so you know he's legit and then says everything else in English, except that the two French words will be words that everyone knows. Annie's trying to be French by saying "Merci!" and "Oui!" but she isn't fooling anyone.
Gee compliments Annie's housewifing style and her looks, calling her a model from a fashion magazine. Someone tell the French guy that the JCPenney Spring Catalogue is not a fashion magazine before he makes this mistake again. Annie is all flattered, and shows this by running her hand over her neck. I would like to point out that "Fashion" Annie is wearing a white shirt with a huge seventies collar and a black jumper. Annie then leaves to room to "make a sandwich." Finger sandwiches, perhaps? If you know what I mean. Gee gives RevCam the real presents, wine and Cuban cigars. RevCam knows they're Cuban because he sniffs the box with his nose like five feet away from it. Not bad. Gee admits to smuggling them in. He's all proud of this fact. Hmm...I smell trouble! Martin says, "I know NOThing aBOUT it, ha ha ha," the whole time looking at RevCam's neck, and I now believe that he is a vampire who wants to suck some CamBlood. RevCam says that he doesn't smoke, but he will see that the cigars don't go to waste. Maybe he will donate them to a shelter or something. Rev sends Gee to the living room while he makes up a room for Gee. Martin thanks RevCam again, still looking at that neck, and then leaves, but not before saying that he's sure they won't have any problems. I'm sure that this comment won't prove ironic later or anything. Rev takes Gee's suitcase, and Martin leaves. And by "suitcase," I mean one lightly packed, tiny little bag. Gee is going to be there for weeks, and he only has one Ziploc bag full of stuff. That's weird.
Rev calls the girls downstairs, and they all run in. Rev tells them to meet Gee, and Ruthie goes, "Gee? Yuck!" I wish she delivered these lines less annoyingly, because she has had some good ones today. I am forced to take that back when Rev walks the kids into the room and introduces them to Gee and he says, "Bonjour Root-tie," and she says, "THIS is America. Speak English!" and walks away like a stupid little troll. Gee laughs, which is better than what I would have done if I was him. Then Mary introduces herself like this: "Hel-lo. My. Name. Is. Ma-ry." Idiot. RevCam shares my opinion and reminds her that Gee is French, not deaf. Well, if he were deaf, I still don't think that Mary should speak to him like that. No one treats Heather that way! Mary pouts at being called out like that. Gee tries to smooth it over by Frenchifying her name. He says it like mais oui, which is funny, because when you're talking about Mary, isn't she all about saying "yes?" Then Gee calls her beautiful, prompting a shot of Lucy looking jealous. RevCam chooses this time to leave the room, like a man who wants his daughters to have the easiest possible time getting it on with the exchange student. Then Lucy introduces herself by saying the first French sentence everyone learns: "Bonjour, je m'appelle Lucy Camden. Comme ça va?" Gee pretends that this impresses him. I notice that he does not call Lucy beautiful. Ha ha! Then everyone sits down as the Accordion of "Authentic" French Music plays. Ruthie asks Gee if French people eat snails, and I hope that this is the last time they mention this. Gee says that they do, and Ruthie says "eew" and gets a totally horrid expression on her face that I just know Annie could beat anytime. Then Lucy says that she loves snails, because she is pathetic and thinks that faking similar interests will get you somewhere with a man five years older than you. Mary and Ruthie look at her like "jigga what?" and we get a commercial.
Now we're in Simon's room, where RevCam is trying to convince Simon to move back into Ruthie's room. He agrees, but only if he can have the top bunk. Happy is in the room too, but just looks sad. I guess she wanted the top bunk to herself.
RevCam walks into the kitchen and tells Annie their space problems are solved. Then he says that he thinks the girls like Gee. Um, yes, they certainly do. Maybe you should go check on them and see how much. Then Rev points out that Gee didn't bring a big suitcase, so there are fewer clothes to wash. "Yes," says Annie, "just more often!" Oooooooh, zing! But the joke is on Annie, because by the size of that suitcase she will washing clothes for Gee after every meal. Annie points out that things might not be so bad because Gee is cute and charming. Yeah, well, so was Ted Bundy. RevCam gets all possessive, but Annie doesn't notice because for the first time one of the CamRents realizes that they have horny girls in their house. RevCam says they'll just keep the girls away from Gee and make Matt hang out with him. No, says Annie, Matt won't like Gee "cutting in on his territory." BA HA HA HA HA! Sorry, I am always forgetting what a stud Matt is in 7th Heaven-land and, when reminded, must take ten minutes to laugh and laugh and laugh. But the laughs keep coming as Annie reminds us all that it's the last semester of high school for Matt, so he should apparently be especially attractive to the ladies. RevCam tries to convince himself that Matt is more confident than that.
Ruthie enters and announces that she doesn't like Gee. She calls him a "chauvinist pig." This from the girl who doesn't know what a foreign exchange student is. How consistent. Annie says that Ruthie doesn't know what that means, but Ruthie says that she knows what pig means, as if that's an excuse. Instead of pointing out to Ruthie that people shouldn't insult guests, that Camrents just helplessly look at each other while Ruthie gets away with it.
Now we're in Lucy and Mary's room. Lucy asks Mary if French guys are born knowing how to French kiss. Yes, Lucy, and also how to make French fries and French toast. ["'And to drink...Peru!'" -- Sars] Mary agrees with me and tells Lucy that that's the stupidest thing she's ever heard. Meanwhile, Mary is undressing, but I don't know why. Lucy tries to save face by saying that they don't call it "Swiss kissing" or "Canadian kissing" or "Mexican kissing." While I could think of some good things to say about why they don't call it any of these things, I will remain silent, because there are Canadians here and they wouldn't appreciate it. Just kidding, Canadians! You know I love you! Mary says that Lucy shouldn't ask Gee, because it would sound like an invitation. Lucy's all excited about this, but Mary says that Gee is like a brother because he lives with them, so hands off. Also, he's too old for Lucy. Lucy uses her French Knowledge to say in French that Mary is also too young.
Then Lucy notices that Mary is getting dressed up for dinner. Yeah, except that Mary is putting on a dowdy collared shirt. Mary claims that she is sweaty from shooting baskets, but Lucy and I both notice that her perfect make-up shows that she is lying. Lucy claims that Mary wants Gee. Mary says no, she wants to be clean. Lucy fires back with "Clean, shmean." Someone needs to take some comeback lessons from Mrs. Camden, I think. Then Lucy suggests taking the compatibility test in her magazine to figure out who is right for Gee. Mary also needs some comeback lessons, because she just says, "Maybe we shouldn't." At least she did it with a kind of funny Valley Girl accent. Lucy takes the test by herself, because she is pathetic.
Now we're in Simon's room, where Ruthie is brattily making fun of Simon for moving back to her room. For no apparent reason, Matt is there too. RevCam walks in with Gee and introduces him to the boys. Simon notices that Gee has a laptop and is way too impressed. Then he tries to claim that you can do "instant email across the ocean" with it, which is true, except you also need an ISP and modem just like all the other, less cool desktop computers. Simon and Eric leave, and Gee creepily approaches Matt and asks him about picking up women. Gee says that he knows some airline stewardesses he could call and set up a double date. Matt turns this down, because he already has a date tonight. Um, no, Matt, you don't. Stop lying. Gee asks about tomorrow night, and Matt approves. Then Matt says "Excellente!" except that, like an idiot, he says it the Spanish way and not the French way; the Accordion of Frenchness plays, and Matt thankfully leaves. Simon comes in and once again drills Gee about the laptop and all the rules in the house about laptops and internet use. Gee says he thinks the internet is too complicated for him, making Gee either stupid or old. And the old guy left long ago, so he's just stupid. He should fit right in at the CamPound. Simon tries to tell us how he knows all about the internet, saying it's a good way to "meet chicks." Right about now, I am hoping that Simon would go find one of those "chicks" he's been "meeting" online and get murdered so I don't have to see him in this episode anymore. Gee also feels this way, because he says he wants to wash up and eat Annie's sandwich, and he leaves.
Out in the hall, Gee flirtatiously waves at Mary and Lucy and then bumps into Ruthie, who again lectures him on the proper pronunciation of her name. And we all know that Ruthie is just the queen of pronouncing things the right way, so this is not at all hypocritical. Gee again chooses not to smack her, showing just how much more self-control he has than me. Then he goes into the bathroom. But wait a minute, he's not washing up at all! He's smoking! As he puffs out the window, he says "stupid americains." And yes, Gee, they are stupid, but so are you for thinking that opening a window and standing to it will completely air out the cigarette smoke. Unless all the Camdens have sinus infections and can't smell anything, you are caught. The Guitar of Bad Foreigners plays us into a commercial.
We return from the commercial with the same shot of the CamHouse that is in the opening credits. Yeah, I noticed. Then we get a conversation with RevCam and Matt. RevCam wants Matt to stay home and entertain Gee, but Matt has "a date." Yeah. Sure. Matt points out that RevCam was about to leave too. RevCam tries to tell us that he's going to the church to work on his sermon. On a Friday night. I think the Rev's getting a little action on the side, don't you? Or maybe he's going off to smoke those Cubans. Anyway, after some RevManipulation that takes way too long, Matt gets to leave the house and RevCam goes back upstairs.
Now we're in the living room with Lucy. We know that Gee is there too, because the Accordion of Frenchness plays before we even see him. Lucy's asking Gee what a French man likes most about a woman: looks, body, or intelligence. Well, I guess if it's any of those choices, Lucy, you're kind of out of luck, aren't you? Gee responds that the eyes are the best part of a woman, because they are "the windows to her soul." I'm surprised they didn't have him say "les windows to le soul." Lucy grins unattractively, and the scene ends.
Aaahhhh! My screen has been swallowed by flannel! No, it's just Annie making the bed and throwing the sheet at the camera as if that were creative and artsy. RevCam walks in and asks her why she doesn't let Gee make the bed. Annie fires right back with a "why don't you ask him that, sil vous plait?" Score! Annie 3, RevCam 0! She is on fire today! RevCam picks up a shirt and says that he's sure that Gee will be as neat as the rest of the kids soon. Okay, I'm looking around the room and it's neater than mine, so I don't think anyone should complain. RevCam tells Annie that he's going back to the church to "get the computer," and leaves. Annie continues her bed-making frenzy until Simon walks in. He picks up Gee's laptop and asks Annie where the RevCam's laptop plug is, because Gee said he could use his computer, and apparently he didn't bring his own plug. Simon also mentions that RevCam "guards [his computer] with his life." Yeah, so much so that he left it at the church. Annie asks Simon if he's done his homework, and she looks really angry when she says it, and it scares me. Simon reminds her that it's Friday night and he waits until Sunday to do his homework, because he works best under pressure. You're not so special, Simon -- everyone does that. Annie responds to this with an even meaner, more suspicious glare. What is her problem? Simon says he'll do the homework tomorrow. Annie scolds him about doing things at the last minute. Simon asks if he can use the computer in Rev's office so he can "surf the net." I would like the point out that every time Simon mentions surfing the net, he puts one of his hands out like he's hanging ten or something. Loser. Annie consents, but keeps up this sudden Bitchmode by telling him not to make a mess. Then he leaves and she actually smiles. I guess the meanness was just a natural reaction to Simon. I understand.
Now we're back with Lucy and Gee. Gee is telling her that a gentleman would never kiss and tell. I guess that means that none of the Camdens are gentlemen. Mary enters the room, and the Accordion of Frenchness comes in yet again. I hate the goddamn Accordion of Frenchness. Gee looks up and asks Mary where such a beautiful woman is going this evening while Lucy looks on angrily. I would be angry too if people kept calling my sister beautiful and not me, so I sympathize. Of course, I don't have a sister, so I don't really sympathize that much. Mary says she doesn't have any plans, but she's always open to suggestions. Lucy rolls her eyes, as if Mary's being transparent with her flirting and Lucy isn't. Please. Gee asks what there is to do in Glenoak, and Lucy suggests the movies, the diner, or the Pool Hall. Hmm...the only set they have is the damn Pool Hall, so I wonder where Gee will suggest going? Ah yes, he would like to go to the Pool Hall. Lucy leaps off the couch in her obvious desperation to Get a Man or at least Be Seen With One. I now see that Lucy has unwisely decided to tie her shirt up under her chest. It looks bad. Mary points out that Matt has one car and Rev has the other. Gee suggests taking the Metro, as if all French people believe that America has a subway in every town. Lucy and Mary don't know what the Metro is, because they are culturally retarded. Gee suggests a taxi. Mary says that a taxi would be expensive. Gee says that's not a problem. Lucy and Mary act like riding in a taxi is just about the best thing that has ever happened. Mary says that they've only been in a taxi once, in New York City. One ride was enough to make me realize that taxis are Nothing Special, and I was five at the time. Then again, I'm not stupid, so I guess there's the difference. Lucy leaves to change, because Glenoak taxis are apparently black-tie affairs. I'm just glad she's getting out of that ugly tied-up shirt. With Lucy gone, Gee smarms up to Mary and tells her that he hoped it would just be the two of them. The Accordion of Slimy French People plays as Mary says that maybe tomorrow they can be alone. Gee says that the anticipation will get him through until then. I prefer not to think about how that works.
Lucy runs into the hallway, where she meets Annie. She tells her that she and Gee are going to play pool, like this what happens right before you get married. Well, that may very well be true in Glenoak. Lucy adds hastily and quietly that Mary will also be there. Annie puts on the Angry Face and demands to know how they're going to get there. Lucy says that Gee is paying for a cab, and she's again way too excited about that. Annie is still angry for no reason and says that she'll call the Rev at the church and ask him to bring the van home. Lucy throws a fit and says that the van wouldn't be as fun as a taxi, and if RevCam knew they were going out he would tag along and ruin the night. I hear you, Lucy. RevCam is all about ruining other people's nights. Like mine, right now. Annie finally agrees to let everyone go, but not without much face-making and unnecessary suspicion and anger.
Simon's in the RevOffice, laughing to himself while typing on the laptop. Here comes Annie, demanding to know what's so funny. Simon explains that he's in a chat room for The Tick. Annie wants Simon to show her something "useful" on the internet. What, The Tick isn't useful? Annie suggests that maybe something about families hosting foreign exchange students would do the trick. I suggest something for foreign exchange students stuck in houses filled with the holier-than-thou, but no one listens to me. Simon looks up Annie's topic, and Annie is extremely impressed with everything he finds. I am also impressed; the page Simon looked up loaded in under a second. That never happens to me, because God hates me and loves the Camdens! Simon narrows the search down to sites about French foreign exchange students while Annie scratches her nose unattractively. Again, we see the page load instantly. Amazing. Annie decides to go to a French foreign exchange student chat room, which I can't believe really exists. They do, and we see that there are other people in there having a lame conversation about feeding French people. Their screen names are PJones, ShananaR, and RevCamden. Wait a minute...RevCamden? Could it be? Annie and Simon think so, and Annie almost falls off her chair, she's so excited. She picks up the phone to tell him that they saw him online, but then we hear that melodic modem static sound. Simon explains that the phone line is already in use. So they decide to talk to the Rev via the internet. The first thing Annie does is scold him about not working on his sermon. Now we're at Rev's office, where he says, "Yikes." RevCam welcomes his "cyberchick" to the internet. Annie and Simon laugh, and then Annie kicks Simon out of the room for "privacy." Hee. Simon sets up a private chat room for them and leaves. I wonder what the Annster is planning.
The taxi arrives at the Pool Hall, and Mary and Lucy are ever so excited that all their friends are watching them arrive in a taxicab. I'm sure they're really, really, impressed. Then Gee lights a cigarette and they walk down the street arm-in-arm. Mary and Lucy don't even notice the ciggie. ["Okay, considered what a big deal was made over Simon and Mary smoking in seasons four and five, that's really stupid. Oh, what am I even saying." -- Sars]
Simon's in the hall; he peers into Gee's room and spots Ruthie snooping around. I am reminded that I haven't seen Ruthie in a blessedly long time, and that the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree. Ruthie spots a pack of cigarettes. Ruthie wants to smoke them. Simon yells at her. She doesn't care. Then she holds the pack up invitingly and says, "You know you want one." Yes, Ruthie, I do. It's commercial time, so I go outside to light up because I want to be like an annoying little girl and a smarmy French guy.
Back in the RevOffice, Annie is still chatting with her husband. She's also drinking what looks like the wine Gee gave them. Wow, Annie, you've broken like three commandments right there. Then we get a special treat -- a shot of the computer screen with the CamChat. The last thing I need to see is G-rated cybersex, so I close my eyes. When I open them again, I'm looking at the bedroom of two fat nerdy boys who are in the same chat room. They're reading the chat and laughing. One of them says something about not knowing there was a French guy in the Camden house. Which means that the Nerdy Boys live in Glenoak and have just happened to stumble on a private chatroom occupied by two other people they know who live in the same town. Well, I know that I see my friends in internet chatrooms all the time, so this isn't at all unusual. Then the other Nerdy Boy says, "No wonder they got kids." Instead of wrinkling up his face at the disgusting thought of the CamRents getting it on, the other boy laughs.
Over at the pool hall, Lucy is complimenting Gee on his pool ball break. I saw him break too, and it wasn't "great"; it was weak, and even I could do better. But no one ever praises my questionable pool-playing talents. Lucy chalks up her stick as Gee slides over to her and asks her what she thinks about a man who kisses on a first date. Matt and his "date" walk in, because the Pool Hall, like that chat room the CamRents are in, is the only place in world. Matt walks over to the pool table and introduces Michelle to the group. He tells Gee that Michelle is studying in Paris semester. Gee says something French to her, she responds in kind, and they start speaking French, much to all the Camdens' chagrin. Not to mine, however, because the scene ends and I am happy, because it sucked.
We get an establishing shot of the CamPound, which is good, because I would have had no idea where Ruthie and Simon where if there wasn't one. They're both lying on the bathroom floor, groaning. Simon delivers a PSA about how gross smoking is, and Ruthie responds with one about cancer. Happy runs into the RevOffice to tell Annie that Simon and Ruthie are in trouble, and Annie runs to save the day. She jogs into the bathroom and smells the cigarettes. Then Happy shows her that Ruthie and Simon are stuck in the mineshaft! No, actually Annie looks down to see her kids lying on the floor. Ruthie blames Simon, Simon blames Ruthie, and Annie believes Ruthie even though she's lying. Annie asks if the cigarettes belong to Gee, and Simon says they found them in his suitcase. Annie is immediately suspicious and angry about what they were doing in Gee's suitcase, but Ruthie escapes punishment by saying that her head hurts too bad to remember why she went into Gee's suitcase. Annie sends her favorite child to bed. I will point out that she is kind enough to step over Simon and not on him. When Simon asks why he doesn't get this kind of treatment, Annie scolds him about giving cigarettes to six-year-old. Ruthie grins wickedly. I hate her.
Back at the Pool Hall, Gee and Michelle are still speaking French to each other. The Camdens are annoyed. Mary and Lucy want to go home. Gee tells Matt to drive them home. He does. I laugh at their romantic misfortunes.
Back in the CamChat, RevCam is reading some flirtatious comment from Annie while the saxophone of Old People Flirting plays. What is the comment? I don't know if I should tell you; it's pretty nasty. Fine, but don't yell at me when you throw up. "I'm talking about the full monty, Minister." Yeah, I know. This conversation is too hot for the Rev to handle, and he drops a paperclip and takes his glasses off. He tells Annie that if she weren't his wife, his face would be red. I wonder if Stephen Collins' face also turns red when he writes his erotic thrillers. But wait -- it isn't Annie talking to Eric at all, but those two Nerdy Boys! Gross! And they are enjoying themselves! Ewww! They write back something about calling RevCam "Reverend Spice Boy" from now on. We'll see if that ever catches on. RevCam says he "loves it." I don't.
The three angry Camdens walk into the house and are immediately lectured by Annie about breaking curfew. They choose not to apologize, but to complain. Annie is all upset and runs to the RevOffice to tell the Rev to call her. "WE HAVE A PROBLEM," she says.
Pool Hall time, and here comes the Rev. He finds Gee with Michelle, grabs the cigarette out of Gee's hand, and crushes it out like a rude bastard. He tells Gee they need to talk, and the Accordion of French People Getting Caught Doing Things That Are Wrong takes us to commercial.
Back from the commercial, we're still in the pool hall. The Rev and Gee are talking at a table. Gee is defending himself from accusations of giving children cigarettes. Gee says that the kids went through his stuff, and then tries to tell us that he smokes because the cigarette companies target the French. He says that he's trying to quit. Rev then raises the Dating My Daughters issue. Gee blames it on cultural misunderstandings. He compliments all the Camden women, except Ruthie, on being intelligent and attractive. Then he praises Matt's taste in women. At this point, the Rev must know that he's being BSed. Then Gee invites him to play pool, and the Rev accepts.
The day, Annie is laughing at the Rev for believing Gee's excuses. Annie feels uncomfortable with Gee in the same house as Mary and Lucy. RevCam's sure that when they find out that Gee has a girlfriend in France, they'll be fine. The girlfriend didn't stop him from trying to date a stewardess, but I guess we're supposed to forget that happened. Simon and Ruthie walk in, and Ruthie asks when they're "getting rid of the pig." Probably not until you go to college, Ruthie -- unfortunately for all of us. RevCam begins his lecture about snooping and smoking. Rev wants them to apologize for snooping. Hypocrite. Mary and Lucy storm in and want to know when Gee gets the boot. Rev says that they misunderstood Gee, but Mary points out that Gee took them to the pool hall in a cab, so what were they supposed to think? Well, I would think, "My date is cheap and doesn't even have his own car," but apparently in Glenoak a different impression entirely is given by these things.
Annie tells them to stay away from Gee. Mary and Lucy say that's fine. Matt walks in and says that if he has to live with Gee for one more day, "there will be a dead frog on [their] doorstep." Racial epithets are funny! Eric wants to give Gee another chance and expand his cultural horizons. No one else does. D'oh! Gee was standing behind them the whole time and heard everything they said! He informs them that he will leave immediately, while Eric and Annie overreact and make faces like their parents just died, RevCam even resorting to putting his face on Annie's shoulder. Then he tells everyone to apologize.
In Gee's room, Gee is packing. Ruthie asks if he wants help. Simon tries to cover this faux pas by saying that Ruthie meant help UNpacking. Then he tells Ruthie not to talk anymore. Thank you, Simon! Simon apologizes for going through Gee's suitcase and says he wants to learn about France. Gee says he misses his country and wants to leave America. Simon and Ruthie leave. Mary and Lucy come in and apologize. Mary says that they got what they deserved. If only that were true, Mary. Gee says that he wants to go home to see his girlfriend. Then he says some sappy things about her while the Accordion of Frenchness plays. Lucy asks him to keep in touch. He pretends he will. They leave. Matt comes in and wishes Gee a nice trip. He gives Gee a manly shoulder slap and leaves. In comes RevCam, his dutiful wife by his side. They ask Gee to stay. Gee says he's homesick and wants to go back to France. RevCam says he'll take him to the airport. Gee walks down the hall and says, "Stupid americains." The entire family pokes their heads out of various doors at the same time and say in unison, "We heard that!" It doesn't look at all staged. The Accordion of Comedy plays.
We're back in the RevOffice. RevCam misses Gee. He's upset that things didn't work out. Annie can't believe that a culturally rich country like France could have Gee. Annie will admit, though, that she liked his computer. RevCam says that "Spice Boy" also liked the computer. Shudder. Annie laughs confusedly. RevCam wishes that someone had gotten some kind of new knowledge out of Gee's visit. Cue the Nerdy Boys! They're still at the computer, disappointed that they can't read other people's private conversations. They say that church will never be the same again. Back in the RevOffice, Annie and RevCam make out while the Accordion of The Last Time You'll Hear An Accordion on 7th Heaven plays.