|
10-22 2006.05.08 |
And Screw You 7th Heaven leaves our airwaves with a show about Simon not marrying his fiancée no one except Annie likes, and all the Camden kids coming back, in one form or another, to see it and announce that they're pregnant with twins that are sure to make the ensuing reunion movies doubly creepy. |
| 4-19 Recap |
Talk To Me
Talk To Me - She's wearing two coats and has makeup smeared under her eyes. This lets us know that she's a Troubled Youth. |
2000.05.01 2000.05.01 |
Gwen |
|
| 4-18 Recap |
Hoop Dreams
Hoop Dreams - I wonder if I'm up to the challenge of raising my sons with morals in this nation, which has sadly lost sight of the family values that you and I hold dear. I'm glad to have a beacon in the storm. That beacon is 7th Heaven. |
2000.04.10 2000.04.10 |
Gwen |
|
| 4-17 Recap |
Twelve Angry People
Twelve Angry People - I mean, by the time the opening credits and first ads roll around, there won't be any viewers left. Oh, except me, recapping the episode here for you. |
2000.02.28 2000.02.28 |
Cate |
|
| 4-16 Recap |
Say A Little Prayer For Me
Say A Little Prayer For Me - This episode opens on Mary in denial. She's in the kitchen, telling the all the household but RevCam that Robbie's not a bad guy, that he simply made a mistake. |
2000.02.21 2000.02.21 |
Gwen |
|
| 4-15 Recap |
Loves Me, Loves Me Not
Loves Me, Loves Me Not - To be fair, I'm trying to quit smoking this week, so there are a lot -- a lot -- of things that irritate holy hell out of me right now. |
2000.02.14 2000.02.14 |
Cate |
|
| 4-14 Recap |
Words
Words - My VCR broke right after I taped the show for my last summary. (Well, yes, my son did put a toy into the tape slot. However, I’m convinced that he wouldn’t have done so had the show not cursed us beforehand.) |
2000.02.07 2000.02.07 |
Gwen |
|
| 4-13 Recap |
Who Do You Trust
Who Do You Trust - After a teaser that won't let us forget the fact that fab Lance Bass from 'N SYNC will be on this episode, we get right to the action. |
2000.01.31 2000.01.31 |
Cate |
|
| 4-12 Recap |
All By Myself
All By Myself - Oh my GAWD y’all I am so totally freaked about this ep! I heard Matt and Shana are gonna SHAG! I don’t know if I can hang! |
2000.01.24 2000.01.24 |
Gwen |
|
| 4-11 Recap |
Forget Me Not
Forget Me Not - Aw, shucks! It's obvious Shana doesn't have very high standards, or much dating experience. |
1999.12.13 1999.12.13 |
Cate |
|
| 4-10 Recap |
Who Nose
Who Nose - I hope you watched this episode with your entire family. I didn't, and now I regret it because it would have been a good chance to teach my kids how to "huff." |
1999.11.29 1999.11.29 |
Gwen |
|
| 4-9 Recap |
Dirty Laundry
Dirty Laundry - RevCam doesn't give his usual little welcome before the episode begins. He's in his office, actually. It looks like he just needed a break from his family, or else he's busy surfing some porn on his laptop. |
1999.11.22 1999.11.22 |
Cate |
|
| 4-8 Recap |
...And Expiation
...And Expiation - Apparently, Mary's act of vandalism is threatening to shatter the Camdens' belief in each other. I'm telling you, guys -- I'm a little frightened. |
1999.11.15 1999.11.15 |
Gwen |
|
| 4-7 Recap |
Sin...
Sin... - We're subjected to repeated belching and armpit-farting, treated in a way that makes you think the guys have just discovered both activities fifteen minutes ago. |
1999.11.08 1999.11.08 |
Cate |
|
| 4-6 Recap |
Just You Wait And See
Just You Wait And See - At first I think that all of Mr. Stupidhead's exhortations for Ruthie to shut up have somehow robbed her of her natural speaking voice, because she's meowing. |
1999.10.25 1999.10.25 |
Cate |
|
| 4-5 Recap |
With Honors
With Honors - Liars, cheaters, walkie-talkies, and stoner fathers. Someone just shoot me now. |
1999.10.18 1999.10.18 |
Mr. Stupidhead |
|
| 4-4 Recap |
The Electric Van-Aid Acid Test
Come Drive With Me - RevCam needs a raise from the church to pay for the Camdens' new electric van. Ruthie gets it for him with her moppety goodness. The rest of the Camdens get themselves involved in boring, time-filling subplots. |
1999.10.11 2004.08.28 |
C |
Sara M |
| 4-3 Recap |
Yak Sada
Yak Sada - Male dominance, Simon cooking, and Ruthie playing football -- all in this complete breakfast! |
1999.10.04 1999.10.04 |
Mr. Stupidhead |
|
| 4-2 Recap |
Life Is Too Beautiful
Life Is Too Beautiful - Lucy figures out what she is going to do for the rest of her life. Ruthie gives annoying commentary. Mr. Stupidhead takes a bath with a plugged-in toaster. |
1999.09.27 1999.09.27 |
Mr. Stupidhead |
|
| 4-1 Recap |
The Tattle Tale Heart
The Tattle Tale Heart - SuperMom tries to convince him to fix up the garage and live there, but Matt is not having it. He tells SuperMom to talk to the hand, and shakes his booty outta there in quite a hurry. |
1999.09.20 1999.09.20 |
Mr. Stupidhead |
|
| 3-13 Recap |
Racism With a Side of Spying
The Tribes That Bind - While Lucy's away at Camp Silent Treatment, the rest of the CamKids interact with two families that are infinitely cooler than their own. RevCam's female parishioners use Annie's involuntary baby shower to snoop around the house. And since no episode would be complete without Brenda Hampton's Special Lesson, RevCam fights a racist restaurant in the counterproductive and annoying way that only he can. |
1999.01.25 2004.06.13 |
B+ |
Sara M |
| 3-10 Recap |
Jingle Hell
Here Comes Santa Claus - The Camdens celebrate Christmas by whining, wearing revealing clothes, whining, inviting homeless strangers to spend the night, whining, putting Christmas lights up inside the house, whining, and giving each other crappy second-hand gifts. Oh, and whining. |
1998.12.14 2003.12.21 |
D |
Sara M |
| 3-9 Recap |
Let's Not, and Say We Did
Let's Talk About Sex - What happens when 7th Heaven appropriates the title of a Salt-n-Pepa song and uses it for its own evil purposes? More of the same, actually: RevCam helps people, Simon tries to babysit Ruthie, Lucy wants to have sex with her lame boyfriend, Mary breaks the rules, Annie makes friends, and Matt runs around saving his sisters' precious, precious virtue. Spinderella does not appear in this episode. |
1998.11.23 2003.08.29 |
C- |
Sara M |
| 3-8 Recap |
Here They Come, Walking Down The Street
No Sex, Some Drugs, and a Little Rock and Roll - Hey, hey, they're RevCam's old high school band, and one of their members used to be on The Monkees. How the mighty have fallen. Mary's friend falls, too, into basketball's dangerous underworld of ephedrine "addiction." And Sara falls asleep while trying to recap this garbage. |
1998.11.16 2003.08.09 |
D |
Sara M |
| 2-20 Recap |
Monkey Sex and Strumpets
Like a Harlot - Everyone's promiscuous in this episode: the monkeys that Simon watches get it on, Matt's prom date, Simon's little friends who score hot dates with his dumb sisters, and Snappy the Stegosaurus, who will kiss anyone's ass. |
1998.04.27 2003.07.18 |
C |
Sara M |
| 2-18 Recap |
Le joke est morte; vive le joke
My Kinda Guy - Xenophobia, the evils of smoking, scary R-rated CamRent shenanigans, and the fallacy that Matt has a life all get plenty of play in this second-season episode. |
1998.04.06 2001.01.17 |
C+ |
Sara M |
| 2-13 Recap |
Cutting a rug
Stuck In The Middle With You - In this second-season classic, Annie's dad shows up sporting a bad toupee and an even worse attitude; Lucy keeps two subhuman boys hanging while she tries to choose between them; Matt spies creepily; Ruthie subplotzes annoyingly; RevCam poisons a handful of marriages at his counseling session. |
1998.01.26 1998.01.26 |
Sara M |
|
| 2-7 Recap |
The Gang's All Here
Girls Just Want To Have Fun - Everyone gets involved in this Season Two classic! The CamRents call upon themselves to save Simon's slumber party buddy from his sister's gangbanging ways, whether the girl's real parents want them to or not. Other, lamer subplots explore Lucy's need to express herself as a person with no sense of fashion, Matt's role as the domineering do-gooder older brother, Ruthie's annoyingness, and Mary's inability to play even the most basic of children's games. Not too much has changed between then and now, really. |
1997.11.03 2003.07.01 |
B |
Sara M |
| 1-17 Recap |
Choices
Choices - RevCam's former associate pastor comes to town with a secret, and the CamRents do a half-assed job of trying to ferret it out. Speaking of ferrets, Simon and Ruthie buy some. Felicity's Keri Russell convinces Mary to sneak out to a frat party. Dopey becomes more repugnant. |
1997.04.14 2001.09.05 |
C+ |
Cate |
| 1-14 Recap |
Seven Is Enough
Seven Is Enough - RevCam's parents eat the Camdens' food, stay in their house, and mock the hell out of the family. They even dispose of the annoying homeless boy. They're the best characters ever! |
1997.02.03 2001.08.14 |
A- |
Cate |
| 1-3 Recap |
In the blink of an eye
In The Blink Of An Eye - RevCam and Mary do their best to scare away Lucy's date with their folk-singing duet. Dopey's charity work is not what one would call successful. Annie and her parents celebrate Airport Appreciation Week. |
1996.09.30 2001.07.19 |
C- |
Cate |