|
10-22 2006.05.08 |
And Screw You 7th Heaven leaves our airwaves with a show about Simon not marrying his fiancée no one except Annie likes, and all the Camden kids coming back, in one form or another, to see it and announce that they're pregnant with twins that are sure to make the ensuing reunion movies doubly creepy. |
| 10-22 Recap |
And Screw You
And Thank You - 7th Heaven leaves our airwaves with a show about Simon not marrying his fiancée no one except Annie likes, and all the Camden kids coming back, in one form or another, to see it and announce that they're pregnant with twins that are sure to make the ensuing reunion movies doubly creepy. |
2006.05.08 2006.05.14 |
Sara M |
|
| 9-22 Recap |
You Can't Always Get What You Want
Mi Familia (2) - Simon gets pre-engaged. Mary gets divorced. Lucy gets a house. Martin gets wood. Martin's Dad gets a horrible new family. Some annoying kids get foster parents. This stupid show gets at least one more season to disgust and horrify us all. |
2005.05.23 2005.05.29 |
Sara M |
|
| 9-21 Recap |
Mi Familia Es Horrible
Mi Familia (1) - At least, that's what Mary thinks. So she files for divorce, gives up her son, and refuses to talk to the Camdens or actually appear on the show. On the other side of the country, supposed minister RevCam tricks Asslee's dad into adopting four children, while Simon's refusal to have sex turns into a marriage proposal. |
2005.05.16 2005.05.20 |
C- |
Sara M |
| 9-20 Recap |
Take a Flying Leap
Leaps of Faith - A potentially good storyline about sickle cell anemia is ruined when it is turned into a redemption song for a deadbeat dad. Simon gets born again. Paris and Vic's new child is about to be born. Better marry them off quick! |
2005.05.09 2005.05.15 |
C- |
Sara M |
| 9-19 Recap |
Dorothea Lange Spins In Her Grave
Hungry - Annie buys Ruthie a secondhand jacket. Kevin tells the world about the state of his and Lucy's sex life. Glenoak is suddenly teeming with people who can't afford to eat because they spend all their money on jewelry and clothes. You're supposed to feel sorry for them. |
2005.05.02 2005.05.08 |
Sara M |
|
| 9-18 Recap |
Honor Thy Agent
Honor Thy Mother - …or, like Melissa Gilbert, Bo Derek, and Louise Fletcher learned, he'll book you on this crappy show. Ruthie gets dumped, Ben makes yet another surprise visit, and Annie forces everyone to pretend that a yellow cake is chocolate. |
2005.04.25 2005.04.30 |
C- |
Sara M |
| 9-17 Recap |
You Can't Spell "Exposit" Without S-E-X
Tangled Web We Weaved - As we will hear third-hand from various other characters throughout the episode, Simon may or may not have gotten an STD. In fifth-hand news, Mary's husband may or may not know that she may or may not have left him and their child. |
2005.02.28 2005.03.06 |
Sara M |
|
| 9-16 Recap |
Brotherly Misunderstandings
Brotherly Love - Everyone takes SamVid's word for it that Simon has gotten his girlfriend pregnant. SamVid know this because they heard the CamRents talking about it. I'll remind you that half of SamVid is probably deaf, and let you guess how well that all turned out. |
2005.02.21 2005.02.27 |
C |
Sara M |
| 9-15 Recap |
Songs In The Key Of Terrible
Red Socks - Proving that even the crappiest thing on television can still get crappier, the Camdens spend Valentine's Day breaking into song. |
2005.02.14 2005.02.20 |
Sara M |
|
| 9-14 Recap |
There's A First Time For Everything
First Date - Ruthie goes out on her first "real" date, and everyone else in the CamPound goes insane, making Ruthie actually seem likable and cool by comparison. |
2005.02.07 2005.02.13 |
B- |
Sara M |
| 9-13 Recap |
Art Is Subjective
The Fine Art of Parenting - Lucy and Kevin fight over whether or not they should move out of the CamPound. Ruthie indirectly asks out a boy whose parents never learned how to parent, because they never went to church. |
2005.01.31 2005.02.06 |
Sara M |
|
| 9-12 Recap |
Big Big Shop of Horrors
Paper Or Plastic? - Lucy's baby finally escapes from the womb, only to be rewarded for her efforts with the name "Savannah" and a family full of creepy Camdens. No wonder the afterbirth apparently decided to just stay in the uterus. |
2005.01.24 2005.01.30 |
Sara M |
|
| 9-11 Recap |
A Sphincter Says What?
Wayne's World - "What?" says Lucy. "What?" says Martin. "What?" says Ruthie. "What?" says Wayne Newton. |
2004.11.29 2004.12.05 |
C |
Sara M |
| 9-10 Recap |
Thanks for Nothing
Gratitude - Lucy and her baby are in danger…but they both end up being fine. Simon is going to tell his parents about his pregnant girlfriend, which is sure to make them very, very upset…but it turns out she's not pregnant after all. RevCam, under the influence of drugs, drives with Annie and the twins…but doesn't get in a fatal car accident. Ruthie's finally back in her homeland, Puerto Rico…but she seems determined to return to Glenoak. Damn. |
2004.11.22 2004.11.29 |
C |
Sara M |
| 9-9 Recap |
Cornucopia of Crazy
Thanksgiving - Annie's looking forward to the first Thanksgiving in years with all the CamKids around. Unfortunately, everyone has plans to be elsewhere, which may have something to do with the fact that their mother is insane and therefore not very fun to spend time with. Meanwhile, Lucy proves that the crazy apple pandowdy doesn't fall far from the tree. |
2004.11.15 2004.11.21 |
A+ |
Sara M |
| 9-8 Recap |
Fostering Failure, Adopting Apathy
Why Not Me? - Simon gets kicked out of campus housing, sending RevCam off on yet another Helping People Without Actually Helping Anyone Crusade. But first, he has to teach Kevin a lesson about what a crappy father he'll be. |
2004.11.01 2004.11.07 |
Sara M |
|
| 9-7 Recap |
Another Episode About Dead Soldiers
Regret To Inform - A Marine dies just in time to stop Martin from escaping the CamPound. Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if this is Brenda's subversive way of telling us, right before the election, how wrong and needlessly destructive the "War on Terror" is. |
2004.10.25 2004.10.31 |
Sara M |
|
| 9-6 Recap |
Father, Why Bother?
Fathers - The show that takes every opportunity to tell us how great Martin's dad is for abandoning his son to fight in Iraq devotes an episode to teaching us about the importance of a father being involved in his child's life. This is especially true when the mother is prone to fifteen-hour shopping excursions. |
2004.10.18 2004.10.24 |
C- |
Sara M |
| 9-5 Recap |
Bold Stance
Vote - In an episode all about the upcoming presidential elections, Brenda manages to avoid offending any of her viewers' delicate sensibilities by refusing to name any of the candidates or political parties that the various Camdens support. Right, like anyone who watches this show votes Democrat. |
2004.10.11 2004.10.17 |
A |
Sara M |
| 9-4 Recap |
Pregnant cause
Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do - RevCam and Annie save an uneducated, unemployed teenage couple from giving up their unplanned, unwanted baby for adoption. Whew! Close one! |
2004.10.04 2004.10.10 |
Daniel |
|
| 9-3 Recap |
The Crap Miner's Daughter
The Song of Lucy - Lucy sings about being a coal miner's daughter, then writes her first sermon as the church's new Associate Pastor. Ruthie wants to date a tween idol who, at sixteen, is pretty much over-the-hill as far as that goes. Simon goes to therapy. Annie is surprisingly sane. RevCam is a tool. |
2004.09.27 2004.10.03 |
C |
Sara M |
| 9-2 Recap |
Laid
The Best Laid Plans - Lucy reveals that she's scared about being a mother. Simon reveals that he's been having pre-marital sex, and a lot of it. RevCam reveals that he's incapable of accepting behavior that doesn't fall under his rigid set of morals. Although we knew that last one already. |
2004.09.20 2004.09.26 |
B |
Sara M |
| 9-1 Recap |
Drop This Show
Dropping Trou - It's Season Nine, people. Season NINE. And this goddamn show is on. Unbelievable. In the season premiere, Simon's shirt-buttoning indicates that he could be having the sex; Lucy's pregnant, but acting surprisingly non-crazy about it (we'll see if that lasts); and Ruthie is as evil as ever. But this time, she gets punished. |
2004.09.13 2004.09.19 |
C |
Sara M |
| 8-23 Recap |
Lies, Lies, Lies, Yeah!
Little White Lies, Part 2 - ...and still, no one really lies. Lots of other stuff happens, though: Invisible Mary has her baby. The CamRents go to see it. Martin and Asslee break up. Matt and PC get back together. Peter and Ruthie break up, then get back together. Chandler makes out with his adopted kid's tutor. Simon comes home. Roxanne goes to the Iraq in the Middle East, next to Iran. Lucy's pregnant. God help us all. |
2004.05.17 2004.05.23 |
C- |
Sara M |
| 8-22 Recap |
Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
Little White Lies, Part 1 - Or not; only one lie is told in this entire episode. Matt and Simon are back, as is Mary, who will remain neither seen nor heard, even though she's giving birth. Ruthie might be going to Mexico for a year. Please let this happen. Please. Please. |
2004.05.10 2004.05.16 |
C |
Sara M |
| 8-21 Recap |
Refugee Camp Kwitcherbitchin'
Lost and Found - Everyone whines about issues so petty that they don't even deserve to be called problems. Then Ruthie and Peter meet the Lost Boys, and RevCam, in his infinite smugness, realizes that his life is way better than theirs, so he shouldn't take it for granted. Annie spends the entire episode cooking, like the good little wife she is. |
2004.05.03 2004.05.09 |
Sara M |
|
| 8-20 Recap |
High
High and Dry - ...is what you'll need to be to get through this episode, in which we learn, over and over and over and over again, that drinking is bad and wrong, even if it's in moderation and done by legal adults. |
2004.04.26 2004.05.02 |
Sara M |
|
| 8-19 Recap |
For Stale By Owner
There's No Place Like It - Lucy and Kevin engage in a bidding war with Chandler and his boyfriend -- er, "son" -- over a house that isn't even worth the asking price. Smart. RevCam and Annie decide to use their pitifully small savings to buy the CamPound. Smarter. Peter suspects his dad is dating Aunt Julie. Smartest. Also, Roxanne is a bottle blonde. |
2004.04.19 2004.04.25 |
C- |
Sara M |
| Extra |
Chainsaws Don't Kill People; People Kill People
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Jessica Biel stars in a movie about the one family that may be more dysfunctional than the Camdens. |
2004.04.15 2004.04.15 |
C- |
Sara M |
| 8-18 Recap |
I Dream of Weenie
Angel - Chandler dreams about dancing Glenoakians, then decides to adopt a child. Annie spreads a bizarre, almost definitely drug-induced form of joy around town as a way of "mourning" her father. That's right: it is the worst episode of the worst show on television ever. Watch, and never be the same again. |
2004.03.01 2004.03.07 |
Sara M |