By Sara M
A couple eats at a restaurant. The man complains loudly and often about the quality of the food while the woman tries to be positive and hopefully makes a mental note to ask her therapist why she keeps dating men like this. A few dinner rolls are thrown at the back of the man's head, and we go to another table with another couple. The woman grabs a basket full of dinner rolls away (they gave them a lot of dinner rolls for just two diners. Also, shouldn't they take the rolls away once the meal arrives? Maybe that first guy is right and this restaurant does suck after all) and says "do you think it'll calm down?" "God, I hope so," the man, Scott, says, not-too-quietly muttering that the dinner-rolled man is "a bit of a blowhard." Then he also complains about his food, saying it's bland. His girlfriend, Annie, begs to differ, giving him a sample of her dish, which she says is spicy. He says he doesn't taste anything, and then the blowhard arrives at the side of their table, wondering why they keep throwing dinner rolls at him. Scott denies it, and unwisely stands up to shake the guy's hand. His left hand grabs a glass of water and dumps it on the blowhard's crotch. This makes the blowhard very upset, but before he can beat the crap out of him, Scott starts bleeding out of his eye and collapses.
And now we're in House's bedroom. He wakes up to find himself naked and alone ... and happy. Yes, that is indeed a genuine happy little smile on his face. He limps into the bathroom and sees lipstick smeared on his face, a tube of which was left behind on the bathroom sink. He picks it up and there are more smiles. Who is this guy?
We go to PPTH, where Taub is talking to Cameron in the ER about Scott. Taub doesn't think House will want the case and asks about what he should wear to the wedding. Cameron says there's been "a glitch" with the wedding and that House will definitely want to take Scott's case because Scott had surgery on his brain for a seizure disorder. The corpus callosum, which connects the two halves of the brain, was cut, leaving Scott seizure-free but with complications. Taub just keeps asking about Cameron's wedding. Why was he even invited to it, anyway? Aren't they just occasionally friendly co-workers? They approach Scott before Cameron can find another excuse not to answer Taub's questions, and he explains that his left hand has a mind of its own, and that mind is kind of an asshole. When he goes grocery shopping, it sneaks food that Scott hates in his cart and, as we saw, sets him up to get his ass beat down by throwing things at blowhard restaurant patrons. Taub says House will like this case after all.
By Sara M
House reports to Wilson's office to announce that he 1. detoxed from Vicodin over the course of one night, and 2. did so with the help of Cuddy, who then had sex with him. "I've been clean for almost twenty-four hours now," House says, sounding kind of proud of himself. Wilson is rendered jealous. I mean, "speechless." He finally gets the words to say "wow ... wow! One for each." "That's what she said!" House responds. How long has Wilson had that Ordinary People poster? Wasn't it Vertigo before? Why would he get rid of Vertigo? Maybe he's a huge fan of Mary Tyler Moore playing against type. Wilson stands up -- there's the Vertigo poster! He just moved it to another wall -- and is more impressed/surprised/happy about House being off Vicodin and feeling good than anything else. He also can't believe that Cuddy wasn't on the influence of anything when she slept with House, but House says she was "clean and sober and hot." Since when did he lay on the compliments? I think someone is in LOVE. "This is fantastic. How are you gonna screw it up?" Wilson asks. You know what? Wilson is kind of a crappy friend. He knew House was hallucinating and needed to detox, and then he just let House walk out of the room and do it his own way instead of following him around to make sure he was okay. And then he just goes to work the morning like nothing happened? Weird. House says that he probably won't get the chance to screw anything up, since Cuddy just dumped him. Wilson says that could mean two things: either Cuddy is in love with House and scared, or in the cold, harsh light of day, she realized that she only slept with him because he was vulnerable and they had just gone through an intense experience together. "You think she jumped me out of pity?" House asks. Wilson says no, they had sex without pity. And House needs to talk to Cuddy. Needs to, but probably won't.
Hadley and Taub search Scott's apartment. Hadley gets all philosophical about their patient, saying that if he's two people after his split-brain surgery, then we all have two people inside our heads. "What does that say about identity?" she wonders. "We're making it up as we go along, which I find freeing," Taub says. They're only saying this stuff because it's relevant to the episode's greater themes. Once that's through, they note the tiny size of Scott's bathroom, which really doesn't look all that tiny to me. Sorry we can't all have giant warehouse apartments with fifty-foot ceilings, snobs. They note some fungus on the ceiling from taking steamy showers in such a confined space, and then Taub goes back to his obsession over Cameron and Chase's wedding glitch. Hadley knows all (thanks, most likely, to Foreman telling her) and says "it's always a sad thing when sperm comes between people." Easy for her to say. She's bisexual.
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By Sara M
They do the latter back at the meeting room. Hadley's Cushing's suggestion is good enough for House to order them to test for it, even though we all know it can't be Cushing's because we've had that on this show before.
While Taub and Hadley get to work on Scott (Foreman apparently is off on another coffee break), Annie returns. She doesn't seem very open to a reconciliation, though, saying "you hit me." Scott apologizes, but it's not enough. Annie says she's only here to talk to Scott's doctors because she had a thought. Scott's alien hand has always been a factor in their relationship, but up until the time it struck her it was also playful and fun with its activities. And right before it slapped her, it angrily tossed the can of deodorant she brought. "Could it mean something?" she asks. Taub starts to say no, then asks Scott how often he uses his deodorant. Sweaty Scott says he uses it a few times a day, and it's "special heavy-duty stuff." Uh oh. Hadley takes a look at it and says something this strong sprayed in a room as small as Scott's bathroom might be a factor after all. She and Taub run off to do some research, but not before noticing that the alien hand is tenderly stroking Annie's face. "Somebody's grateful," Taub says. "We'll just leave the three of you alone," Hadley says. Way to make fun of your patient's brain problems, Hadley.
House goes to Wilson's office with Cuddy's coffee cup in hand. He wonders why there's no lipstick on the rim. Cuddy was wearing lipstick when she drank from it, and he knows that she buys lipstick that is crappy enough to smear all over House's face. It should be on the cup, too. Wilson would rather know why House is getting all logical and mechanical about something emotional and human. House says he's just looking for an answer to a question. Wilson says House can either have all the answers or he can be with Cuddy. House chooses the latter and throws the cup away. "What do I do?" he asks. Wilson's advice is to make Cuddy angry in order to somehow facilitate the communication they need to have to move forward. House says he's already tried that, but Wilson says he hasn't, really. He's been pulling his punches with poop and pirates. "Go terrorize her," Wilson says. Cuddy, you might want to reconsider your friendship with Wilson.
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