Trump is at the American Museum of Natural History, where he says tonight he'll be making his biggest decision all season: Who will become the Celebrity Apprentice. Will it be Joan or Annie? We get shots of sharks and other museum-y stuff. Trump hasn't made a decision, because they're both tough, smart, and hate each other. He wants us to get down to business. He walks into a room of cheering fans. An announcer calls Trump "New York's Number 1 attraction." Take that, Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty! Trump shakes hands (Melissa's) and hugs people (Jim Cramer) as he walks in. He joins Ivanka and Don (with a fresh, non-Trump hair cut) on the stage and tells everyone Happy Mother's Day. Then he says Joan and Annie are two vicious mothers -- so vicious NBC renewed this show yet again. Trump says he loves a good fight, but even he's amazed at what these people have done to each other. Then we get our extended previously. The gist: A bunch of semi-celebrities came together and acted crazy. That's all I'm willing to relive right now, so you'll have to read the weecaps. Announcer guy tells us 14 have been fired, so we're left with Annie and Joan. Annie says she plays a game for a living, so no one's more competitive than her. Joan says she'll do everything she can to win. We get flashbacks to their styles of game play, and everything else that went down. Trump couldn't ignore a final matchup with this much drama. And viewers probably won't be able to either. Tonight: They go head to head. Joan says it's good vs. evil, and she'll kill to win. Annie says it's war, and she's going to crush Joan. Only one will win. Truncated "Money, money, money, money."
We start this week back in last week's boardroom. Trump tells them to get some rest because they have a lot of work ahead of them, and one of them will win. They leave separately, but go to the suite together. Annie tries to talk to Joan about her not liking her. Joan tells her she doesn't want to talk about it. She says they'll be fabulous competition, but they don't need to be friends. Annie just wants to say one thing, but Joan says she doesn't want to hear it, and she also doesn't want America to hear it. The crowd loves that. Annie asks if Joan's met her friends, and tells her she shouldn't have insulted them. Joan keeps saying she's not going there, and ends up walking out. She tells Annie she only deals with her equals, and then leaves. Annie says she guesses she's above that, then calls Joan a bitch after Joan's gone. It's sort of amazing how much they hate each other. I love it.
day, they're lined up in front of Trump and his entourage of Don, Ivanka and some random executive type. He welcomes them to 2 Times Square, and asks Joan how she feels about Annie being her opponent. She ignores the question, and the audience laughs. Joan then says she thinks Annie's smart. Trump says this is a big task, so he's giving them extra help. In walk Brande, Tom, Melissa, Herschel and Clint. And then the dramatic entrance: Dennis. Trump asks him how he's doing, and he says he's feeling good. Both ladies want the first pick, so Trump flips a coin. Annie chooses heads and then chooses Brande. They hug, and Joan chooses Herschel. She says she chose him first because he's smart, a worker, and has connections. Melissa says she's not at all insulted, and then explains she and her mother had a strategy, because they knew Annie would not pick Melissa, so her mom's going to pick her last. Annie chooses Dennis . He tells us he came back to redeem himself and raise money for charity. Joan chooses Clint, because she says you know what you get with him and he can bring in money. Annie chooses Tom, and Melissa goes to her mom.
Trump tells them the task is a VIP auction, with silent auctions, so they need celebrities to donate things for them to auction off. They're going to be working with Kodak and Cirque du Soleil. Trump introduces his entourage: Jeff from Kodak is on his right. He wants them to create a limited-edition Celebrity Apprentice picture frame. He says it should be about the head of the household: mom. Trump says they're also selling tickets to Cirque du Soleil's new show, Wintuk. He says everyone wants to go (so selling shouldn't be hard, right?), and that they'll be selling them at face value to people on the street. Trump says money won't be the sole criteria for winning. He tells Annie if she raises the most money, it will help, but won't be the sole criteria. Ivanka tells them they'll be judged on money raised, Kodak product integration, charity integration, celebrity attendance, and overall guest experience. Trump says it's one giant party split into two sections. And they'll both be using the same event planning company. There are two Kodak double-decker buses waiting for them, because that's where they'll sell their tickets. Live Trump takes us to commercial.
We're back live, as Trump welcomes the first group of celebrities: Andrew Dice Clay, Scott Hamilton, Claudia Jordan, Brian McKnight and Jesse James. Trump asks Dice how he felt about getting fired first, and Dice say he's had the best year of his life. Trump is rushing Dice, and then moves on to Scott. Scott says he's perfect, and it's been great. He praises Trump for what he does with figure skating in Harlem, but that firing him early was the best thing he's ever done. Trump tells Jesse he was very popular on the show. Jesse's all, "Is this live?" Trump calls Jesse a stud, and Jesse says, "You like me that way?" He then says it was great, and he learned a lot. He thinks Dennis was awesome. Trump asks Brian if he had a good time. Brian did. Trump asks Claudia if this beats "Deal No Deal" [sic]. Trump cuts her off and moves on to the final task.
Melissa's happy with Joan's team, but would have rather had Tom or Dennis than Clint. But she thinks it's a strong team. Joan's on the phone telling someone she needs their help to beat Annie. She says you're damn right she's going to duke it out. Pun intended, I'm sure. Annie's team. Tom thinks it's a strong team, and Annie tells Dennis he was unfairly fired. Dennis and Tom are friends, so they all think they'll win. Annie asks the guys to get the ticket stuff done. She also asks them to do the frame. Annie wants to raise a half-million dollars to crush Joan. She says she wants to beat her with an exclamation point. She asks Dennis if he has money to bring in, but he hems and haws. He finally says he's on her team. Not exactly a yes. She's hoping he comes through, because it's a do-or-die task.
Annie's war room. Dennis tells her she picked the right guy. He gives her $20,000 from the Detroit Pistons and the Los Angeles Lakers. Annie's impressed that the first money came from Dennis. Joan's war room: Kodak executive Jeff enters and tells them what the company's philosophy is about. He says it's about pictures and unique events. He wants them to make sure people feel like a celebrity, and have an actual Kodak moment. He tells them they're holding his brand in their hands, so to please be careful with it. Then he's telling Annie's team about the digital frame. He tells Dennis if he has different girlfriends, he can put on different video shows. Tom keeps interrupting the executive, and Annie asks them to please let Jeff finish talking. I would say it seems like Tom's sabotaging Annie, except that this is how he acted originally, too. Annie stops him again, and then Tom says that Annie's style probably wouldn't actually work in the real world because everyone would quit.
Joan's running through the "sections": auctions, straight money, celebrities, pictures. Clint interviews that this task is too much for four people, so he's glad he's not project manager. Joan has Herschel working on raising money. Clint says he can't raise any more, because he wore his donors out on his last go-round. Joan doesn't push. She asks him if there's anyone he can call to come down. He says he has no one in New York in his Rolodex. Herschel says Clint immediately told them he can't get money or celebrity friends, so why is he here. Joan asks if Clint wants to be in charge of getting things for the silent auction, and he's all, "Uh, okay, I can do that." Joan says Clint doesn't want to do anything, so she felt like they were on a three-man team. We go to commercial as the announcer tells us to follow the contestants on Twitter.
Announcer guy welcomes us back, and Jim Cramer annoys us with a mock Mad Money analysis of Annie and Joan. If he were willing to take risk with his money, he'd give it to Annie. But people are looking for someone they can trust, which is where he turns to Joan, to invest in the long haul. He says Annie is all business and Joan is all heart, almost to a fault. He says Trump has a tough decision on his hands. People clap, and Trump tells Jim that was good advice. Then he sends us back to the task, thank God. Annie's asking people for money. She gets off the phone after getting $2,000 from one of her friends. Then she asks Brande where she is on money. Brande says five people are coming for sure with money. Annie calls Perry Friedman, and tells him she is playing against Joan and wants to humiliate her. She uses Joan having called poker players white trash to get all of her poker friends to donate. Perry commits to $20,000. Tom interviews that Annie really wants money, so he was trying, because he's scared of Annie.
Joan's on the phone asking someone to help her, saying that it's between her and "the biggest piece of shit in the world" (the audience laughs). Melissa says they have Knicks and Jets tickets already for the auction. Clint's on the phone, too, so maybe he is actually asking people for stuff. Herschel's asking people for auction donations. Joan says they're getting wonderful things for the silent auction, but the pressure to produce is incredible. Herschel asks what Clint's doing. Joan says she doesn't know. She says he's on the phone, but not too excited. We hear him ask who he's talking to if he's played any golf. Joan's very annoyed. Melissa says that Clint wanted to sit this one out, which became a problem right away. Joan says Clint's like dead weight, and he's doing nothing. Melissa: "You picked him."
Back in Annie's war room, she's meeting with the event planner. They have to turn their halves of this room into magic. Joan tells her event planner she'd like to make this disaster of a room new, exciting, and bright. He says he wants them to do something that will capture attention right away. Joan points out where the competition is, and her planner says, "So the loser is over there." Joan likes this. Annie and Brande are with their event planner, as Dennis and Tom sit and watch. Dennis tells her to let them know if they can help, and Tom tells Dennis Annie's good at getting angry at people. What a fine quality. Dennis agrees that she's tripping, and she wants to run everything. Tom asks Dennis if he wants to go make suggestions, because he thinks it's funny to watch her not listen to them. Dennis tells Tom to go ahead. Tom thinks there's a way to manage creative people positively, which he thinks will be better for the team. Tom stands there and cracks wise as Annie talks about an "invisible wire." He asks how they'll find it, since it's invisible. Dennis says Tom's the comedian, and he's really just the sidekick. He says it was funny, because they can't do anything to them since they've been fired. Annie gets a call and Dennis pretends it's him calling. The audience finds it hysterical, and I have to admit I do, too. Remember that Trump asked Annie if she'd be able to lead, since people tend not to like her. This is sort of proving that to be true. Joan tells her event planner she wants it to be all about Kodak and Cirque du Soleil, not about her personality. Melissa says her mom's great at planning parties, but she's used to working with her people. Unfortunately, this planner isn't getting it. He says the room needs a major transformation. Well, I think they at least agree on that.
Ivanka gets her own talk-to-the-camera Trump moment, in which she tells us that Annie and Joan's charities have received amazing exposure, and that NBC has also filmed ten-second "More You Know" spots for the charities. We see Joan filming hers, and the Annie filming hers. The live audience applauds them both. Ivanka says Joan and Annie have raised a lot for charity, but there's another $250,000 on the line, which brings us back to the task.
Melissa and Herschel are taking pictures to use in the digital frame, since they've sold all of the tickets to Herschel's friend. Melissa wants to incorporate Easy Share, so looks around for people sharing different things: kisses, even a wedding. Melissa says they had a lot of Kodak moments. Annie's on the phone with her event planner, who she thinks has been amazing. It's sort of not fair that they gave Joan the sucky event planner, is it? Annie asks Brande where they are on their auction, and Brande tells her. Brande says they called in every favor from every celebrity they know. They are working on celebrity experiences, in addition to standard auction items. Brande says the other team could not have come up with the kind of auction items they're coming up with. Back at Joan's war room, someone calls to tell Joan they can do the draping in red. Joan wonders if it will be too red. But it's the only color other than white. She thinks this is a mess. Joan wants David to work with one of her designer friends, because she doesn't like this at all. She says she has no handle on anything, because her planner sucks. So she calls her friends and asks them to come in and help. Commercial.
Trump welcomes us back live, and then tells us how vicious the task is going to get. Joan's war room. She asks Clint what he's doing. He's just on e-mail. Joan's planner calls her again, and she is unhappy with all of his ideas. She says he didn't know how to handle this job, because it's beyond what he's used to doing. She tells him she wants drama, and the planner tells her they have less than 12 hours. She says she knows that, but they can do something wonderful. She tells him she wants her friend involved, and he says he's doing the best he can with this timeframe. She says it sounds very ordinary, and he says it's not doable to make such a transformation on "quick notice." Joan's horrified, because she knows he's phoning it in. She gets another call and says it's not fair. Then "Fine!" She tells Clint the event planner quit. He asks what about Annie, but Joan doesn't care.
Annie, meanwhile, can't get her event planner to answer the phone so she goes to sign the contract at the design firm. They go up to the event planner's floor, and they come out and tell Annie to leave. They're not engaging in conversation. Brande and Annie are totally confused. Annie has the cameras leave and talks to the planner privately. Brande's freaking out, and hoping they'll be okay. Annie comes out and says the other team didn't like the planner, so the event company quit. Brande wonders if because they won't work with Joan, they also won't work with them, and Annie says that's apparently true. Annie explains that the designer assigned to Joan was David, the owner of the firm, and that she offended him so much he wouldn't be associated with Celebrity Apprentice at all. Brande says it's not fair, and Annie says of course it isn't. So now they have to start over with their raw space. It's after 5 p.m. on a Friday, so they can't find a new event planner or vendor. Annie says it's a disaster, so she could possibly lose. She's calling everyone she knows who might be able to help her get the space in order by the day. More commercials.
Back at the live show, Trump introduces George, and asks him what he thinks so far. George says that they've never had anything like this before in eight seasons. He says Annie goes after Joan and Joan goes after all of Vegas and every gambler. He tells Trump he's glad it's his decision and not his. Trump brings us back to the task. Annie and Brande are making phone calls to get help putting the event together. Annie can't believe that because Joan doesn't know how to treat other people that she became collateral damage. She says it was a war before, but now she's going to crush Joan like nothing we've ever seen. The audience claps. We keep hearing Annie make the same phone call, asking more and more people for help by telling them how terrible Joan Rivers is. I'm sort of sick of hearing the words "Joan Rivers." She finally finds someone who does events and owns her own rentals and equipment. Annie says the only thing she has going for her is she "like, literally knows everyone on Earth." She says Joan needs to die. That might be a bit harsh.
Joan takes a different tactic by going to Gods Love We Deliver, and asking them who they use. They have an events team, who they'll get over to help. She calls her charity events team down, because they're fantastic and gay, to help her. Then someone named Anita calls and she asks her to come help. She says she has nothing, and is desperate. Brande and Annie so far only have three celebrities coming, because all of their celebrity friends are in Los Angeles, and can't drop things and fly to New York at the last minute. Tom and Dennis come back and Tom says he has some calls out for celebrities to show up. He says they didn't sell all of their tickets, so they'll go break it to Annie. Tom and Dennis are kidding; they sold all the tickets. Annie hugs them and is totally relieved.
Gods Love We Deliver volunteers, and the board comes down to help Joan. She calls herself the Jewish Martha Stewart. She's "Joan RosenStewart." Joan says this way of planning is so grassroots and exciting, and they're back in the ballgame. Joan sits down with her team to see where they are on a lot of things: The celebrities are all backing out, so they have no one. Herschel's working on getting Usher, and says maybe he could get someone who looks just like him. Joan thinks Herschel's smart to get impersonators. She gets Bette, Cher, Barbra. She would also like a Donald Trump. Annie's meeting with her planner or someone and telling her how much she hates Joan. Apparently this is Sarah, an amazing designer with her own warehouse. She also got her friend Tony, and another friend who's a designer. Annie feels like they can get everything done now. She says people are coming in and rescuing her. She tells them all how amazing they are when you put out a cry for help. Emotional music as Annie hugs them. I just can't bring myself to get choked up about it, though. Maybe something's wrong with me. Or not.
Annie's friends are playing poker and discussing Annie, and why she'll win. There's no way she's losing to Joan, since she can beat the world's best poker players. They love everything about her. We're back with Trump, who says that group loves Annie, but Joan doesn't. Back to the task. It's morning in New York. Annie is telling Tom that she has respect for someone who's been in the business for as long as Joan, but she's not nice. Tom thinks Joan's just joking, but Annie says he hasn't been here since the third week. He sort of blows Annie off, and just keeps saying, "Yeah, yeah, yeah," and "Anyway," and "Really," and "That's a joke." I love Tom. He tells Annie's it's a badge of honor to get pissed off by a legend of comedy like Joan. He says Joan really got under Annie's skin, because all she does is talk about Joan.
In Joan's van, she's calling a friend who knows every impersonator in New York, but his mother has just died. She tells him she's terribly sorry about his mother, but she needs a favor. She's laughing as she asks it, and then he starts cracking up and tells her it's the best call he could have gotten right now. She's calling while the minister is speaking. He says it's the funniest thing in the world, and he'll get someone on it right away. Joan gets off the phone and says she knew he would laugh. They head to their room, which is being decorated as the silent auction goods start arriving: custom dresses, Brett Favre jersey, jewelry. Melissa says the hardest thing for her is that she would like to buy some of it. Clint is recording video for the auction items. Herschel's recording him. They're using the digital frames with his recordings with each auction item. Melissa and Joan are putting together the photo montage of things people share, so they've integrated the product and brand into the party.
Annie's decided to use the frames to show videos from Darfur, to integrate the frames and the charity. She tells Tom she has the time codes for what needs to be cut out of the video. Tom shot the video off the computer screen and then loaded it into the frame. He says this is basically what he's been doing his whole career: shoot stuff with little video cameras. Annie's soon standing over him lecturing him for shooting the whole thing instead of cutting out the stuff she wanted. They disagree on what time codes she gave him. She takes the computer and walks off, saying she hates it when people don't listen. Then she interviews that Tom's a sensitive dude, because she can't tell him how much he sucks or he gets his nose out of joint. But she doesn't know what else she could have done, since he was her last pick. Well, you know, Melissa was still there, and she's actually good. But whatever. Tom heads to Dennis to vent about Annie. Annie's saying no wonder Tom got fired. Tom's venting about her. He tells her to watch the video; it's perfect. He says it's what he does: videos. He says he's not going to tell her how to play poker. He says she doesn't trust and is condescending. She watches the video and says it's fine and thanks him. Dennis laughs.
Joan comes in and sees all of the picture frames of Clint and thinks it looks like they're pushing him too much. She thinks it looks like a line-up, and it is actually pretty hilarious to see so many frames of Clint. She says it became the Clint Black show. She orders every third one to be taken away, because it can't be about him. She says if Clint went to a bar, he'd pick up himself. Then she realizes she should have had Gods Love We Deliver people describing the product. She smacks herself on the head and says she's stupid. Uh, is it too late to do that? The impersonators show up: Two Lizas, Carol Channing, Cher, Joan Rivers. Melissa says no one can put on a better event than her mother. Annie's trying, though, bossing Tom around. She wants him to take care of the Celebrity Apprentice frame, and she and Brande will do the rest. Joan thinks they're in good shape. She says losing the planner made it an insane challenge, but the room had come together wonderfully. When you enter Joan's party, by the way, you walk through a Kodak picture frame, which is a really cool idea. Joan thanks everybody for killing themselves. Everyone claps. Joan thinks this is an incredible display of God's Love.
Annie's freaking out, so Tom asks if they can dust off chairs or something. Brande tells them just to look pretty. Annie was trying to accomplish something really classy, like silent auctions should be. Tom makes a "stool sample" joke. Annie yells, "I need..." followed by anything that you can possibly think of, over and over. "I need help." "I need power." She thinks it looks amazing, and then she asks everyone who isn't part of the party to leave because they're opening the doors. It's showtime. And we're back with live Trump. He says this is why he picked these two for the final. And that this should be the biggest night in Apprentice history. Commercial.
Joan's drag queen friends get ready in a dressing room and talk about how much they love Joan. They think she better beat Annie. They think Joan has it all, and wears as much makeup as them. Trump has no response to that, so sends us back to the task. Dramatic music plays as the Kodak buses pull up filled with people. Lots of cameras. The Joan impersonator interviews people on Joan's red carpet. Dennis and Tom come in, and Dennis is dressed in drag. So there's drag on both sides. Everyone wants their picture taken with Dennis. Annie's people are bidding. She thinks the room looked very sophisticated, and high-end. She introduces celebrities: Bernard Hopkins, Oksana Baiul, Joe Frazier, and a bunch of poker players. Brande talks about how great Annie did, and how this was her moment to shine. Dennis thinks the party could have been a lot more extravagant, but Annie wanted everything her way. He says it was just networking. Cirque du Soleil characters show up to interact.
Back at Joan's party, the Cirque du Soleil characters are there, too. Joan says Annie has people with cash stuck in their shoes, and she doesn't have those people, so she had to win in other ways, like with celebrities: Kyle MacLachlan shows up, as does Kathy Griffin. And Tom Wopat. Constantine Mouralis. Joan says this is the type of silent auction she'd like to go to, where the real celebrities are being photographed with people, and so are the impersonators. Melissa says the energy was great; it wasn't sophisticated or chic, but very fun -- and that there are people there with their kids. Joan wanted people to be able to afford some of what's at the auction. Trump and Ivanka show up. They talk to the Joan impersonator, and then to Dennis in drag. They enter Joan's party first, and see Kathy Griffin, Tom Wopat and the cast of Chicago. Ivanka thinks it looks good. Trump tells Joan he's proud of her. Herschel tells Ivanka he thinks it turned out well. Then Trump and his spawn head to the other party. He greets the boxers. Annie tells Trump she thinks she did well, and that Dennis did a good job. Annie tells everyone there's about ten minutes left. Joan wants a bid on everything.
The Kodak executive shows up and tells Joan she did a nice job. Melissa shows him around, and he's impressed with Melissa's frame and everything else. Then he heads to Annie's, and she explains things to him. He says it was great to use the frames to tell about the charity. Annie calls for final bids. Clint thinks it's great to see all the bids. Joan gets a $50,000 donation from someone who had two uncles die from AIDS. She cries about how incredible this party was, and how proud she is, and how it put her charity into a whole different league, so she's won either way. After the party, everyone gets into the buses to go to Wintuk. Team Annie is cheering her on. She's very happy with her experience, because it's amazing to know how people will come to the mat when she needs them. Tom escorts Brande and Annie to the show, which Brande says was surreal and a nice way to end the competition. Tom says it was a relief for all of them to watch the show together and let off a little steam, knowing the competition is over. Joan loves the show, and the whole event was amazing for her. Commercials.
Back with live Trump. He tells us the boardroom had everything this season: tears, fights, everything. But he says this one will be one for the history books. It will be amazing. Joan, Annie and their teams head to the boardroom, where Ivanka and Don are waiting. Trump enters. He says that everyone in the room is a winner, and that's why they were chosen. He tells Dennis he's proud of him for coming back and being "very solid." He says Dennis redeemed himself, which he's been doing his whole life. Trump asks how Joan's team was. She says it was interesting, and they got it done. Trump asks Melissa if she was proud of her mother, and she says she was. He tells her he didn't like how she went nuts after she was fired (Brande and Annie smile at each other). He asks why she took such a tough stand. Melissa says she got angry because she was faced with lies and deceit. Trump calls Brande "beautiful Brande," proving that he fired Melissa for not being as pretty. Trump asks whose idea it was to use the impersonators because some of them gave him the creeps. She says it was Herschel's idea.
Annie thinks she raised a lot of money, and when Trump asks if it came from gamblers, she says they don't gamble. They play poker. Trump points out that's gambling, isn't it? She says less than the stock market, which Trump says is a total gamble. Trump asks Dennis how Annie was as a leader. He says it was a good opportunity for her to shine, and she came through with flying colors. Trump asks if he's surprised she wanted him on her team. He says no, because she's a gambler. She was happy with Dennis, and he says Annie was a good leader. Trump thinks Dennis did himself a lot of good for coming back. He thanks everyone for giving him support. Trump asks what Tom thinks of Annie as a leader. He says she's a good leader, and knew what she wanted to do. He says her fund-raising is incredible. Ivanka reminds them that's only one-fifth of the criteria, and asks if he thinks their team won, based on celebrity and guest satisfaction. Tom thinks they could have won; he was mostly impressed with the money Annie and Dennis brought in. Tom's glad he came back, and Trump is, too.
Trump says he heard Annie had a problem with her decorator. She says she didn't, but her decorator quit through no fault of her own, because they were not happy with Joan. Joan says this is a total lie, but Annie says that's what she was told. Trump asks what Joan had to do with her decorator, and Annie doesn't know because she wasn't in the room. She just knows that David had forced them to quit the show because of Joan. Ivanka asks Joan if David worked with her, and she says they met once, but doesn't really answer the question. Instead she says "this" (meaning Annie or what Annie's saying) is disgusting, and is everything she doesn't believe in after living her life with honor. Joan doesn't believe that what Annie's saying is true. She says she will not be berated by this character, and Annie says she's not berating her. Which, she's actually not. Joan tells her to stop it and says, "How dare you!" Applause from the live audience as we head to commercial.
Back in the boardroom, Trump asks Annie if the designer was overwhelmed. He says she can't blame that on Joan. Annie says she's just telling them what the designer said. Brande pipes up in Annie's defense, which is totally shocking, right? Joan says all of Annie's money is mafia money, and Annie says she doesn't know anyone in the mafia. Trump says she doesn't actually know that. Annie and Joan talk over each other, until Ivanka steps in to ask how Joan created her space without the decorator. She says she got great compliments for her branding. They ask who did her space, and she gets emotional as she says it was all the guys from Gods Love We Deliver -- all volunteers. Trump tells Annie she's met a lot of people, and she can read them, but that Joan's been hard for her to read. She says Joan's a very different person than she is. Joan: "Thank God." Dennis starts laughing, and says he loves this. Don and Ivanka are laughing, too. Trump asks Annie how she decorated her space, and she starts to again say that the designer quit because of Joan, when Don's like, "Answer the question, which is actually a good story."
She continues to say Joan made her designer quit, and it turns into another fight between the two of them. Joan attacks Annie some more and then says she wants to win with honor. Annie says she hasn't personally attacked anyone in the boardroom. Which is true. She has the poker face totally down. Annie says Joan has attacked her in every boardroom since the middle of the season. Joan suggests they find out who won or lost, because she doesn't want to sit here and hear this anymore. Trump says the good news is tremendous amounts of money have been raised for charity. He asks Ivanka how Joan's team did in terms of dollars: $150,830. Annie says that's pretty good. Don says Annie's team raised $465,725. Joan says that's fabulous, and it goes to charity. Don says Annie did a great job on charity integration, which he didn't see from Joan's side. Ivanka says the celebrities, Kodak integration, and overall experience were all won by Joan. They felt Joan's celebrities were more prominent, and that her party was better attended. And Jeff from Kodak though Joan had better branding. Trump thanks the celebrities and sends them all out, except Joan and Annie.
Live Trump introduces the firees who had the guts to come back and help: Herschel, Clint, Melissa, Tom, Brande and Dennis. Trump asks Dennis how he's doing, and he says he's doing well, and is thankful that he's living and breathing. Trump asks if Dennis has hard feelings toward Jesse, and Dennis says he didn't like that he told him he had a problem. Dennis says he did have a problem, but he didn't like Jesse bringing that up, especially since Jesse kept lying that none of his friends have money when his wife makes $20 million a movie. Jesse tells Dennis if he weren't so stupid, he would know that the only reason he said anything to him was because he cares about him. Awww. Trump says you don't call people you care about stupid. Trump asks Melissa if she feels she embarrassed herself by having a meltdown. She says no, that it wasn't in the boardroom. Trump says it was pretty bad. She says it was raw and emotional, and didn't have to do with her firing. Trump says it wasn't her best moment, and asks Brande what she thinks. She says she and her friends call each other "whore pit vipers" now, and that there are no hard feelings. Trump asks Claudia what she thought of Melissa. Claudia says the meltdown was embarrassing for her and her mom, that it was a bad way to go out. Trump tells Clint he took a lot of abuse, but was a star and didn't get credit for it. Then he thanks Kodak, who's supplying all of the charities with printers and cameras and everything else an office needs.
Trump welcomes Annie, who used her aggressive professional skills to catapult herself into the finals. He welcomes Joan, who surprised everyone with her energy at age, which is 75. He says she's been spectacular. Joan taps Annie on the shoulder on the way by her. Trump asks Joan how she got into this mess, and if she's glad she did it. She says she is, because her charity's now known all over the world. Annie says she's happy she did it, too, and so is Refugees International. Annie also came away with some amazing friends. Trump asks Melissa if she hates Annie. Melissa says she doesn't; she has respect for Annie and how she played the game, but she loves her mother. She's thrilled for both charities, but is really proud of her mother. The crowd goes wild. Trump says Brande became very close to Annie, and asks if she could have beaten her. Brande says she guesses we'll never know. Annie says if anyone could beat Annie, it's Brande. Trump asks Clint who he would choose to fire if he were him. Clint says, "your editor," and everyone laughs. Clint says that he's happy he doesn't have to decide, but Trump doesn't like the answer.
Jesse says that because workman's comp is so high, he'd probably hire Annie. He says they're both great, but two different kinds of people. Trump asks Dennis who he'd hire, and he says he has to go with his girl, Joan. Trump asks Scott who he'd "do," and the audience laughs. Trump says it might not have come out exactly right, but Scott gets the point. Scott thinks that coming back to skating after years has shown him how strong Joan is, so he chooses her. We get a commercial break and then a close look at the charities: Gods Love We Deliver is a small, grass-roots organization that serves meals to patients who need them. It started out for AIDS patients but has expanded. Joan says 3,000 doorbells are rung and meals and love are given out to these people. Joan delivers meals. She says the connection is more important than the meal. She comes away thanking God for letting her be part of this. She say what sets it apart is the number of volunteers. They also put up tiles of their friends who died of AIDS. Joan points out her friend who died, and she cries and says it's why she loves this charity. She cries as she says it's an incredibly magical place, and she wants the money so badly for them.
Refugees International: Annie describes it as people who don't have food, water or shelter. Refugees International tries to get governments to stand up for these people. She says this isn't just about people in Africa, but also about people separated from their families because of the war in Iraq. Annie meets with a refugee named Allah, who describes how dangerous it was in Iraq. She couldn't bring her sons with her. Annie starts crying, because she has four children. Allah is trying to get visas for her two sons, but still couldn't get them. Refugees International offered to help her, and within two weeks, the visas for her children were ready. She says if it weren't for Refugees International, she might not have seen her children again. Annie says these people don't have a choice, and Refugees International helps them get back to a place where they do, which is why they're playing for them. Allah and her children are in the audience.
Trump welcomes two guys who know a lot about charity: last year's winner, Piers; and the man he beat, Trace Adkins. Trump says he's a huge country star, thanks to The Apprentice. Riiiiight. It was because of this show. Piers tells Annie and Joan that Trace is actually quite pleased to see him, so they might come back together, too, at some point. Piers says the greatest thing is the ongoing effect this has on the charities. He talks about how the money he raised for Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund helped the organization, and says that $60 million has come in from people who watched the show. Trace says he can't describe what an impact the show has had on his charity, the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network, which has put the money to good use and helped legislation pass. Trump asks Trace if he'd choose Annie or Joan to win. Trace says he has played some dangerous hands of poker himself, so he would take Joan. He says no one got out of this unscathed, and everyone's had bad moments. He says Annie's a smart lady who played the game great, but Joan has the charitable thing that puts a frog in your throat. Piers says he thinks they're both great, but the boardroom seems to have declared a winner because there were five criteria and Joan won three of them. He says Annie's been his favorite, but it seems that Joan's the Celebrity Apprentice.
Trump's ready to get down to business with Joan and Annie, so he darkens the room. He asks Joan why he should pick her. She says she thinks she represents winning and business in the new way that this country is taking on, which is being honorable. She also is proud that she's represented getting money for charity. She says she didn't raise as much money as Annie, but she raised money and awareness. I have to say Joan's been a lot better about selling her charity than Annie has. You can tell it means the world to her, where it sort of feels like Annie just chose a charity that she thinks is good, not like it's something she's been part of and worked with for years. Trump asks Annie why he should pick her. She asks what the game's about. She says if it's about raising the most money, winning challenges or winning tasks. She says on all counts, she did better. He points out she lost the last task, which was a biggie. She says Joan caused the designer to go away. The audience starts booing. Annie says Joan lied in the boardroom about it, too, and Trump asks isn't that what Annie's done the whole time. Joan interrupts and Annie calls her out on doing that every time. Joan: "You're damn right!" Annie asks if Trump's going to let Joan tell him when Annie can speak. She says her friends came through and Joan's didn't, which says a lot about her. Trump says to Joan that she really dislikes Annie. She says that's right, she doesn't like her. Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Trump.
Trump asks Annie if she dislikes Joan, and Joan says she does. Trump asks to let Annie answer, so Joan throws her hands up. Annie says she can't believe that Joan would be allowed to say the things she has said in the boardroom. She says that in a real boardroom, Joan would have to be fired or that would be actionable. Joan says she's run a business for 20 years, honorably, and has never fired anybody. She also says she says to people's faces how she feels about them, just like Trump, which she thinks is honorable. She says Annie's two-faced. She said she hopes Joan will die and called her a cancer, but would never say it to her face. Trump says that is true, and asks what the difference is. Joan asks Annie to say it to her face. Annie says she only said that after Joan caused the designer to quit. Because, you know, that warrants death. Annie says that she sat here for six boardrooms and "acted professional." Joan awesomely says, "Professional-LY." She totally just corrected Annie's grammar. Okay, it's official. I love Joan. Annie says there's only so much a girl can take. Joan says, "You're not a girl anymore, darling. You're a woman." Trump sends us to another commercial saying it's not going to be an easy decision.
Trump asks Ivanka what she thinks. She says it's a challenging decision, because Annie played the game really well, very cool, and raised a lot of money. But Ivanka admires Joan's tenacity so much, and thinks she's incredible and a great role model. Don agrees that they're both good. He says Joan has stamina and energy like he's never seen, but as a business person, he respects that Annie lives and breathes games theory with no emotion. I'm not sure that's a selling point. Trump says that a lot of money has been raised, and $250,000 more will go to one of their charities with his decision. Because we haven't been told that 700 times already. He tells Annie she's been tough, smart, and about as ruthless as you can get. He congratulates her on everything and says it's been really amazing. He thinks Joan would be the first to admit it. She acknowledges she would like to take Annie to a sale at Gucci, because she'd just go through it. I'm not sure what that means, but whatever. Trump turns to Joan and says her strength and energy is amazing. He says she really is a role model, and he has to tell her that Annie... is fired. And the way he did that totally got Annie hopeful. He congratulates Joan, and tells her great job. Then he bids everyone good night and says he'll see them season. "Money, money, money." Joan gives Melissa a big hug. And it's all over, folks. Until season.