Previously on The Real World, Ruthie said, "It's scary being on my own, but it's cool because I don't know what I'm going to do ." Apparently, what she's going to do is get loaded into an ambulance and intubated while Wonder Bread says that he thinks she's going to die from alcohol poisoning, and then come home and announce that she's not going to quit, but she will drink in moderation instead. So, this episode is going to be about how Ruthie learns to drink in moderation.
Annoying, Ruthie and Wonder Bread are using their collective brain power to figure out how to light the gas grill. Finally, Annoying shows that she is the smartest because she knows how to read. Ruthie and Wonder Bread lean over the grill and just as I'm anticipating a flaming Ruthie kebab, lean back as the grill lights up. Wonder Bread then says, "We have gaaahhhss. We have lots of gahhhsss." The way he says it makes me think it's a line from a movie or something, because he used this accent. Then again, he's a giant dork. Wonder Bread informs us that the gang is going to have a barbecue. For those viewers who aren't familiar with the concept of a barbecue, he explains, "We're going to have people over to the house to have fun." Well, I feel better knowing that. I wasn't sure what he meant by the word "barbecue." It must be one of those Hawaiian words like "Aloha" that can have many meanings.
Tetanus Girl says that she's happy to have Calvin (their boss at Local Motion) and his girlfriend over because she thinks that it'll be nice for them to see the house. Not that they would want to treat Calvin to a nice meal for all the crap he has put up with, or for being such a great boss. No, they want to have him over to show off the house that they didn't earn or decorate. Good to know.
Calvin and Pam (his girlfriend) arrive and Annoying tells us she has developed a friendship with Pam (since no one in the house likes her) and that Pam is open-hearted and open-armed. As the barbecue kicks into gear, some musicians are jamming on acoustic guitars and Teck plays the bongo, and people are singing. Suddenly, Tupac, I mean Ruthie, drops some science on us by busting a rhyme (see, I can talk street lingo just as well as Tetanus Girl!). Here is Ruthie's rap:
I'm coming out on the backside, stepping on the scene
I"ll be the cream of the crop while you're sweatin' like a fiend
For the sass I possess to be the best from the west
Don't test what I says for the success, yes
I'll be in sync, imitating, true woman
I'm going out never waitin', no doubt what I'm all about
I'll be waitin' when to choose....
And then she loses it. I'm assuming she was improvising that, and I couldn't do it, but it still makes no sense. "Don't test what I says"? Whatever.
Suddenly they cut to Tet Girl in the confessional wearing the scariest outfit I have ever seen, simply because it includes a black feather boa. This is so distracting that I can't really concentrate on what she is saying, which, given the source, probably doesn't make any sense anyway, but it's something about how Ruthie has incredible energy and it sounds exactly like something she said in the first episode.
, Ruthie and Tet Girl are entering a club and Ruthie gets up on stage and does some call and response type thing like "I say yes, you say no, yes, NO, yes, NO". Tet Girl informs us that Ruthie is fulfilling something by being on public display and you know, I missed the episode where Tet Girl got her Ph.D. in psychology, but she sure does use it a lot in this episode. there is a montage of Ruthie drinking and breakdancing (yes, I said breakdancing). Tet Girl babbles on about how Ruthie has a lot of confidence but only when she's drunk, and I think these people really need to take my seventh grade health class, in which we learned that alcohol causes people to lower their inhibitions, meaning that they do things drunk that they are normally too shy or embarrassed to do while sober. Anyway, in case you didn't twig to the fact that Ruthie is wild when she drinks, just wait. There's more coming up.
Oh no. I really did not need to see Ruthie puking. Really. This brings up a point. What exactly are the rules about where the cameras can and cannot go? Like, how come they can film Ruthie through a closed bathroom door while she's puking, but they probably wouldn't film her taking a dump (I hope). Did they really need to show it? Couldn't they have just showed the scene? In said scene, Annoying and Wonder Bread are standing there and Ruthie walks by. Annoying, true to her name, says, "You're sick, dude. Go finish..." but Ruthie interrupts with "[----] you, Amaya!" and I jump off the couch and do a dance of joy, then high-five the cats and sit back down. Annoying doesn't get it (does she ever?) so she continues with, "Go finish puking!" and Ruthie increases my glee by saying, "Shut up, bitch!" Ah ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. That was great. And in Ruthie's defense, when you aren't feeling well (whether due to alcohol or not), do you want anyone all in your business? Much less Annoying? And what is Annoying's deal with puking? Remember in the first episode, she just kept saying she was going to take Ruthie to go puke? Anyway, Wonder Bread tells us for the first but hardly last time this episode that Ruthie has a problem and he doesn't know what to do.
Annoying is going with Pam to a kickboxing class. While there, she demonstrates that she is really uncoordinated and giggles about it the whole time and I wish the instructor would come over and roundhouse kick her ass back to the mainland. In a voice-over, Annoying says, "I love sex and I haven't had any since I've been here and I'm going nuts." Hey, Annoying, I've got three words for you. Too. Much. Information. Hey, I've got three move. Get. A. Vibrator. Oh wait, two more: Shut. Up. They intercut scenes of Annoying in the class with scenes of her kicking Colin and she tells us that Colin makes her angry because they have a romantic relationship. Teck surfaces and says: "I don't know what's up with them. Amaya will chase and chase and chase Colin and Colin will run and run and run" and if there's a better metaphor for their "romantic relationship" I can't think of it. In case we don't get it yet, Ruthie tells us that "Amaya is looking for booty, and she wants it from Colin, but I don't know if he wants to give her his booty" and isn't "booty" a funny word? Finally Colin escapes and Ruthie yells, "Colin, you can't get away" and I do a full-body shudder because that's scary, dude.
It's Pam's birthday and everyone (except Justin, of course) is going out to celebrate. They're drinking and eating and dancing. Suddenly, Ruthie decides to give Pam what Colin calls "an innocent lap dance" as if such a thing exists. She hops up on the table and starts writhing around and pulling down her pants and sticking her naked ass in Pam's face, much to the consternation of the roommates. I have to say, if this college thing doesn't work out for Ruthie, she could definitely make money as a stripper. She's pretty good. I didn't think Pam looked mad or upset -- she's just laughing a lot. While Ruthie is dancing, they show Colin and Wonder Bread looking ashamed and Calvin making the "cut" sign and then we go to commercial.
Colin, Annoying, Calvin and Pam are leaving the club, but Bunim-Murray obviously doesn't feel it's gotten enough mileage out of Ruthie's striptease, so they intercut it with scenes of the four people leaving. In the van, Colin says that Pam was terrified and Annoying says she feels like they failed Ruthie as a roommate by letting her do that. In a confessional, Annoying says that none of them are willing to step up and say something when one of the roommates does something wrong, but for all we know, she could have been referring to the time Justin left a dirty glass on the counter. That's editing for you. Anyway, back in the van Annoying says she was tearing up while watching Ruthie and Colin says he just couldn't watch. In an interview, Colin mentions (once again) that Ruthie is not just some girl who drinks too much, she's a girl with a lot of PROBLEMS with alcohol. Back in the van, Annoying says, "Don't let her drink ever again" as if they were all out there pouring the alcohol down Ruthie's throat and Colin says if it were up to him, they would have Ruthie's jaw wired shut just like Kaia's. OK, he didn't say just like Kaia's, but he should have. Not to mention that wiring her jaw shut isn't going to stop her from drinking. And I think there was someone else in the van (Tet Girl?) because Colin is driving and Annoying is sitting in back so who's riding shotgun? The answer, obviously, is the cameraman.
The roommates arrive home and fill Justin in on the scene. In a confessional, Justin says, "I've never been in an event in which Ruthie stirs up the household. I always hear about them after the fact", once again demonstrating that he IS a genius. Would you hang out in clubs with Ruthie? Tet Girl then blathers on some psychobabble about how Ruthie is still looking for the attention and love she never got from her parents, which may be true, but again, what are you, her therapist? Justin responds by giving her the "whatever" look.
Tet Girl is sitting out on Annoying and Colin's wall from last episode and says, "It's hard for me to recognize that Ruthie maybe needs more affirmations about our friendship" which obviously is not that hard for her to recognize since she just did. Ruthie joins her at the wall and Tet Girl is trying to get her to try something. Finally, Tet Girl bellows out, "I love you!" (to the ocean, I guess) and Ruthie follows suit. Then Ruthie reads off this card, "I love you earth, ocean, beach, house, world" and Tet Girl looks all satisfied. Oh yeah, she's definitely not an alcoholic now that she can tell the ocean that she loves it. Way to go, Freud.
Ruthie visits Local Motion, and talks to Wonder Bread and Calvin. She asks if Pam is mad and Calvin says no. Wonder Bread pipes in, "Mad's not a good word. Mortified?" and he really needs to stop projecting. Calvin says no. Ruthie says she didn't mean to embarrass Pam, but she thinks maybe she did. Calvin observes that it was an interesting night and Wonder Bread is wearing really, really ugly sunglasses in a misguided attempt to be cool. Ruthie says: "Pam said 'You are so off' and I didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or a putdown" and I don't really either, but Calvin just says, "It was interesting".
Colin swims in the ocean but suddenly, he's in the hot tub and I'm not sure what that was all about unless they wanted to show Colin in a bathing suit for the little girls. He and Annoying have the following conversation:
A: Think of something you can't live without.
C: Pez.
A: You can't live without Pez?
C: OK, women were the best invention.
A: That's a good answer.
C: No, they weren't. Women are further down the list that that. Guy friends, Pez, toilet paper, then women.
A: Toilet paper, then women?
C: You gotta wipe your ass!
A: Now you wonder why you have a hard time with the ladies.
Teck says, "I love Ruthie. But she gets drunk, and it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" and we see a shot of Ruthie flipping someone the bird (oooh, she's evil!). Teck tells us that at the club he noticed that Ruthie was throwing water on some guy. Ruthie gets up and starts confronting the guy's girlfriend. Tet Girl slips into the caretaker role, knocks Ruthie out of the shot to get more camera time and says, "I don't wanna knock somebody out tonight," like, whatever, tough girl. Then Ruthie slurs, "You don't have to, sit down. I want to kick his ass, and I'm gonna love it," while Teck tries to explain to the guy that this was all staged for the cameras, I think. Teck says, "When she's drunk, I hate Ruthie, I can't stand Ruthie". Ruthie and the girl exchange some more words, and some guy butts in and tells Ruthie to chill out. Ruthie doesn't and she gets kicked out of the club.
In an obvious homage to Melrose Place, we get to see the pool guy as we come back from commercial. Colin and Annoying are sleeping together (but clothed) and Ruthie is still passed out. Wonder Bread and Tet Girl are in the kitchen talking, and Wonder Bread asks why Ruthie got kicked out of the club last night. Tet Girl says it's because she tried to start a fight. In the confessional, Ruthie's therapist (i.e. Kaia) takes 4 long, convoluted sentences to tell us that Ruthie can't be herself unless she's drunk. Back at breakfast, Tet Girl asks Wonder Bread if he is willing to invest the time to find out what they can do to help, and Wonder Bread says he is. In an interview, he says his heart is at war because Ruthie doesn't want his help, yet he feels like HIS help is necessary. Throughout this whole thing, Wonder Bread acts like he is the only one who can help Ruthie, and it gets on my nerves. Back at breakfast, Wonder Bread asks Tet Girl how to help someone who will kick you just for mentioning the word "help." At this point, I was thinking one of them would say, "Let's call Al-Anon" or "Let's get on the net and look for some resources" or "Let's go to the library" or something, but instead, they decide they can figure it out alone, apparently. Wonder Bread says, "What you've done is brought me back to a felt understanding of how serious her PROBLEM is." Beside another mention of the word "problem," what exactly is "a felt understanding"?
Tet Girl grills Ruthie, obviously trying to find out if she remembers getting kicked out, which Ruthie does. Tet Girl tries to practice Tough Love by saying that she doesn't want to have a list of places she can't go without feeling uncomfortable, and Ruthie apologizes. In a voice-over, Tet Girl says that Ruthie wants unconditional support, no matter what her actions are. Ruthie runs away and Tet Girl find her crying in the bathroom and hugs her and tells her that no matter what she says, she still loves her. Then Tet Girl starts crying and Justin holds her while Ruthie smokes some more. I have to say that this whole scene was oddly affecting.
At Local Motion, Ruthie is doing the sound check while Wonder Bread and Tet Girl talk to Pam about what is going on. Wonder Bread says that he is going to "bait Ruthie into asking for help" which doesn't sound like the most healthy way to go about it. In the confessional, Wonder Bread reveals that he basically wants Ruthie to beg for his help, and this is all getting a little creepy. Shouldn't he want her to get help in any way possible? He's making it out like no one but him can possibly help her. Tet Girl says she feels like crying all the time. Pam asks if Ruthie has acknowledged that she has a problem and Wonder Bread says, "No, she acknowledges that she's an alcoholic but she doesn't see the problem." He also says that he's ready to talk to her now, while Ruthie continues to do the sound check.
Ruthie and Wonder Bread go out to dinner, and Wonder Bread says that he hears a lot of stories about Ruthie second-hand so he wanted to talk to her and find out what is going on. Ruthie seems mad that people are talking about her behind her back, but she says in a confessional that she doesn't care. Wonder Bread says, "Kaia is concerned that she can't go back to that night-spot" and I'm wondering if anyone has used the expression "night-spot" since 1942. What is he, my grandfather? Ruthie says she doesn't see how what she does affects anyone else (obviously) and Wonder Bread says that when she comes home drunk, she's a different person. Ruthie gets upset at this and goes on a tirade about how she can't always be the Ruthie they want her to be, and "Why can't I go out and have fun without people talking shit behind my back? Why can't they leave me alone?" and Wonder Bread answers that they're concerned. Ruthie says that they want her to tone down and she's just having fun (because getting intubated and having your stomach pumped is a ball of laughs). Then she says she's not sure what she's feeling and she has to think about it. Wonder Bread says, "Yeah, you think about it" like he's some kind of tough guy. Boy, he really baited Ruthie into asking him for help, huh?
In a confessional, Wonder Bread says that "At some point, she's going to change her ways and if she doesn't, if she continues down this path, she is going to drink herself to death."
week: Teck gets a new woman and Colin makes fun of Annoying some more, and they show the same shot of the two of them talking in the hammock from last week's episode.
Over the credits, Tet Girl does a confessional where she talks to Ruthie about how she has to stay sober to be strong, but I swear to God she is smoking pot at the same time, based on her eyes, speech and how long she holds in the smoke. Stay sober, my ass.