Colin says that Annoying needs to "see herself," a phrase he stole from Tetanus Girl. He doesn't think that she can accomplish that in the four days they have left in Hawaii. In a confessional, Ruthie says that she won't go along with her roommates in ganging up on Annoying because it's not fair. Colin says that everyone has things to change. Ruthie says that not everyone recognizes that fact. In a confessional, Annoying wonders where she has gone wrong, and whether she is a horrible person. On the phone, Pam tells her not to worry about it because, given that she will only be there a few more days, it's not worth it. Annoying wishes things weren't ending on such a down note.
The gang has a group meeting at Local Motion to discuss their final promotion. They decide to put on a No Talent Show. At least that's what I assume it's called after seeing the actual production. Wonder Bread is wearing his green shirt, of course, as well as sunglasses -- indoors. Teck tells us that they are putting on a final show, and that Wonder Bread is producing and writing it. Well, that should be a stunner. Colin says he can't believe it's over, and that he's both happy and sad. Teck says that their group is creative and talented. I don't know what group he is talking about, unless he is including the crew members who edit these episodes. Even then I would allow "creative" but not "talented." Wonder Bread lists off the skits they have so far: "Dating Game Show," "Former Lover/Hired Killer". I cannot wait to see this. Ruthie says that there is pressure to do a show, and that she hopes people will come to see it.
Wonder Bread is on the phone with Sarah, Ruthie's sister. He tells her that he and Teck are going to dress up as women and "it's over the top. Why is a man dressing as a woman "over the top"? Why does he think that guy + dress = comic gold? ["It's probably for the same reasons Jen Lindley of Dawson's Creek thought that drag queens were phenomenally outrageous." -- Wing Chun] He continues, "I'm gonna walk out there in a mini-skirt with hairy legs and my one muscle (and he looks at his arm to my relief because I was worried about what he might consider his "one muscle"). It's in my left bicep." Wonder Bread reveals, in a confessional, that the first time he saw Sarah he couldn't take his eyes off her because she is beautiful. They show Sarah in a black-and-white flashback. I can't believe no one has called Wonder Bread on the fact that he wanted Ruthie in the first few episodes, and that, when she was clearly unavailable to him, he went for her identical twin! He continues, "Something about her eyes and the way she carries herself is...brilliant." I am guessing that Wonder Bread will be making a loop of this segment and sending the tape to Sarah to combat his near-hookup-with-Tetanus-Girl footage later. Tetanus Girl is sitting on Colin's bed listening to the conversation. Of course, that footage could have been taped weeks ago for all we know. But it's edited to make it look like she is listening in. Sarah mentions a summer road trip, and Wonder Bread tells us in a confessional that they are going on a road trip together once he gets home. Ruthie asks Wonder Bread who he's talking to and he tells her. After he hangs up the phone, Ruthie says she knew he was talking to Sarah. Wonder Bread says he probably talks to her differently, which makes me gag. Ruthie says he has a "twinkle in his eye." Wonder Bread says, "Yes, I do." Oh, yuck. I thought Wonder Bread in hero mode was bad, but Wonder Bread in love is worse.
In a voice-over, Tetanus Girl tells us that she had a dream during their third week there in which she was "intimate with Matt." She says it's funny how your brain tells you it's not possible. Tetanus Girl and Wonder Bread are sitting outside, and she asks him how he interpreted something she wrote in his journal. He says she told him not to read it, so he didn't. Tetanus Girl can't believe he didn't read it. In a confessional, Wonder Bread tells us that he has grown very affectionate with Tetanus Girl, but he doesn't know how he feels. Maybe that's because he is a robot and has no feelings. Tetanus Girl tells him she didn't mean he couldn't ever read it, she just meant that he shouldn't read it in front of her. Now she wants to read it because she can't remember what she wrote. For some reason there are, like, three trailer homes in the background. Either they are sitting in the middle of a trailer park, or those are the production trailers. Hmm, why would you go to have a private conversation right outside the production trailers unless you wanted to make sure it got on tape? In a confessional, Tetanus Girl says she didn't think she could be more than friends with Wonder Bread. Back on the lawn, she reads what she wrote in Wonder Bread's journal and laughs, and says, "I let my mind carry myself away sometimes." I hate her.
Tetanus Girl talks to her mom on the phone and tells her she is going to do a scene with Wonder Bread in the No Talent Show. We see a rehearsal for the scene at Local Motion. It's hard to hear what they are saying because Tetanus Girl is wearing really clunky shoes, and clearly she went to the same school of loud walking my upstairs neighbors attended, because her steps drown out the lines. Wonder Bread has on the green shirt, of course. Tetanus Girl tells her mom that Wonder Bread "really has a good made-for-TV-movie mind, which is interesting." Was that supposed to be a compliment? Back at Local Motion, Wonder Bread and Tetanus Girl are joking about a kiss in the scene while Colin and Annoying look on. Tetanus Girl keeps saying her lines in a very stilted way and then says she can't do the kiss. Colin and Annoying tease her about wanting Wonder Bread. Tetanus Girl says she will do the "kiss of death" on Wednesday. I would agree that kissing Tetanus Girl would make most people die, or want to die. Everyone is joking and it's very light-hearted. Annoying says that she needs to see the kiss of death right now. Tetanus Girl says, "I need you to kiss my ass right now" and flips her off. Whoa! That came out of nowhere. Annoying yells out, "It's go time, bitch!" and tackles Tetanus Girl and beats the mess out of her. Well, that didn't happen but it should have. Instead, Annoying looks understandably stunned and everyone is silent. Then there's some dramatic music and we go to commercial.
Ruthie is on the phone with Sarah. She says that Wonder Bread is in love with Sarah. She revises it by saying, "Actually, he's not in love. He's very intrigued by you." Sarah says he doesn't know her. Ruthie says he wants to get to know her. I'm not sure what that interlude was all about, unless it's supposed to provide a contrast for the scene.
Tetanus Girl and Wonder Bread are hugging in the kitchen, and Tetanus Girl mentions that they are going to rehearse their scene at some point. In a confessional, Wonder Bread says smugly, "I am being pursued by Kaia, no doubt about it," and pops a tiny boner. Tetanus Girl walks up to Wonder Bread in the kitchen and they kiss, and then Wonder Bread laughs. Back in the confessional, Wonder Bread says, "It screws with my mind because I'm not the type of guy to like multiple women." Just when my stomach settles down, they kiss again. I really think that, in this scene, they were rehearsing for the play, because the kisses are very staged, and seem to come out of nowhere. I think Tetanus Girl probably said something about rehearsing the kiss, and so they did. In a confessional, Colin says that he has advice for Matt: "Don't ever date a roommate." Ruthie looks at pictures of Sarah.
Annoying picks out some wigs and pays for them. At lunch with Pam, Annoying says that she's going to enjoy her days in Hawaii and then go home and everything will be back to normal. Again, less talk, more action! Stop talking about enjoying yourself and start actually enjoying yourself. Annoying says that she doesn't like the fact that this affects her so much, and Pam sympathizes with her. I still feel bad for Annoying, but one more scene of her talking about it might put me on the other side.
Everyone is in the van. Wonder Bread and Tetanus Girl are nuzzling each other. Teck says that it's time to rally, so I guess they are on their way to the No Talent Show. Colin asks if everyone called people to come to the show. In a confessional, Colin says that he is a little worried because they never had a full dress rehearsal. At Local Motion, Colin checks the sound. Ruthie and Annoying sit at a table. Annoying says that she's going to miss Colin. Ruthie says that Colin is not mad at Annoying, as much as he is hurt, so he's acting angry to cover the hurt, and it's going to take him a while to get over it.
Colin gives Calvin some directions on sound. The audience arrives. Backstage, Colin gives all the women a good luck kiss. Annoying sits by herself. Wonder Bread comes out to start the show with an improvised introduction. He really should have written something down because he just rambles on and on and then walks offstage.
Ruthie comes out to start the show with a rap. If you're really interested, it's in the new book. She reads it from a piece of paper and stumbles over some of the words. Also, it makes no sense. The one good thing I have to say about it is that it's short. up is the Dating Game skit. The only part of this we get to see is Teck being asked what kind of car he would be. He replies, "A cross between a limousine, a long black limousine, and a Por-shay because I'm long, black and I'm fast, girl." If that was the funniest line in the skit, they are in big trouble. , Wonder Bread and Teck do their spoof of The View. Wonder Bread is wearing Brenda's prom dress with a black button-down shirt underneath. It would be a lot more convincing without the shirt, but then again, do I really want to see more of his body? No. Teck looks like "Superfreak"-era Rick James in drag. They are going to show us how to take a home pregnancy test. Wonder Bread is using that funny feminine voice again, except that it's neither funny nor feminine. Teck says, "You take the applicator and you applicate." Again, if that's the highlight of the skit, I can't imagine how bad the rest was. Teck says that performing is a natural high, as if his whole ladies' man persona is not one big performance.
Tetanus Girl and Wonder Bread begin their skit. We don't really see enough of it to tell what is going on, but Tetanus Girl is holding a gun and berating Wonder Bread, who is tied up on a chair. I yell at the television, "Shoot him, shoot him!" In a voice-over, Annoying says, "That sucks." I laugh, until they cut to Annoying crying in the bathroom and I realize that she wasn't referring to the skit. In a confessional, Annoying says, "I feel like an outsider and I don't feel like being all yippety-doo with these people." In the bathroom, Annoying tells Pam once again that she doesn't want them to know they got to her. Pam tells her to just accept that they did and move on. She continues, "Just because someone has a complaint against you doesn't mean you have to believe it." Back on stage, Tetanus Girl lays a big old kiss on Wonder Bread. Wonder Bread tells us, "I have executed a stage kiss before and this isn't a stage kiss. This is a big-time, tongue-jabbing, passionate kiss on the mouth. This is a kiss of passion." Did he have to say "tongue-jabbing"? They show the kiss twice and the second time it's in slow motion, to try to make it look like it lasted longer than it actually did.
Annoying packs. The song playing is about being "strong enough to not be afraid of what anybody thinks or what anybody says." Annoying goes outside and we see a black-and-white flashback of her conversation with Ruthie from last week. Ruthie tells Annoying not to worry about what others think and to take care of herself. Annoying says that she wishes she could stand up for herself. Back in the now, Annoying asks Tetanus Girl if she can talk to her and Tetanus Girl says she's about to leave and tries to blow Annoying off. Annoying persists and Tetanus Girl says they can talk while she gets dressed. Here is what Annoying says: "I'm gonna say this because I don't think I can live with myself if I don't say something before I go. I am here to officially stand up for Amaya. It's hypocritical that I am told to look within myself when I think that there's a lot of people who should be looking within themselves here, and I feel like this is bullshit." Tetanus Girl says, "What?" in a really bitchy way. Annoying continues, "I feel like I've been put through a lot of bullshit." Tetanus Girl says, "For nothing?" Annoying says, "No. I admit wrongdoing. I am not claiming innocence but if I'm not innocent, no one is innocent. I think this is like a huge, huge bit of hypocrisy." Tetanus Girl says frostily, "What. Exactly. Do you want?" Annoying says, "What I want is just to say this," which is a bit of lame ending to the conversation.
In a confessional, Annoying says that she is glad she told Tetanus Girl what she thinks, and she feels really strong. She tells Tetanus Girl, "I like myself so much more right now than I have since I've been here." Okay, Annoying has to learn the art of the last word. When you tell someone off, you have to plan a dramatic last phrase and then stomp on out of there, not rehash how you feel right now. Tetanus Girl tells her Annoying feels good because of the "whole self-evaluation process." In a confessional, Annoying says, "Kaia acts like she's responsible for my strength. Well, guess what, Kaia? I didn't get strength from you. I got it from the place I last expected. I got my strength from Ruthie. So take THAT," and she flips her off. That would have been better if (a) she had said she got her strength from herself, and (b) she had actually said it to Tetanus Girl's face, and not to the camera. Annoying leaves Tetanus Girl's room and pumps her fist in the air while the band sings, "I walk alone."
Teck and Colin go surfing. They both kind of stink at it. Teck looks like Jack Skellington in a wetsuit. Teck says that having been in Hawaii was the best experience of his life. It's kind of nice to see at least one of the cast members realizing how great they have it. Ruthie and Annoying admire the sunset. Tetanus Girl walks out and they both ignore her. Annoying makes a muscle pose for Ruthie's camera and says, "This is how I leave."
Ruthie asks Wonder Bread what is going on with Tetanus Girl, who struts across the lawn like a show pony. Wonder Bread says she's been avoiding him because she knows he wants to tell her he's not interested. Tetanus Girl climbs up on the roof and then sits up there with Colin, eating some sort of nuts. She throws her shells at Wonder Bread, and looks just like a sad gorilla in the zoo. Colin tells us in a confessional, "There's going to be no sex between Matt and Kaia. Sorry folks, no sex between Matt and Kaia. That is also something I would never want to see or walk in on." You and me both, brother.
Annoying wakes up Colin and he pulls her into the bed with him, which is kind of cute, but I'm probably just giddy with delight that I'm in the home stretch. Ruthie is having her morning smoke outside. Annoying tells us that she will miss things here, but that it's good to be going home. They all pack. Ruthie does her best Eleanor Roosevelt impression in a confessional, when she basically tells Annoying that no one can make her feel inferior without her consent. Except she uses a lot more words than that. Everyone gets on a bus to go to the airport. Malo shows up at the airport to say goodbye to Ruthie. They hug for a while. Annoying and Wonder Bread are carrying skateboards. Why? Ruthie has some black-and-white flashbacks while she tells us she learned a lot, both good and bad, and that the experience was a blessing.
Annoying is the first to go. In a confessional, Annoying tells us that she came here wanting to challenge herself, and that she challenged herself. They show her challenging herself by crying, making change and skydiving. She says that she would do it again if she could, which is a good thing since she's going to be on the Real World / Road Rules challenge. Annoying hugs Colin goodbye. Colin tells us that Annoying is a good person and that he'll cherish their time together, and that he wouldn't change anything. Colin really likes the word "cherish." In a confessional, Annoying says, "Colin, you are very important to me and I care about you very much." Tetanus Girl tells Annoying to take care, but they do not hug. Annoying clomps on down the hallway in her platform sandals and leaves.
up are Colin and Wonder Bread. Colin tells us that he went from "reject to cast member to a person who learned a lot about himself." They show a little black-and-white clip for each thing Colin was this season, and I laugh at how bad his hair was when he was a reject. Wonder Bread hugs Ruthie and says in a voice-over, "I love Ruthie as though she were my true sister, and we have been through hell and back." Wonder Bread hugs Tetanus Girl. Tetanus Girl tells us that she is attracted to Wonder Bread beyond friendship, but that friendship will suffice and she's going to visit him in L.A. Colin and Tetanus Girl hug. Colin and Wonder Bread board their plane.
Ruthie does some calculus and notes that the group is getting smaller. Tetanus Girl pushes Teck on a baggage cart. Ruthie's plane leaves , so Teck takes a picture of the three of them. Tetanus Girl is nervous that Ruthie's departure might not be all about her, so she says, "Tell your sister I said 'congratulations.'" What an asshole. Ruthie leaves.
Teck tells us he loves all his roommates, but that he and Tetanus Girl have a brother-sister relationship. As he leaves, he babbles about color and souls and rainbows. The plane flies off into a rainbow. No, really, they were that cheesy with the editing. I worry that we still have to see Tetanus Girl leave but the end credits start. Hooray!
Over the credits, Teck sings a little song about his roommates that was kind of funny, but I think he had it written out and was using flash cards because he kept looking off to the side.
I am outta here.