Randy tells her the hiccup at the beginning was "professional," Paula tells her it was way better than last week, and then babbles on more and more about some true shit, and Brooke kind of half-interrupts like she does, and Simon tells her she should have stuck with the piano and not had the band join in. Which, I don't know. I think it was just crappy, in terms of the tone of the song, which was never going to work. But Simon knows it was good enough. Ryan also congratulates her on starting over to make it more perfect from note one, and all the judges jump in to tell her that she actually did the right thing by starting over. It certainly made it all sound more real and like something was actually happening. But I agree with Brooke too about how it was not optimal. Also, she is dressed in a black ruffly Kellie Martin shirt and looks like Laura Ingalls of the Damned.
Michael Johns is Australian, his family is Australian, he's a Libra, he sings a stupid song and makes a hideous face and talks about tennis some more, and I think at the very end of his video package comes to a stern revelation about how deeply boring he is, as a human being. His face goes dead like the Smiler. And then he sings "We Will Rock you," which makes me want to die of course, and then I think I finally understand what all the people were talking about five weeks ago about how he is sexy. I think I kind of get it. Too bad he's singing Queen so it balances out. He is a Libra in that he sucks and also does not suck, both at once. And then it's a medley! Of Queen! He has it out for me! This is the kind of shit that I am talking about! "We Are The Champions." I know he isn't going anywhere, but man, if he got eliminated tonight and had to sing this, I think that I would cry with joy. That's too funny.
The crowd, all hyped up on the insane strobes and Close Encounters lightshow, freaks out way more than necessary, because they are dealing with some stuff that we, on the outside of the TV, did not have to deal with. Randy and Paula are not immune; Simon tells him this is the first time Michael has shown any star potential, which is exactly right. "You looked like a frontperson; you were confident." And even with the crazy lights aside, I don't disagree with him that this was the first good performance of the night. Plus, big ups on getting hot.
Carly Smithson is a total fucking dork, and I cannot stand it anymore.
Carly Smithson is like watching an entire Dungeons & Dragons League or Troupe or whatever try to have a conversation on the local news. I can't even ...when she was a kid she had hair. That's literally all I got out of it because I had to jump up and make my bed just to get away. She makes my skin crawl. She's like Lady Morgue with an awesome voice, but what she does with the voice -- singing that dork anthem "Total Eclipse Of The Heart," naturally -- is chase you down the street toward your house while trying to convince you that Sailor Moon is actually really interesting, and then beating you around the head and neck with her voice while screaming. Randy says it was "just okay," and Paula says that it was awesome because it was from the year Carly was born. That's literally what she effing says. Randy's like, "It was out of tune!" Paula says, "No it wasn't because it was from the year she was born!" Then she takes a wee nap on her stupid-ass gloves. Simon says it was way less enjoyable than it needed to be. Meanwhile, on stage, Carly starts making little cuts on her arms because she is Desperation Personified, and then she and Ryan talk about going to the bathroom. Cool.