Athena is trying to create a feeling of magic: The phones of the future are here now. Annie asks if they have time to shoot video testimonials. They want something emotional, energetic, and the most important part is the stage show. They're writing scenes of families using video phones. They would use actors on stage and actors on video who they'd pre-record. Melissa thinks her mom should open with the history of the phone. Natalie gives her details for her mom. She'll open with something funny and work the audience in between vignette changes. Melissa doesn't think there's anyone better to host than Joan Rivers. So she calls her mom and puts her on the phone with Claudia. She explains that Joan will present. She interviews that she trusts Joan, who's a pro, and who is flying in in the morning.
After the phone call, they're trying to figure out if they're using all video, or people on stage talking to people on video on the other end. Tionne is confused so asks for some clarity. Claudia says she wants to do some live, because it would be more "impactful." Tionne interviews that she was frustrated because the taped vs. live debate kept raging and no one would make a decision. Khloe also talks about what would be more "impactful." Brande interviews there was no structure to their planning, and they really need Joan, who would liven things up with her opening. Melissa tells Claudia that Joan doesn't land until 10:30 the morning, which is too late to present. So they have to prepare for a Plan B. Claudia says they're like the Patriots at the Super Bowl without Tom Brady. In other words: losers.
KOTU-D: Herschel and Jesse get in a van to head to West Point, because they want their presentation to be real. I do think it sounds a lot more "impactful" than the acting the women are setting up. In the van, they Herschel and Jesse talk bad about Dennis. Herschel thinks that if Dennis shows up, Brian needs to talk to him and evaluate whether he should be part of it. Jesse feels bad for Dennis. He thinks he has a lot of problems beyond KOTU.
Claudia Brande, and Natalie are in a quiet room trying to prepare a Plan B. They want another comedian. But Claudia doesn't want to replace Joan. Natalie says she has a private plane and can get Joan here anytime they want. She calls her plane and gets Joan to arrive tonight instead of tomorrow morning. Don walks into Athena and they all flirt with him. He tells them they make his job difficult by being good, because the men are a total disaster. I don't get that logic, but he is Trump's child, I guess. They talk about the showdown between Dennis and Clint, and Brande and Tionne re-enact it. I'm not sure Don is as entertained as the women are. He asks them what's going on. Then he interviews that they seem really loose, and joking around, and working together.
Joan flies in at 4:40 in the morning. She tells us that she performed in Dallas until 11 PM and now she's in New York. She says she's very cranky and bitchy. That will sure make for a fun presentation. Now they're practicing as a group. Joan's practicing with her cue cards. Claudia's happy to see her here, because Joan's her ace in the hole. Joan's practicing, but yelling, "Not yet!" and then getting feedback. She's not liking it. Annie explains it took 45 minutes to practice it once. Melissa's trying to cue the actor, who's ignoring her. Annie says the rehearsal was a nightmare, and Claudia wouldn't take control. But Claudia says these are technical problems, which aren't her fault. Khloe says it's a disaster, and confusing. She thinks their eyes are bigger than their stomachs. Isn't that about taking too big of a portion of food?
Claudia interviews that Khloe's frustrating because she has to be micro-managed. Melissa's producing the hell out of Joan, as Claudia walks around doing nothing. Brande interviews that they were skeptical and worried until Melissa jumped in and told everyone what to do, and it got exciting. It looks loud, obnoxious and not good, frankly, but I guess I can't tell. Claudia says it looked good from the front. Then she acknowledges that Melissa was good as a director, because she's good at being bossy. She says creatively, she's not great, but telling people what to do is all her. Wow. I think I hate Claudia.
Athena presentation. Gladiator music. Trump walks in. Then he interviews about how to speak to people: He doesn't think about it, because all it will do is make you a nervous wreck. He says Claudia and Brian will be great, because they're performers and won't even be thinking about it. We see the women rustling around backstage, disproving him. Trump gets on stage and explains the rules that we got at the beginning of the episode, except he adds that he'll fire the ass off someone on the losing team.
Melissa directs. Tionne MC's, introducing Joan Rivers. She walks out amid a lot of crazy fanfare. She is pretty good at this, I have to admit. She has a lot of enthusiasm. Though she does say the word "terrific" a lot, and she keeps saying these are "real people," and she calls them vignettes. They have an actor on stage watching their non-crying baby taking steps as fake dad watches on video. Joan makes a joke about him finding out it's not really his kid. Totally the emotional appeal, right? Joan says that this video phone has saved her from having to go to the gynecologist, and the crowd loves it. She then says she's happy to let people see her face when she talks, because she's spent $150,000 on it. Then she says that even if you haven't spent money on your face, people want to see it, so watch this. Jesse's in the audience, and he interviews that he loves Joan, "she's rad," but that presentation didn't get people's attention. They did do a cute scene where an actor proposes to Brande. The audience gave them a standing ovation, and Claudia says that reaction was all she needed to know they nailed this thing. Joan gives her closing bit and even Trump stands up and claps. The ladies are so happy; they know they won, since the guys can't pull anything out of their ass to beat Joan. Claudia's already annoyed, saying Melissa will take credit, but doesn't deserve it.
Trump asks the women who is the toughest at the table. Annie says it's between Joan, Melissa and her. But she also says Natalie is a quietly strong player. She says some people think they can do it without bringing it, which is how Claudia is. She says she sat by Melissa during stage managing, and she did a great job. Trump asks if Melissa was obnoxious, and Annie says she can't say about earlier; it looks like equal obnoxiousness on both sides, but she did put her head down. She gives Melissa so much credit for trying to pull something together that was a disaster. Annie says if they'd won, she would have given equal credit to Joan and Melissa for winning. At this point, Joan touches Melissa's leg under the table. I think she's patting it reassuringly or something, which is pretty cute.
Ivanka asks Claudia what she would have done differently in retrospect, and what was the trigger for the conflict. Claudia says she probably should have stood up to Melissa more, but she's very loud and very obnoxious. She feels like she can't finish a thought. Claudia says she's not dismissing her talents, although she's never seen anything Melissa's produced. Melissa tries to jump in, but Claudia asks her to please let her finish. Claudia says there's only so much she can do, because Melissa doesn't like her. Melissa says that number one, she really does like Claudia. Which, I have to say, I believe. I think Claudia is like a Mean Girl, and Melissa's the type who wants everyone to like her. Claudia says, "No you don't," and calls Melissa sarcastic. I think maybe Claudia should look in a mirror. Melissa says it became a personal attack, which is why she got upset in the first place. She says her humor is sarcastic, and she is really sorry if Claudia took that the wrong way, because she does really like her. Then she addresses Claudia dismissing her as a producer, asking if she's ever watched any of those big, red-carpet extravaganzas in the past 12 years. Claudia: "Not too many." She's taking the really bitter approach here, which never flies well with Trump. He likes people who give credit where it's due, not who just slam a person completely. Anyway, Melissa produced those. Claudia: "Congratulations." Wow. She is terrible.
Claudia says she's not the only one who had problems with Melissa, and Melissa asks for others to speak up. Claudia says they won't, because they don't want to go home, and are fine leaving it on her. Ivanka asks if it was only Melissa, because a lot of people are giving her a lot of positive credit, so did anyone else do anything wrong? Back in the guys' room, Brian wonders why Melissa didn't step up to be project manager. Good question. Ivanka asks if anyone else is responsible for the loss from a creative standpoint, or if it's only Melissa. Claudia says she's not putting it all on Melissa, and Don calls Claudia out for what I'm hating: She's taking the emotional side, which is that she doesn't like Melissa, instead of her effectiveness. He asks who was the least effective or most. He says she's just being sarcastic with Melissa, and she says she's annoyed right now. Trump says she doesn't like Melissa and he doesn't think Melissa likes her, and that's okay, but he asks who was the least effective. Claudia says Khloe. Trump asks Khloe what she did, and she says she was trying not to step on anyone else's toes because there was so much drama and chaos. Trump looks skeptical.
Ivanka asks if Khloe hedges against making decisions that might lead to a win or a loss. She says she tries, but there are a lot of strong personalities, so her ideas get shot down. Trump asks Annie what she thinks of Khloe. Annie thinks she doesn't step up and volunteer for big jobs, so the question here is whether that's Khloe's fault or Claudia's, who's supposed to be managing her. Trump says maybe it's both. Trump asks Khloe who she would fire and she says Claudia. Joan agrees, and says she's been that way since Day One. Trump's not going to ask Melissa, because he knows she'll say Claudia. Joan says again that Claudia mushes instead of directing or taking hold. Trump asks Brande who she'd fire, and she says it's hard to say. She was very into her thing. Trump says, "Yeah, kissing that good-looking guy. He's dead. Dead." She doesn't answer, and he moves on to Natalie. She says there was so much friction. Trump asks who she'd fire, and she says Claudia, because she's at the top. Claudia chooses to bring Khloe and Melissa back. The guys think her decision was dangerous, but I actually think it was smart. She had to bring Melissa or she'd look insincere, but Melissa's not getting fired. Khloe actually might. Also, oh my god: Longest. Boardroom. Ever.
The Trumps sit there, and Trump asks Ivanka, who thinks it's sad that they used to be a unified force. He's all, "Not anymore. Don?" Don thinks Claudia's letting her emotions override her business decisions of who to bring into the boardroom. He thinks Khloe needs to explain why she sat around needing to be told what to do. They bring the ladies back in. Trump asks Claudia what happened. She thought they did engage the audience: Joan was great. She guesses the vignettes were weak. He asks why she brought in Melissa, and why Khloe. She says Khloe, on this one, didn't do much. She says, as project manager, she's responsible for the event but people have to take initiative. She says Melissa is effective, but her personality offends people, and this is a team, not Melissa, Inc. She says her "antics" causes disruption on the team.
Melissa responds that it's become a character assassination and a personality conflict. She says that if people think she's rude or don't like her personality, the bottom line is that if they get the job done, that's one more thing off your plate. Claudia says no one's saying that. Saying what? Man, she is not bright. Khloe says she's worked for people she can't stand, but she sucks it up, does her job, and goes home. She says people are confusing work with personalities, but there was so much chaos. Trump asks whose fault the chaos was, and Khloe says Claudia. Claudia says the chaos was because there are so many people, and when Melissa came in and disrupted people, Claudia saw the looks on their faces that said, "Do something," so she did. She pretends she was really nice, but Melissa says she didn't say it like that. Melissa tries to interrupt, and Claudia stops her. Melissa tells her to stop lying.