What are we down to now? It's still like 126 people or something for Group Night, right?
Mary Powers. Brittenums. All kinds of sensory memory exercises so you remember how great this is going to get, and Ryan's being all, "This is the most intense shit you have ever seen." I'm so glad this show understands why Group Night is as good as it gets. It's like watching Intervention and Glee at the same time.
There are twenty songs and a bunch of people have broken out into their groups already, but somebody realized that the Day 1 people from last week had an advantage over the Day 2 people, because they naturally started practicing immediately. So the rule is that each group must contain both kinds of people, which is a shortcut to the Stanford Experiment because Day 1 people are the prison guards and Day 2 people are the inmates. God, this is a great idea. I hope it gets really gross.
Molly DeWolf Swensen is not feeling it; of course, Brett just wants to get everybody okay, and then the boy they find for their group vanishes, just wanders away. Brett smacks gum and acts weird and finally some girl joins their group: It is called the Sugar Mamas. Probably Brett made that up.
That terrible Tiffany troll from Jersey who pissed off the gays last week is now telling us how she could be in any group she wants, because she is the finest musician in the history of music, and also a professional choreographer. One amazing boy is like, he just holds up his hand when she approaches: "No." She laughs about whether he's being serious and he's like, "I am totally being serious: You are the worst." This is my new favorite boy.
She finds her way over to the deep-voiced Woody doll Scotty and for real expresses her sympathies that he did not get to hear her sing the day she pissed everybody off. He goes, "Um, sing a song right now then." She says that's not the Rules and she is a creature like no other and why should she have to audition for him, and he just goes, "I don't really need this right now." Then she sings at him and it's pretty awesome, and pretty much offers him a blowjob, but the funny thing about this kid is probably, that happens a lot. So he runs away and he's like, "Y'all" -- to the camera -- "Y'all, she was crazy! I just want to make it through the round.
Tiffany then goes to the girl who saved Brett's group's bacon by being Day 2, and convinces her somehow to run away with her to a trashy casbah. "She hot! I love hot people," is the kind of shit Tiffany says. Brett worries because the Sugar Mamas need somebody gifted, and they talk about how they don't want to be poachers, but so then they immediately proceed to Scotty's group -- which is also the group of the awesome boy who gave Tiffany the hand -- and try to poach Scott.
And once again, he makes them audition for him, and once again, he wanders off in the middle of Brett singing. Which is about making everybody feel crazy at once. Finally Scotty finds a group and auditions for a tall bitchy man who has no interest in his style. Jordan is the mean boy's name and he does not want the perfect dynamic of their group thrown off by... Anything, apparently. He bitches maybe as much as Mary Powers. It's a sustained horrible negation until he finds some other straggler and crushes on him, and then guess what everything is fine.
Tiffany's whores are still only a twosome, and they can't figure out why, and the Sugar Mamas are all looking like they have personality disorders, and Scotty can't find a group and everybody else is having fun in their crazy outfits, and now Tiffany is just singing into a microphone as loud as she can, for no reason, and also she still does not sing that great. I hope she is disqualified for being too horrible to sing with. Sorry Dawg, it's just that you're gross.
Okay it's 10:30 PM and people are still confused by thee basic things. Wheelchair Husbandry is stressing, Scotty is still wandering about, and of course the only person self-consciously interesting enough to consider the idea of using Scotty's gimmicky voice is that dude with the Coke bottle glasses from SF that thinks of karaoke, and also his life, as art. Junebug and Jacee are together, but Junebug is a little nervous about Scott. On the one hand, he's very attractive and has a weird voice. On the other hand, Junebug is a nervous nelly of a person who second-guesses all kinds of shit.
Some rough-looking piece of twine joins some group we don't know about yet, and then we do a whole travelling sideshow of all the times she's acted crazy and weird and scary during this process. Ashley something, she's bad news. Jessica Sierra problems.
The producers actually have to bend the rules for the Tiffany whores because nobody wants them because nobody could ever love them. And there keep being awesome snatches of cute people and insane people and funny people, dreamy but we don't get to know them. Wheelchair Fiancé wanders the parking lot because he can't handle people, and then a bunch of boys sing in the toilets.
There is another group of young, very young people who are very poised but also laidback and energetic and cool. Also, they all have their cute moms there with their pajama pants and help with choreography. Ryan loves that, loves moms. Kids and their moms. Personally, I think this part goes on way too long, but these moms got to be on TV and that's fun for them.