By Lady Lola
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Kabletown officially takes over NBC, and Jack feels more pressure than ever to bring in high ratings. Since reality TV is a sure-fire winner, and celebrity-filled disaster telethons garner the best ratings of all, he contrives to pre-tape a telethon so that he has the edge over other networks during the natural disaster. He commissions the writers to imagine various calamitous scenarios, which not only leads to a slew of insanely inappropriate and unlikely cataclysms but also instigates an internal competition between the writers to earn a place in Lutz' car (that he lies about owning) in case a tornado really does hit a gun factory... or something of the sort. As luck would have it, devastation hits Mel Gibson's private island, where he was hosting a douchebag convention with Jon Gosselin. Jack can't get to the control room before the pre-taped telethon runs and worries that he's sunk for hosting a telethon for one of the least sympathetic figures of modern times. As it turns out, the telethon actually scores the tremendous ratings Jack predicted, and the world makes sense again.
Meanwhile, the Queen of Jordan cameras have arrived at TGS to tape Tracy's day-to-day life. In light of his Oscar nomination for Hard to Watch, Tracy resolves to be as boring and scandal-free as possible so the producers can't get any footage of him. Lemon decides to use this turn of events to her advantage and ropes Tracy in to fulfilling all the responsibilities he's shirked in the past . Tracy changes strategies and begins to sing his refusals to the tune of licensed music that the Queen of Jordan producers can't use. Lemon grows so frustrated that she takes Tracy aside, and they have it out. Naturally, the producers catch their spat through a cracked door (oldest trick in the book!) and splice together a ready-made reality TV crisis and resolution, complete with stunt Lemons and Tracys. Seeing their alter egos reconcile inspires Tracy and Lemon to do the same, and they resume their touch-and-go relationship once more.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Lemon finds Jack outside of 30 Rock the morning that the GE logo is officially replaced by Kabletown's. Jack takes a pause to reflect on his 30 years of service to NBC under GE. Thankfully he begins speaking again before Lemon can launch into "The Circle Game." Jack likens himself under this new leadership as an intrepid explorer, off to explore new territories. Lemon, meanwhile, is only concerned with getting a new employee ID. The last time she posed, she was holding in a "snart" (sneeze + fart), and it came out at exactly the wrong time. Jack rebuffs her answer to tell him what a "snart" is, but he gets an ear- and a nose-full anyway because she lets one rip as they walk in the building. Credits.
Lemon walks into the studio and beholds her new -- and still horrendous -- employee ID. Pete tells her that today Tracy is phoning it in, literally. Lemon marches over to Tracy's dressing room to ask when he'll cease these antics. He assures her that after he wins awards for Hard to Watch, it won't get any better. He says, "When you win an Oscar, it opens up an elite level of actor craziness: Throwing telephones at hotel employees, speaking to the UN about some messed up crap in Africa, and I'm definitely getting a private island." Like Jack, Nicolas Cage, Celine Dion, and Lost's Charles Widmore before him, Tracy is entering a whole new world of possibilities. Lemon tells him he has two choices: to stay in his room like a child or get up and go to work. Tracy stands up and walks toward the door. This ratifies Lemon until he informs her he's not going to rehearsal, but rather "to get a sandwich and then eat it on the toilet."
Out in the corridor, Lemon finds Kenneth in his NBC Page dress blues, which looks not unlike a Civil War uniform complete with sword. Kenneth tells her he wants to look good in case he's filmed for Queen of Jordan. Lemon didn't approve any filming at TGS, but Kenneth tells her Jack approved it after Kenneth couldn't put the paperwork in her mailbox for all the unread adoption materials. Lemon continues down the hall and finds Lutz, who thinks he'll look better on TV with a big hoop earring (in his left ear?), some guyliner, and thong underpants -- no tush lines!
Lemon heads upstairs to grouse at Jack that he's exacerbating her Tracy problems by allowing cameras into her workplace. He coolly informs her that reality TV is what pays for TGS to keep running. It's cheap, easily promotable, and utterly replaceable. Lemon argues that they are in a new Golden Age of scripted TV, and he grabs her and shushes her patronizingly. He tells her he's beginning Phase Two of his Jack Attack on Kabletown. In doing research, he's realized that celebrity disaster benefits have been the most successful reality events in recent years. As such, he has found a way to get the edge over other networks when the disaster strikes -- pre-tape a slew of telethons for various disasters. Lemon thinks he's stirring up some bad karma. She begins to tell the story of how she stole a cab from a pregnant lady on crutches that morning, when bam! A piece of tile from the ceiling falls on her head. Karma. Jack argues that it's a win-win because the victims will still get money, as will NBC. He tells her to enlist Jenna to sing, and before he even gets the words out of his mouth, Jenna chimes in, "I'll do it! But I hate my dress."