By Lady Lola
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.So Tracy performs his mating dance for Lemon. Do you:
A. Avert your eyes?
B. Cover your eyes entirely?
C. Watch with unblinking eyes to see the train wreck in all its glory?
D. All of the above.
Before that, though, we join Lemon in the midst of her contentious courtship with Future Husband Wesley. After running out of the things to disagree on for the moment, they realize they might be able to unlock the mystery of their one-time, drug-induced attraction by returning to the doctor with a camcorder and a request for more drugs. The doctor refuses to participate in such foolishness but does show them the current inhabitants of the recovery room, a rag-tag set of match-ups with even less in common than Lemon and Wesley, if you can believe it. After a few more run-ins, Wesley determines that he and Lemon are "settling soul mates," destined to grow old and bitter together, but in separate rooms. Lemon finds this a dismal prospect and ultimately gets the confidence to reject Wesley's dreadfully decent proposal thanks to a pep talk from Tracy. [Although he promises to return for sweeps. - Z]
Never mind that Tracy was trying to seduce her after a former nanny wrote an exposé revealing Mr. Jordan for the monogamist he really is. With his party boy image out the window, Tracy's endorsements drop like flies. Even after a poorly received press conference he can't get the people back on his side. So he decides to make love to Lemon and parade her to the press to restore his image. As you'd expect, that plan falls apart quite quickly. When we leave our man, his fate hangs in the balance.
Just as Jack's was last week when word came down that NBC was being acquired by Philly company Kabletown in the wake of Don Geiss's death. This week, Jack is gearing up for battle, certain that he can prove himself at the company by delivering the innovative spirit that Geiss nurtured in him. Trouble is, Kabletown isn't looking to innovate. The lion's share of its profits are in porn parodies bought on the cheap from outside providers. Jack agonizes over his future as a useless drone in a company that places no premium on creativity. But then, at Geiss 's funeral-slash-cryogenic freezing service, Jack has an epiphany in the middle of his own eulogy. The way of the future? Lady porn! Also known as a good-looking guy in the TV who intermittently says any range of stock answers (including "Uh huh," "How annoying," and "She's clearly jealous of you!") and thus delivers men from the tedium of actually being semi-conscious for the old ball-and-chain's yapping. All for just $24.95 a minute! I love how even "porn for women" serves the needs of men. Blergh.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Jack welcomes everyone to the NBC employee town hall meeting, including delegates from Tokyo, to discuss the Kabletown deal. Pennsylvanian Lemon and Masshole Jack debate which town is better: Philadelphia or Boston. There are objects hurled and Survivor alumni name-checked. The meeting gets back on track, only to be disrupted by some ribbing towards the guys from the L.A. studio. Jack takes a moment to invite employees to Don Geiss's funeral. He opens the floor to questions, and Jenna takes the opportunity the attention whore her way through a run-addled rendition of "Amazing Grace" for "Dan Goose." Credits.
After the meeting, Jenna asks Lemon about her date with Wesley. In short, it went horribly (again), but she's giving him a third chance anyway because they happened to attend the same showing of Hot Tub Time Machine. She thinks the universe is pushing them together. Jenna says she had "a similar thing with Michael Douglas. But then [she] realized it was just some old lady" from her building.
Jack interrupts that exploration of Jenna's mental process to beckon Lemon to attend to a Tracy situation. One of his old nannies wrote an exposé that blows the whistle on his fidelity to his wife. He thinks it could destroy his career, which is predicated upon his wild and raunchy image. He says losing his endorsements and revenue streams will make Angie "madder than a bat in a suitcase" -- which reminds him to check on his friend Gordon. Yep, you guessed it. Tracy has a bat in a suitcase. Jack and Lemon duck for cover.
That night after Hot Tub Time Machine, Lemon and Wesley are back to their bickering. He says, "By the way your food obsession is not as endearing as you think it is. [Recapper note: OBJECTION!] It's like being in a Cathy cartoon that just won't end." About the time Lemon starts threatening violence, Wesley proposes perhaps they're not meant to be. She still wants to unravel the mystery of what drugs they were on to make one another think they could be forever-mates. Wesley quips, "At least we'll always have Dr. Kaplan's recovery room. It was our Paris." Lemon says it's too bad they can't go back, and Wesley's eyes flicker with an idea.