"Morning Jack," beams Lemon as she enters his office. Jack cuts to the chase, as so often is the case in these first scenes. He wants her to attend his "Committee to reinvade Vietnam" fundraiser for John McCain because there are not enough chicks. Lemon declines. But Jack is still counting on those few Republican celebrities to attend and add some glitz to the right wing party. He also asks her to book "the subway hero" on the show, a man who jumped on the tracks to protect a perfect stranger from an oncoming New York transit train. Jack flips on the television. It's Lemon's ex-boyfriend Dennis Duffy with mayor Mike Bloomberg at a live press conference at City Hall. "Thank you mayor Bloomberger," says Duffy. "I accept this award on behalf of every ... Stern rules! Ba-ba-booey!" The beeper king is back.
Duffy opens up a 99-cent store probably in Chinatown. Lemon appears and asks him to appear on TGS to his delight. Duffy fancies his and Lemon's relationship as that of star crossed lovers but Lemon just sees him as the one guy she dated who has met Chris Hansen while Chris Hansen was on the job. Still she insists that he come on TGS with her. "I don't know. Getting lots offers from news and dancing programs. But how can I say no to you?" He wants to see where this crazy Dennis/Liz roller coaster ride takes them. Then he rubs her head like a pet.
Back at Jack's empty office major TV star Bucky Bright is waiting to Jack's surprise. Bucky was a major star in the '40s, '50s and in the Fall of 1972. Bucky is played by Dorf on Golf's own Tim Conway, and where there is Tim Conway Harvey Korman can't be far behind. Bucky is there as the celebrity guest for the John McCain fundraiser but Jack is unimpressed and confused by Bucky's near complete lack of star appeal. Interesting that they would choose Tim Conway for this role. At least Buck Henry got to play Lemon's father. In walks Kenneth who looses it like he's just seen Hannah Montana. He's a tremendous Bucky Bright fan. Kenneth walks Bucky back to the elevator and is charmed by Bucky's fond reminisces of golden age television when the men wore classy suits to work with top hats and a monogrammed pocket to carry your opium knife and switchblade. "I'm sorry what now?" troubles Kenneth but Bucky is already leading his arm wanting a tour of his old stomping grounds.
Jack introduces Duffy, who is holding the Stanley Cup, to the writer's room. They give him a round of applause. Lemon is holding a bag of Mexican Cheetos. Duffy describes for his captive audience, and Lemon, what it was like to rescue someone and be a hero. All he could think about was Derek Jeter and then he raises the roof as an exclamation point to his story. Lemon's heard enough and goes back to her office followed by Jenna. Jenna is concerned that Lemon may be straying back into old habits, namely Duffy. We get a flashback to Lemon and Duffy's first encounter as they both heckled the same joke about the movie The Hours. We get to see old Lemon haircut by the way. Back to present, Jenna compares Duffy to the bag of off-brand Saboa to Soledad Mexican Cheetos that Lemon is devouring. "You know those are bad for you but you keep stuffing them in your mouth because it's easier to do that than to bother to eat well. "That's a weak metaphor," snaps back Lemon oh so correctly. Jenna tells her she "deserves a good meal" and when she opens the office door Duffy is leading a chant: "Sub-way He-ro!" Clap clap, clap-clap-clap.
Jack seeks out Tracy to ask if he's willing to become the face of the Republican Party -- the black face. Ba-dum bum. Not their line, mines. Tracy gets a good Cosby face going and refuses the post. "Black people support Republicans? Does hot support cold? Does rain support the Earth?" Jack's not done. He gives Tracy the G.O.P. hard sell: states rights, lower taxes and, perhaps most important, it's the party of Lincoln. Dotcom reminds Jack that Lincoln fought a war to preserve the federal government and that Jack's party would be unrecognizable to Lincoln nowadays. But Tracy is conflicted now. He likes Republican's because they address the needs of his unique lifestyle but, then again, he's black. "You've put me in a quandary Jack Donaghy. A quandary." The way Tracey delivers this line, hands down the funniest moment of the show so far.
"Hey dummy I was just telling all these dummy's that we used to go to the park and make fun of all the joggers," says Duffy to Lemon. Lunch arrives and Lemon and Duffy double-team Toofer for having ordered a salad from a burger joint. The whole room yucks it up as Duffy casually puts his arm around Lemon who suddenly becomes aware of the moment. A single Cheeto stays dangling in her mouth.
"Elizabeth Cockworthy Lemon," announces Jenna holding the day's newspaper. On the front of the City section is a picture of Lemon and Duffy having dinner together, although the paper seems to think that he's having dinner with Sally Field. Lemon insists that it was not a date, just business.
Kenneth is startled to find Bucky still wandering the hallways of NBC a day later. He never went home. Instead he spent some alone time in the studio, his only encounter being with a sad lesbian named Conan O'Brien.
Tracy is dancing up and down to "We Didn't Start the Fire." He's either trying to shake off his blackness or discover the out of tune Republican inside of himself. But the CD skips when Billy Joel gets to "Richard Nixon" and when he tries to fix it with a screwdriver an electrical shock causes him to pass out. Suddenly Tracy's wearing all white in what appears to be a heavenly waiting room, or the set from Defending Your Life that time forgot. to Tracy is Richard Nixon, played by Alec Baldwin. Incidentally, Dan Ackroyd, you're safe. Nixon tells Tracy he's in purgatory. That he can't die because "his party" needs him. Then Nixon introduces Tracy to the G.O.P.'s other great black entertainer Sammy Davis Jr., played by Toofer. Again I say, Billy Crystal you're safe. And that's hard for me to admit. Sammy and Nixon want Tracy's help. He has to save the Republican Party. Tracy snaps back into consciousness and declares "I got a mission!"
Lemon admits to Jenna that she enjoyed her dinner with Duffy the night before. She knows he's no good news but so is junk food and that's a lost cause too. At the same time Duffy raps to Jack about the most important lesson he learned when he became a hero. "Follow your instincts more." He steps into the wardrobe room for his photo shoot and barks orders to the fashion stylist. "Those suits are wack. I want a leather jacket with a gold and dark skeleton T-shirt and a pork pie hat for my head." Seems like Dennis could stand to put on a few Charlie Mingus records. Duffy lets Jack know that he knows what he wants and that want is Lemon, who he stares at from the other room. And in that other room Lemon, munching on Mexican Cheetos, tells Jenna she's comfortable with Duffy because she doesn't have to try hard when he's around her. In fact she doesn't have to try at all. "If you give in to it you just start to feel kind of numb and warm and then you just get sleepy." "That's exactly what they say it's like to freeze to death," answers Jenna.
Tracy finds Jack to tell him that he's down for that whole Republican Party thing. They share an embrace. I can't imagine this is any different than when Lieberman did it. Jack wants to shoot commercials right away for the McCain fundraiser.
Outside in the 30 Rock plaza Duffy poses for pictures with an adoring fan base while Lemon suggests not holding up two thumbs for every picture. "It's my thing dummy." Duffy is feeling his moment of glory. Everything is going his way, not unlike for Pete last week. Caught in the moment, Duffy gets down on one knee to propose to Lemon in front of a crowd of fans. "Elizabeth Sarah Lemon..." "That's not my middle-name," corrects Liz with much chagrin. "Will you marry me?" he asks. Instead of holding that bag of junk food Lemon's eating a banana. She gets a flash of her holding a lit match that burns out, leaving her all alone in a snow drift. She closes her eyes to drift away but is awakened by Duffy's familiar term of endearment "Wake up dummy. Hey space cadet, down here. You gonna marry me or what?" Absolutely not.
Tracy shoots his commercial for the Republican Party, imploring all Blackmericans to become Republican but as he reads his lines the cue card guy, who is black, doesn't look impressed, and neither does Dotcom or the black guy leaning on teleprompter to Dotcom. Tracy confers with Jack. He thinks it's a lost cause. Blackmericans are going to always vote Democrat. "Unless ..." says Jack with one finger in the air. CUT TO: Tracy's new commercial where Tracy tells Blackmericans not to vote ... at all. "The amount of time it takes for you to vote. You can play three games of pool. Three! Now that's fresh." Jack turns off the commercial in his office and Tracy leaves with a screwdriver in his hand, planning to fix Richard Nixon's Wikipedia page. Lemon enters demanding that Jack take Dennis off the show but Jack is one step ahead. It's already been done. Duffy is being replaced with the 911 bird that dialed 911 with his beak.
Duffy does not take the news very well and walks out on Lemon, but she chases him to the subway platform. That's not the 47-50 stop as far as I can tell by the way. I'm pretty sure it's the Chelsea 14th street A,C,E stop. That always seems to be where they film movie scenes at for reasons only union workers know the answer to. Duffy lost his chance to be a success. Being with Liz and being a hero were his two greatest achievements and if only there were a way to get those things back. There's also a train coming. "I really believe that you're going to do something else great with your life," consoles Lemon. Duffy hardly hears her as he cranes his neck down the platform at a train that gets closer and closer to the station. It's like a scene out of The Taking of Pelham. Dennis wants her to go limp and help him out. The train pulls into the opposite track and Lemon slugs Duffy who swears it was all a goof. "Never again!" screams Lemon, but Dennis Duffy has the last word. "You'll be back Liz Lemon. You'll be back. You'll be back dummy."
Best gags of the night:
I'll be your Huckabee
Lemon: "Like who, Chuck Norris?"
Jack: "C. Nor and I had a falling out after I switched to another dojo."
The infamous Florida strategy seeps into pop culture. Ready the Wiki page.
Jack: "Exonerated Dateline predator. The whole thing was one big silly misunderstanding like the Giuliani campaign."
Matriculation
Dennis: "I knew that girl was 18. She told me that her last boyfriend was Asian and that crap doesn't start until college."
Almost Famous
Kenneth: "Son of a Married Couple its Bucky Bright."
Jack: "You know who this is?"
Kenneth: "Who doesn't?"
Jack: "Most people"
Absentee ballots
Kenneth: "No sir I don't vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin. I just write in the Lords name."
Jack: "That's Republican. We can count those."
With no power comes zero responsibility.
Frank: "Wow, I never would have had the guts to do what that dude did."
Lemon: "You don't know that."
Frank: "I do know. I've watched seven different people die in subway stations."
Wesley Snipes accountant
Jack: "Do you like lower taxes?"
Tracy: "If I paid taxes I sure would."
The Will Hunting of entourages
Jack: "Dotcom this need you have to be the smartest guy in the room is ... off-putting."
Dotcom "I guess that's why I'm still single."
Silent Comedy Award Tracy dances feverishly in his dressing room to "We Didn't Start the Fire." Long Island, you stand proud.
Tracy, regrets? A few ...
"I can't believe I'm dead. There was still so much on my bucket list. So many different buckets I wanted to own. Buckets!"
Sammy Davis smorgasbord
Tracy: "Wow. You were a Republican?"
Richard Nixon: "He sure was. Black. Jewish. One-eye. White wife. It was a big tent back then Tracy."
What happens when Colin Powell gets a 'Reverse' card in Uno?
Jack: "Dennis, what are your politics?"
Dennis: "Social conservative. Fiscal liberal."
Smells like Australian toilet water.
Dennis: "You know what I'm talking about Jack. You smell rich."
Jack: "Thank you. My cologne is distilled from the bilge water of Rupert Murdoch's yacht."
Write this down Obama
Dennis: "You've got to be a man of action in this world, you know? You can't over think stuff."
Jack: "I agree. Not thinking is what makes America great."
Dennis. Strong lover
"When I grab on I do not let go. Like a killer whale going nuts on his trainer at Sea World."
Jenna's unflinching compromises
"Love is wearing makeup to bed and going downstairs to the Burger King to poop, and hiding alcohol in perfume bottles. That's love."
Inga from Russia
Dennis: "I don't need this. Do you know a stripper offered to give me a squeezer last night? A white stripper."
How JC Watts feels
Tracy: "My fellow Blackmericans -- hey Jack can I just say Black Americans? There's no such thing as Blackmericans."
Jack: "That's great. That's why you're here."
Eat your heart out "A More Perfect Union"
Tracy: "Dr. King once had a dream. A dream we all share. To build a 200 ft. high wall to keep Mexico out and he also hated the estate tax."
Jeff Jarvis laughs for all the wrong reasons
Jack: "Save it for your iVillage blog Lemon."
A Tim Conway guest appearance?
"There's your weird."
Rigged beyond belief
Lemon: "You failed the firefighter's exam?"
Dennis: "Yeah, it's totally biased against the Irish."
"Star of the Show" no prize winner
Dean Winters put up one hell of a fight and Tracey did his usual Tracy thing to perfection but Alec Baldwin just landed too many solid rights at the end of the day to be denied. I mean come on, "save it for your iVillage blog?" He might actually get a prize from me for that one. Alec Baldwin, Star of this show.