Day Four: 8:00 PM -- 9:00 PM

Welcome to the third quarter, traditionally the portion of a 24 season rife with dropped plot threads, narrative dead ends, and time-burning subplots while the writers try to stretch things out to the season's endgame. One way or another, we'll be in the fourth quarter in a few more weeks, so hang in there.

Previously on 24: It turned out that ImhoTerror was an employee of MacGuffin Factories, so the company set off a blackout-causing EMP and waged its own private war against Kiefer and Grayadder. You know, so as not to get in trouble. Our heroes survived the firefight with the help of a couple of walking public service announcements, but Grayadder got shot in the aftermath. Ever get shot in the aftermath? Hurts like a bitch. ImhoTerror's move involved a guy in an Air Force uniform and ominous references to the President. The following takes place between 8:00 PM and 9:00 PM.

We open on a lovely aerial shot of a CTU helicopter passing from among the darkened downtown skyscrapers into view of the lights of the rest of the city. Don't know how they did that, but it's cool. Kiefer's on board with Grayadder, telling him, "Stay with us, we're almost there." Aw, poor Kiefer. So worried about his boyfriend. Suddenly he remembers that there's a third person who might be interested in what's going on with Grayadder, and he pulls out his cell phone. I assume it's a new phone, since his old one must have been fried by the EMP that went off ten feet away from him. I realize that assumption is based upon the more unlikely assumption that someone at the show remembers that.

At CTU, DoDder takes a break from looking busy to answer her own phone. Her relief at Kiefer's well-being is short-lived as he tells her about what happened to Grayadder. She's clearly very upset, but she manages to hold it together long enough to demand, "How did this happen?" Ooh, she's pissed. She gave Kiefer one job and he blew it. To Kiefer's credit, he tells her the whole truth about how Grayadder pushed him aside and took the bullet meant for Kiefer. "He saved my life," Kiefer adds generously. Which is probably an exaggeration. I mean, Kiefer was the one in the bulletproof vest. It was actually a pretty stupid move on Grayadder's part. DoDder doesn't have much to say to Kiefer right now; she's too busy trying not to (a) cry, and (b) rip him a new one over the phone. Kiefer promises that they'll do whatever is necessary to save Grayadder. "I'm sorry," he finishes lamely. Instead of asking whether Kiefer's sorry Grayadder's hurt, or sorry he screwed up, or sorry he's in trouble, DoDder says she has to go. She sits there for a minute trying not to get all weepy, but she accomplishes that about as well as she accomplishes everything else.

Hey, you'll never guess who else is in the air: President Keeler. I know! He's talking on the phone to DaD at CTU -- just a regular phone call, no videoconferencing -- as DaD explains that ImhoTerror is the mastermind behind the day's events. Which I thought Keeler already knew, but we have an expositional quota to fill here. POTUS asks if any more attacks are planned, and DaD says that it looks that way and NSA is "sifting through the intel now." Keeler isn't satisfied. Rather than telling POTUS's pissy ass to take that up with, say, the National Security Advisor, DaD says they're also hoping to catch ImhoTerror using information from the coded document that Kiefer got from MacGuffin Factories. DaD's walking out of the building to meet the CTU medevac chopper as the convo proceeds. Keeler switches gears: "Today's events are continuing to generate an unprecedented level of fear. I'm not sure the social and civil fabric of this country can withstand another attack." Yeah, the folks at IDS Systems looked about ready to light out for the territories, didn't they? Way to be in touch from 35,000 feet, Keeler. Basically, Keeler is keen to declare martial law. Not that I can see how the United States of the 24-verse could be more of a police state than it already is, but I'm always ready to be surprised. By now, DaD is out in the parking lot with DoDder and a passel of other agents. Doesn't CTU have a rooftop helipad? I guess they have room in the parking lot since AIIIEEEE!sha's car blew up and cleared a few spots. It probably also helps that CTU doesn't have a regular night shift. POTUS tells DaD that a "General Wakefield" has just landed in L.A. to "discuss our options" with DaD, and will be calling him to set up a location to meet. Keeler wants to keep it quiet for now, and DaD, although a little nervous about Keeler's plan, agrees.

It's 8:05:27 as the helicopter comes in for a landing. CTU clinic docs rush out with a still-warm-from-Driskid gurney and offload Grayadder onto it. I'm pretty sure that's something that only happens on TV. My wife Trash used to work at a hospital, and there was one time where she went up to the roof to meet the helicopter. That's when she learned that in real life, you don't approach the chopper until the blades have stopped turning. She stood there mildly freaking out inside the door while doctors and nurses chatted calmly around her and someone inside a helicopter fifty feet away was patiently waiting to meet his new liver already. But Paul McCrane had to leave ER somehow, didn't he? Kiefer jumps off the helicopter right behind Grayadder. DoDder rushes straight to her husband's side without a glance at Kiefer, who's now just standing there helplessly under the whirling blades. She runs along to the gurney for a few seconds, trying to get her husband's attention (because really, this is all about her), before she gives up and stomps towards Kiefer. "I'm sorry," he says again. "Please tell me he's not going to die," DoDder sobs. All he can do is pull her into a hug and say they don't know. She pulls away and looks at him. He looks back, more upset than we've seen him all season. Certainly a lot sadder than when stupid DoDder was in danger of getting blowed up by a Tomahawk cruise missile, that's for damn sure. DaD grabs DoDder by the arm and they rush inside together, leaving Kiefer standing there by himself.

Just in time for Bitchelle and Soul Patch to run up to him. Bitchelle asks if he's all right, and he's not remotely surprised to see her. Of course he snaps, "I'm fine," in that pissy, defensive, "I wasn't crying" way. You won't believe this, but CTU has already decoded the encrypted document that Kiefer gave to Agent Castle less than ten minutes ago. Looks like I underestimated CTU's typists and cryptographers. They've pulled a name off the document that was on their watch lists, but they didn't know that the name was connected to ImhoTerror. They lead Kiefer inside to explain. It's just so ridiculous that everyone assumes that someone as tight-assed as ImhoTerror would store anything remotely incriminating on his work computer. A computer engineer, of all people, should know better. I think it would be awesome if all the drama of the last two hours over getting ImhoTerror's computer files yielded nothing but some company org charts and staff meeting minutes. That would just serve everyone right.

DoDder's following Grayadder's gurney through the hallway to the CTU clinic. The docs try to shake her off, but she insists on making them stop rolling the dying man to surgery so she can say, "I'm here, okay? And I will be here when you get out of surgery." DaD is standing there with a "great, here the fuck we go again" expression. Or maybe he's going for "concerned." Hard to tell. Grayadder peers up at his wife, his expression unreadable through the oxygen mask on his face. So I'm free to assume he's thinking, "Screw you, lady, I've got Kiefer now." He's finally pried from his wife's clutches so his life can be saved, and DoDder and DaD are left alone in the hallway. She hugs her father. Over her shoulder, his expression says, "So bored with this."

Soul Patch and Bitchelle are giving Kiefer a little AV presentation introducing him to the guy whose name turned up in the decoded file: a chemical engineering professor at "Green University." TerrorProf is played by the guy who played Afrim, the shitty screenwriter in Bowfinger. I probably wouldn't have recognized him if I hadn't coincidentally thinking about Bowfinger earlier in the day, for reasons that are too boring to get into (much as Bowfinger is). But I did, and now I realize that the third-largest defense contractor in the country effectively sacrificed what was left of its corporate reputation and the lives of several of its employees in order to protect the evil genius behind Chubby Rain. I feel safer already, don't you? Bitchelle says they're sending teams to pick up TerrorProf now, but Kiefer, naturally, says, "That's a mistake." Yeah, he's perfectly willing to stand around and shoot down other people's work, isn't he? What's his job at the DoD, anyway? Recapper? He knows that ImhoTerror only hires people who are willing to die before giving up info. Soul Patch is like, yeah, but you got a better idea? Kiefer doesn't for a second (see?), until he comes up with the idea of sending in someone undercover. Can't believe he had to think about that, his standard default plan. Soul Patch makes a "boy, did I ever not miss this shit from him" face as he points out that there's no time to set up cover for a CTU agent. But Kiefer's talking about TerrorMom. Bitchelle points out that TerrorMom already has her deal and isn't likely to help them more than she already has. Seriously, TerrorMom already helped them find ImhoTerror once. It's not her fault they fucked it up and let him get away. Kiefer just wants a few minutes to try to secure TerrorMom's assistance. In fact, if he can't bring her on board by the time the tactical teams are ready, they'll do it Bitchelle's way. But Kiefer spells it out: "We either find ImhoTerror, or we will not be able to stop what he's planning ." Bitchelle looks at Soul Patch, who looks back at her like, "Yeah, remember how no matter who was in charge around here, we really all just worked for Kiefer? Good times."

8:08:24. Turns out Poor Man's Eric Stoltz, in his Air Force uniform, is waiting for ImhoTerror in some back alley or parking lot. Not an airfield, in other words, as I thought last week. ImhoTerror steps into view and sets a small satchel down to Poor Man's Eric Stoltz, giving him directions to a nearby hotel. Poor Man's Eric Stoltz will need "his entire flight package, including clearance and identification codes." ImhoTerror says he'll get them, and both men leave. There are other random minions standing around too, but they don't do much else. Back alleys are becoming to ImhoTerror what the conference room is to CTU.

And hey, there's another Air Force uniform, but this one is empty and it's strewn across a hotel room bed, on top of a bedspread under which two people have just finished fucking. The man, whose passing resemblance to Poor Man's Eric Stoltz is almost certainly not accidental, starts to extricate himself from his partner. She's asking for more, but he says he's got to fly tonight. Some posters said that this would have been a good job for Naked Mandy, what with her history of literally screwing guys out of their identification who then end up dead. But of course having Mandy here would have totally given away what was about to happen. Much as I just did. Poor Man's Poor Man's Eric Stoltz laments his lateness and his wrinkled uniform, but she sex-voices, "I wouldn't worry about that." In another second, he's got plenty else to worry about when a cell phone rings and she answers it, telling him it's his wife. On NotMandy's cell phone, no less. Poor Man's Poor Man's Eric Stoltz answers as cheerily as possible, but it's even worse than he thinks: "They've got guns, John," his wife says. "They say they'll kill the children unless you do what they want." Well, at least he's not busted for cheating. Poor Man's Poor Man's Eric Stoltz wants to talk to whomever's there with his family, but all we see is a black-gloved hand taking the receiver from Mrs. PMPMES and hanging it up. In the hotel room, PMPMES looks up from the dial tone to see that his lover is now dressed and holding a gun on him from across the room. "Put your clothes on, John," she sneers at him. But it still sounds all sex-voicy. She might only have the sex-voice to work with. Poor Poor Man's Poor Man's Eric Stoltz. He went from just been fucked to just plain fucked in less than ninety seconds.

At CTU, Bitchelle warns Kiefer that he's got five minutes with TerrorMom before the tactical teams are ready to go. After that, his time runs out. Kiefer joins TerrorMom in the interrogation room at 8:10:42 while Bitchelle and Soul Patch watch from the observation room. Kiefer's got a digital Etch-a-Sketch with a picture of TerrorProf, which he sets down in front of TerrorMom. He asks if she knows TerrorProf. She claims she doesn't, despite TerrorProf's connection to ImhoTerror, since the boss doesn't allow communication between cells. Kiefer tells her who TerrorProf is, and that they need her help to get to ImhoTerror via TerrorProf. TerrorMom points out, "I've already gotten all I'm going to get for cooperating." Kiefer says that's not necessarily true, and switches the Etch-a-Sketch over to the TerrorTeen channel. "Unless you help us get to TerrorProf, that'll be the last time you see him for the rest of your life." Hey, Kiefer? I'd like to point out that I'm not helping you get to TerrorProf either.

In the observation room, Bitchelle gets the call from Curtis letting her know the tactical teams are ready. That was a short five minutes. Less than two, to be exact. Soul Patch wants to give Kiefer another minute.

Kiefer, meanwhile, is offering TerrorMom freedom and witness protection. Apparently he doesn't need the President's approval any more. "I'm offering you a life with your son. Right now the only question is, which life do you want?" She doesn't say anything. "We're out of time," he says, and gets up to leave. "What do you need me to do?" she asks, stopping him. That works on her every time. People should just walk out on her right at the beginning of negotiations and save a lot of effort. Kiefer says he wants her to go to TerrorProf and say she needs to see ImhoTerror. She says it won't work, but Kiefer says it will if she says she has a hostage. "A hostage?" TerrorMom asks in wide-eyed confusion. "Who?" "Me," Kiefer says, surprising no one. It's 8:13:24.

8:17:45. DoDder paces the floor outside the clinic, TerrorMom awaits her fate, and so does TerrorTeen. Poor Man's Poor Man's Eric Stoltz, now in his uniform shirt and tie, asks NotMandy what's going on. She doesn't know and doesn't care; she just does her job (and her victims) and gets her checks. She hears a car pull up outside and turns her back on him long enough to peer through the venetian blinds. Poor Man's Poor Man's Eric Stoltz takes the opportunity to try to rush her with the room service cart, but she beats him down and ends up on top of him, holding a table knife to his neck. Nice to see a member of the United States military getting spanked by a member of the International Sisterhood of Mercenary Hos. She threatens, "If you don't cooperate, your family will die. Do you understand?" There's a brisk knock on the hotel room door. NotMandy admits Poor Man's Eric Stoltz, who points his gun at his doppelganger and hands ImhoTerror's satchel to NotMandy. "It's all there," he tells her. "Now get out of here." She does. "Get your things," Poor Man's Eric Stoltz says. "You've got a plane to catch." By which he of course means, "You have a half hour to live." Whoops, did I just drop another spoiler?

8:19:12. Bitchelle has called a meeting at CTU to explain the plan to get to ImhoTerror via TerrorProf via UndercoverTerrorMom. Curtis points out that ImhoTerror already knows that TerrorMom's been nabbed. Bitchelle hands the floor over to Kiefer to explain the cover story, which goes thusly: Kiefer was transporting TerrorMom when his vehicle was attacked by surviving members of TerrorDad's cell at the intersection of Sepulveda and National an hour ago. I'm surprised they're using an intersection that actually exists, but I'm not surprised that it's one that throws my CTU triangulation project completely out of whack again by being way the hell down by Culver City and yet still less than ten minutes away. But back to the cover story: Kiefer killed or wounded all of the terrorists (believable), but TerrorMom was able to get a weapon and take him hostage (less believable). To sum up: "TerrorMom will take me to TerrorProf; hopefully he'll take me to ImhoTerror." Am I the only one who spots the flaw in the cover story? Namely, that it's predicated upon the supposed actions of people who work for the guy they're trying to fool? Whatever. Kiefer always gets stupid when he's feeling guilty, and this is no exception. As Kiefer and Soul Patch point out, they have to assume that Kiefer and TerrorMom will be searched, which means no tracking or homing devices on their persons. CTU agents will have to listen in from a distance using "satellite, parabolics, and laser aggregators." I assume this means "microphones." Curtis asks if TerrorMom will be able to pull it off. "Well," Kiefer snarks, "she's managed to live here in the United States for the past five years while part of a terrorist cell undetected. Yes. She's an expert at deception." "As long as she doesn't deceive us," Curtis says. Smart guy. Kiefer has no answer to that. Bitchelle says that since Kiefer's going to be in extreme and immediate danger, there is "zero tolerance for error." Kiefer wishes everyone (and by extension, himself) good luck as the meeting breaks up.

TerrorMom is driving TerrorProf's TerrorTaurus while the car's owner sits in the shotgun seat, holding his teeny-weeny pistol to TerrorMom's side. "Where are you taking me?" Kiefer asks from the back. "Shut up," TerrorMom snaps at him, then looks at TerrorProf to gauge his reaction. TerrorProf doesn't look all that impressed. The CTU agents and office folk listen in on the conversation inside the car. The CTU big screen also has a real-time satellite view of the TerrorTaurus in motion. "You look nervous," TerrorMom observes. "I wouldn't have contacted you if I felt I had a choice," she says. "And as a result, I have no choice," he bitches. "We do whatever we have to for the cause," she says, "so what's the problem?" "There's no problem," he lies. Uh-huh. If Kiefer's radar were working properly, and not jammed by the fear of a life without Grayadder, he'd call this thing off right now. But instead, everyone watches as the TerrorTaurus turns off the road and heads into a tunnel. Bitchelle instructs Poor Man's D.B. Sweeney to hang back to avoid detection, and now they're out of parabolic mic range. Potato Face tells the room that the tunnel is 400 yards long and that the car will be out of satellite view for about 20 seconds. That sounds about right, assuming TerrorMom is going around forty MPH. Nice to see that someone on the writing staff bought a calculator. Inside the tunnel, there appears to be some sort of construction going on, with crews hard at work. Appears, I say, for it's all a clever ruse. That got set up in ten minutes. TerrorProf instructs TerrorMom to pull over in front of a construction truck. She does so, asking what's going on. A couple of guys in day-glo construction vests, hardhats, and masks approach the TerrorTaurus and bundle TerrorMom and Kiefer out. At the same time, another guy puts a silver briefcase in the car to TerrorProf, who's moved over behind the wheel. "From ImhoTerror," the man says of the briefcase. TerrorProf drives on. Kiefer and TerrorMom are loaded into the back of a white van at 8:48:44, and it drives off as well.

At CTU, Soul Patch says, "This is taking too long." And indeed, it's been almost a minute. Lispy Skip spots the TerrorTaurus exiting the tunnel on the satellite screen. On the ground, Poor Man's D. B. Sweeney and his partner resume the pursuit. The TerrorTaurus loops around on another street, which raises concerns at CTU that TerrorProf is driving in a circle. Soul Patch asks Potato Face to switch to an infrared satellite view. Potato Face quickly complies. The infrared view of the TerrorTaurus shows one bright blob of heat inside the car, which tells them that he's alone. It also tells me that TerrorProf's car has no engine or exhaust system, and that none of the surrounding cars do either. In fact, they don't even have drivers. But Bitchelle isn't worried about the Rapture now; she's more worried about the fact that the passengers have been offloaded in the tunnel. She announces that covert time is over and instructs Poor Man's D.B. Sweeney and the other teams to move in on the TerrorTaurus, as well as set up a perimeter around the tunnel to stop and search all exiting vehicles. Soul Patch tells Potato Face to look back at minute-old satellite footage to see what happened, but it's going to take her a few minutes to pull up. In the meantime, the TerrorTaurus is being cut off on a bridge. It comes to a stop, surrounded. Agents get out of their cars and move in, ordering TerrorProf out of the car. But he's just sitting there, holding a small device in his hand and making a martyr face. Clearly, he's just waiting for as many guys as possible to get close enough to be killed by the bomb in the silver briefcase to him. Which he triggers. CTU agents go flying.