"Kiefer will make three mistakes. His first? Letting her live. His second? Trusting her. And his third? Maybe the last he'll ever make." So wait? What was the third mistake? Previouslys. Lady Mac still believes in Palmer's presidency, so she digs up a witness to one of William Ocean's drunk driving accidents. But Ocean's people get to him before he's of any use. Potato Face ain't got no baby. So who is that little pie-faced bundle sleeping on Spawn's desk? Kiefer fails to get the V-I-R-U-S. Faggy Amador switches it before the deal is made and hightails it out of Mexico…but not without ambushing the Delta team. The following takes place between 1:00 AM and 2:00 AM.
Whatever, Mexico. Kiefer and Special Agent Charlie Brown have both split up and are searching the woods for Nina. Charlie radios Kiefer and tells him about a light he sees in the distance. "Is that you?" asks Charlie. "Negative," replies Kiefer. He tells Charlie to go check it out. Charlie draws his gun and approaches the source of the light. It turns out to be a dead Delta team member, and he has this flashlight resting on his neck that shines on this face from below. Like when you're at a sleepover and you tell ghost stories and use the spooky flashlight on your face to make it extra scary. That's totally what this dead Delta force member looks like. "Stop right there," says a familiar female voice. It's Nina. With a gun. She makes Chase drop his gun and radio Kiefer on the "two-way." Per Nina's orders, Charlie Brown tells Kiefer about a "code six." I don't know what a code six is, and no one explains, either. But obviously Nina remembers what a code six was from her CTU days, and so does Kiefer. "So what about the light you saw?" asks Kiefer. "It's nothing," says Special Agent Charlie Brown. Nina makes Charlie turn off the "two-way" and hand it over to her.
Nina asks about the Delta team. Charlie Brown assures her they "went North." "What about Amador?" asks Nina. "He escaped with the V-I-R-U-S," explains Charlie Brown. "He ripped off everybody." Nina's face reacts like a restaurant patron who's just been informed that she's been drinking Folgers Crystals instead of premium fresh-brewed coffee. "Son of a bitch," she exclaims, and makes a little frowny face. As she directs Charlie Brown to walk down the hill, Kiefer jumps out of nowhere and cold-cocks her. Once he establishes that Charlie is okay and that Nina is secured, he tells Charlie to contact the airfield and make arrangements for their flight back to L.A. "What are you going to do to her?" asks Charlie suspiciously. Um, Charlie? I know you didn't totally fuck up the V-I-R-U-S interception, and actually you were a big help doing…whatever it was you did to help out the Delta teams. But you violated a buttload of protocol to get there, and therefore you need to suck it up and thank your lucky stars you aren't at Leavenworth right now. Also? Kiefer just saved your ass. Don't question him. Kiefer, instead of saying "mind your own business, dickwad!", assures Charlie that he's only going to interrogate Nina. "No he's not!" yelps Nina. Charlie is torn between his concern for the health and safety of a woman who just had a gun pointed at his head and the proper respect for his boss who just saved his life a few times. After much careful deliberation, Special Agent Charlie Brown decides to let Kiefer be, and arranges to meet Kiefer back at the airfield after he kills -- I mean, "interrogates" Nina. As soon as Charlie leaves, Nina -- her head as high as Kiefer's belt buckle -- begs for her life, reminding Kiefer that she can help him track Amador and find the V-I-R-U-S. "The only reason he chose this town is because it's close to the border," Nina says. "He needs to get back to Los Angeles. Once he doesn't he's going to meet somebody, unload the V-I-R-U-S and disappear. I can help you find him!" At this, Kiefer can't really shoot Nina in good conscience, although he clearly thinks about doing it anyway. He calls Soul Patch and tells him that he has Nina in custody and that she says that Amador is in L.A.. "Do you believe her?" asks Soul Patch. "I think she knows something," says Kiefer. "And I think she wants to cut a deal."
Back at CTU, Soul Patch and Bitchelle exchange knowing glances before Soul Patch tells Potato Face to go talk to Chappelle. "For what?" asks Potato Face, her eyes widening as if Chappelle actually disciplines people. You see, it's like there are two Chappelles. There's Chappelle, the Platonic idea of the man who holds everyone's jobs in his iron fists, and then there's Chappelle, the actual bureaucrat who tells you he's going to punish you for something but then he forgets all about it within a couple of hours. Potato Face seems to think she is going to visit Platonic Chappelle. Bravely, she stomps off to meet her non-fate. Then Soul Patch calls Spawn to tell her that her father and boyfriend are returning to Los Angeles and to warn her that they're bringing Nina with her. Because, you see, no one is treating Spawn any different because she's the boss's daughter and she's emotionally fragile and reads at a seventh grade level. No, Spawn is a trusted member of a highly important anti-terrorist unit, and her own personal feelings can easily take a back seat to more important issues like saving the Los Angeles area from the V-I-R-U-S; she never needs to be spoon-fed sensitive pieces of information such as the news that the woman who killed her mother is going to be hanging out in the office. No sirree! "Thank you, Soul Patch!" says Spawn, putting down the phone and handing a rattle over to that baby they're making her take care of. You know, it's too bad CTU doesn't have a section for kids like Ikea has where you just drop your kid in one of those big tanks full of ping-pong balls and leave her there.
Back at the airfield, where various Delta team extras stand around like chorus boys on a soundstage taking a break, the Kiefmobile pulls up. Kiefer gets out, and much to Special Agent Charlie Brown's amazement, so does Nina. "What happened back there?" asks Charlie Brown. "She wants to help us find Amador," says Kiefer, escorting Nina at gunpoint to the plane. With velvety urgency in his voice, Kiefer gets everyone on the plane to L.A.
Meanwhile, on another plane to L.A., Faggy Amador takes out another cell phone and calls an associate of his named Marcus Alvers. Alvers is played by Lothaire Bluteau, this actor I've had a crush on since I saw him play Girodias in I Shot Andy Warhol. "Where are you?" asks Lothaire, emerging from behind a beaded Greg Brady curtain and standing in front of a backdrop that resembles the interior of an Amsterdam hash bar. "I'll be there in an hour," assures Amador. "Have you got the V-I-R-U-S?" asks Lothaire. "Yes," says Amador. "Just be ready." The camera zooms in on the briefcase that Amador carries. The briefcase that contains the V-I-R-U-S. Oh, that Amador is one bad fellow, tapping on the briefcase gleefully and all! The time is 01:12:20 AM.
The time is 01:16:34 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Lady Mac drives to William Ocean's manse, Mrs. Ocean puts on makeup, and Palmer looks out a window. Okay, so now we're at the Ocean Manse, and after all we've learned about William Ocean III and how rich and powerful he was, you'd think he'd have a really awesome house with ocean views, Stickley furniture, Impressionist paintings, exquisite gardens, cages containing exotic wild animals, and teams of French maids standing around dressed like those girls from the Robert Palmer videos. I mean, this is the guy who single handedly killed a healthcare bill. I want an African-American Dynasty experience, dammit! But no. Instead we see Mrs. Ocean putting on makeup in a dressing room that seems to contain a great deal of "home crafts." And not even upscale Martha Stewart home crafts, either. We're talking mauve-colored "Austrian Valenced" curtains that you learn to make from one of those Singer Sewing for the Home booklets. And the curtains are closed, so you can't see stables or tennis courts outside the windows or anything. Otherwise, there are these lamps you'd totally find in a Holiday Inn, and all the seating is covered in this faux-brocade that you see all over everything at Pier One Imports. It's totally a Hallmark Store notion of luxury.
Mrs. Ocean's cell phone rings. It's Lady Mac from her car, heading over. "I'm almost there," says Lady Mac. "Where's Alan now?" Mrs. Ocean replies that he's gone to bed, having just got off the phone with someone. "How do I get to you without him knowing?" asks Lady Mac. Mrs. Ocean gives her the gate code. The Oceans don't have around-the-clock armed guards? Lame! Lady Mac reminds her to disable any security cameras. "I don't know if I can," says Mrs. Ocean. "Find a way!" says Lady Mac. Mrs. Ocean exits her dressing room and enters the master bedroom, where William Ocean III is lying on a queen-sized four-poster bed covered with queeny decorative pillows that you could totally buy in the "housewares" section of TJ Maxx. Let me guess? Was there another drunk driving accident, and was some aspiring decorator's silence bought by letting her loose on the Ocean manse? Anyway, he's watching TV and preparing to go to sleep. Mrs. Ocean kisses him goodnight and tells him she's going downstairs to get some tea to "settle her stomach," because I guess it's full of Brother Palmer's saliva. "I know you felt demeaned earlier," says William Ocean III. "But that's behind us now." "I know," says Mrs. Ocean, exiting and turning out the lights. William Ocean falls into a deep sleep.
Meanwhile, on the CTU plane en route to L.A., Nina sits on a bench, her leather "bad girl" boots shackled together as well as both of her slender wrists. Kiefer enters. "I let you live, tell me what you know," he says. Oh, nice line, Kiefer. How many weeks did you practice that in front of the mirror? Nina tells Kiefer that Amador always deals with a guy named Alvers whenever he has business on the west coast. Nina? If you're so "in the know" about Amador's business practices, how come you didn't anticipate that he'd rip you off? And furthermore, why did the Salazars have to go through Kiefer to get to Amador when it appears that Kiefer doesn't know the first thing about Amador himself? Unfortunately, Nina has never met Alvers herself. Nor does she know how to get in touch with Alvers, or even if Alvers is a first or a last name. Kiefer, in turn, gives this information over the phone to Soul Patch and has him run a check on the name "Alvers" as cross-referenced with "Amador."
After he hangs up, Kiefer walks over to where Special Agent Charlie Brown is standing and asks about his hand. "Don't worry about it, it's fine," says Special Agent Charlie Brown in this really surly manner. And now that Charlie and Kiefer have a moment together, I daresay it's time that Charlie apologized to Kiefer for breaking protocol and almost ruining his undercover gig with the Salazars. However, Charlie Brown doesn't feel particularly apologetic. In fact, it's just the opposite. He rips into Kiefer for not telling him about the secret Salazar plan in the first place, and for almost shooting him with that gun that Hartmano gave him. Charlie? No one would have had to put a gun to your head -- unloaded or not -- if you had followed orders and stayed at CTU. And Kiefer kind of says this, but then he totally eats his own words by concluding that he "probably would have done the same thing." And after much velvety explanation, Kiefer is finally able to convince Special Agent Charlie Brown that apprehending the V-I-R-U-S is really the most important thing at the moment. Why is it that they keep referring to Charlie Brown as this really great agent?
Back at CTU, it appears that due to the creator's insistence on not mapping the season's story arc out in advance, someone wasn't able to secure a commitment from Jesse Borrego to be in this episode, so there's this new CTU tech person named Dalton that we've never seen before who has clearly been whipped up by the writers of 24 in order to do whatever they originally wanted Gael to do, because Jesse was asked to participate in some Fame reunion tour and now he's performing in shopping malls all over Southeast Asia. Anyway, AngloGael is played by the guy who played Michael Bolton in Office Space. He has done research on Alvers and found out that Amador has an old college buddy from Cambridge University named Michael Alvers, who is Austrian and helped him sell weapons-grade anthrax once. Adam the Woman Hater shows everyone slides of Alvers and Amador photographed together by surveillance cameras all over the world. Unfortunately, none of these photographs show them making out or anything. Soul Patch has Bitchelle give Dalton access to Division resources that can tell them more about Alvers.
Soul Patch calls Kiefer back to tell him that Nina's information checked out. Nina, however, knows a little bit more than she said she did. "Look, I know there's no time for a signed deal," says Nina. "So I'm going to trust you to support my case with the Department of Justice if I help you secure this V-I-R-U-S." And that really should have been Kiefer's first clue right there. But Nina claims to have a number for Alvers -- a "Felco prefix" that, when dialed, gives an internet socket where Alvers can be reached. Kiefer has Chase hand him a phone and dials the numbers that Nina gives him. "It's ringing," says Kiefer. "When it stops, you're going to hear a series of numbers," says Nina. "That's his IP address." "I'm not getting any numbers," says Kiefer. "That's okay," says Nina, barely able to hide a smirk. "Just wait." Meanwhile, over at CTU, the computers are all going haywire, making funny beeps and blacking out and stuff. Adam calls IT (I thought Adam was IT) and asks them why everyone's system is locking up. They don't know. Back on the plane, Kiefer tries to dial Alvers again. Nina tells him to forget it. "Once was enough," says Nina. "You just triggered a worm that's gonna bring down agency connectivity." "What have you done?" says Kiefer, grabbing Nina by the throat. "I said, 'What have you done?'" Nina explains that until she says otherwise, CTU's computer system is jammed. Back at CTU, Soul Patch tells everyone to shut down their computers. The time is 01:25:01 AM.
The time is 01:29:20 AM. Kiefer is on the phone with Soul Patch. "What do you mean, 'Nina did this'?" asks Soul Patch. Kiefer explains that Nina embedded a worm into CTU's system while she worked there. She knew the system well enough to hide the worm in a driver that would never be upgraded. "What does she want?" asks Soul Patch. Kiefer doesn't know. He forgot to ask or something. In the meantime he tells Soul Patch to have Potato Face try to rid the system of the worm. "There's been a problem," says Soul Patch in regard to Potato Face. "She's been asked to step aside." Meanwhile, the camera on Soul Patch pans up to Chappelle's office to show a very constipated-looking Potato Face languishing in custody. "This is not the time to take Potato Face out of play," says Kiefer. "Do you realize how many terrorist cells try to hack into our system every day? If this thing eats our firewalls, we're going to have agents as targets by morning."
Nina vamps over on her bench. Kiefer asks her what she wants. Nina wants the plane to turn around and head back to Mexico. In return, she'll slow the worm down. When she's safely in Mexico, she'll leave Kiefer with a kill code. "That'll never happen," says Kiefer. "How many terrorist cells are waiting for a window like this?" asks Nina. "A couple hundred? In thirty minutes they'll all have access to CTU files everywhere!" "You're assuming our people can't stop this thing," says Kiefer. "I invite you to try," retorts Nina, sounding very Monica Gellar.
Back at CTU, Soul Patch convinces Chappelle to let Potato Face out of custody. Chappelle gives in, because…it's Chappelle. He fills her in on the worm, and in an instant, she's down on the main floor, ordering Adam the Woman Hater to close gateways and do all this other Whatever Technology stuff. Michael Bolton, Soul Patch, and Adam the Woman Hater watch in awe as Potato Face runs from terminal to terminal, spouting all these technical terms and commands.
Over at William Ocean's manse, Lady Mac pulls up to the electronic gates and punches in the code. The gates open and admit her to the "grounds," which the camera keeps out of focus so we can't tell that they're filming at a miniature golf course. She pulls up to the "house," and the voyeur-cam shows her getting out of her car. She hops over a series of fences and knocks at the service entrance. Mrs. Ocean opens the door but doesn't want to let her in. "Oh, come on," says Lady Mac. "I know about your marriage. I know about your life. I know that you'd rather be with a man that you love but you stay with William Ocean because of his money and the security." Mrs. Ocean doesn't want a "drive-thru shrink," so Lady Mac lays her cards on the table and tells her all about the drunk-driving accident and Kelly's disappearance. "I know William Ocean is involved," says Lady Mac. "And you're going to help me prove it!" Lady Mac convinces Mrs. Ocean to cooperate with her by telling her it's her ticket out of Ocean-ville. "If William Ocean goes to jail, you get everything!" First Lady Mac needs to get her hands on William Ocean's cell phone so she can find out who he called during the last couple of hours. Mrs. Ocean is too scared to go upstairs and steal William's cell phone. Lady Mac isn't. "Where's the bedroom?" she asks, taking off her coat.
All of a sudden Lady Mac is in William Ocean III's bedroom. So much for real time. She removes her shoes and sneaks in. William Ocean stirs in his sleep just as Lady Mac grabs the cell phone from the night table. But then he goes back to sleep. Mind-fuck! The time is 01:36:48 AM.
The time is 01:41:01 AM. Back at CTU, Potato Face is still in full swing, running up to various techs and telling them to do stuff that sounds really technical and hard to understand. Adam comes over to help her open up some more drives so she can get a better understanding of the worm…or something. "It's sad that I have to do this knowing that you and Spawn stabbed me in the back," she says, apropos of nothing. Then they have this discussion about the pros and cons of "following rules." Adam argues that Potato Face of all people should follow the rules, because she's "the biggest rule freak of anyone." Um, I thought that since CTU was a division of the CIA, which is an arm of the military, that rules should just be followed…just because. I mean, it's like Adam is saying that Potato Face wouldn't have to follow the rules if she wasn't so fastidious. "I think I've done a pretty good job of breaking the rules trying to protect a friend and that baby!" says Potato Face. "What friend?" asks Adam the Woman Hater. They're interrupted by some beeps signaling that the worm is speeding up. She shouts some more Whatever Technology demands at Adam. He yells Whatever Technology answers back at her. All these charts on their monitors are going flippy flippy flippy.
Back at the William Ocean manse, Lady Mac is on the phone with the President's office, having them trace the numbers she got off of William Ocean's cell phone. Mrs. Ocean paces the room. When Lady Mac gets off the phone, Mrs. Ocean asks her what the numbers are for. "If any of these calls can be connected to Kelly, we have evidence we can use against William Ocean," says Lady Mac, handing William's cell back to Mrs. Ocean. "What should I do?" asks Mrs. Ocean. "Nothing," says Lady Mac. "Just go to bed." She reminds Mrs. Ocean to pretend this evening never happened and prepares to leave, just as William Ocean enters looking for Mrs. Ocean. "Why aren't you in bed?" he asks and then notices Lady Mac's presence in the room. The two of them start fighting over the nature of Kelly's disappearance. Lady Mac warns him to back off from Palmer or she'll expose Ocean's secrets.
Back on the plane to L.A., Kiefer takes a phone call from Potato Face, and Special Agent Charlie Brown uses this as an opportunity to speak privately to Nina. "If you try to play Kiefer one more time," he warns, "he just might kill you." Why? Why is Special Agent Charlie Brown in this scene? What's the point? God, I hate Special Agent Charlie Brown tonight. "Is that so?" asks Nina, oozing what I guess is supposed to be "evil." Kiefer comes over with a laptop and tells Nina that if she wants a deal, she's going to have to slow the worm down. Apparently the worm is turning faster than even Nina had planned on. Nina gets on the phone with Potato Face and gives her a code to use to slow it down but not stop it completely. She demands that Kiefer turn the plane around. Kiefer refuses. "You're going to Los Angeles, you're going to help me find Amador and then you're going to prison," says Kiefer.
Back at the William Ocean manse, Lady Mac and William Ocean are having this totally operatic argument. William Ocean reminds Lady Mac of how he made her ex-husband the President of the United States. Lady Mac retorts that he's a small man who has to hold his money over everyone's head. "Why do you think your wife had to go out and find another man!" says Lady Mac. "Because you're not one!" Lady Mac continues to insult William's manhood while William starts gasping for air and clutching at his throat. At this point, things just get campy. While Lady Mac squawks about William being a "sickly little boy," William is all, "My pills! My pills!" Mrs. Ocean runs over to grab a few dozen prescription bottles from the side table, but Lady Mac stops her. "This is your way out!" says Lady Mac. William crawls over to the side table to get a pill, but he can't get the childproof cap off. He finally gets something open, but before he can jam a pill in his mouth, he falls to the floor dead. Oh my God, that was hilarious! The time is 01:47:47 AM.
The time is 01:52:43 AM. Mrs. Ocean is freaking out over William Ocean's really hilarious death, but Lady Mac gets her to calm down and tells her to pretend it was an accident. Mrs. Ocean doesn't want to lie, though. "Do you want to spend the rest of your pretty little life in jail?" asks Lady Mac. She instructs Mrs. Ocean to wait for an hour and then call 911 and pretend she just found her husband's body. "If anyone suspects I was here, there will be an investigation and both of us will go to prison," says Lady Mac. "I was never here!"
Back at CTU, the computers are ringing like Vegas slot machines. Potato Face doesn't know what to do. Soul Patch calls Kiefer to tell him to turn the plane around. Kiefer refuses. Kiefer tries to get the kill code from Nina, but she refuses to give it up. The plane starts to turn around -- Soul Patch called the pilot directly. Kiefer pulls a gun on the pilot and makes him land the plane in L.A. Soul Patch calls in and tells Kiefer to let the pilot turn the plane around so they can get the kill code. All of a sudden, Potato Face figures out how to beat the worm. She shouts a bunch of commands at Adam and Dalton. The worm stops. Wait, it doesn't. Wait, it does! Soul Patch tells Kiefer that the computer is back up and the system is functional. "All our systems are up and running," says Kiefer to Nina, smugly. "I don't believe you," says Nina. "I don't care what you believe," says Kiefer. He sits down and gives Nina a shit-eating grin.
Back at CTU, Chappelle commends Potato on her work in the last hour, but maintains that Child Protective Services should have custody of the baby. There's a caseworker there and everything. Potato Face agrees to tells Chappelle the truth. She tells him something off-camera and Chappelle calls off the caseworker. Spawn enters and asks Potato Face about her last hour. Potato Face explains that she's off the hook now that she's told Chappelle who the father of Tater Tot is. "Who is the father?" asks Spawn. "Charlie Brown," replies Potato Face. The time is 01:59:58…01:59:59…02:00:00 AM.