Day Three: 1:00 AM -- 2:00 AM

"Kiefer will make three mistakes. His first? Letting her live. His second? Trusting her. And his third? Maybe the last he'll ever make." So wait? What was the third mistake? Previouslys. Lady Mac still believes in Palmer's presidency, so she digs up a witness to one of William Ocean's drunk driving accidents. But Ocean's people get to him before he's of any use. Potato Face ain't got no baby. So who is that little pie-faced bundle sleeping on Spawn's desk? Kiefer fails to get the V-I-R-U-S. Faggy Amador switches it before the deal is made and hightails it out of Mexicobut not without ambushing the Delta team. The following takes place between 1:00 AM and 2:00 AM.

Whatever, Mexico. Kiefer and Special Agent Charlie Brown have both split up and are searching the woods for Nina. Charlie radios Kiefer and tells him about a light he sees in the distance. "Is that you?" asks Charlie. "Negative," replies Kiefer. He tells Charlie to go check it out. Charlie draws his gun and approaches the source of the light. It turns out to be a dead Delta team member, and he has this flashlight resting on his neck that shines on this face from below. Like when you're at a sleepover and you tell ghost stories and use the spooky flashlight on your face to make it extra scary. That's totally what this dead Delta force member looks like. "Stop right there," says a familiar female voice. It's Nina. With a gun. She makes Chase drop his gun and radio Kiefer on the "two-way." Per Nina's orders, Charlie Brown tells Kiefer about a "code six." I don't know what a code six is, and no one explains, either. But obviously Nina remembers what a code six was from her CTU days, and so does Kiefer. "So what about the light you saw?" asks Kiefer. "It's nothing," says Special Agent Charlie Brown. Nina makes Charlie turn off the "two-way" and hand it over to her.

Nina asks about the Delta team. Charlie Brown assures her they "went North." "What about Amador?" asks Nina. "He escaped with the V-I-R-U-S," explains Charlie Brown. "He ripped off everybody." Nina's face reacts like a restaurant patron who's just been informed that she's been drinking Folgers Crystals instead of premium fresh-brewed coffee. "Son of a bitch," she exclaims, and makes a little frowny face. As she directs Charlie Brown to walk down the hill, Kiefer jumps out of nowhere and cold-cocks her. Once he establishes that Charlie is okay and that Nina is secured, he tells Charlie to contact the airfield and make arrangements for their flight back to L.A. "What are you going to do to her?" asks Charlie suspiciously. Um, Charlie? I know you didn't totally fuck up the V-I-R-U-S interception, and actually you were a big help doingwhatever it was you did to help out the Delta teams. But you violated a buttload of protocol to get there, and therefore you need to suck it up and thank your lucky stars you aren't at Leavenworth right now. Also? Kiefer just saved your ass. Don't question him. Kiefer, instead of saying "mind your own business, dickwad!", assures Charlie that he's only going to interrogate Nina. "No he's not!" yelps Nina. Charlie is torn between his concern for the health and safety of a woman who just had a gun pointed at his head and the proper respect for his boss who just saved his life a few times. After much careful deliberation, Special Agent Charlie Brown decides to let Kiefer be, and arranges to meet Kiefer back at the airfield after he kills -- I mean, "interrogates" Nina. As soon as Charlie leaves, Nina -- her head as high as Kiefer's belt buckle -- begs for her life, reminding Kiefer that she can help him track Amador and find the V-I-R-U-S. "The only reason he chose this town is because it's close to the border," Nina says. "He needs to get back to Los Angeles. Once he doesn't he's going to meet somebody, unload the V-I-R-U-S and disappear. I can help you find him!" At this, Kiefer can't really shoot Nina in good conscience, although he clearly thinks about doing it anyway. He calls Soul Patch and tells him that he has Nina in custody and that she says that Amador is in L.A.. "Do you believe her?" asks Soul Patch. "I think she knows something," says Kiefer. "And I think she wants to cut a deal."

Back at CTU, Soul Patch and Bitchelle exchange knowing glances before Soul Patch tells Potato Face to go talk to Chappelle. "For what?" asks Potato Face, her eyes widening as if Chappelle actually disciplines people. You see, it's like there are two Chappelles. There's Chappelle, the Platonic idea of the man who holds everyone's jobs in his iron fists, and then there's Chappelle, the actual bureaucrat who tells you he's going to punish you for something but then he forgets all about it within a couple of hours. Potato Face seems to think she is going to visit Platonic Chappelle. Bravely, she stomps off to meet her non-fate. Then Soul Patch calls Spawn to tell her that her father and boyfriend are returning to Los Angeles and to warn her that they're bringing Nina with her. Because, you see, no one is treating Spawn any different because she's the boss's daughter and she's emotionally fragile and reads at a seventh grade level. No, Spawn is a trusted member of a highly important anti-terrorist unit, and her own personal feelings can easily take a back seat to more important issues like saving the Los Angeles area from the V-I-R-U-S; she never needs to be spoon-fed sensitive pieces of information such as the news that the woman who killed her mother is going to be hanging out in the office. No sirree! "Thank you, Soul Patch!" says Spawn, putting down the phone and handing a rattle over to that baby they're making her take care of. You know, it's too bad CTU doesn't have a section for kids like Ikea has where you just drop your kid in one of those big tanks full of ping-pong balls and leave her there.

Meanwhile, in Chappelle's office of extreme discipline, Potato Face enters and is all, "Soul Patch said you wanted to talk to me? Here I am!" Chappelle tells her to sit down and Potato Face immediately refuses to talk about the baby. "First you told us the baby was yours, then that turned out to be a lie," says Chappelle. "Then you told us that your boyfriend took it from its mother because it was being abused." Potato Face would like to set the record straight. "I don't have a boyfriend," she says. Chappelle snorts as if to say, "Well, duh!" He asks her who the baby is, and Potato Face refuses to tell him. "You brought an unauthorized person into this building," says Chappelle, forgetting that CTU is an unauthorized person's oasis. Seriously. Every year in June, CTU celebrates Unauthorized Personnel Day, and there's a little party in the kitchenette for all the moles, whose bosses usually give them muffin baskets or gift certificates to Coach. Bitchelle usually goes down to Magnolia Bakery and gets an amaretto cheesecake. Back in the "go-go" eighties, Kiefer would take everyone to a special dinner at the Ivy and everyone would end up at an after-hours club smoking cigars and doing coke in the bathroom, but due to some budget cuts during the Clinton administrationand a few lawsuits, it's just cake and coffee in the kitchenette. And you know, we really shouldn't complain. I mean, some government agencies don't even get cake and coffee. So anyway, Chappelle threatens to send Tater Tot to the lab and have them perform DNA tests on her. But Hagnes of God refuses to name the parents and begs Chappelle not to stick needles into Tater Tot. Chappelle calls security to come and guard Potato Face while they run some tests on the baby.

Back in Palmerville, Palmer, Brother Palmer, and a handful of suit-wearing extras have a meeting in the boardroom. Brother Palmer briefs Palmer and staff about the latest news concerning Amador taking off to L.A. with the real V-I-R-U-S, ripping everyone off, and ambushing the Delta team. Palmer asks Brother Palmer what the odds are that Amador will release the V-I-R-U-S in L.A. "Amador doesn't have a history of implementing terrorist strikes," says Brother Palmer. "He's an arms dealer with no known ideology." In other words, Brother Palmer doesn't know what's going to happen in L.A. Secret Service Guy enters and tells Palmer that he's got Lady Mac on the line for him. Palmer takes the call in private and learns from Lady Mac about the disappearance of Trailer Trash Kelly. "Do you think he ran?" asks Palmer. Lady Mac doesn't think so. She's convinced that someone got to him first. "William Ocean must be on to you," says Palmer. "Get back here as soon as you can. It's not safe for you out there." Lady Mac tells Palmer that she's got to visit Mrs. Ocean first. Palmer doesn't want her anywhere near William Ocean tonight, but Lady Mac insists that she's got to get to William Ocean before he can cover his tracks. "I do not want you confronting William Ocean!" says Palmer. "I told you," says Lady Mac. "I'm just going to talk to Mrs. Ocean!"

Back at the airfield, where various Delta team extras stand around like chorus boys on a soundstage taking a break, the Kiefmobile pulls up. Kiefer gets out, and much to Special Agent Charlie Brown's amazement, so does Nina. "What happened back there?" asks Charlie Brown. "She wants to help us find Amador," says Kiefer, escorting Nina at gunpoint to the plane. With velvety urgency in his voice, Kiefer gets everyone on the plane to L.A.

Meanwhile, on another plane to L.A., Faggy Amador takes out another cell phone and calls an associate of his named Marcus Alvers. Alvers is played by Lothaire Bluteau, this actor I've had a crush on since I saw him play Girodias in I Shot Andy Warhol. "Where are you?" asks Lothaire, emerging from behind a beaded Greg Brady curtain and standing in front of a backdrop that resembles the interior of an Amsterdam hash bar. "I'll be there in an hour," assures Amador. "Have you got the V-I-R-U-S?" asks Lothaire. "Yes," says Amador. "Just be ready." The camera zooms in on the briefcase that Amador carries. The briefcase that contains the V-I-R-U-S. Oh, that Amador is one bad fellow, tapping on the briefcase gleefully and all! The time is 01:12:20 AM.

The time is 01:16:34 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Lady Mac drives to William Ocean's manse, Mrs. Ocean puts on makeup, and Palmer looks out a window. Okay, so now we're at the Ocean Manse, and after all we've learned about William Ocean III and how rich and powerful he was, you'd think he'd have a really awesome house with ocean views, Stickley furniture, Impressionist paintings, exquisite gardens, cages containing exotic wild animals, and teams of French maids standing around dressed like those girls from the Robert Palmer videos. I mean, this is the guy who single handedly killed a healthcare bill. I want an African-American Dynasty experience, dammit! But no. Instead we see Mrs. Ocean putting on makeup in a dressing room that seems to contain a great deal of "home crafts." And not even upscale Martha Stewart home crafts, either. We're talking mauve-colored "Austrian Valenced" curtains that you learn to make from one of those Singer Sewing for the Home booklets. And the curtains are closed, so you can't see stables or tennis courts outside the windows or anything. Otherwise, there are these lamps you'd totally find in a Holiday Inn, and all the seating is covered in this faux-brocade that you see all over everything at Pier One Imports. It's totally a Hallmark Store notion of luxury.

Mrs. Ocean's cell phone rings. It's Lady Mac from her car, heading over. "I'm almost there," says Lady Mac. "Where's Alan now?" Mrs. Ocean replies that he's gone to bed, having just got off the phone with someone. "How do I get to you without him knowing?" asks Lady Mac. Mrs. Ocean gives her the gate code. The Oceans don't have around-the-clock armed guards? Lame! Lady Mac reminds her to disable any security cameras. "I don't know if I can," says Mrs. Ocean. "Find a way!" says Lady Mac. Mrs. Ocean exits her dressing room and enters the master bedroom, where William Ocean III is lying on a queen-sized four-poster bed covered with queeny decorative pillows that you could totally buy in the "housewares" section of TJ Maxx. Let me guess? Was there another drunk driving accident, and was some aspiring decorator's silence bought by letting her loose on the Ocean manse? Anyway, he's watching TV and preparing to go to sleep. Mrs. Ocean kisses him goodnight and tells him she's going downstairs to get some tea to "settle her stomach," because I guess it's full of Brother Palmer's saliva. "I know you felt demeaned earlier," says William Ocean III. "But that's behind us now." "I know," says Mrs. Ocean, exiting and turning out the lights. William Ocean falls into a deep sleep.

Meanwhile, on the CTU plane en route to L.A., Nina sits on a bench, her leather "bad girl" boots shackled together as well as both of her slender wrists. Kiefer enters. "I let you live, tell me what you know," he says. Oh, nice line, Kiefer. How many weeks did you practice that in front of the mirror? Nina tells Kiefer that Amador always deals with a guy named Alvers whenever he has business on the west coast. Nina? If you're so "in the know" about Amador's business practices, how come you didn't anticipate that he'd rip you off? And furthermore, why did the Salazars have to go through Kiefer to get to Amador when it appears that Kiefer doesn't know the first thing about Amador himself? Unfortunately, Nina has never met Alvers herself. Nor does she know how to get in touch with Alvers, or even if Alvers is a first or a last name. Kiefer, in turn, gives this information over the phone to Soul Patch and has him run a check on the name "Alvers" as cross-referenced with "Amador."

After he hangs up, Kiefer walks over to where Special Agent Charlie Brown is standing and asks about his hand. "Don't worry about it, it's fine," says Special Agent Charlie Brown in this really surly manner. And now that Charlie and Kiefer have a moment together, I daresay it's time that Charlie apologized to Kiefer for breaking protocol and almost ruining his undercover gig with the Salazars. However, Charlie Brown doesn't feel particularly apologetic. In fact, it's just the opposite. He rips into Kiefer for not telling him about the secret Salazar plan in the first place, and for almost shooting him with that gun that Hartmano gave him. Charlie? No one would have had to put a gun to your head -- unloaded or not -- if you had followed orders and stayed at CTU. And Kiefer kind of says this, but then he totally eats his own words by concluding that he "probably would have done the same thing." And after much velvety explanation, Kiefer is finally able to convince Special Agent Charlie Brown that apprehending the V-I-R-U-S is really the most important thing at the moment. Why is it that they keep referring to Charlie Brown as this really great agent?