Graphic violence warning. Yay! 24. Blip blip blip blip blip. Previouslys. Lady Mac (a.k.a. Palmer's "psychopathic ex-wife" tm William Ocean, III) was back. Amador set up a meeting to exchange money for the V-I-R-U-S. CTU got disconnected from Kiefer again. Instead of sitting in a lockdown for disobeying orders, Secret Agent Charlie Brown had lots of soot on his face and was telling the Delta teams what to do. Hector wanted to call off the deal, so Hartmano shot him...in the back. The following takes place between 12:00 AM and 1:00 AM.
CTU. Soul Patch and Bitchelle are walking across the floor to the briefing room. "This is our one chance at getting the [V-I-R-U-S], so make sure everyone knows what's at stake," says Soul Patch. "They're aware," says Bitchelle through gritted teeth. "I'm just saying, it's all going to come down in the hour," says Soul Patch. God, it's like they're debuting a Broadway musical. Soul Patch is Roy Scheider, the tormented director/choreographer in All That Jazz and Bitchelle is Cassie, the over the hill chorus girl in A Chorus Line. When Bitchelle assures Soul Patch that she and everyone else knows what's at stake and she doesn't need to be reminded of this every twelve seconds, Soul Patch is all, "Too many things can go wrong here. We don't need another mistake!" They stare each other down for a few moments, and Bitchelle casts a brief glance at the bandage on his neck as if she's considering whether the wound underneath is to blame for Soul Patch's current temperament. Soul Patch asks if Bitchelle has heard from Kiefer in the last few minutes. Bitchelle says she hasn't. Meanwhile, Potato Face is listening from behind a room divider.
Back in Whatever, Mexico, Hector isn't dead yet. As Kiefer, Nina, and various Salazar flunkies look on, he lies in a pool of his own blood, Hartmano lecturing him about how he should have listened and stuck to the plan. One of the Salazar flunkies warns Hartmano that Hector will die if they don't get him to the hospital. Hartmano rules out taking Hector to the hospital: "They'll ask questions." A gong sounds to highlight Hartmano's audacity. Well, actually, it's more like a digital gong sound courtesy of Sean Galley. The room goes silent. Even Nina is appalled. She gives Kiefer a glance as if to say, "Omigod, can you believe this?" Hector moans for mercy. Hartmano puts another bullet into him. Buh-bye, Hector. "I'm sorry," says Kiefer, approaching Hartmano. "But we have to go." Hartmano asks one of the flunkies to arrange for a "proper burial," and everyone starts to file out of there. "You're making a big mistake," shrieks Nina to Hartmano. "He's setting you up! He's working for CTU. Hector was right!" Hartmano tells her to shut up: "Don't mention my brother's name ever!" They stare each other down for several moments until Hartmano orders everyone back into the cars.
“ Lady Mac claims that she can't divulge any details. Palmer pauses briefly, and finally decides to let this go. I mean, sure, she brought nuclear weapons into the country just to embarrass him, but hey, that was three years ago, and that's why pencils have erasers. ”
In Palmerville, Lady Mac approaches a glass-walled conference rooms, where Palmer is having a meeting. She waits until the meeting is over and everyone files out. The first person out is Brother Palmer, who pointedly ignores her. When Palmer is alone, Lady Mac enters and tells him she's leaving the office to go do something William Ocean, III-related. Palmer asks her for some information about the leverage she has with William Ocean, III. Lady Mac claims that she can't divulge any details. Palmer pauses briefly, and finally decides to let this go. I mean, sure, she brought nuclear weapons into the country just to embarrass him, but hey, that was three years ago, and that's why pencils have erasers. There's no need to check up on Lady Mac. Palmer is concerned, however, that Lady Mac refused a Secret Service escort. "That's because the person I'm seeing might scare if I don't come alone," says Lady Mac. "Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself." Palmer assures her that he knows she can, and Lady Mac turns to leave. She pauses briefly at the door and says, "I still believe in your presidency." Um, you'd better, Lady Mac, since it's his presidential pardon that's keeping your ass out of jail right now. She assures him that William Ocean, III will be stopped.
Back at CTU, Soul Patch is briefing the staff (or, rather, explaining to the audience was isn't going to happen). He points out Posta Mita on a map -- the location where the V-I-R-U-S will be given to Nina in a half-hour -- and states that there are Delta teams bunkered two minutes away from the site ready to intercept the V-I-R-U-S as soon as Kiefer gives konfirmation. Bitchelle asks if Kiefer's transmitter is working yet. Soul Patch replies that it isn't, but that Special Agent Charlie Brown will be the eyes and ears of the operation. "Who is running s-com?" asks Bitchelle. At that point, Potato Face announces that she is running s-com -- whatever s-com is -- and then proceeds to deliver an explanation of some software she wrote that comes out of her mouth so fast, I can't tell what she's saying no matter how often I rewind my TiVo. Bitchelle thanks Potato Face for the info.
Back at Posta Mita, "militaristic" music plays -- synthesized "rat-a-tat" drums and blaring Casio trumpets -- as sooty-faced Special Agent Charlie Brown sets up a Whatever Technology listening device mere yards away from the building where Nina and Amador are to meet. The Salazar Motorcade enters the parking lot -- that was fast -- and, unobserved, Charlie Brown witnesses everyone emerging from their SUVs. Kiefer pulls Hartmano aside and tells him that his men have to be "out of sight" before Amador arrives. Hartmano agrees, and tells everyone, in Spanish, to disappear. Meanwhile, Nina is still trying to convince Hartmano that Kiefer is setting them up. "I can prove it," she announces. Hartmano pulls Nina aside and asks her how she can prove it. As Kiefer sneaks a listen, Nina tells Hartmano that she knows how CTU operates, and that there will be a reconnaissance man watching them from a vantage point. "And you know where that man would be?" asks Hartmano. "Straight ahead, there's some high ground," says Nina breathlessly. "I bet he's there or ninety degrees west of the tree line." Hartmano orders a couple of men to investigate the locations that Nina's mentioned. "Approach from the sides in case the lady is right," Hartmano warns them. "I am right," Nina insists. Another shot of Chase informs us that he is still watching and listening.
“ The baby just keeps looking at Spawn as if to say, 'Hey, what are you going to do? Interrogate me?' ”
Back at CTU, Adam the Woman Hater drops by Spawn's desk to give her some Whatever files to format. "What is that?" he asks, noticing the baby. "It's a baby," says Spawn. Hee! "Yeah, I can see it's a baby," says Adam. "But whose baby is it?" Spawn tells him that it's Potato Face's, and explains about the regular babysitter's family emergency. Meanwhile, the baby -- who is totally cute, by the way -- is looking up at Adam as if to say, "Don't look at me, I have no idea what I'm doing in this scene either!" Adam claims that this is impossible, because Potato Face doesn't have a baby. And he would know, because he had to run a background check on her when she was hired. Weird Stepford Wives piano music starts playing as Spawn is all, "She's never had a baby?" "No," says Adam the Woman Hater. "It's definitely not her kid." And he can tell, because this baby doesn't have horns or hooves. The baby just keeps looking at Spawn as if to say, "Hey, what are you going to do? Interrogate me?"
Back at Posta Mita, Kiefer has entered the Mine Shaft before anyone else. He pulls a board off one of the windows and studies the outside with his night-vision telescope -- presumably to make sure that Chase can observe the V-I-R-U-S deal from his vantage point. Hartmano radios his flunkies to see if they found the CTU agents at the locations Nina described. One of them responds immediately to report that no one was found. But the second flunkie, Pablo, doesn't answer immediately. "Pablo, can you hear me?" asks Hartmano, all Barbra Striesand. "They got to him," snorts Nina. Hartmano keeps trying the radio, but Nina assures him that Pablo is dead. "And they're coming for you ," warns Nina. Kiefer walks over and asks what's going on. "What did you say to him?" Kiefer asks. Nina is silent. All of a sudden, the radio crackles to life. It's Pablo. "Do you see anything?" asks Hartmano. A close-up of Pablo shows him telling Hartmano that he doesn't see anything: "There's no one here." Hartmano tells Pablo to keep his eyes open and get back to him if he does see anyone. The camera pulls back to show Special Agent Charlie Brown with a knife at Pablo's neck. As soon as Pablo gets off the radio, Charlie knocks him out. Hartmano turns to Nina. "No more lies," he warns her. "Amador will be here in fifteen minutes. Confirm that he has the [V-I-R-U-S], give him his money, and bring the [V-I-R-U-S] back to us. If you try to escape or communicate anything to Amador, we will kill you!" "Understood," says Nina. The time is 12:12:09 PM.
“ The laws of the television universe clearly state that if you live in a mobile home but have no 'wife' to 'beat,' you must cover up your wifebeater with an outer garment of some sort, preferably a flannel shirt or something else you could purchase at a Wal-Mart. ”
The time is 12:16:24 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Nina sits in profile; Special Agent Charlie Brown does something; Kiefer looks back as though he's looking at Nina; and Spawn formats files as she baby-sits. Potato Face enters to check on the baby. Spawn stands up and blurts, "Adam just told me that you're not the mother of this child!" Potato Face explains that the baby really belongs to her boyfriend, Eric. "So why isn't he taking care of his daughter?" asks Spawn. "Because that's the first place his ex-wife would look," replies Potato Face, who goes onto to explain that Eric's ex-wife has a new boyfriend who has been abusing the baby. "So why doesn't the ex-wife stop the boyfriend?" asks Spawn. "Because apparently she's in some sort of denial," says Potato Face, raising her eyebrows in this really scary way. "So why doesn't he call Child Protective Services?" asks Spawn, conveniently forgetting that she took the law into her own hands last season when she kidnapped JonBenet. Potato Face explains that Social Services has been called, but that a social worker can't make a visit until tomorrow. "He's afraid by then it will be too late," Potato Face adds. "He's kidnapping Angela?" exclaims Spawn. "Technically," says Potato Face, doing the eyebrow-raise again. "But just for tonight." "Kidnapping is a felony!" chides Spawn. Oh yeah, Spawn? So why isn't your ass in jail? Potato Face dares Spawn to call the police: "But if this child is returned to its mother and something bad happens, then that's on you!" Their conversation is interrupted by Bitchelle, who tells Potato Face that Soul Patch needs her on the floor post-haste. The women pause until Bitchelle is all, "Is there a problem?" Potato Face stares Spawn down until Spawn says that there's "no problem." "Let me know how much of her bottle she takes," says Potato Face to Spawn, following Bitchelle down the stairs.
The time is 12:18:21 PM. Voyeur-Cam shows us Lady Mac knocking on the door of a mobile home. The aluminum door swings open with a feeble "thwack!," and a real backwoodsy middle-aged guy steps out. He's balding, and is wearing a flannel shirt over a wifebeater. Because, you see, the laws of the television universe clearly state that if you live in a mobile home but have no "wife" to "beat," you must cover up your wifebeater with an outer garment of some sort, preferably a flannel shirt or something else you could purchase at a Wal-Mart. "Mr. Kelly?" asks Lady Mac. Mister Kelly invites her in. Voyeur-Cam shows the door closing behind her. Inside, Kelly tells Lady Mac to have a seat, and offers her a drink. Lady Mac sits down and watches with discomfort as he guzzles a juice glass full of what looks to be either Southern Comfort or Jim Beam. "We appreciate your help on this," says Lady Mac. "'We' meaning 'you and the President,' right?" asks Kelly. Lady Mac assures Kelly that she is representing the President, and for some reason, Kelly doesn't question her on the fact that everyone in America knows that Palmer kicked Lady Mac to the curb over four years ago. Like, if Marla Maples showed up at your house to discuss business with you on behalf of "The Donald," wouldn't you at least cock an eyebrow or something? Nevertheless, they get down to business, and start to discuss the fact that William Ocean, III was driving the car that hit and killed Kelly's daughter twelve years ago. At first, Kelly tries to deny what happened, but then Lady Mac whips out a copy of a bank statement from an account set up in Kelly's name three weeks after the accident, into which a large amount of money was deposited. "This was to keep your mouth shut, wasn't it?" asks Lady Mac. Kelly admits that he saw the accident and got the license plate number and everything, but kept quiet in return for some cash. "It was blood money and I took it," says Kelly, neglecting to explain why he's still living in a trailer park despite having one of America's richest men by the balls. When Lady Mac tries to persuade him to hold a press conference to set things straight, Kelly demands something in return: he wants Palmer to pardon his son who is serving a life sentence for murder.