Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Girls Gone Green
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.14.2005
Engineering. Trip puts T'Pol to work and they hypothesize whether Shrek really is coming after them. Trip remembers how naïve he was when they met the Suliban because he thought it was the last time they'd have to fight someone. Yes, yes -- it's been a long road. Getting from there to here. Of course, we have to have a little ironic segue, because just as Trip says "fight someone" a few of the engineers starting beating each other up. Trip breaks it up and yells at them to get back to work or it's the Brig for them. He and T'Pol comment about all the fights breaking out throughout the ship. T'Pol expresses concerns over Quantum's level of affectedness. Trip can't figure out why he's still immune. "That might have something to do with me," T'Pol says. Trip's all, "How's that go again?" "There's a long-held belief that when a Vulcan mates, there's a shared psychic bond," T'Pol explains. Oh, I may THROW UP! Trip rolls his eyes and says, "We didn't mate!" What? Yes, you did -- you had sex, Trip. See, that's mating, you munch. "Uh-huh," T'Pol says, rolling her eyes. Hys. Terical. She is ON tonight! Trip wants to know what she means by "psychic bond." "Feelings, thoughts, even images can be shared," T'Pol says. "Those daydreams," Trip mutters. "What?" T'Pol demands. Trip sighs and admits that he lied about not having daydreams about her. But what does their soul mateyness have to do with him not being affected by the Orions? I'm glad you asked. Well, actually, I'm not, because the answer is ridiculous. Apparently, because Vulcans are immune to the green B.O. and because they are now Soul Mates, Trip SHARES that immunity. Yeah, okay, whatever. Trip says, "I don't know whether to be relieved or reaaaally worried." If you don't know, then you're dumber than I thought. Also, given that Quantum carried SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA, and you really can't get more psychically bonded than that, why isn't he also immune, hmmm? By the way, I'm all for contusion continuity, but Trip's bruise looks more like a hickey.
Bridge. Tactical alert. Shrek shows up, and Quantum tells him that he isn't going to get them without a fight. Shrek says he'd rather not kill him, but if that what it takes he's more than happy to comply. That's what it takes, Shrek. It really is. Make no mistake, you're going to have to kill him. Do it. Please. For me. I've suffered so -- with the furrows and the gazelles and the godliness. "The Syndicate wants your head, Captain," Shrek explains, "and they don't really care whether or not it's attached to your body." Quantum stands there looking horny and outraged as we go to commercials.
Shrek fires at the dead-in-space Enterprise. Enterprise fires back and gets their forward cannons knocked down. Quantum demands more power to their thrusters. They lose their aft cannons. Trip lightens the gravity to aid the thrusters. They lose their torpedoes. Shrek powers down his weapons and locks onto them with a towrope. Enterprise can't break the tow. Shrek tells him to enjoy the ride. I thought he already did. Quantum spits at him to let loose his ship. Shrek opens his hand and says, "It's truly out of my hands -- we are both slaves to the situation." And from that, and ONLY that, the hormone-addled Quantum figures it all out: "They control you?" "You finally realized that. Yes, Captain, you've been operating under a misconception -- it is the men who are the slaves, not the women." So, if the men are the slaves, why are the women being sold by the men? Is Bermaga trying to tell me that the women CHOOSE to be bought and sold as commodities? That's the enlightened Trek we're supposed to revere and respect as our bright future? Fuck that. And fuck them and their horny misogynistic wet dreams.