Episode Report Card Joe R: C | 5 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT The Less You Know
By Joe R | Season 3 | Episode 16 | Aired on 04.30.2007
Veronica smoothly transitions into her "topic," which is namely the danger of guns. All guns. Even toy guns like, say, pellet guns or PAINTBALL GUNS. She asks all the kids whose parents or siblings own pellet or BB guns to raise their hands. "Now, how about paintball guns?" she asks. About three kids raise their hands. "Okay, now whose family owns a big yellow pickup truck." One kid raises his hand and says, "My dad's name is Buck, and he's here to fuck." Okay, we're all in a Tarantino-referencing mood tonight. [Joe R, you and I have unfinished business. -- Couch Baron] What really happens is that the teacher looks askance at Veronica and asks what's going on, but Veronica has her answer in the raised hand of a young boy who appears to be of Middle Eastern descent. Didn't see that one coming, did ya?
The bus drops that very same kid off at The House Of Self-Hating Paintball Enthusiasts, and Veronica's already there. She takes a moment to observe the plush suburban surroundings before following the noises of youthful shenanigans around the back to what appears to be a pool house. It looks like it -- and the pool it would accompany -- is under construction, which is either a strange set choice that has no bearing on the plot or else a subtle commentary on Arab-Americans and how their integration into typical American society is an ongoing process. During which time their assimilated kids will fuck around with paintball guns and play video games with their stoner friends. Because, indeed, Veronica peeks inside to find the said weapons, as well as a quartet of Halo-playing doofuses. She manages to slip inside unnoticed until she splats a big green paintball into the middle of the TV. The boys -- fifteen-year-olds, sixteen tops -- jump up to face Veronica, gun in her hand. "Yo, bitch, what up?" yells the Middle Eastern one. Veronica responds by firing a paintball right into his chest. Hee. Can we have a whole hour of that? Veronica slugging paintballs into bratty kids' chests? I would watch an entire fourth season of just that, every week. Weirdly, we act out on Veronica revealing that she knows how much that just stung, because they shot her last night. The fade-to-black seems to imply that this is news. The big yellow truck in the driveway kind of tipped us off.
When we come back. Veronica's still pointing the paintball gun and telling these four punks that she's tight with the Sheriff and he's no fan of hate crimes. "Self-hate, in your case." The lead punk -- who looks like an Arab version of Andrew Keegan -- looks at her like he hasn't the first clue what she's on about. "Dude, she shot you," bongs one of his friends. "Yeah, keep up, Towelie," snaps Veronica. Man, first Butters, now Towelie. Can I put in a request for Lemmiwinks or Sexual Harassment Panda before it's all said and done? Arab Andrew Keegan is all "Self-hate who?" Veronica asks if spray painting Babylon Gardens rings any bells. "What?" Arab Andrew Keegan responds. "Say 'what' again!" Veronica snaps, her gun still trained on the punks. "I dare ya. I double-dare ya." Those of you in the know realize that the FCC robbed us of the most glorious part of that line, which is a shame. Arab Andrew Keegan is dumb enough to oblige Veronica, and he gets a few more paintballs in the shoulder for his trouble. AAK says, "Someone wrote 'terrorist' on Babylon Gardens?" "Check out the big brains on Brett," says Veronica, still feeling her Jules. AAK says they didn't do it, and they can prove it. They show her the videotapes they made of their various paintballings, which Veronica can see have been perpetrated against all and sundry, not just minorities. Veronica is incredulous that their defense is that they attack everyone, but she's interrupted by footage of V.P. Clemmons (he'll always be V.P. to me) getting paintballed in his driveway. Aw. "Dude," says Towelie, "nailing Clemmie was sweet!" This earns him a paintball to the chest, which is a nice show of loyalty from Veronica to her old frenemy Clemmons. She demands the DVD and says if there are any more drive-bys, this makes it to the cops. Meanwhile...
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