Episode Report Card Joe R: C | 5 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT The Less You Know
By Joe R | Season 3 | Episode 16 | Aired on 04.30.2007
We next see Veronica enter Babylon Gardens, VMVO telling us that she's not feeling her usual "sugar rush of sweet justice" after getting to the bottom of this mystery. Hmm, maybe because the first half hour was filled with complete and utter red herrings -- paintball, Jason Cohen, star-crossed Gaza Strip lovin' -- that had less than nothing to do with the eventual outcome, aside from the fact that Nasir rode a bike, and so this resolution we're getting right now seems tacked-on and unearned? Is that it? No, I think VMVO is just feeling bad for the little redneck punk and his legless brother. She tells Amira's parents that their culprit is "Derrick Karr," and she shows them the anti-American flier Nasir was passing around. She also explains how Derrick's brother was "shot up in Eye-rack." Oh, Veronica, not you too. Do I need to send you the Christiane Amanpour Proper Middle Eastern Pronunciation Handbook And Audio Cassettes? She says that Derrick has a criminal record for stealing cars, so if they decide to blow him in, he'll do jail time for it. Papamira only says he wants to speak to the boy.
Hearst dormitory. Sheriff Keith is striding through the hallway towards Wallace and Piz's room, where he finds the cover of the most recent Lampoon on their door. On it, a giant-headed cartoon Keith busts teeny little Wallace and Piz, under the headline "Mars Attacks!" Hee. When Piz answers the door, Keith asks "Stosh" if he and Wallace want to head out for a few beers. "This is one of those trick questions, isn't it?" says Piz. Keith says he's got new IDs for them: Wallace's is Biggie Smalls, while Piz got Jon Bon Jovi. Eerily prescient! Wallace is like, "We don't really all look alike, Mr. Mars." Hee hee. Best line of the night. Keith suggest they go out and "get our drink on," and I start to get thoughts of that one Cosby Show where they teach Vanessa a lesson about drinking by making her take part in a family chug-a-lug. Now that was parenting. But no, we cut to The Break, where Piz and Wallace are pouring each other ridiculously foamy pints of non-alcoholic beer. See? If they don't get their pub practice in now, who knows how long it'll take them to be able to pour themselves a proper glass of beer. Train 'em young, I say. The sooner you learn the "beer before liquor, never been sicker" rule, the better of you'll be. Anyway, Piz and Wallace bicker about their current situation, and Piz decides this could make a funny story for "Miranda," a.k.a. Fast Lady Felson. Wallace says Piz invited her to join them for Parker's party, and that Piz's "lack of pimp juice" is gonna cost him. Oh, Wallace. You jive turkey, you. Just then, Officer Gills uninterestedly walks into the bar and instructs the patrons to grab their IDs and "wave them around in the air like you just don't care." See, but my theory is that HE is the one who just doesn't care. Let's see how this pans out. Gills walks through the crowd of youthful patrons and thanks them for their time without checking a single ID. "This waste of time," Gills says, his voice dripping with disdain, "has been brought to you by your temporary sheriff of Balboa County." As Gills walks out, Wallace pulls out his GIANT walkie-talkie and asks Keith if he got all that. NARCS!! FILTHY NARCS!! From his perch across the road, Keith 10-4s and eyes Gills with sad-eyed disappointment.
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