Episode Report Card M. Giant: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT McKilled
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 03.12.2006
From the other Situation Room on this show, the one at Not Camp David, where the only airborne poison anyone has to worry about is the funk of Logan's constant panic, the Prez and the Veep are on the phone with someone at the Los Angeles office of the Department of Homeland Security. Their contact there, a poor man's Helen Mirren named Karen Hayes, tells them that although CTU was able to achieve partial containment, "early reports indicate that 40% of their personnel have been taken out." That seems kind of low, unless a whole lot of people got out of the building entirely. And unless non-speaking roles don't count as much. Logan and Vice President Gardner wonder who's going to be protecting Los Angeles now that CTU is out of commission. Naturally, Hayes advises that Homeland Security be put in charge -- specifically, Karen Hayes at Homeland Security. "Do it," the Veep says, like he's the boss. Logan neither confirms nor belays the order, so apparently the Veep's say-so is good enough. After they hang up, Gardner once again pushes for his brilliant plan for martial law in Los Angeles. Logan argues that "my advisors" (all two of them) say that soldiers on the streets will create panic. Gardner argues that there's going to be panic anyway when the gas starts flying, and they'd better have troops in place when that happens. Logan's still doubtful, so Gardner tries a different tack: "If we clear the streets of everybody except the military, these terrorists won't be able to move as freely as they are right now." Logan nods reluctantly. If he were thinking straight, he'd point out that there's never more than one car on the road at any given time on this show anyway, so all they need to do is give orders to start pulling over anyone not driving a black SUV.
Bierko's sitting at a laptop in his bunker when a henchman comes up and reports, "CTU is no longer an obstacle." Bierko tells him to have their men relocate to "the target." The henchman asks how much of the nerve gas to use there. "All of it," Bierko says. Well, that seems wasteful. You don't want to spread it out? Maybe do a little more damage? But then, I guess they're only batting about .340 on nerve gas attacks today, and he probably wants to make sure this last one counts. It's 7:12:47.
7:17:43. In the CTU Sit Room, Kiefer goes over to where Barry is still sitting in front of Chloe and growls, "Excuse me." Everyone looks over nervously as Barry gives up his spot. Kiefer takes it and asks if Chloe is ready to go back to work. Since Henderson isn't breaking, Kiefer needs her to decrypt his computer files, and he slides the laptop over in front of her, like, get to it already, you load. Chloe says she already tried, and whines, "Maybe somebody else can do it." Kiefer says she's the only one in the room who's qualified, but manages not to add that that means she's also the only one in the building who's qualified. Aside from Henderson, obviously, and he's not in a position to do much typing. Kiefer tells Chloe, "You know how things work around here. We do not quit until it's over." Maybe if they hired a night shift? Barry tries to get Kiefer to back off, but all Kiefer does is that thing where he gets up and walks all the way around the table to get in Barry's face again. He bitches at Barry about how short on time they are. And then, while he's wasting time walking back over to Chloe, Barry non sequiturs that you "just need to be there" for people, which is Kiefer's cue to turn around and snap, "Like you were there for my daughter?" Spawn rolls her eyes disgustedly, Barry takes exception to Kiefer's insinuation, and Kiefer gets even further up in Barry's face. Should have brought a phone book to stand on. He clamps a hand around Barry's throat, until Spawn intervenes: "Before I met Barry, I didn't even want to live." Kiefer doesn't exactly relent upon learning that Barry was the one who restored his daughter's will to live. Finally Chloe bitches, "Fine, I'll get back to work if everybody would just relax." This is what makes Kiefer a hero, you see; even when he's just being an immature asshole, it ends up being for the best.