Episode Report Card Daniel: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I'm Here for the Right Reasons -- Booze
By Daniel | Season 5 | Episode 4 | Aired on 06.08.2009
ooks uncomfortable but doesn't say anything.So Chris asks Jillian if she's ready, and she says she isn't. She needs to step outside for a second. So she goes, and the guys mutter at each other, and an agitated Tanner orders Juan to stop looking at him, and Juan's all "Dude! I'm looking back and forth!" and I think it's Wes who voices over that he's never seen a bigger bunch of (bleeps) in his life.
Jillian goes back to the Bachelorette room, because she hopes that looking at cheesy eight-by-tens of these douchebags will clear her head somewhat. She tells us she's about to send two guys home, and she doesn't know how to feel about what's going on, and blah blah blah, love, heartbroken, blah blah whine blah. Look, Jillian, we're not the ones who are under the illusion that this is an effective or even sane way to meet your future husband.
And now it's time for the best part of the show: the cuts! Chris thanks the guys for being "open and honest" with them, which is pretty fucking hilarious. Anyway, Jesse, Mark and Kiptyn are safe, and there are seven more roses to hand out, so there will be two more guys headed home.
Jillian steps up: Reid. Robby. Oh, thank god, it's not a travesty! Ed. Michael. Second travesty averted! Wes. Will you accept this rose? Yeah, I can't wait to give it to my girlfr-- I mean, sure! Thanks! Jake. Jake hugs her. Well, that's too perfect. One rose left. It's down to Juan, Tanner and Dave. Wow, WHO WILL POSSIBLY GET IT? And then it goes to ... Tanner? What? What the hell? Not Juan? She kept the weaselly foot-fetish guy?
Juan goes to hug her goodbye, and she looks sad, and he quickly tells her not to worry about it, and that there are good guys left. He's out of there so fast he practically leaves a puff of smoke in the shape of himself there. He tells us that he didn't see it coming. He doesn't have a girlfriend, there's no one waiting for him back home, and he's more determined than ever to find love.
As for Dave? He hugs her goodbye, and asks her why. She kinda chickens out and just tells him it wasn't right. He tells us he feels pretty wronged. "I don't know what Jillian was missing with me that she had with some of the other people in there." Well, for starters, a healthy liver, and possibly a chromosome or two. He says she made two mistakes tonight: not telling them who said what, and letting him go. He says he didn't do anything wrong; he was just being himself (psst! That's what was wrong!). "What the (bleep), man." You stay classy, Dave.