Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT Thank you for flying Exposition Airlines
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.10.2004
Creepy Russian Guy (I'm assuming he's Russian -- his accent is dubious) moves Syd to a vertical position so that she's facing the windows. He blah blahs something about Syd's roommate being easy and how they unearthed her body and planted her in the apartment. Syd was a more difficult case. Basically, they just burned the shit out of some random body so badly that the only way it could be identified was through the DNA in the teeth. Luckily, they'd somehow extracted pulp from Syd's teeth while she was out and just plugged it into Unfortunate Dead Syd Stand-In back at the Ovary Electric. Yeah. I don't know. No idea.
While Creepy Russian Guy is blabbling on, we watch as the men in Syd's life gather together on a beach, listening to a priest talk as the waves crash in the distance. How sad is it that there's not one woman in Syd's inner circle? Francie's dead, her mom's AWOL, and all she has left is Jack, Dixon, Kendall, Marshall, Weiss, and Vaughn. I mean, they're great and all, but that's still really sad. Of the mourners, Jack looks traditionally stoic, Dixon looks extraordinarily pissed off, and Vaughn just looks terribly pained. As the rest of the men look on, Vaughn tosses Syd's ashes into the sea. Of course, some of the ashes just fling back onto his legs and all I could think of was The Big Lebowski and "Shut the fuck up, Donny" and this whole scene totally didn't make me cry the way it was supposed to, which totally wasn't its fault or anything, it's just this: funerals are funny. And flinging ashes is funnier. Sorry. But it's true.
Jack's face cringes in pain as Vaughn slings the last of the ashes to sea. Then the mourners walk up the hillside, right past the VW van with totally black windows where Syd's making paralysis-fighting facial expressions and Creepy Russian Guy just won't shut the fuck up. Yeah. Nobody thinks its weird that a couple of surfers would have tinted windows in their VAN. Nope. Nobody thinks that's weird at all. Vaughn goes to put his key into his car and Weiss stops him, pulling him in for a totally non-gay but also non-typical-heterosexual hug. Like, there is NO back-slapping going on, people. Vaughn breaks down, and Weiss just continues to hug him. Aw. Sniff.
"He vill morn and move on," snits CRG. "Find somevone else, perhaps." Oh, shut up, CRG. I haven't thought about Lauren Reed for almost a month now and it's been bliss. Put a lid on the "somevone else" talk, all right? Syd watches her boyfriend in pain and can only make frowning motions with her eyebrows. CRG tries to get Syd to believe that Sydney Bristow is gone. Tears spill down her cheeks. We hit the Unfriendly Skies again as Syd wonders why she can't remember any of this. Kendall's all, we'll get to that! Hold yer horses! We got all the time in the world!