Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT Thank you for flying Exposition Airlines
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.10.2004
Well, looks like I'd better get used to being confused, because look out -- Kendall's starting his tale. He tells her that she died. As far as the CIA was concerned, she was a goner. The DNA of the body in the burned-out apartment matched Syd's, so everyone just assumed she was a goner. Kendall even went to Syd's memorial service. Aw. Did he send flowers? A nice big wreath with "Sorry to see ya go, kiddo!" scrawled across it in gold letters? Class-ay. "Nine months went by," continues Kendall. "One day, I got a phone call. It was your voice. You were calling from Rome. You said you had just escaped from the Covenant. You wanted to come in." We get a shot of Syd in a very realistic blonde wig, talking into a public phone and gesturing with her hands. She and Kendall meet up at a safe house in Tuscany. Speaking of Tuscany, I wish I were there RIGHT NOW.
At the safe house, Syd's going a wee bit mental, pacing around, asking if her dad or Vaughn knows she's alive. She's all twiggy and shit, and finally Kendall demands that she just cut the crap and tell him what happened to her. Back on the plane, Kendall explains that Syd's disguise was unfamiliar to him (duh) and that he had a lot of questions back then, seeing as the U.S. government knew next to nothing about the Covenant at the time. Yeah, whatever. Get back with the whole Lost Years explanation. "I second that emotion!" shouts the Exposition Fairy, spraying nut crumbs all over her crumpled tutu.
Kendall then tells Syd that she took a deep breath and told him exactly what happened to her, in her own words. Well, I'd hope they'd be her own words. Who else's words could they be? Britney's? Mandy Moore's? Jessica Simpson's? Man. You'd better hope it wasn't any one of their words; those dingbats can't put a decent sentence together between the lot of 'em.
And now, for your reading pleasure, The Tale of the Lost Years.
After shooting the Francinator, Syd passed out. When she woke up, it was days later, and she was strapped down in the back of a van. (Feel free to shout "DOWN BY THE RIVER" after that sentence. I know I did. Poor Chris Farley. Poor Chris Farley and his mound of coke. Aw.) Syd wakes up rather violently and sees the creepy Russian scientist guy she shot back in the first episode of the season. He tells her they're going to work together. Syd can't respond, due to the rather large piece of duct tape slapped onto her mouth. He shoots her full of a neurotoxin that paralyzes her temporarily. She can't move or speak; all she can do is watch. And emote. And grunt. And wiggle her eyebrows. God. Some neurotoxin! I really hope he saved the receipt on that one.